"What are you up to, my love?" Yuuri flinched as Viktor snuck up behind him and laid gentle hands on his shoulders, leaning over the back of the couch to look at the book he held.
"Reading." Yuuri turned to face his fiancé, forcing the butterflies in his stomach to settle. No matter how many times Viktor touched him unannounced, snuck up on him, called for him, he jumped every time. He should have been used to it, but the saying "old habits die hard" was incredibly true.
Viktor came around to the front of the couch where Makkachin was lounging in Yuuri's lap as he flipped through his novel and plopped himself down, snuggling into his raven-haired beauty's neck as if to say, 'pay attention to me!' "What's it about?" The book was written in Japanese Kanji, which just looked like jumbles of lines to Viktor.
"Just something a friend of mine co-wrote." Yuuri quickly shut the book and placed it on the back of the couch, cheeks tinging pink as Viktor's eyebrow cocked. "Some story about the difference between love and hate."
"Well that seems pretty obvious to me." Viktor chuckled, wondering how such a story could hold any merit.
"I guess you're right." Yuuri let a giggle escape his lips, but Viktor caught the flash of discomfort that came with it. Yuuri was hiding something. But then again, Yuuri hid lots of things. He was a secretive person, which Viktor could respect, although he did wish that Yuuri would open up once in a while.
"So, what should we do for dinner?" Viktor recognized the need for a subject change, a need he fulfilled often. "I don't feel like cooking."
"Me neither." Yuuri adjusted his glasses, glad that Viktor hadn't pressed about the book. He never intruded when Yuuri wanted to keep something hidden, which was nice. There were many things that Viktor didn't know about Yuuri, and Yuuri intended to keep it that way. There was no need to dig up the past. "What do you feel like eating?"
"I always choose, why don't you pick?"
"Umm…" Yuuri picked at the hem of his shirt, his gaze downcast. Viktor's lip twitched as he saw Yuuri's cheeks flushing pink. Whenever he was asked to make a decision, Yuuri got nervous, as if he was afraid to say the wrong thing. If it didn't concern Viktor so much, he might have found it adorable. They'd been officially engaged for six months, and had known each other for almost a year and a half, so it didn't make sense that Yuuri would be afraid to speak his mind, especially about something so irrelevant as what to have for dinner. "We could go that hotpot place you like."
"Perfect!" Viktor made sure his smile was broad and genuine, reassuring even. "We haven't had hotpot in months!"
"Good, then it's a plan." Yuuri smiled, glad to have made Viktor happy. All he ever wanted to do was make Viktor happy.
"Let's go." Viktor pulled Yuuri up off the couch, leaving Makkachin with a lack of knee underneath his chin.
"We'll be back later, boy." Yuuri chuckled and scratched Makka's head when he received a whine for moving out from under him.
"Let's walk, it's warm today." Viktor suggested as he pulled on his trench coat.
"You call this warm?" Yuuri felt the chill of the cold air before the door even opened, cursing the bone chilling Russian weather he wasn't yet accustomed to.
"Yes." Viktor smirked. "We can take a cab if you want."
"No, it's okay." Yuuri just pulled his coat tighter around himself as they set out to the restaurant.
Viktor reached out and took Yuuri's hand in his, feeling the cool metal of Yuuri's ring between his fingers. They walked in silence, just how they both liked it. Silence with Viktor was comfortable. Silence with Viktor was safe.
"Welcome, how many?" The hostess spoke in Russian to the pair, meaning Viktor took the lead.
"Table for two." Viktor smiled, speaking in his native tongue to the hostess as they walked into the restaurant, mouths immediately watering at the spicy smell of the air.
"Of course, follow me." They were led to a table in the back corner of the restaurant, near the buffet. Yuuri took the seat with his back to the wall, facing out into the restaurant while Viktor sat with his back to everything. "What can I get you guys to drink?"
"What would you like to drink?" Viktor asked Yuuri in English. Their usual restaurant experience consisted of Viktor speaking with the waiter or waitresses in Russian, relaying questions to Yuuri in English, then speaking to the staff again. Once orders had been placed, they would start up a language crash course. Yuuri was nowhere near fluent in Russian, but if he somehow found himself alone in St. Petersburg, he'd at least be able to communicate a bit. The same went for Viktor with Japanese.
"Tea please." Yuuri smiled as Viktor placed their drink orders. "Thank you."
"What for?" Viktor's eyebrow cocked and he smirked as he saw Yuuri's face tinging pink.
"Ordering."
"Well I'm not going to throw you to the dogs." Viktor chuckled. "People speak too quickly here."
"Well, thank you anyway."
"Of course." Viktor reached across the table to hold Yuuri's hand, making his face turn a darker shade of pink that wasn't quite red.
"Here you go." A waiter set down a jug of water that more resembled a vase, as well as two glasses and two clay tea cups.
"Spasibo." Yuuri and Viktor thanked the waiter in unison before Viktor requested a pot of medium spiced broth as well as some pork.
"I'll go grab us some stuff." Viktor slung his coat over the back of the chair as he stood, grabbing a plate off of the table.
"Okay." Yuuri smiled as Viktor turned on his heel and strode over to the buffet table, piling vegetables, noodles and tofu onto the plate. While he was alone at the table, Yuuri pulled out his phone, keeping his head down, trying not to pay attention to the chattering crowd. At some point, the waiter came over and placed a pot of broth on the hotplate, as well as a plate of sliced pork. Yuuri just nodded to the waiter with a smile before he left and Viktor returned.
"Perfect timing!" Viktor smiled, trying to keep his piled plate balanced as he set it down.
"I'd say." Yuuri smiled into the rolling boil in the centre of the table and grabbed a pair of chopsticks to help Viktor place ingredients into the pot.
"Why is hotpot so good?!" Viktor practically yelled as they finished the first round of their meal.
"Couldn't tell you." Yuuri giggled back as he stood up to replenish their food supply.
"I love spending time with you." Viktor gazed across the table into Yuuri's rich chocolate eyes, taking note of the deep black ring around the edge of his golden flecked iris. Who ever said that brown eyes were boring was wrong. So completely wrong. They'd clearly never seen Yuuri's eyes. His perfect, beautiful eyes.
"I love spending time with you too." Yuuri's cheeks flushed again, and his voice wavered. His bashful reaction to affection was so adorable, it drove Viktor mad sometimes. He was just too good to be true. And he was Viktor's.
"I would hope so, you put up with me all day every day." Viktor chuckled, never breaking their eye contact.
"I'll go get us some more stuff." Yuuri hastily stood up, needing his cheeks to cool. "Any requests?"
"Bok choy!"
"You got it."
"Thank you!"
Yuuri shook his head with a smile. He loved so much that Viktor could make him smile when he wasn't feeling comfortable. He'd really brought him out of his shell over the months that they'd known each other.
Yuuri ignored the foreign language that used to stress him out as he piled vegetables onto his plate, making sure to grab a fair amount of bok choy for Viktor.
"You took my spot." Yuuri smirked at Viktor, who threw a cheeky grin to the man setting down the plate on the table.
"I missed you and your coat smells good." Viktor winked and smiled broader at Yuuri's blush.
"I was only gone a minute…." Yuuri slipped into the chair, agreeing with Viktor's point on coats smelling good. They smelled like their wearer. Viktor's coat smelled like love. Like home.
"Still." Viktor slid the plate closer to him, digging for his bok choy in the pile of peppers, taro, and mushrooms. "Do you want you spot back?"
"No! No, it's okay."
"Well good then, I would have had to fight back if you said yes." Viktor winked again.
"Well I'm glad I didn't then."
The chat returned to language, Viktor asking questions about Japanese Kanji and how it associated to specific letters. As Yuuri was explaining how the symbols changed with different sounds, Viktor found his gaze wandering past his instructor and further into the restaurant.
"Everything okay?" Yuuri's eyebrows pulled together when Viktor didn't answer one of his questions, attention clearly being held by something else.
"I think one of us has an admirer." Viktor nodded over Yuuri's shoulder, to a table where a man kept glancing in their direction.
"What?" Yuuri moved to turn but Viktor reached out and stopped him.
"Not yet… he's looking." With Viktor's words, Yuuri was suddenly very conscious of the back of his head. He could feel eyes burning into his scalp. Was that presence familiar? No. It couldn't be. "Okay, look. Table against the wall, third from the other end of the room."
The instructions were unclear, but Yuuri found the man immediately. His heart stopped. His lungs stopped. His thoughts stopped. Everything just… stopped.
"Viktor." Yuuri whispered, eyes widening as his heart began pounding again, frantically, as if it wanted to escape from the cage of bone that held it in place. His lungs burned from the lack of oxygen, but he couldn't remember how to breathe. His mind was both blank and running a thousand miles a minute. One thought occupied his mind: Get away. "We need to go."
"What?" Viktor could feel Yuuri's horror from across the table, and quickly flagged down their waiter to get the bill. "Is everything okay?"
"No." Yuuri squeaked and whirled around as the man looked back over and met his eyes. This was bad. Very bad. Yuuri needed to get out. Right now. He needed to go home and lock himself in. He needed to disappear.
"Okay, let's go." Viktor barely glanced at the bill before dropping a pile of cash on the table and practically jumping up from his chair. Yuuri was in full panic mode, and very close to losing his composure. "It's okay, breathe." Viktor reminded him as he grabbed both of their coats and led the hyperventilating Yuuri outside.
"Come on, breathe for me Yuuri." Once they'd left the restaurant, Viktor quickly walked Yuuri around the corner so they couldn't see in through the window, and sat him down on the sidewalk, draping one of their coats across his shoulders as he pressed Yuuri's ear into his chest. "Hear my breath? I want you to copy it." Viktor demonstrated by taking a long, full breath. He felt Yuuri attempting to replicate it. "That's good, keep trying. You're safe, Yuuri. I'm here. Nothing will happen to you while I'm here."
Viktor kept up his calm breathing and reassurances, feeling on edge from the whole experience. He'd thought the man who'd been looking at them was a fan, but it was very clear that Yuuri knew him. And Yuuri was afraid him. Which meant Viktor hated him.
"Good, Yuuri." Viktor nuzzled into the top of Yuuri's head once his breathing had evened out. "Everything is okay, you hear me?"
"Yes, I'm sorry." Yuuri snuggled deeper into Viktor's chest, shivering in the evening air.
"Don't apologize, just focus on calming down." Viktor gave Yuuri a firm squeeze as he looked around the street. "Let's take a cab home." He suggested, noticing Yuuri's trembling that could have been a result of the panic attack, or the cold. Either way, Viktor was not making him walk home.
"Yes, please." Yuuri nodded frantically, still paying attention to how long and deep his breaths were.
"Okay, here's one." Viktor flagged down the taxi as it approached, glad for it to have pulled over instead of driving by like so many other jackass drivers. "I'm going to pick you up, okay? I don't want you to fall."
"Okay." Yuuri wrapped his arms around Viktor's neck and reluctantly let himself be scooped up into the strong arms. He trusted those arms. And the person they were attached to. But seeing him… it was hard not to tense while he was being held. He could chalk that up to his panic attack for now, but later… Yuuri would have to start coming up with a lie that Viktor would believe. Or at least go along with.
Viktor was relieved when the taxi driver hopped out and opened the back door for him and Yuuri, seeing as Viktor's hands were full of his trembling fiancé.
"Is he okay?" The driver's eyes were wide and full of concern.
"Yes, he's just had a bit too much to drink." Viktor forced a chuckle as he slid himself and Yuuri into the back of the cab. "Thank you." He nodded to the driver as he shut the door and ran around to regain his spot behind the wheel. "I'll just take him home and get him to bed." Viktor gave the address and let the subject drop, glad the man hadn't pressed for details or insisted that Yuuri should be taken to the hospital. It was their go to cover story for when Yuuri had an episode in public and they needed to get home. Viktor would carry him or let Yuuri use him as a crutch, and they would say he was just drunk, or sick, but nothing so bad that would require a trip to the hospital. One driver they'd had a few months prior had completely gone against Viktor's wishes and driven them to an ER, to which Viktor's response was get out, hail another cab, and go home five minutes later.
The ride was spent in silence; Yuuri's head in Viktor's lap, Viktor staring out the window, the driver getting them home as quickly as possible.
When they arrived at their apartment complex, the driver jumped out of the car before Viktor had the payment ready and opened the door for them again.
"Thank you." Viktor handed the man a stack of bills that was likely close to twice his fare, and let Yuuri lean on him as they ambled up to the front door. He was always weak in the knees after a panic attack. Well… the knees and the everything else. "How are you feeling?" Viktor prompted conversation as they got buzzed in through the security door and headed towards the elevator. Yuuri was leaning heavily, barely able to walk on his own accord. He just made a sound that was somewhere between a groan and a whimper in response. "It's okay." Viktor whispered and planted a kiss on Yuuri's forehead. A kiss Yuuri cringed away from. "Yuuri…" Viktor's heart broke. Yuuri hadn't rejected one of his kisses since… well… he never had. That first kiss on the ice had been as well received as each one Viktor had showered him with since. But now… "Yuuri!"
Since they'd gotten out of the cab, Yuuri had felt his knees growing weaker with every passing second. He'd been internally begging them not to give out, to just let him stay on his feet until they got upstairs. Not in public. Never in public. When his knees gave out, so did his rational thought. He heard someone call his name as he was scooped up into the air by strong arms, cowering the whole time.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…!" Viktor heard Yuuri repeating over and over like a broken record.
"Shh…" Viktor tried to sooth, but could feel Yuuri growing tense in his arms, another panic attack beginning. The elevator couldn't move fast enough as they ascended to the top floor of the building. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
The elevator finally dinged open on their floor, and Viktor hurried to the end of the hall, somehow managing to unlock and open the door while keeping a squirming Yuuri held tight to his chest.
"Okay, it's okay." Viktor gently laid Yuuri down on the couch, kneeling close by. He stroked his hair, whispered reassurances, and reminded him to breathe, letting the second panic of the night subside. Makkachin padded over, nosing at and licking Yuuri's face and neck, hopefully helping with the whole 'calming down' thing.
"I'm sorry." Yuuri sighed in a much quieter tone than his previous broken record apology once he'd been calm for a while.
"Don't be." Viktor hopped up on the couch next to Yuuri when he sat up, and offered his shoulder to lean on. Yuuri melted into his side, reminding himself that this was Viktor. Viktor. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine." Yuuri lied through his teeth, hoping this would be the one time Viktor wouldn't see through it, or just let it go. He wasn't ready to tell him.
"Okay, should we get you to bed?" Viktor wasn't fooled for a second by Yuuri's lie, but he figured it was just something he wasn't ready to talk about yet. He might prod later, or wait until Yuuri came to him. The second option would be preferable, but Viktor knew Yuuri most likely wouldn't talk first.
"Please." Yuuri nodded, voice soft and broken. The voice that kept breaking Viktor's heart, over and over again.
"Okay." Viktor gently scooped Yuuri up with no resistance this time. He was exhausted.
Makkachin padded along behind them as Viktor carried Yuuri to their room and set him down in bed, pulling the covers up before sliding in beside him and pulling him close. Yuuri snuggled into Viktor's neck, barely able to keep his eyes open any longer.
"I love you." Viktor whispered into Yuuri's hair, hoping he heard it.
"I love you too." Viktor couldn't tell if Yuuri was awake or not when he mumbled the phrase, but he didn't care. He'd heard Viktor. That was all that mattered.
Leave me a review if you feel like it. See you in the next one.
~Spades