A/N Once again I participated in Tumblr's Once Upon A Secret Santa. This is what I came up with this year for my wonderful giftee randielldeee.
Fair warning, Hook and Hood will be mentioned but nothing with them will be endgame. Viva la Swan Queen! As for the canon storyline up to 5A, I tried to stay as true to it as possible, but there's a chance I'll stray a little here and there.
Shoutout to my sister for bouncing ideas with me.
To my beta reader Dana, who always does a marvelous job fixing my lousy punctuation: Thank you, bigman!
Randi, I hope you like the little journey I'm taking you on with this story. Merry Christmas!
The days were at their darkest and although many would argue they were also at their warmest with the holidays approaching, no one could deny that the sun only came to Storybrooke in brief visits at the end of the year.
The short days combined with the long hours Regina put in at the office were the reason it was once again pitch black outside when she finally pulled her eyes away from the laptop screen. The window behind her was nothing but a dark, black void now. Uncovered windows at night time always made her feel a little uneasy. It was so easy seeing in when the room was lit and yet it was impossible for her to see anything beyond the glass.
As she got up from her chair to collect some files, habit had her turning toward the window. For just a moment she expected to see her apple tree through the net curtains, like she would have had it still been daytime but at this hour she could only see darkness. She met her reflection's gaze through the small gap between the curtains and for a moment she just stared while the woman in the glass stared back just as hard.
The sound of a car honking in the distance made her jump and she reflexively pulled the fabric. The curtains closed, her reflection disappearing along with the gap.
It was late, she reasoned. And she was tired. That's why she was so on edge. Maybe it was time to call it a day, although she didn't have any reason to go home. It was Emma's night with Henry which, for once, she was grateful for. Regina was drained. Drained from the long work days, drained from the lack of sunshine and the fact that she almost couldn't even remember what a warm breeze felt like.
She shut down her laptop, closed and stacked the folders on her desk and grabbed her coat. She was already dreading the walk home. It seemed ridiculous to drive the short distance to Town Hall every day, so on good days Regina opted to walk. She regretted that decision each time she stepped out of the warmth into the cold night's air every evening. This one being no exception.
The moment she opened the door, a cold gust of wind hit her in full force blowing her hair in her face. She locked up swiftly and then buried her gloved hands deep in the pockets of her coat. There hadn't been any snow yet and the prospects of a white Christmas were practically nonexistent but the wind was brutal and the temperatures were well below freezing. She was definitely going by car tomorrow.
On her way home, she noticed how much the streets had transformed since she walked this route in reverse that morning. Store fronts, lamp posts, windows. Everything was aglow with countless little twinkling lights. Some even had candles as a homage to the festival back in Enchanted Forest.
She tried not to notice the people across the street whispering and eyeing her when she passed. She pretended not to see the group of children that ducked into an alleyway as she approached. Not everyone had accepted her title as Evil Queen to be a former one. Not everyone had had a chance to see the good in her first hand and many of those who had had simply decided to disregard the present in light of the past. To some, she would always be the villain.
She had come such a long way and all some people could see when she offered a helping hand was the blood on them that she would never be able to wash off completely. She carried that burden every day and it would never become lighter. She was getting stronger, however. With every genuine smile shot her way from people she cared about, she got a little stronger.
But today, she didn't pay them much attention. Today she was distracted by the lights. Or more specifically, by trying not to look at them. She failed miserably as her eyes were automatically drawn to the flickering of the candles on the windowsills she passed. The dancing flames transported her mind to another time and realm where electricity was unheard of, where the air was alive with magic and the grounds green with grass and trees. She thought of the Midwinter Lights festivity preparationsthat used to be in full swing at this time of year. They didn't adhere to the same calendar in the Enchanted Forest as they did here, but if they had Midwinter Lights would've been celebrated around the night of the 21st of December. Which would be tomorrow night, Regina reminded herself.
Tomorrow she would turn off all the lights early. When every window would be lit, hers would be dark. Everyone would take to the streets tonight, candles in hand and go down to the beach to make bonfires and bake bread on sticks over the flames. Some may choose to go to the forest or the park instead. Some would trade their candle for a flash light or lantern. Traditionally, it didn't really matter what you did as long as you brought light and warmth wherever you went. But not Regina. She didn't join the festivities. She didn't celebrate. Not anymore.
As she turned onto Mifflin Street, a weird sense of not being alone started to creep up on her. She was taught never to show fear so she tilted her chin up and kept walking, never slowing pace. She was able to resist the urge to look behind her for a few more strides but then she caved. She spun around but the street was deserted. She stared the empty space down for a moment longer, daring anyone who may be hiding in the shadows to show their face but when nothing appeared she had no choice but to shrug it off and get home.
She stepped onto her porch, her hands in her pockets digging for her keys. Again the same uneasy feeling washed over her. Was she being watched?
You're going crazy, her inner voice noted. You're letting this day get the better of you. The stern voice in her head was right of course, but she still felt a cold shiver go down her spine. She pulled her keys from her pocket and the fumbling for the right key and her gloved fingers combined made the jingling key ring jump from her grasp. With a sigh she bend down to pick it back up. This day really was becoming too much.
When she rose back up, she caught sight of the shining numbers on her door. A reflection, just the tiniest move. Her eyes focused and for a moment she thought she saw… no… that wasn't possible. Her mind was playing tricks on her. She could've sworn she saw the friendly eyes, the balding head and kind features of a man she would never see again. A man who would never smile again, because of her.
She jammed the key in the lock, swung her door open and closed it loudly behind her, leaning against the back of it. She needed a moment to collect herself. She needed more than a moment. She needed a drink.
Pushing off from the door, she took off her coat and kicked her shoes off. Normally she would scold Henry for leaving his shoes in the foyer, or anywhere else in the house for that matter, and she never left hers lying around either. But today she couldn't bring herself to care so she left them where they were.
In her study she immediately went to the decanter to pour herself some cider. She was just lifting the tumbler to her mouth when she heard noise coming from the kitchen. Dismissing it as a product of her imagination, she took a small sip of cider and wandered back into the foyer on her way to the living room. She was about to cross the threshold when she heard more noise. Louder this time.
One hand still clutching the tumbler and the other ready to conjure a fireball, she made her way to the kitchen slowly. Without her heels, she was able to move almost soundlessly. Not that it mattered much. There weren't very many in this town that actually posed a threat to her.
Who would be foolish enough to invade my home, Regina wondered. And make so much commotion in the process, she added with an eye roll. She heard pots and pans rattling. Although that didn't seem very plausible since almost all of them were supposed to be neatly stacked in her cupboards.
She approached the doorway carefully. It was reasonable to assume there was no real danger lurking in her kitchen, but one could never be too careful. Part of her was still feeling a little edgy from the walk home.
Regina entered, ready to strike but the sight that met her eyes left her completely paralyzed. The tumbler slipped from her grasp as she took in the figure standing in the middle of her kitchen. The glass crashed to the ground, splattering cider and shards everywhere but she didn't even hear it fall. She didn't notice how all cupboards were shaking, their content rattling as the figure twisted and turned as if to figure out his surroundings. She only had eyes for him.
At the sound of the breaking glass, the figure whirled around. His eyes, a shade of brown so much like her own, locked on hers instantly. Everything around them fell quiet as they gazed at each other in silence for a moment. Regina didn't breathe. She couldn't. Her throat felt so tight she was sure air wouldn't be able to pass through it if her lungs would've remembered how to work.
The stare off lasted for about ten seconds and then the man's face turned into a kind smile when he spoke.
"Regina."
His voice. It had been so long since she heard it, but she could remember it like it was yesterday. Maybe technically it had been yesterday, since it was one of the voices that was frequently heard in her nightmares.
"Daddy," she whispered, shock clearly audible in her voice.
It couldn't be him. It wasn't him. He had never had this faint glow about him and when the initial shock had ebbed away enough for her eyes to properly focus she could also see he was slightly transparent. The outlines of the kitchen counter behind him were visible through his clothes and skin. This was a trap. A prank of some sort. Someone was playing a trick on her.
Her face turned from shocked to defensive and the fireball reignited in the palm of her hand.
Her father, no, the ghost looked at the ball of flames and raised his hands to show he meant no harm. Took half a step forward but when Regina threatened to throw it he changed his mind.
"What is this?" Regina growled.
"Regina, my dear. Calm down." His voice was still soft and friendly. Exactly like he always spoke to her.
"Who's behind this?" She kept her phrases short because only then could she keep herself from tearing up.
"Let us talk. Shall we go sit down?"
Sit down? She wasn't about to sit down and have a tea party with a ghost that looked so much like her long gone father it took everything she had to stay on her feet. This had been going for too long. She'd had enough. She couldn't stand to listen to this imposter any longer. He was not allowed to sound like that, no one was. She couldn't let this ghost break open more of the cages she used to lock away her unwanted feelings than he already had simply by appearing in her kitchen. She needed him to shut up. She would make him.
She didn't hesitate a moment longer. She drew her hand back and then sent the fireball flying straight towards the face that resembled her father's so much it hurt to look at it.
He closed his eyes. At first Regina thought he did it as sign of defeat but then she realized he was sighing at her futile attempts to get rid of him. The ball went right through him as if he wasn't even there. It crashed against her cupboards behind him leaving a black burn mark.
What was she thinking trying to burn a ghost. She could see through him for heaven's sake.
"Regina," the ghost tried again. "Just hear me out, I'm not here to hurt you."
Regina chuckled humorlessly at the words. It was too late for that. His mere presence was hurting her far worse than anything had in a while. Just looking at him, eyes drifting down to his chest she couldn't stop the memories. She remembered the warmth of his embrace and the feel of her hand sinking into his chest a moment later, her hand closing around his heart. The thump of his lifeless body hitting the cold castle floor would be with her forever.
If she couldn't get him to leave she would remove herself from his presence instead. She turned and walked out of the kitchen without a specific goal in mind but when she entered the living room he was already waiting for her.
For just a second she considered walking out again but she knew this game could go on all night. Instead, she sank down onto the edge of her sofa.
"This can't be real," she whispered as she stared at him. Her eyes roamed every inch of him in the hope to find something that would tell her this wasn't really happening.
"Why would you say that?" The ghost asked.
Magic. Fatigue. Alcohol. Hallucinations. She could list so many sensible reasons that would lead anyone to believe this couldn't be happening.
"Does it feel real?" He pressed when she didn't answer.
Again, that didn't have to mean anything. There were plenty of things that had felt real to her only to later find out she was either being scammed, manipulated or misinformed. She couldn't deny this all felt very real, but it couldn't be. Could it? Once someone was dead, that was the end of it. Flashbacks of her unsuccessful attempts to bring her lost love back flashed before her eyes just long enough to make her feel a stabbing pain in her chest and to make her take her next breath as a gasp but then she forced it all down again and focused on the task at hand.
"Trust yourself, Regina."
She felt it, deep down she felt it. This ghost wasn't lying. She took a moment to try and assess any potential danger that could be involved with hearing him out, not that she had much of a choice, and decided she should listen to what he had to say. With her hands clenched into fists in her lap and a locked jaw she nodded at the ghost, indicating she was willing to listen.
He regarded her carefully for a long moment. Regina struggled to read his expression as he did so. His features were of course a little harder to see since she could also see the wallpaper behind him. He wasn't weary. There was no hostility. It wasn't fear. It had been so long since she's seen this face, so long since she's had to read it. But this was an expression she'd seen so often it was hard to forget. Worry.
"You don't look well," he observed. They both knew his statement had nothing to do with the fact that she was sitting across from her long lost father's ghost. It was deeper than that. It was an observation that would've been true this morning and will most likely be true tomorrow and next week.
"Have you been sleeping? When was the last time you had a proper meal?"
Regina dropped her gaze. It was better than verbalizing the negative response she would've been forced to give.
"Regina, my child."
That one small phrase made any doubt she had still harbored up to that point evaporate. This wasn't just a ghost. This was her father.
The words sounded like home. It sounded like a place and feeling she could no longer call hers, as if she no longer understood what it meant to be truly home or perhaps that she had figured out she never knew to begin with. It made a warmth spread through her. Like during cold winters where she would walk up to the fireplace where a fire was crackling and she'd crawl as close to it as she could to feel the glow radiating from it. A warmth that immediately turned cold when she was yanked away from the burning logs by a stern voice belonging to her mother. A voice much like that one in her own head was now reminded her that those times were only a thing in a distant past that she was never getting back.
"You fought so hard to have your happiness," Henry went on sadly, leaving out the part where she took his heart to chase said happiness. "What happened? You don't seem happy."
Tears welled up in Regina's eyes as she heard the truth in his words. During the first few years of the curse, when everything had exactly gone her way she had imprinted herself with the idea that having her way equaled happiness. And for years she believed it. Until the emptiness and predictability of that idea had caught up to her.
"It's the holidays," she half-lied, blinking away the moisture. "I'm swamped in work." Another half-lie. In was the truth in the sense that she really was very busy but a lie as an explanation as for why she looked so unhappy. But she couldn't tell him this time of year had her so shaken with memories and longing that she was so lost she forgot which way was up. That the holidays made the entire town flood with a warmth that never truly reached her. It was too hard to watch families come together when she had lost hers. Henry was there for her that much was certainly true and she was very grateful for joy he had brought into her life. But she still felt like she missed something especially during the days he spent with the Charmings and his other mother. There was still a sense of not belonging and rejection that she never managed to get away from completely.
Her father just nodded at her words. It was clear he didn't believe them but was going to drop the subject regardless.
She couldn't stand the sadness in his eyes. She could feel the pity in his look. He was dead, she reminded herself in an attempt to distance herself. He wasn't coming back. He didn't have the right to make her feel anything. He shouldn't have the power to shake her so badly. She shouldn't have given that power to him. It was time to take it back.
Her face hardened as she bit out her next words. "Why are you here?"
He immediately sensed the change in atmosphere. He had of course witnessed this many times in the past. He could pinpoint the moments Regina got so overwhelmed with her emotions she chose to shut them off completely just by looking at her.
"I don't have much time left," he admitted, cutting to the chase. "I came to warn you."
Regina let out a humorless laugh. "Warn me? Do tell, what am I up against this time?"
"Yourself, my child."
Her mask of indifference slipped a little at the words.
"But there is always hope. I came to warn you. You will be receiving three more guests."
"I'd rather not," Regina replied with a mixture of fear and stubborn denial.
"You can expect the first tomorrow when the clock strikes midnight."
"Can't I take them all at once?" Regina reasoned, quickly realizing this could mean she was stuck on this rollercoaster of another 3 nights.
"The second will be here the next night, at the same hour. The third the night after that."
He was rapidly fading as he announced the visits. His time was running low and suddenly Regina wasn't sure she wanted him to go after all.
"Try your best to open your mind and you shall find what you're looking for. Not everything can be found where you expect it to be."
The cryptic words meant nothing to the brunette. She was too busy soaking up every detail of her fading father to really register them anyway. The last thing she saw was the smile on his face and then he was gone.
"I'll try," she whispered to an empty room. "I'll try."