Reflections
The nights are so dark here. So black and deep. Like his eyes.
But his eyes are not filled with terror like this.
His eyes.
Asuka Langley-Soryu awoke to the same apartment ceiling she always awoke to. Identical patterns chased each other across the familiar surface and she rolled out of bed and silently began to dress.
Her apartment was always so empty in the morning.
Asuka's face tightened as she recalled busy mornings with her long-dead mother, memories that surfaced without her calling for them, memories she had to shove back down into the deep recesses of her heart.
Memories that filled her with so much pain that she nearly ran back to her bed and buried her head underneath her pillow. But even her pillow offered no comfort, because sleep meant the dreams of pitch-black night, the dreams filled with unseen horror. The ones she was sure he had to have as well.
She waltzed through her morning routine with practiced ease and was walking down the hallway in school uniform before her brain fully registered. Her feet quickened unconsciously.
Occupied with less than pertinent matters, Asuka bumped into to him before she saw him.
"Hello, Soryu." Shinji Ikari bobbed his head in a small nod of greeting. "How are you doing?"
"Fine." Asuka bit off the word and strode ahead, the dark Japanese boy trailing behind her. Her blue eyes filled with pleasure.
"Today is the chemical test in Science." Shinji called, jogging to catch up with her. "Are you ready?"
Asuka looked at him blandly. "Of course," she said offhandedly. "I always make perfect scores." Shinji flushed.
"I was just curious." He said, looking away, and Asuka wished she wasn't so harsh with him. But it was an automatic reflex - instinct, really. If you never become close to some one, they will never have the chance to betray you.
Her mother had taught her that lesson well.
Asuka glanced at Shinji, who was still looking off to the side, his cheeks tinged with a small amount of red.
"I'm sure you'll do well, Shinji-kun." She said, her gaze softening, and she left him standing on the sidewalk, astonished, a small smile she couldn't see creeping across his face.
~*~
The door of the classroom slid upon with a soft sigh and a few students looked up as she entered, but quickly averted their gaze. Asuka found her seat quickly and sat down just as the teacher began his usual drone of a morning greeting.
Shinji sat down near her and she pretended not to notice.
"Today, as I'm sure you all know, is the Chemistry test." Announced Takase-sensei, and a couple of students groaned. "Please clear your desks of everything but a pencil and paper."
Silence filled the classroom as papers shuffled across desks and pencils began scratching softly. Asuka looked down at the test she was given. The first answer was easy.
The rest were impossible.
What is wrong?
She thought in silent horror. I know these questions! I know these answers! Why can't I remember? The paper in front of her mocked her with ridiculously easy questions that her mind refused to answer.Thirty minutes later, when Takase-sensei called for the end of the test, she had accomplished nothing. A small sigh escaped her lips as she passed her blank test forwards and gathered her things. Her next class was Geometry. This was looking to be a long day.
It was a long day. An extremely long day that seemed to drag on for forever. By the time school was out Asuka was on her last nerve.
The hallways seemed more crowded as she fought her way outside. The sidewalks seemed less level and she tripped over a bit of protruding cement.
"This day sucks!" she screamed to the sky.
"How so?" Shinji's voice was behind her and she whirled around.
"None of your business, Ikari." She half-snarled, and he recoiled as her fury hit him.
"Soryu?" he asked in bewilderment. "What's wrong?"
Something inside of Asuka snapped.
"What's wrong?" she echoed hoarsely. "What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong! Everything's wrong! I blew the chemistry test this morning because my mind wasn't working straight, I dropped my books in the hall and they were trampled all over, I was tripped by some guy who ran away before I could beat the snot out of him and I can't stand being around you like this!" She stopped ranting and drew in a ragged breath, her eyes wide and her heart beating like a caged bird.
"You can't stand being around me?" Shinji asked slowly, his dark eyes filling up with the same pain she could feel in her dreams.
"No!" she cried, stepping forward and grabbing his shoulders. "I don't mean that! I don't…" she nearly wept as the pain in his eyes flickered.
"What do you mean, Asuka?" he asked, and Asuka realized that was the first time he had called her Asuka instead of just plain Soryu.
"I don't know what I mean." She turned around and broke her contact with his shoulders. "Just leave me alone." A long silence passed, and Asuka thought that perhaps he really had left. However, a soft hand on her arm proved her wrong, and she abruptly stiffened.
"Asuka," Shinji said, turning her to face him, and she looked down into his dark eyes. He was so close she could feel his breath on her face, softly brushing against her lips, and her heart beat faster as her mind screamed at her. "Asuka, what do you mean?"
"I mean I hate being near you every day, throwing insults at you like rocks and hating myself for it. I hate seeing you walk to school and realize that I could never have you for myself. I hate seeing you and not seeing me there as well." Asuka's voice was pained and her eyes filled with tears that threatened to spill over, but Asuka Langley-Soryu would not cry. "Now leave me alone." His eyes were so deep, so understanding, filled with compassion but not pity. Never pity.
He would never pity me.
She blinked rapidly and tried to banish the wetness from her eyes but the tears overflowed anyway, running little rivulets down her cheeks and leaving streaks of glistening silver. Slowly, gently, Shinji kissed away every tear on her face and she closed her eyes, still fighting them, until one teardrop ran down the smooth crevice by her nose and hung precariously on her lips. He pressed his mouth against hers, the salty tear lost as the taste of his lips overwhelmed her and her eyes flew open.
"Shinji?" she gasped as he pulled back, and his black eyes were smiling.