A/N- So I watched the S4 season final tonight. And apart from the obvious (F*CK YEAH DENSI) this is what stood out to me more than anything else. And so I wrote this.
He's not going to give Michelle up.
There's a bit of metal poking into his tooth and his skull is on fire from the inside and there's blood pouring out of his mouth that he can't even feel because his skin feels like it's being flayed off him inch by inch, but he's not going to give Michelle up.
He's not going to give her up because he likes her. She's nice. Sassy. Fiery. Everything he can't imagine Sam without, now that he knows she exists.
He's not going to give her up because she has a husband and children and people who are going to miss her and he could never forgive himself if he was responsible for taking her away from them, one way or another.
He's not going to give her up because he doesn't know what they're going to do to her and that's even more terrifying than knowing what they have in store for her and one way or another it's gonna be bad.
But most of all he's not going to give her up because he can see Sam through the door. He'd watched him have God-knows-how-many volts of electricity zapped through him and he'd watched him being questioned and he'd watched him lie through his teeth even though he could barely get the words out. He'd watched the pain on his face, but that was nothing compared to the pain that's written there now, as he watches them wrench Deeks's mouth open even further.
It's not there for Deeks. It's there for Michelle. Because Sam knows that if Deeks breaks that they'll get Michelle and she'll never be the same again. One way or another.
And Deeks can see that he couldn't bear that. Couldn't live with it. Couldn't ever forgive Deeks.
And Deeks can't help but think about Kensi. He can't help but think about how he feels about his partner, how he's felt for a long time now, and how he would feel if it was Sam being tortured about her.
The drill had edged closer and closer to Deeks's open mouth, and he'd gone cross-eyed trying to watch the point of it but all too soon there wasn't any point anymore because it was past his front teeth. He'd known the pain was going to start and he'd braced himself for it as best as he could, with the only thought in his mind being that he wasn't going to give up Michelle because of what Kensi means to him.
There's no way he could have prepared himself for the pain that flows silver and molten through his veins and his muscles and everywhere and corrodes his bones from the inside out, but he still keeps that thought in his mind, holding onto it between the screaming and the black shapes rising in front of his eyes and the metal tang of blood on the air and in his mouth.
It's a little messed up but it's all he's got right now and he clings to it like it's the only thing that makes sense.
Kensi means everything to him and he doesn't even want to think about what he'd do if he lost her. He can't, won't, be responsible, one way or another, for making Sam feel like that.
And so he holds on, and waits for it to end, one way or another.
Because he's not giving Michelle up.