First Chapter of My Blackadder Fanfiction!
"Baldrick, what on earth are you doing?"
Blackadder walked in the study room, with his usual mellow, and unconcerned manner. His hands on his hips, absolutely bewildered but not at all surprised, at the sight of Baldrick, in a ridiculous posture. He was upside down, legs against the wall with feet touching, and his arms lifted. His hands were straight and pointing upwards. Blackadder bent down and blinked while Baldrick gave a happy childish grin, towards his master's confused but blank expression.
"Oh, My Lord. I'm just discoverin' my inner peace."
Blackadder frowned and sighed a supressed sigh. "Your inner peace. What in ten types of flavoured jelly do you need inner peace for?" His black eyes searching Baldrick's daft posture, completely confused at Baldrick's odd pose, while being not at all concerned at his baffoon of a servant.
Baldrick blinked an unintelligent expression, but came out with quite a normal answer, which Blackadder was expecting absolute dribble.
"Well, yesterday I went down to see my Uncle Milton , and er, he had shown me the way he keeps himself at peace during 'ard times. What with 'im bein' a servant with nothin', like me, he showed me a really enjoyable way of findin' my inner peace; if I find work gettin' on top of me.."
Blackadder lifted his eyebrows in manner of amusement as Baldrick abrubtly sat up before carrying on.
"...not that don't enjoy workin' for you, Mr Lord! I just like to enjoy myself like any other man would. Anyway, he says, I gotta lay flat, my back straight, my arms towards the sky, an' my fingers straight like carrots."
Blackadder adjusted his posture and leant his hand against a chair, in an aloof fashion.
"Yes? And then what?" Blackadder remarked not at all interested in Baldrick's description of his unusual conduct, but curious as to how this unusual occurrence would end.
"Well, My Lord. Once I done that, I breathe normally, close my eyes, and fink of lovely sheep..in a meadow.. jumpin' over big piles of cow dung!.."
His master gave a look of indifference towards the chimp-like monkey of man, who was smiling like an imp.
"..and you find that relaxing do you, Baldrick?" He humoured as he folded his arms.
"Oh, yes Sir. Very relaxin'! Although, my 'ead feels heavy when I do it."
"Perhaps, that's just your peanut of a brain, knocking against your skull, telling you how simple you are, Baldrick."
Baldrick blinked, completely unaffected by the comment before Blackadder became quite intrigued as to this method of inner peace, Baldrick had so quickly picked up.
"So, and I know I will regret asking this, what is this "inner peace" thing called?" Blackadder smirked, with his dark eyebrows furrowing over his black eyes.
Baldrick beamed. "SquibbyJubble!" He perked up.
"SquibbyJubble?" Blackadder screwed his face up in confusion.
"SquibbyJubble?" He repeated.
"Yes, Sir. You see, it's a type of yoga that is known throughout Africa, in The Dongaboon Tribe, in the Minogi Lands."
Blackadder blinked, rubbed his forehead and relieved a sympathetic sigh due to Baldrick's gullable attitude.
"Baldrick." He began "You don't suppose this "SquibbyJubble"... is made up?"
"Nah, Sir, nah, it's definitely real, Sir. My Uncle told me SquibbyJubble is a 200 years old exercise that gives the SquibbyJubbler inner peace and positive energy that lifts in yer body, from yer feet to yer 'ead. It relieves the stress of the SquibbyJubbler and creates a bubble of complete serenity an' peace whoever tries SquibbyJubble."
Blackadder rolled his eyes.
"I suppose by SquibbyJubbler, you mean those who practice the odd and fictional art that is "SquibbyJubble?" "
"Yes, My Lord. I'm a born SquibbyJubbler!" Baldrick beamed.
Blackadder paused, and compressed his lips in a humoured smile.
"Baldrick, you don't suppose for one teeny, tiny, minuscule, smallest pea-sized brain of a squirrel of a minute, that SquibbyJubble is not real?"
Baldrick frowned a confused look. "No, Sir. There is. My Uncle told me it's definitely real and it's not known here as it's a dyin' art form"
"Baldrick, SquibbyJubble is not a word. Nor is it a type of exercise, dirty cretin's like you would practice. You are out of your mind Baldrick, and if you say you are not, I will insert a large neck cuff down your throat, so you'll look like a bird that's swallowed a plate."
Baldrick smiled a grin. "Oh, Sir" He began "I think you're a bit jealous, you 'ave no inner peace. You should try it and I will guarantee you will become a much peaceful person."
"Baldrick, I would rather get swallowed by sick giraffe with a vomit problem, than follow your smelly footsteps of inner peace." Blackadder furrowed his eyebrows as Baldrick returned to his "SquibbyJubble" as he called it, and replied;
"I will say, My Lord, that I am a SquibbyJubbler! Even if you don't believe in it, I will. SquibbyJubbler is a beautiful and peaceful exercise."
Blackadder shook his head in annoyance, before walking off out the door, replying in a argumentative tone;
"...It's still not a word, you monkey-arsed rat face..."
In which Baldrick carried on his "SquibbyJubble", laughing at Blackadders moody manner, while Blackadder walked off through the hallway before being heard hollering in the next room.
"Oh for God Sake!"
Stay tuned for the next Chapter !
Thanks for reading!