What Must Be Done


Unidentified Planet
62 ABY


There is no emotion; there is peace.

He sat cross-legged on the hill overlooking the Jedi base, running his fingers through the grass and mentally repeating the tenets of the old Jedi Code as if doing so would give him some new guidance. Most of the camp was asleep, with a few Jedi standing guard. Ben wasn't on guard duty tonight, but he didn't sleep well these days, and it made him feel better when he could watch over the whole camp.

There is no ignorance; there is knowledge.

He stretched out with his senses toward the prefab shelter that housed the sleeping bodies of two boys, young men really, who earlier that day had told him they were ready to face the Sith. Ben cringed as he remembered the look of betrayal on their faces when he denied their request. So what if they were older than he was when he first fought the Sith? A lot of good it had done; twenty years later the Jedi were still being hunted down like animals. Frustrated by that thought, he let out a long breath.

There is no passion; there is serenity.

The boys were not ready for this mission. Unfortunately he could no longer say the same of his other cousin.

He wondered how long it would be before Allana came to give him the news.

She appeared at his side a few moments later, quietly observing the moonlit valley. They had been up here together a few weeks ago, discussing the past, the future, but mostly just their family. Now she was leaving.

She thought he didn't know; in truth, he had known even before she did. That made it all the more painful, to realize that this was in her blood and there was nothing he could do to change that.

There is no chaos; there is harmony.

Her robes fluttered in the breeze, gently flapping against her legs. He felt her sadness as well as her resolution. He wished he could freeze this moment and prevent her from saying what he knew she had to say. But all the wishes in the galaxy wouldn't change what must be done.

"I'm going with them, Ben." Allana's voice was soft and steady.

He ripped up a few blades of grass and released them into the wind. "It's suicide."

"It's the only way."

Ben looked up at her; instead of seeing Allana, he saw the proud Hapan queen who had worn that same look of grim determination two decades ago, just before the final battle.

A lot of things had gone wrong that day. The Hapan defeat, for one. The decimation of Mandalorian forces, which, in retrospect they should have known would happen. The chaotic retreat while the Jedi strike team was still inside the Anakin Solo. The loss of the remaining Jedi Masters and Tenel Ka.

Jaina's death.

The shockwave through the Force had been overwhelming, what with the loss of so many in the battle; but it was the extinguishing of Jaina's light that Ben would always remember. That moment at the end, when everything had hinged on the battle between dark and light, Sith and Jedi, Jacen and Jaina.

And then she was gone.

The whole plan had fallen apart from the beginning, but as long as Jaina was alive, it felt like there was hope. Ben could keep on fighting because he knew that things would turn around. He had never imagined that losing Jaina would hurt them as much as it did. That it would hurt him as much as it did. He remembered being ashamed of that thought.

And he couldn't help thinking that maybe if she had gone to his father for help instead of seeking out Fett and his Mandalorians, she would be alive now.

Ben looked away from Allana and stared at a blade of grass that was taller than those around it. His lips quirked in a sad imitation of a smile. "Davin and Dolan told me they're ready to fight the Sith. Do you still think I should let them? Maybe send them with you?"

Even without seeing her he could tell her eyes had narrowed. "No," she said. "I won't say I was wrong before, but this is different. Their involvement would complicate things."

"And yours won't?"

Allana sat down next to Ben and placed a hand on his forearm. "Ben, I have to do this. He's my father, not theirs."

Ben's throat tightened. He had tried for twenty years to convince himself that this wasn't his fault, and sometimes he succeeded, but the guilt always came back. "If you'd just wait—"

"Ben, stop it. I know you think it should be you who faces him, but I'm the only one who has any chance of bringing him back. If Myri and her team are determined to infiltrate his complex, then I'm going with them. We leave in an hour."

The older Jedi blew out an angry breath. "He's not coming back, Allana. I want to believe it too. I've tried to believe it, but it doesn't matter. He's not Darth Vader; he isn't going to return to the light."

Allana met his words with silence. Ben stood up and turned to walk down the hill.

"Your father was the only one who saw the good in Vader."

Ben stopped and closed his eyes. "And he almost died for it." He took a deep breath. "Do you feel the need to repeat history?"

"I'm not trying to do anything but listen to what the Force and my heart are telling me. And I'm not afraid of death. Not anymore." She came to Ben's side and touched his cheek with the tips of her fingers. There were tears in her eyes. "May the Force be with you, Ben. Goodbye."

Ben stood silent and motionless as he watched her leave, a deep sense of shame welling up inside of him. He had lied to Allana. He still believed there was a faint shred of goodness in Jacen. He knew redemption was possible. But after all the horrible things Jacen had done, after the way he had systematically destroyed his own family, Ben didn't care if he could be saved. He wasn't willing to risk Davin, Dolan, or Allana for that supposedly noble purpose. And it scared him to think such things, because he knew where it would lead. Despite all of his training, despite all of his years spent fighting off agents of the dark side, he was still susceptible to its call. He would have faced Jacen long ago were it not for that fact.

The other Jedi turned to him for leadership because when they looked at him they saw his mother and father, the blending of two of the greatest Jedi Masters. They did not see the fear that was eating Ben alive or the curse of the Skywalker line that haunted him. Yes, he had done many brave and good things, and maybe he was even a great Jedi. But Jacen Solo and Anakin Skywalker and countless others had been great Jedi, too.

Ben continued to watch Allana until she had disappeared into the darkness. If he faced Jacen, he risked losing himself to the dark side; but he couldn't let Allana confront the Sith alone.

"Help me to forgive him," he whispered to the night sky. "Help me to forgive myself." Two stars seemed to shine brighter than the rest, and he concentrated on them as he opened himself to the Force's current. Somewhere, just beyond his reach, he thought he sensed a hint of regret. Then it was gone, like blades of grass swept away by the wind.

Allana needs me, he thought, and that was really all that mattered. He descended the hill, wondering what Davin and Dolan would think tomorrow morning when they discovered he was gone.

There is no emotion, no ignorance, no passion, no chaos.

There is no death.

There is the Force.

Fin