Hey guys, ok, this is a one shot, but its an important one shot...its got an important message at the end...Also, I made myself cry while writing this...so expect some heavy feels. If you do not like to cry, I suggest reading something else.
Disclaimers: 5 Nights at Freddy's characters are copy write Scott Cawthon...song playing is "Everything goes black" by Skillet
Apologies if some sections are rushed...I was trying to get everything in and keep my past/present tense correct (very hard to do with a self-insert x.x)
The day was cold, the sky was grey, and the air sullen...truly the world seemed empty. Even as I did my best to keep my emotions in check to address the gathered mourners, I could tell that this would be an emotional moment for everyone. Three night guards and a slew of animatronics, what were we mourning? A child...a boy no older than six had lost his life due to severe head trauma. It was earth shattering to think that someone so young would be having a funeral. I stared at the broken kid in the casket, a golden bear plushie and a yellowed rabbit plushie standing in front of the wooden box...both looked like someone told them their family was just murdered.
I had to look away as the broken looks on the living toys was just too heart wrenching to take, as the author, I had given out invites across time lines to those who would want to bid the child farewell, but I had to also keep things in check with myself. As I looked at those that had come, I was surprised to see several turn up...some I expected...Freddy Fazbear, Bonnie, Chica, and Mike Schmidt. Others were not so expected...Fredbear was standing in far back looking like he had just committed the worst tragedy in history...it seemed he could only keep himself together due to the golden hare that stood next to him, trying to calm him down. Another was the purple clad murderer, he hung off to the side idly playing with a sharp kitchen knife...but he didn't have his signature grin, just an upset frown and even his eyes seemed to have lost the usual lust for blood...it was like he was empty.
It was disturbing in a way...he always had a psychotic grin and eyes that lusted for the pain of others...yet now it looked like he was angry...angry with himself. Shaking my head I turned to look out at the other guard that was here, frowning some. Jeremy Fitzgerald had come, but where were the toys? The guard fidgeted with his uniform as he noticed me looking at him before I turned back to look at the gathered animatronics and guards, "well...let's get this tragedy under way...I invited you all here using my author power to bid Daniel here farewell...say your words, bid the poor boy good bye...I myself can't say I knew much about him...other than his rat of an older brother bullied him...no...tortured him, it's sick...Danny had his entire life ahead of him, going to school...making friends...possibly getting a girlfriend...but no...he didn't even see his seventh birthday...it's...it's just not right...we should not hold a funeral for a kid...but...we are...so...Mr. Mike Schmidt? Would you like to start?"
The guard in question stood up stoically from the seat he had taken near Bonnie and I could tell the man was ready to throttle the kid's older brother, it was an agonizing moment when he approached the wooden casket holding the boy's limp form and glanced at the two living toys that couldn't tear their tear stained gazes from the wooden casket. I watched as Mike took his hat off, clenching it tightly in his hand as a frustrated sob emanated from his throat, "what sick joke is this?! What person would...would do this to their family?! I'm a guard for Freddy Fazbear's Pizzeria...it's my job to enforce rules and safety...YET HERE I AM ATTENDING THE FUNERAL FOR A KID WHO'S BARELY SIX YEARS OLD! I SHOULD HAVE...I WOULD HAVE...I COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING! WE SHOULD NOT BE BURYING A KID! GOD DAMNIT...WHAT KIND OF BROTHER DOES THIS?!" Mike threw his hat to the ground and let out a frustrated and angry cry before collapsing in front of the casket, the Fredbear plush sadly looking to the guard and placing a soft paw on Mike's hand, the man sighing and sitting up before placing his hat on the ground in front of the casket, "I will do better...I will make sure this NEVER happens again...I will make sure that another funeral is never held for a kid..."
Mike then stood up, giving a slight nod to Plushtrap and the Freadbear plush before returning to his seat, Bonnie pulling the guard into a gentle hug afterwards. It was almost hard to watch, Mike only calmed down after some words were spoken to him by Freddy. I shook my head and glanced at my list before turning and looking at the purple clad psychopath, in a way...I was expecting something from him, yet he continued to idly stare at the knife in his hands, "Fritz...would you like to say anything?" I was expecting a cold remark, I was expecting a sinister grin, I was expecting the knife to be hurled in my direction...I was not expecting the purple guard to sullenly stalk towards the casket and kneel down in front of it before plunging the knife into the open palm of his left hand, drawing a thick cut and spilling his own blood on the ground in front of everyone, "I should have stopped this...I was there...I saw what was happening...yet I stood by like it was nothing...every day that Danny here came into the diner...I'd see him being tormented by his brother and his friends...he was even left behind on purpose...twice! I found him locked in the parts and service room...told me his brother locked him there...it made my blood boil...yet I did nothing...well, from now on...I will do something...I...will...do...something...that's a promise" Then I saw it, the grin of his...but something else...tears...it was terrifying yet depressing in a way. I had to suppress a shiver as Fritz stalked his way to the back of the room to stand in a dark corner, I had a feeling someone was going to feel his wrath, but I shook my head again and looked back at the list and sadly looked up, "Fredbear and Springy..."
The golden duo slowly made their way towards the casket...I could almost feel the gazes that were directed towards Fredbear as Springy kept a gentle paw on the bear's arm...but what really got to me was the look in the golden bear's eyes...like Fritz, they were empty...hollow...it was obvious he had been crying...but now he seemed emotionally...broken and it was only with Springy's guidance that they made it to the casket as more than once it looked like Fredbear was going to just outright collapse from the emotional turmoil he must have been suffering.
At first it seemed like he wouldn't say a word, but when he did speak, it was with a voice that sounded like a broken and completely defeated soul, "I...I am a monster...I took everything away from you...look at you...so peaceful...yet...you would never see another sunrise...you would never see another birthday...y...you would never laugh...or...s...smile...or..." Springy stepped up and laid a soft paw on the bear's shoulder as a wracked sob came from the bear's throat...it was truly a being that had been emotionally broken, "I...I'M SUPPOSED TO...TO MAKE KIDS LAUGH...TO BRING SMILES! YET...yet...not one smile f...from you...a...and I'll never get a chance...t...to see it s...should it happen..." The bear's sobs came back with a vengeance as the tears dripped from his muzzle, "I...I'm a monster..."
Springy sadly looked to his companion before turning towards the plushy versions of him and Fredbear, "I wish I had something to say...something meaningful...something...all I can do is try to help my best friend here...it's taken a toll on his mind, he blames himself...even if it was an accident on his part...good bye Danny...hope you finally can...hav...have some fun...w...where ever you a...are..." Now it was Springy's turn to cry and it was the most pitiful sight I ever saw, Fredbear emotionally broken...and Springy not far behind. I had to bite my lip to keep myself in check as the two slowly made their way back to the farthest part of the area. I felt truly and utterly terrible for them...Fredbear would forever be known as the one that killed a child...albeit not intentionally...and it was destroying him.
Clearing my throat, I turned back to the list I had in front of me and smiled sadly, "Bonnie Bunny..." It was no mystery that Bonnie practically wore his heart on his metaphorical sleeve and when he heard that a child had died, it took all of Freddy and Mike to calm him down as the lavender rabbit was beside himself with emotions. Slowly walking towards the two plushies and casket, Bonnie was tightly clutching his treasured gibson flying v guitar, his steps slow and deliberate while his ears hung listlessly on either side of his head. He looked like he was about to break into tears halfway down the walk way but he eventually made it to the two plushies standing in front of Daniel's resting place, "h...hey lil guy...um...m...my name...my name is Bonnie! Heh...w...we never me...met, but I...I'm sure we c...could have b...been g...great f...friends...um...i...if you d...didn't notice...I play guitar! Y...Yeah, I'm in a b...band! I...I cou...could play you a song...w...would you like that?! O...Ok, uh...he...heh, ok, h...here goes...I'm not...r...really good with this s...song, but...I'll play my best!"
Not a sound was heard when Bonnie finished his haunting melody...then the bunny started heaving...followed by choked sobs...and then after placing the guitar by the casket...the lavender rabbit burst into tears and ran back to where Mike was standing, practically throwing himself at the guard who could only sadly rub the lavender rabbit's back in calming circles. I myself found my eyes a bit wet, but a few short breaths and I nodded in appreciation towards Mike whom nodded back while still trying to calm the large purple bunny.
"Bonnie...that was beautiful...thank you" The rabbit barely acknowledged me as he was now being addressed by Freddy as well. "Continuing on...let's see Chic-" I found myself getting cut off as a loud banging was heard on the door of the building, soon followed by a very fierce and very irritable accented voice, "GIT YER HANDS OFFA ME, WOMAN! I NEED TA DO THIS FER ME MATEY!"
"FOXY, YOU'RE NOT DONE! YOUR RIGHT LEG IS BROKEN AND I STILL HAVE TO REPAIR YOUR LEFT ARM!"
"I DON'T CARE! A CAPN MUST ALWAYS BE THERE FER HIS CREW! I WILL DRAG ME RUSTED CARCASS IN THERE IF I MUST!" At this point I noticed Freddy and Mike just shaking their heads and sighing tiredly as the doors were thrown open and a red fox animatronic literally dragging himself into the room with an irate technician following him, "FOXY! I UNDERSTAND THIS IS IMPORTANT! BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BREAK YOURSELF EVEN MORE!"
"I JUST SAID I DON'T CARE! I WILL FACE OFF WITH THE KRAKEN WITH ONLY ME HOOK IF IT MEANT ME BEIN THERE FER LIL DANNY!" At that, the technician growled before shaking her head and glaring at the fox, "Fine, go on, but if you end up in worse shape...it's on you!" The technician looked over at me and sighed before quickly turning and leaving the building...the only sounds being heard were the fox's groans as he dug his hook into the ground and crawled his way towards the casket.
I then noticed Freddy move to help the fox up, but the vulpine's mood told him otherwise, "STAY BACK FREDDY! STAY YER PAWS! I NEED TA DO THIS ON ME OWN! I...I need ta do this fer me matey..." With more disgruntled effort than necessary, the fox finally got to the casket before pulling himself up to a leaning position and then smiled softly at the boy the laid in the wooden box, "ah...t...there ya be...arrr...First Mate Danny Wilson, finest member of me crew! It be yer old capn...Foxy the pirate! Arrr...ye look...so c...calm...like the sea during f...fair w...weather...oh matey...I be a bloody bilgerat fer not being at yer side...ye were in such pain...and...and I was hidin in me cove...what kind of capn leaves his first mate ta such treachery? What kind of capn leaves his first mate ta fend fer himself?! YE WERE ALWAYS IN TEARS! AND...and...and ta make it worse fer ye...it was me face that scared ye the most...me...my face...turned into a tool of pain fer ye...I hope ye c...can fergive this old s...seadog...fer what happened to ye..."
The fox's sobs were coming out as he gazed at the boy, the two plushies standing nearby had been told that Foxy was one of the few animatronics that went out of his way to help any children nearby...and he nearly destroyed himself when he had heard what happened to the boy, "ye were pr...probably a ki...kind lad...I don deserve ta be called capn fer what happened to ye...fer not bein at yer side...f...fer not helpin ye in yer time of need...b...be at rest me matey...a...and f...f...fair winds to yer sails..." The fox's muzzle was now stained with his tears as the old pirate laid a small plush version of himself next to Bonnie's guitar, "ye be a capn now matey...have some grand adventures with yer crew...and one day...I...I'll be up there with ye...and ye can tell me yer...yer...yer tales! Ah...look at me...a...b...blubberin mess..." Foxy smiled softly at the boy in the casket before pushing himself up and snapping a quick salute to the boy, "have some grand adventures lad! Just know this...ol Foxy will be expectin some grand tales when he finally keels over...yar har har har!" At that, the pirate stumbled a bit when his legs gave out, only to be caught by both Freddy and Chica whom smiled and started helping the fox back towards the main doors, "YE HEAR THAT MATEY?! YE BETTER BE A BETTER PIRATE WHEN I GIT UP THERE! OTHERWISE YE WILL BE SWABBIN ME DECKS, YE HEAR ME?! YAR HAR HAR HAR!"
I had to chuckle softly as Freddy and Chica more or less dragged Foxy from the building, Freddy being the only one to return. "Sorry Zero, Chica has ta deal with our resident pirate captain...looks like it'll be me next, am ah right?" I nodded to the animatronic bear, smiling softly as he slowly trudged his way down the aisle before gently taking a kneeling position in front of Daniel's casket. Freddy then removing his hat and holding it in his paws, "ah don't rightly believe we met son, mah name's Freddy...or if you want my proper name...Frederick Theodore Fazbear...the first of course...heh...boy, look at you, so calm...so innocent...as if nothing could touch you…yet…yet...yet you were crying out for someone to save you...to help you...ya know, I have a bunch of rules in mah head...1. Don't run, 2. Don't yell, 3. Don't scream, 4. Don't poop on the floor...whoever came up with that one must thought they were being funny...5. Stay close to mom, 6. Don't touch Freddy...unless I allow it of course, 7. Don't hit, 8. Leave before dark and 9. All endoskeletons must be in costume...yet nowhere in that list is there a rule saying not to bully others. Ah'm supposed to be a role model...to be a leader...and here you are lifeless...broken...empty...Rules are meant to keep order and people safe...Ah'm sorry...Ah truly am, ah wish ah could have done something...just know lil Danny, that while you may be gone...Ah will never forget you...even if Ah just met ya, ah will never forget you...ever."
Freddy smiled softly while pacing a paw on the boy's forehead before removing his tophat and placing it on the ground by the other items. Rarely if ever would Freddy leave behind his prized hat, but this was a special occasion and he was more then willing to part with it. "Thank you Freddy, I'm sure Danny appreciates your sentiment...next...Jeremy are the toys here?"
"Yeah, they just got here" Jeremy turned and went to open the main door only to yelp as he was pounced by a light blue rabbit, "JERM-JERM! We missed you at the pizzeria...where were you?!" I had to chuckle softly at Bon's excitedness, but this was hardly the occasion, "Bon, cmon, let Jeremy up!" I had to smile as the toy bunny quickly got off of the night guard before the other toys arrived, only one of the toys causing me to frown, "Fred...I let you out of parts and service today for a reason...don't make me regret my decision..."
"Ah stow it Z…besides, I know you're gonna throw me back in there after this stupid funeral crap! So it doesn't matter how I behave! I could act like a proper gentlebear and you'd still toss me in that god forsaken room...but...for the sake of Daniel, I will keep myself in check...Mangle, wheel me up to the boy..." The vixen nodded sadly while pushing the cart that carried the broken frame of Fred up to the casket, allowing the ruined toy bear to gaze at the lost child, "hmph...look at you, so fragile...so broken...so...like me...life's funny at times, isn't it? You have everything going your way and then someone goes and takes it from you...heh...I'm starting to cry now…me. The big bad boss bear...crying because of a kid...hey, Danny, here's a joke for ya! What did the broken down bear say to the dead kid's corpse?!"
"Fred! That's highly inappropriate!" Mangle snapped at the broken remains of the bear, Fred growled and glared back at her, "what?! Really?! You honestly think I'd stoop that low?! The answer is...the answer is...nothing...the broken down bear would say nothing...I sit here in pieces, ruined and decommissioned...and you Danny, you lay there...dead...no fixing you...you're just...g...gone...I'd like to go now...back to parts and service..."
Bon lowered his ears while looking at Jeremy as Mangle nodded and offered a Mangle plush to the boy's casket alongside the Foxy plush, the white vixen smiling sadly to Bon before pushing Fred's cart out from the building. Chic and BB were next, the mangled chicken taking the young child animatronic's hand in her wing and slowly walking up the aisle, I could tell BB was struggling to comprehend the situation...a funeral is never easy to explain to a child…even harder when the funeral is for a child. Chic had placed her cupcake plush next to Bonnie's guitar and BB had tied a balloon to the end of the casket. I had to choke back my tears before looking down at my list and shaking my head at the next two, "Bon and Jeremy..."
"Wait, why's everyone so sad? What's going on Jeremy? I'm confused…"
Jeremy frowned as Bon looked at him and the child's box, the night guard sighing softly while leading the blue bunny towards Danny's final resting spot, "Bon...we're here to say good bye to this child...and to pay respects to him..." The blue bunny tilted his head while looking at the boy, "is he going somewhere?" Jeremy bit his lip and was struggling to keep from crying, I could tell.
Finally composing himself, the night guard turned to address Bon, "he...he's...he's gone, Bon...he's never waking up again...he's...he's just gone..." Bon blinked as his ears wilted, more confusion appearing on the bunny's muzzle, "gone where though? Wouldn't he want his presents?" Jeremy finally lost it and grabbed the blue bunny into a tight hug, "h...he's gone, Bon...he's d...decommissioned...and he's not coming back..."
That was the final push as Bon's eyes went wide, his ears perking up as tears started sliding down his cheeks, "y...you...y...you….you're lying…h...he'll wake up! Cm...Cmon Danny, l...let's go play, y...you got plenty of toys!" The Fredbear plush and Plushtrap both stared sadly at Bon's reaction, Jeremy trying to comfort the hysterical bunny all the while. "D...Danny cmon wake up! I...I'll play any game you want...y...you name it...J...Jeremy, w...why isn't h...he waking up?!"
Jeremy sighed and sadly placed his badge on the ground in front of the casket alongside the other items, "…cuz he's gone..." Bon went stiff as a board as more tears slid down his face, "I...I...I...I don't...you can't mean...I...I..." The toy bunny finally broke out into loud choked sobs, clinging to Jeremy as the night guard gently lead the bunny away, "it's ok Bon...it's fine, when we get back...I'll play whatever you want...sh...its ok, I got ya…shhhh...yeah, I know, I know..."
I felt terrible, I always knew Bon was sensitive, but that scene just broke my heart...and I wanted nothing more then to run over and comfort the young bunny. But alas, I still had one more guest to address...but once more I got cut off as a loud banging was heard yet again, "OPEN THESE DOORS! GET OFF ME YOU WEAKLINGS! RAUGHR!" With a collective gasp and loud explosion, the doors shattered...revealing a truly terrifying sight...Nightmare, the black animatronic of fear, fighting Jeremy and the other nightmares. Bon was hiding behind a wall in absolute terror as the black horror slashed and swiped at his foes.
"HE WAS MY PREY, I DESERVE TO SEE HIM!" The black animatronic easily swatted the night versions of Bonnie and Foxy into a wall before taking a step towards the aisle. Flynt, the nightmare version of Foxy growled as he got back to his feet before sprinting to block Nightmare's advance, it was no secret...Flynt was the fastest animatronic and not even Nightmare could match his speed, "YE ARE NOT WELCOME HERE! NONE O US ARE! YOU KNOW THAT AND WE SHOULD LEAVE!" For all his bravery and speed, Flynt had nothing against Nightmare's unyielding strength, with a mere flick of a claw, Flynt was sent crashing back into Benny, Bonnie's nightmare cousin.
"Flynt...get offa me!" With a mighty heave of his impressive strength, Benny shoved the nightmare fox into the opposite wall, each of the nightmares had one asset that they excelled in...Flynt had speed, Benny's was strength, Cheek had her razor sharp beak, wings, and her evil cupcake, Franklin had his minions, and Nightmare Fredbear had cunning...but Nightmare was a beast unlike any other...and not even all the nightmares working together could stop the black animatronic's advance.
"PATHETIC FOOLS! YOU WILL LEARN YOUR PLACES...BUT FIRST...MY PREY!" I was close to considering on blasting the nightmares into their hellhole of a house, but stopped myself when I saw Plushtrap and the Fredbear plush standing in Nightmare's way, "YOU WEAK INSECTS THINK YOU HAVE A CHANCE? AND WHAT CAN TWO PLUSHIES DO AGAINST THE LORD OF THE NIGHT?!" While I admired their bravery, the two plushies were hardly a threat and Nightmare barely cast them a glance as he stomped his way over to the casket, "ah there you are my prey...how pathetic! This was the child to defeat me?! The child whom held off my weaker side?! It's almost insulting!" The large black animatronic bear laid a claw against the boy's cheek and I could almost see everyone in the room tense, if he tried anything...it would be hell to pay, "you were supposed to bring me down...to conquer the fear...yet...yet you never appeared in night seven...I tore your house apart looking for you...but you never showed up...I hate you...I hate you with every fiber of my being! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO DEFEAT ME, TO CONQUER YOUR TERROR, YOU WERE SUPPOSED...supposed...supposed to win..." It was then that Nightmare turned into something new...something no one could have seen coming. Soft velvet fur...a diminutive body that barely stood higher then 5 inches...and a pitiful sorrow filled expression, "Danny...you...you were my best friend...w...why did you disappear? Why did you leave me?"
The plush bear's anguished wail shattered my heart, its as the saying goes...you can never judge a book by its cover...I don't know the full story of Nightmare, but I couldn't sit by and let him wallow in despair. Walking over and taking the pitiful plush in my arms, I stroked the soft fur before turning back, the other nightmares had already vacated the area, leaving me and the others in peace, "we have one last mourner...and before he enters...many of you will want to hurt him...others will want to condemn him...but I must ask that you allow him to speak..."
"Zero...you're...you're not allowing...he doesn't deserve the chance! THIS...THIS SITUATION IS HIS FAULT! HE DID THIS!" Mike growled the last part out while glaring at me. I of course returned the glare, "shut it Schmidt! He deserves a chance to at least apologize...cuz no brother should live with this regret and not get a chance to apologize...Jacob Wilson…you may come down..."
A boy in his late teens, wearing a tattered black shirt and some worn jean shorts stood up at the back and started slowly walking down the aisle...the silence was almost tangible. The foxy mask the boy wore was tattered as well and damp on sides of the muzzle, Springy and Fredbear were beside themselves as the boy walked past them and it was clear why.
"YOU MADE ME A MONSTER!"
"Y...You killed your brother...what kind of family member does that?!"
The boy barely acknowledged them, continuing his slow gait down towards the casket that held his brother, pausing briefly to look over at Fritz whom made a cutting motion across his own throat, "you deserve no sympathy...I may have hurt people, but I hurt people who deserved it...never innocence...you watch your back...cuz my knife may end up in it..."
Jacob nodded some before continuing to the end of the aisle, stopping in front of the two plushies that stood guard in front of his brother's body. The older boy finally collapsing onto his knees and with a pain filled and almost soulless voice, he spoke, "I don't deserve this...I never meant for any of this to happen...Danny, I…Fredbear isn't the monster...I am...I didn't just tease you...I tormented you...I left you behind at the diner, locked you in your room, scared you all the time with the foxy mask, teased you...and...and...and I didn't mean this to happen! I swear!" The boy's tears were coming now, the reason the mask appeared damp, the boy's tears soaked its faux fur as he sobbed, "I always laughed at you...called you a cry baby...b...but I never...I never wanted to physically hurt you...ever...a...and now, you...please Danny...w...wake up, t...tell me you h...hate me….tell me I'm a monster...tell me you want a different brother...please…d...d...don't….don't tell me goodbye..."
"It's ok, it's fine"
"W...What?" Jacob blinked and looked up to stare wide eyed as hovering in front of him was the ghostly form of his younger brother, "D...Danny?"
"Jake...it's ok...I'm better now...see?"
The ghost form of Danny tilted his head a bit, revealing not even a scar, "I'm all better...and I have lots of friends now...but...they're telling me I gotta go now..."
"Danny please...I'm sorry...I am so so so sorry...I never meant for any of this, you have to believe me!"
"I do believe you Jake...you're my brother, but I have to go...don't worry though, I'll wait for you...and mom and dad and Jessy too"
Jacob felt more tears leaving his eyes as Danny leaned down and wrapped his arms around Jacob's shoulders and uttered a single sentence that broke Jacob's heart, "I'll always love you brother...no matter what"
With that, Danny smiled and pulled away, giving a sad wave to everyone in the building, "Fredbear plushy, Plushtrap, take care of my brother for me, ok? Alright, bye everyone! They're telling me I have to leave now...bye Springy, bye Fredbear! Feel better, ok?!" Jacob stared up in disbelief as Danny faded from sight. He...loved me? Even after everything I did...h...he loved me?
Jacob sobbed a bit more before reaching up to undo the mask on his face, revealing a teenage face that seemed more broken then it should be, the boy then placing the mask on top of his brother's hands, "t...the...there ya go Danny...n...now I...I'll be with yo...you...a...and when I...I get up there...w...we'll do whatever you want! I promise...I'll be the best big brother you ever had!"
I sighed while holding the plush nightmare, it was a heart wrenching scene...watching Jacob break down, but I kept my emotions in check mostly before turning to look at you guys, "this is a result of what can happen with bullies...no one stopped this from happening...no one befriended that poor boy...he endured torment and pain and no one stepped up to stop it...Please guys...don't be a bully, be a friend...if there's someone being picked on or teased or whatever….go up to them and ask if they want to be friends, help them, be there for them...we should spread love and happiness…not pain and fear...and maybe if we follow that ideal, we will never have to hold a funeral like this ever again..."