Don't Poke That! by the darkness revealed
It had come through the Rift with lights flashing but now sat dark and silent. Jack inspected it warily. By all appearances, it was a harmless silver ball, but Jack wasn't so sure. He'd learned from plenty of experience that things were never what they seemed.
Tosh was standing next to him, also examining it. "There's nothing in the computer database on it," she said.
Jack grunted.
Gwen sighed. They'd been looking at the ball for fifteen minutes already and it still hadn't even twitched, let alone shot out death rays. "Maybe it's just a silver ball," she said impatiently.
Owen snorted. "Oh, come on, Gwen. Don't tell me you're actually stupid enough to believe that."
Gwen glared at him.
He smirked at her. "Oi, Teaboy!" he yelled, changing gears abruptly. "Where's my coffee?"
"Shut up, Owen, or you'll be having decaf for the next year!" came Ianto's irritated shout.
"Shush, you two, I'm busy," Jack said absent-mindedly, all his attention on the ball.
"Should we just leave it?" Tosh asked.
Jack considered her suggestion then shook his head. "Nah. I want to try something." And he very carefully poked it.
The effect was instantaneous. The ball flew into the air, flashing lights and emitting a sort of high pitched singing. It began to spin, faster and faster, until it was a blur. The singing was getting louder and faster and then, to the team's horror, bright orange goop started flying from it.
As the team cowered, the nasty smelling gunk covered the desks, the floor, themselves…pretty soon, not an inch of the surrounding area was left ungoopified.
"Oh no!" Gwen shouted. "Jack, what did you do?"
"I don't know!" he yelled back, voice raised over the singing. "I just poked it!"
"Well, poke it again or something!" she screamed. "This slime smells awful!"
"How do we stop it?" Tosh cried. "What should we do?"
"Run for cover!" Owen bellowed.
They scattered, huddling behind desks and chairs. The ball kept spinning, the singing kept getting louder and the glop continued spraying. All was chaos.
Salvation came in the form of one Welsh teaboy. Wearing some sort of plastic apron that he had thrown over his suit to protect it, he shot at the ball till it quieted and fell to the floor with a soggy thud.
The others stared at him open-mouthed.
He looked quite sexy just then, despite the apron, all fierce and manly with the still smoking gun clutched in his hand, and all Jack wanted to do was drag him away and kiss him senseless. However, he knew Ianto wouldn't approve so he restrained himself. He received one of the biggest—and pleasantest—shocks of his life when Ianto stomped up to him and kissed him full on the mouth.
The others watched, open-mouthed, as Ianto kissed him, then broke away. Before Jack had time to recover, Ianto cuffed him over the head.
"I am very, very annoyed," he said, and the others couldn't help but shiver at his tone.
"You are all going to clean every single drop of slime," Ianto growled, "without my help. Then, and only then, will I consider not giving you all decaf for life." He glared at them. "Understood?"
"Yes, Ianto," they answered in unison, feeling cowed.
He stomped away.
They stared at his retreating back, and then glanced at each other. Without saying a word, they turned and headed for the supplies closet.
FINIS
My inspiration for the singing, spinning ball came from the Doctor Who Season Two Christmas Special: "the Christmas Invasion". I thought the singing murderous Christmas tree was completely hilarious
I'm not so sure about this, but I hoped you liked it!
Please review!