S.S Lp Hijinks: Legend of NicoB
Before I begin this story there are few things I need to say: 1) this fic might not make sense if you don't follow NicoB's lp channel on YouTube. 2) if you are a picky penguin and you are reading this then the moment has arrived for you read this god tier level of a Nico fic. 3) this will contain some popular picky penguins and any mischaracterizations are my fault. I was pretty new to the picky penguin community when I started writing this. 4) if you're Nico then HOLY SHIT! NICO SAMA IS READING MY FANFIC ON A LIVE STREAM! Eh... I mean this means a lot to me, I hope you enjoy it. XD.
Nico just finished recording a video, stretching after the long session. Bagels the penguin kept an ever vigilant eye by the the captain's cabin door, in case one of the crazy inhabitants of the S.S LP decided to try and murder his face. After all, the picky penguins couldn't watch new videos if Nico was fucked up.
"Bagels, I'm going for a walk around the ship's deck. Keep an eye on things will ya?" Nico asked Bagels.
"Sure thing! I love you, Nico!" Bagels squeaked.
Nico walked out of his room in the captain's cabin and out on to the deck of the SS LP. He had hoped to have a relaxing walk, but he had stumbled upon a showdown between two picky penguins. Blue Flare was fighting Yaoi Blue Flare yet again. Though Yaoi Blue Flare had only been around for a short while, he had always been antagonizing Blue Flare with yaoi paraphernalia.
"Come, become the yaoi. It's your destiny!" Shouted Yaoi Blue Flare.
"Nevvvaaaaaahhhh! I'll never be like you! Screw destiny!" Blue said as he summoned Falchion.
Don't ask how he manages to wield the legendary sword. He just does. Kinda like how no one knows how Komeada manages to conjure all the random bullshit that he has.
Yaoi Blue Flare nodded at his rival and growled at him ", You will become one with the yaoi!" He then summoned the Scepter of Yaoi,a weapon so powerful, so deadly, that it has the power to turn everything into yaoi porn.
"I think I'm going... to leave... now," Nico muttered as he silently walked away from the inevitable shit storm of yaoi porn.
"Note to self: get Morishige to clean up the yaoi porn mess when they knock each other out." Nico sighed.
His stomach then began to roar loudly after his quiet escape from the ongoing epic battle that was probably still ensuing on the deck of the SS Lp. Nico knew there was only one way to cure a growling stomach and that was P.F Chang's. He then raced his way to the SS Lp's huge food court. When he arrived, he found Akane sitting at a table with a mountain of food on top. "Oh hey Nico! Gotcha a box of PF Chang's!"
"How did you know that I wanted P.F Chang's?" Nico asked.
"My gut has ESP, Nico. Didn't you know?"
"No. I guess not. Thanks for the food Akane!" Nico then grabbed the chopsticks and the box and began to loudly slurp and munch on his delicious P.F Chang's.
Suddenly there was a scream coming from the bakery shop in the food court A girl ran out of the bakery like a bat out of hell. Nico looked at the girl confused.
"Who are you?" He asked.
"The name is Megzarie. Whatever you do, don't go in the back room of the bakery. Komeada's doing some unspeakable things to the judge back there!"
"What were you doing there anyway?" Asked Akane.
"I was picking up some food for a couple of people. Junko wanted some waffles, Soul Shield ordered the special, and EeveevsHooh wanted some Pepsi" said Megzarie
"You work here?" Nico asked Megzarie.
"Yes, for now... Oh... Crap! I forgot Blue Flare's crepes and they're in the back room with the defilers of baked goods. I swear Komeada has tainted at least half of our bagels!" Megzarie said frantically.
"Damn you, Komeada!" Nico shouted.
"Yeah, I'm not going back there again. I'm already scarred for life. That does it! I'm sending in Running Morishige in there," she said.
"Ain't he on vacation?" Asked Akane.
"Not anymore he isn't! Ever since the Valentine's day video rp, he's become my personal bitch," Megzarie cheered.
"But he's my bitch!" Nico protested.
"Just watch me summon Morishige before your very eyes!"
Megzarie then pooled all of her magic into summoning her servant.
"What is it now? Can't you see that was busy running around and taking pictures of dead chicks!?" Shouted Running Morishige.
" I need you to help me get Blue Flare's crepes. Go now!" Ordered Megzarie.
Running Morishige then ran inside the bakery.
"Hey, umm... Blue Flare is busy fighting Yaoi Blue Flare. You might not be able to deliver his food on time." Nico said
"Why didn't you say something sooner? Yaoi Blue Flare is a menace to the SS Lp! I'll help you Blue Flare!"
She then ran to aid her fellow battling picky penguin.
" Hey Nico, I'm going to head out for awhile. I'll see you later" Akane said as walked out of the food court.
"My day just keeps on getting weirder by the minute." Nico thought to himself.
He then felt a shiver that went down and all the way down to his balls. Something seriously insane was about to happen. How did Nico's balls gain ESP? The world may never know. True to his ballsy premonition, Running Morishige came bursting out of the bakery, with Blue Flare's crepes in hand, while a streaking Komeada was chasing him.
"No! Wait! You should totally do a three way with me and Udgey!" Komeada cried out desperately.
"No thanks! I gotta go! Bye!" Running Morishige then ran out of the food court in a speed that could rival Pepsi Man's.
"Oh hey Nico! Wanna join me and Udgey? It'll be great!" Komeada asked Nico as he gave him the crazy eye look.
"Umm... no thanks. And put some clothes on! You're butt ass naked!" Nico said in disgust.
"Why would I do that? It feels so liberating and there's a nice breeze. Woah! This is for all the hop-" Nagito was then interrupted by a gunshot to the head from a sniper rifle. Another picky penguin had arrived on scene with Edgeworth in tow.
"Nice shot, Soul Shield! That freak got what was coming to him!" Edgeworth praised Soul, who was holding an elegant sniper rifle.
"Too bad he's just gonna come back from the land of the living in the next fanfiction. Bullshit powers and all that jazz." Soul Shield said dryly.
"How did you-"
"Know that Komeada was scaring people for life?" Soul Shield completed Nico's sentence.
Out of nowhere, Monokuma appeared in the room. "Isn't it obvious? We're in a fanfiction and they came in as conveniences to the plot! Duh! Pulululu!"
"OBJECTION! This isn't Kid Icarus: Uprising. Besides, if this were a fanfiction, it would have ended by now. No doubt it would end with Nico waking up from a P.F Chang's dream," Edgeworth said as he wagged his finger at Monokuma.
"Not mention that Morishige wouldn't stop yelling about Komeada scarring him for life." Soul Shield added.
"Oh yeah? I'm so going to murder your punk as-" Monokuma was then interrupted by an anvil that fell from the ceiling and crushed him.
"Whaddya know? Komeada's Bullshit powers still work when he's dead!" Nico said, shocked to see dead Komeada's Bullshit powers still functioning.
"Now that's been taken care of, I'm going to buy a Pepsi from the P.F Chang's restaurant." Edgeworth said as he walked to said restaurant.
"So what are we going to do about Komeada? I mean he's dead and naked on the floor of the deck of my ship. We can't leave him like that" Nico said pointing at the dead body.
"You've got a point. Just hold on a little bit..." Soul Shield then pulled out a walkie-talkie. "This is Soul Shield here requesting some clothes, a member of the clean up crew, and a barf bag"
"This Minato Togami here. Let me guess. Another Komeada death?" Walkie talkie sounded off.
Soul then clicked the button and replied ", Yeah pretty much. It was my best shot yet. I think I just got a new highscore."
"Oh brother... Fine I'll send Gumshoe to clean up the... Aftermath. Just tell Nico to stop shipping me and Blue Flare together." Minato Togami barked from the other end of the line. Edgeworth then came back from the P.F Chang's with less than pleased expression on his face.
"I've got dire news, everyone! We're out of Pepsi. And not just in P.F Chang's, but everywhere else is out of Pepsi too! How am I supposed to binge watch the entire first season of Steel Samurai without my Pepsi?"
Then in flash of brilliant light, a new figure arrived on the scene. Pepsi man had run into the room so fast, that he gave Running Morishige a run for his money. Within five seconds, every vending machine was fully stocked with Pepsi products. Pepsi man even gave everyone in the room free Pepsi. He then proceeded to leave the room, but not before crashing into a trash can. "I still think Pepsi man is Yosuke. That or he's related to him." Soul Shield muttered. "Wouldn't it make more sense if he was Morishige?" Nico asked.
"Neither would work. Yosuke and Morishige would have reacted to Komeada's dead body." Edgeworth said refuting both claims.
"Well shoot. I guess Pepsi man's identity is like the center of a tootsie pop. How many licks does it take? The world may never know" Nico said.
"You do realize that statement could be taken the wrong way, right?" Edgeworth said condescendingly .
"Darn it, god dang doodly! You're right! What I meant to say was that's Pepsi man's identity is a mystery we can't solve."
"That's too bad.I really thought Pepsi man was Yosuke. Oh well. Anyway, I gotta go track down Meg. She said she was delivering food today and I ordered some... And I'm still kind of hungry," said Soul as his stomach growled loudly.
"She went to deliver food to Blue Flare who's fighting Yaoi Blue Flare. I'd stay away if were you. The yaoi porn is too much" Nico warned Soul.
Soul Shield shrugged at Nico "That is a risk I must take" he then stormed out of the food court to pursue his lunch. "Nico, you must go after him. There is no telling what the scepter of yaoi will do to him. I'll stay here and oversee the cleanup" Edgeworth said urging Nico save soul shield from a yaoi porn attack.
"Fine... I was hoping to avoid the yaoi porn though..." Nico said dejectedly. Nico then pulled out his cell phone and dialed a number.
"Hey, this is Nico. Remember that favor you owe me for when I kicked your monkey ass at beybla- I mean tin pin slammer? I'm cashing in."
"Nico, I just want to play tin pin and be emo all day. Can you make this quick?" Asked the voice from other end of the line.
"Just meet me on the center deck, we're breaking up a fight between Blue Flare and Yaoi Blue Flare," Nico said
~ 30 minutes later~
Nico and Neku approached the still ongoing fight, armed to the teeth with psych pins. They did expect the full extent of the pure sheer insanity that was unfolding in front of them.
"Go! Protect Mann Co.!" Shouted a voice from a loudspeaker.
"I didn't know we had loudspeakers, Nico," Neku said in surprise.
"We didn't! How did they get there?" Nico panicked
"You gorgonite scum!" Yelled Megzarie, who was decked out in a team fortress 2 medic outfit. Oldbag was apparently fighting on YBF's side dressed as a team fortress 2 blue team scout. She kept on giving Blue Flare, Megzarie, and Soul Shield piranha faces. In the background of the fight, another picky penguin was sitting on a throne drinking nice refreshing Pepsi and munching on popcorn. Thatguy777 was clearly uninterested in taking part of the fight at the moment, but was more interested in spectating and sitting on what was most likely Blue Flare's comment throne.
"Play ball, you Yaoi Blue Flare haters!" Shouted Wendy Oldbag.
"Why are even on his side anyway?" Asked Blue Flare shouting over the sounds of battle.
"Because he's so sexy and dreamy and YOU! You are undeserving of that comment throne that Thatguy777 is sitting on right now! My Yaoi Wowie Flarey Poo will defeat you!"
"I'm not sure if I should feel offended, nauseated, or amused" Blue Flare muttered. Yaoi Blue Flare visibly cringed at being called Oldbag's "Yaoi Wowie Flarey Poo" clenching the scepter of yaoi in his hands. Nico was bursting into laughter at this outlandish nickname. However, this gave his position away and all eyes were on Nico. Everyone wanted him to pick a side. Nico signaled Neku ready his pins in case things got ugly for him. Though... It was kinda already ugly out there since everything in the area was covered in yaoi porn pictures.
"What are we going to do? Are we going to pick a side?" Neku asked.
"No. We are going to rock everyone's shit" Nico said.
"Um... Sure. Let's do this!" Neku shouted.
Suddenly, the loudspeakers started to play the song "Give Me All Your Love" which meant that shit was about to go down.
"All right enough with this bullshit, guys! I'm going to have to ask you to cease and desist with the fighting!" Nico said with an authority like voice.
"Not so fast, Sally." Joshua came out of the shadows like the way they do it in movies and tv shows and shit like that.
"What's the douche Jesus doing here?" Nico asked.
"YBF and I have the same goal: get Blue Flare and Soul Shield to get together and form the greatest yaoi ship the SS LP has ever seen!"
"Not the SoulFlare ship again! This is fucking bullshit," Soul complained as he aimed his sniper rifle at Joshua.
"Like hell you do, freak. Die" Soul said as he shot his bullet right next to Joshua's heart. However, the bullet wound healed up immediately and Joshua shot a Jesus Beam at Soul and Nico.
"What the hell was that for, you ass?" Nico said as he grunted in pain
"I just don't like you Sally" Joshua shrugged as if it was no big deal.
"That's it! Nico roundhouse punch!" Nico then punched Joshua straight in the jaw.
"Hey Nico! I'm going to heal you and Soul. Curaga!" Megzarie healed the injured Nico and Soul. "Thank you senpai!" Soul said thanking Megzarie.
"Here, I'm going to place a spell to reduce any damage you may get from fighting the douche Jesus. Protega!" Megzarie then casted the spell on Soul and Nico.
"Hey what about me Meg?" Asked Blue Flare.
"Oh right. Sorry about that Larry." She said as she casted the spell on Blue Flare.
"I'm going to go get Bagels the penguin. Just hold on until I get back!" Megzarie then teleported away from the fight to get Bagels.
"Why are you doing this, Joshua?" Asked Neku.
"When are you ever going to learn, Neku? I just told you that I want to make SoulFlare a reality. The fangirls want it to happen too,"
"That's no reason to cause a fight on the ship!" Neku growled at Joshua.
"You are so adorable when you do that, Neku. But I didn't start the fight. Yaoi Blue Flare did. I just helped with some of the planning," Joshua explained. Boredom was evident in his tone of voice.
Neku took out his masamune pin and slashed at Joshua multiple times. Joshua then retaliated by crashing vending machines down on Neku. Blue Flare meglidolaned Oldbag and she passed out.
"What? She was in the way!" Blue said as he chuckled.
"Hahaha. Oldbag just got toasted!" Nico laughed as he saw Oldbag get steam rolled by Blue.
Nico then roundhouse kicked YBF really hard, but not before his shirt was turned into shirt with a picture of Edgeworth and Phoenix having sex with each other. Soul switched from his sniper rifle to his keyblade.
"Sorry Meg, but I'm going full yandere. I know I promised you, but I need to kill this bitch." Soul's eyes turned crimson red as he let the yandere take over. He then shot YBF right between the eyes.
Nico and Neku then did a fusion attack and made it rain spears of gungnir.
Joshua then began to bleed heavily.
"I guess the small amount of Bullshit powers that I stole from Komeada ran out. But I'm not done yet" Joshua said
"That's where you are wrong Joshua!" Megzarie shouted as she teleported back to the fight with Bagels in tow.
"Get ready to get wrecked! You hurt Nico!" Bagels squeaked.
Bagels then summons a huge ball of pure energy the size of one of Komeada's meteors and killed Joshua.
"That was scary, Nico but I protected you, because I love you!" Bagels squeaked again.
"Ah come here you little nugget!" Nico hugged Bagels.
And every one lived happily ever after... At least for now.
To be continued?
This fanfic was written by Megzarie. Thanks for reading the whole thing. It probably took a lot of patience, but you know this fic was god tier for a Nico fanfic! Lol