Title: An Afternoon with Cid
Author: Neldluva
Fandom: FF7
Rating: PG13 (only one f-bomb … I was surprised!)
Warnings: Fart jokes (yes, I am a 12-year-old boy. Not really, but yeah), hints of a future m/m relationship (read: Cid getting mushy)
Disclaimer: Totally not mine. I just play with them. All this is property of Square Enix, except the story, and they wouldn't want that.
Summary: Vincent has been helping Sephiroth with his rehabilitation back to "normal" people. But he has to go out to run errands, and leaves Cid in charge. How much could go wrong in one afternoon?
Author's Notes: So … this story has a long backstory. It's based on a very, very extensive roleplay session between myself and Omnistrife. In this roleplay, Reno saved Zack from death on the cliffs above Midgar. Much trial and tribulation later, they join up with Avalanche, but Zack being the compassionate puppy he is, he wanted to save Sephiroth from sure death. They saved Sephiroth and destroyed Jenova, but Seph still had a big helping of the crazy. Fortunately, paternal feelings had been awoken in Vincent, so he sort of took Seph under his wing. In the meantime, Cid became hopelessly infatuated with Vincent, and has taken to following him around, trying to be noticed. Easiest way to Vincent's heart? Make Sephiroth a little less crazy.
Also some notes, for any non-American readers I might have: American football is a different species of football than that of the rest of the world. American football revolves mostly around big, burly guys running into each other, trying to get an oddly-shaped ball from one end of the field to the other. It's pretty violent, or so it's always seemed to me, and a very "masculine" sport. Seemed like the sort of thing Cid would love.
And one more: Samoas are girl-scout cookies, sinful confections made of cookie, coconut, caramel, and chocolate. They are utter deliciousness.
Many thanks to Omnistrife for the inspiration and the dialogue with Vincent (all of which is his)! Also, thanks to Godcat at LJ, for informing a poor, uneducated girl about some football terms.
PS: For further enjoyment, play the "spot the Serenity quotation" game!
"So, uh. Hi," Cid said, waggling his fingers at the seven-foot-tall, silver-haired, cranky-looking warhero. Oh yeah, piece of cake. "Just watch over him, Cid," he had said. "Just make sure he doesn't get into any trouble, Cid." Never mind that if Sephiroth felt like getting into trouble, he could tear through Cid like tissue paper and do whatever the hell he wanted. Not for the first time, Cid wondered if it was really worth it to keep pursuing that long-legged smoldering piece of vampire ass…
Okay, so maybe it was.
And for whatever reason, Sephiroth didn't dislike Cid that much. In fact, they got along fairly well, considering. Apparently the guy thought Cid was funny. At least he had good taste. So Vincent left him alone with Cid. Not like he had much choice … Cloud was preoccupied with Aerith, Yuffie couldn't be trusted with a goldfish, and Tifa was … well, who knows what kind of hang-ups Sephiroth had with women that made him dislike Tifa. Red, of course, was across the planet and would have nothing to do with him, and Cait Sith would be little more than a chewtoy for Sephiroth. That left Cid, with all of his charm and grace.
"Right!" Cid announced. "Who's up for lunch?"
Sephiroth folded his arms and frowned. "I'm not hungry."
"Well, tough shit, you're gonna eat. Vince told me to take care of you, so that's what I'm gonna do. A coupla rounds of Cid's Famous Chili Dogs, coming up!" Cid marched into the kitchen, getting together all that he needed for the chili dogs. He set the beans and dogs to cook, happily chewing on his unlit cigarette.
After a few minutes, Sephiroth stepped quietly into the kitchen, sniffing curiously. "What … is a chili dog?" he asked, as though wary of the response.
"This," Cid replied, gesturing to the food. "Also known as a heart attack on a bun."
"That sounds dangerous."
"Only if you light a match," Cid said with a chuckle.
Sephiroth's response was to frown with perplexity. Cid waved him off, poking the beans again. "Just about done. Go grab a plate."
Sephiroth brought a plate over, and Cid slapped a chili dog down on it. Sephiroth sniffed delicately at it, then made a face. "It smells vile."
"That's just the grease. Go on, take a bite. It's better than that rabbit food Vince makes you eat."
"It's Vincent," Sephiroth said quietly, out of habit. Using two fingers, he picked up the chili dog, nibbling lightly at one end.
"No, no," Cid said, demonstrating with his own. "Like this." And he took a huge bite of hot dog, bun, chili, and cheese. "Mmm, delicious…"
"Disgusting," Sephiroth maintained, though he tried a larger bite.
Cid grinned a chili-frosted grin, feeling a brief bit of triumph as he saw Sephiroth begin to enjoy his lunch. They took the meal to the table, and Cid continued to chuckle (internally – he didn't have a death wish) as Sephiroth dealt with the problem of chili falling off of the hot dog. Finally, he gave in and began picking it off the plate, sucking it off his fingers afterwards. He still looked dainty, like a kitten eating cream, but it was an improvement.
"Ah, good," Cid said, tilting his chair back and patting his stomach with satisfaction. He let loose a contented fart, still grinning and watching for Sephiroth's reaction.
Just as expected, he looked revolted. "What was that?" Sephiroth gasped, looking for all the world like Cid's Aunt Margery.
"Just the beans talkin'," Cid replied. "Gotta let it out, otherwise you'll pop."
"That is disgusting," Sephiroth repeated, waving a hand in front of his face.
"No, it's a guy thing. Go on, let it out. You've gotta feel it by now."
"I can control my emissions, thank you very much."
"Just give it a try, Seph. It feels good." Cid grinned and let another one fly. "Hoo boy, we're gonna have to crack a window soon…"
Sephiroth made a face, then appeared to fall into concentration. After a moment, a dignified toot came from his end of the table.
Cid looked crestfallen. "No, that's all wrong! Like this … like you really mean it!" Cid farted again, just for the fun of it.
"If … if you say so." He concentrated again, this time producing something louder and less polite. A smile cracked over his face. "That … was actually sort of fun."
"Hell yeah!" Cid finished the display with a long, loud belch, pounding his chest. "Ah. Gotta get it all out."
Sephiroth opened his mouth to join in, but all that came out was a small hiccup of a burp. Under Cid's encouraging gaze, he tried again, managing a louder one, at least. He put a hand to his lips. "Excuse me."
Cid waved his hand. "None of that. You're home alone with me, don't gotta be polite." He got up, stretching. "I'm gonna go out for a smoke. Wanna put the plates away?"
"Of course." Sephiroth stood gracefully to clear the table, and Cid went out onto the balcony to have his cigarette. Vince always hated it when he smoked in the apartment, and what Vince wanted, Vince got. Cid shook a cigarette out of the pack he kept in his headband and lit it, smoking thoughtfully over the railing. Saucy little vampire. Too bad he didn't seem much interested in Cid. Perhaps that was what attracted him: a challenge worth winning. Cid couldn't help the instant attraction, and didn't even hesitate when he found out about the head-full of demons and the torture and the abuse and the scars and the homicidal son of his future-lover's ex-girlfriend.
Cid lived in a special world, he mused.
But that was enough thoughtfulness for one day. He stamped out his cigarette and went back inside, only to find Sephiroth having a conversation with the voices again. Cid sighed and rubbed his temple. He was too old for all this…
He pulled out his phone, quickly dialing Vincent's number by heart. Vincent picked up his end after a few rings, sounding a little ruffled. "Yes?"
"Heya, Vince," Cid said with a grin, simply amused to hear his voice, perpetually annoyed at having been woken up to the world.
"It's Vincent," he grated out, annoyed just like Cid expected.
"Yeah, Vince," Cid replied, ignoring the correction as usual. He glanced over at Sephiroth, who was chatting amiably with thin air. "So, uh, what am I supposed to do again when he starts talking about the voices?"
Vincent's voice, of course, went into full worried mother-hen mode. "He's not getting violent, is he?"
Cid sighed. "Oh, nah, he's just kinda sitting there talking to them. Should I ... kinda, wake him up, or something?"
There was a sigh on the other end, like Vincent was pinching the bridge of his nose. "No, that might make him angry. Try ... Try talking to him like you're one of the voices."
Cid frowned, staring at Sephiroth. "... Like I'm one of the voices. How the hell am I supposed to know what Jenova sounds like?"
"You just ... you need to tell him specific things." There was another sigh. "Maybe I should just come back."
Cid frowned more, about to object just out of principle, when he was struck by a Brilliant Idea. "No, I've got it covered." He took the phone away from his mouth, leaning a little closer to Sephiroth. "Sephiroth," he said, trying to make his voice deep and calming.
"Yes?" Sephiroth replied, turning to him.
"You really, really want to watch football." Cid grinned to himself; he was far too brilliant for his own good.
Sephiroth frowned. "Football?"
"Yeah. Midgar U versus Kalm State. You want to watch the game and eat lots of nachos."
"I don't see how this will help defeat your enemies, Mother," Sephiroth pointed out, still looking confused.
"But it's what I want you to do. Go watch the game." Cid smirked and stood back, watching his beautiful plan unfold. Sephiroth slowly stood and parked it on the couch in front of the TV, turning it on and channel surfing to find the game. Cid brought the phone back to his mouth. "It's cool, I've got it under control! Thanks, Vince."
Vincent sounded less than convinced. "That's it?"
Cid went to go heat up some nachos, chuckling quietly in triumph. "Yup. We're all set here. Right big guy?" Sephiroth nodded slowly, eyes locked on the football game.
"Big guy...?" Vincent's voice was confused, then worried. "Cid, I think I'm going to come back now."
"You don't have to. We're all set here." Cid took the nachos out of the microwave and brought them over to the couch, plopping them between himself and Sephiroth and gesturing for him to dig in. "Go on, try 'em. Mother wants you to."
"What are you doing?" Vincent sounded like he was going to have an aneurism, so Cid finally told him.
"Watchin' football," he announced through a mouthful of nachos. He grinned more, watching Sephiroth sniff delicately at a cheese-covered chip before taking a bite.
There was a long pause on the other end of the line. "… You got him to watch football?" Distantly, he heard Zack echo, "Football?"
Yes, Cid had to hand it to himself, he was a miracle worker. He took another bite, focusing back on the game. "Yup. Good way to get out all the violent inclinations."
"What are you doing that's making so much noise?"
Making your ex-girlfriend's homicidal son eat junk food, he answered privately in his head. He wiped some cheese off his lip. "Eating chips." Suddenly, he groaned at the screen, forgetting he was on the phone for the moment. That ref made a totally bogus call! Offsides, Cid's hairy muscular buttocks! He got up, heckling and booing at the TV, and gestured for Sephiroth to join in.
"Um … boo. Boo!" Sephiroth tried, half-heartedly waving his fist.
"Yeah, that's right! Down with the ref, fucking scumbag. Your mom is a two gil whore!"
Sephiroth looked affronted, and Cid shook his head. "Not yours. His. The ref on the TV."
Sephiroth peered closer at the screen, looking perplexed. "But we don't know anything about his mother."
Cid sighed. This could be a longer process than he had thought. Still, he brought the phone back to his mouth so as to reassure his nocturnal love-muffin. "I've got it covered. See ya, Vince!"
A baffled silence was his only response, so Cid hung up the phone. He turned back to the game, the nachos, and Sephiroth, and began to explain the rules of the game and the delicate nuances of insulting someone's mother.
Six hours, two football games, two and a half pizzas, six beers, a plate of nachos, a bad sci-fi movie, and a box of Samoas later, Sephiroth was finally starting to act like an average 28-year-old man. Or at least, like what Cid expected 28-year-old men to act like after having downed all that junk food. He was nearing horizontal, but had a contented look on his face.
"That was so much fun," Sephiroth said, hiccupping quietly. He'd been doing that for the past half an hour. "I mean really. Fun. That stupid thing, with the … things…" He made a weird shape with his fingers, either one of the bad CGI pterodactyls from the movie or a lopsided hippo.
Cid chuckled, peeling himself up from the couch and hooking his hands under Sephiroth's arms. "C'mon, big guy, I think you'd better go to bed."
"Bed is good," Sephiroth agreed happily, allowing himself to be dragged down the hall.
Cid ignored the thing that went pop in his back. Sephiroth was heavy. At last, he managed to get the guy into bed, covered, and with his hair out of his face. "Okay, there ya go. Sleep it off, Seph."
"Mmkay," Sephiroth said, promptly falling asleep and snoring like Cid imagined a kitten would snore, tiny and delicate like it was afraid of waking people up. He smiled a little and shut the door.
Still chuckling, he went back out to the living room to clean up and wait for Vincent. His glowing vision of doom walked in just after Cid sat down to peruse his magazine.
"Where is Sephiroth?" Vincent demanded as soon as he was in. He looked around, obviously growing more worried by the moment. "You let him escape? Oh no, we'll have to gather Cloud and Zack and Barret and go round him up before he does too much damage … hopefully he doesn't find his way to–"
"Hey, calm down," Cid said, getting up and shaking his shoulder. "He's sleeping like a baby in his room."
Vincent frowned, backing out from under Cid's hand, red eyes narrowed dangerously. "Seriously? You got him to sleep?"
"Well, yeah. Poor guy was worn out. And I guess the beers helped … didn't know he was such a lightweight."
Vincent stared at him for another moment, then faded away to Sephiroth's room. He peeked in, amazed when he saw Sephiroth, as Cid said, "sleeping like a baby." He wasn't even tossing and turning with his normal nightmares.
"See?" Cid whispered behind him. "He's fine."
Vincent nodded and shut the door, sighing with relief. "Thank you. I'm sorry … I just worry so much about him."
"Eh, it's nothin'," Cid grumbled, blushing in the darkness of the hallway. "So … I'll, uh, take the couch?"
"Yes," Vincent said quietly. "Thank you, Cid."
Cid shrugged and grinned, going to fix up his bed. Baby steps, he reminded himself. Gotta start out with baby steps.