Everyday Lives

Our lives are not necessarily destined for a happy ending. Nor are they a series of still frame perfect moments. Our lives are in the meantime. Our lives are in the everyday.

Weeks had passed since Bonnie had returned with Rhett, weeks since their unfortunate encounter on the stairs. It had been weeks since she had learned that her baby had died, and she nearly had died as well. She lay in the bed, her back aching and her hip throbbing. They said that the baby was gone, but it didn't explain this feeling inside of her. It didn't explain how she still felt this fluttering inside. Of course doctors could be wrong, but Dr. Meade was so wise, she felt sure that he would always be right. And it would seem impossible that her baby could have survived such trauma.

And Dr. Meade had finally given her permission to get out of bed. It wasn't that she felt fine or completely recovered, but it didn't matter. She wanted to see Bonnie. Her darling daughter was in the backyard laughing with Rhett; she could hear her laughter and childish squeals through the open door to the balcony. Scarlett knew that she would be in her lovely, albeit dirty, blue velvet riding habit. Her daughter was quite an accomplished horsewoman for her young age. She rode with an erectness of posture that spoke of great dignity and pride.

Scarlett gingerly rose from the bed and situated herself on a chair that had been placed on the balcony just outside of her bedroom. Bonnie waved when she saw her mother. "Mother, watch me take this one!" she cried, her jet curls spirally pleasantly around her face.

Scarlett smiled and feeling a tug of motherly pride called out, "You're mighty pretty precious!" Soon however the smile faded from her eyes as she relived the death of her father. And too late she called out for Bonnie to stop. Time seemed to rush past her like the rivers current, and now Bonnie was dead. A feeling of dread washed over her. Nothing would ever be the same.

And yet the one blow was not an isolated loss for Rhett had surely lost his mind in the moment that Bonnie had died. And then seemingly only in string of continuous events Melanie was dead as well. Rhett was gone, caring nothing about what happened to her. And Scarlett sat at the bottom of the stairs crying declaring that she couldn't think about any of the recent events until tomorrow, when again she felt the fluttery feeling in her stomach. Something was most definitely not right.

The next morning Scarlett took charge of planning Melanie's funeral for no one else seemed up to the task. It was a task that Scarlett loathed, but she would survive. She was stronger than anyone ever could know. And so the funeral was planned and survived, and Scarlett left Atlanta behind, as if chased by the ghosts of the Yankees pushing her to Tara. There was no Rhett to aid in her journey; there was no Melanie to offer words of comfort. But Scarlett and her will of iron would finish the task at hand.

Throughout the train ride to Jonesboro that nagging feeling that there was something that she didn't understand pressed upon her heavily. Even in the throes of deepest mourning, Scarlett still felt more alive than ever before. She brushed aside the thought and focused on returning home to Tara. She thought of Mammy's protection and smiled. The world could not defeat her at Tara.

After her arrival the days flew past as Scarlett and Will and Big Sam worked side by side repairing Tara until Mammy commented to Scarlett about her thickening waistline, Scarlett was astonished. She had noticed that her dresses were getting tighter, but until that moment she had paid little heed to it. Grief had robbed her of consideration for herself. She was so focused on not thinking that she had ignored her appearance completely, which was so unlike herself. Her mind then wandered back to the nightmarish times in Atlanta and she knew for certain that her child had survived. And she knew that her baby was as strong as she was and that they would both survive whatever came their way.

Scarlett continued to help restore the plantation. She stayed close to the house, not wanting anyone to know of her pregnancy. Will asked about Rhett, but Scarlett would not answer. She would simply focus in on the task at hand and ignore her brother-in-law.

The baby was born in the cold of early January. She was a beautiful baby, her hair and eyes were like her mother, while her complexion was inherited from Rhett. And mammy had declared her as beautiful as Bonnie had been. And Scarlett had cried. Up to the point the baby had been born she had not allowed herself time to think of what this baby meant to her… or to Rhett. She had not allowed herself to think of Rhett's leaving or Melanie's death. But now she did. And the tears washed away the anger and regret. And Scarlett was left with the memories of those who had left. And Rhett had left her; he had walked out the door and disappeared into the fog. And Rhett would not know about his child.

The baby grew quickly; she neither fussy nor demanding. She was bright and alert. And Scarlett loved her passionately, fervently, protectively as a lioness protects her cub. Alexandra Kathleen spent the first months of her life never leaving the red earth of Tara. Lexie was very similar to the older sister she would never meet, and also strongly independent as her mother had been as well. And Scarlett cherished the time she spent with her daughter, the only tie she had left to her life before. Lexie was her life now.

But still Scarlett delayed the journey to Atlanta. She had no desire to see the town where her life had fallen apart. The kinship she once held with the town that was christened in the same year she was born had been damaged, possibly beyond repair. But finally, she had no choice. So she prepared for her return to Atlanta, and with trepidation she left her daughter behind and boarded a train to take her back to the place where her nightmares centered.

When the Peachtree Street house came in to view, Scarlett gasped. She didn't remember it as being so imposing upon the lot on which it was built. And she knew that inside things would never feel as wonderful as they once had seemed. She tiptoed through the house afraid to stir the ghosts and memories that still haunted her. The house was immaculately clean, but it gave the distinct air of a home that had not been lived in for a long period of time.

Scarlett peered cautiously into Rhett's bedroom. It still looked as it had been when he had left as if he had been there only moments before. The air held his scent, and Scarlett felt as if any moment he would return and catch her. Bonnie's small bed still stood beside Rhett's large one. Scarlett hastily wiped away the single tear that fell and gathered her skirts and left the room.

She knew that she must visit Ashley. She had made a promise to Melanie, and Scarlett was a woman of her word. So she changed into a gown hanging in her wardrobe and prepared to face the town of Atlanta.

She found Ashley at the mill. They had not seen each other since Melanie's funeral, and the memory of their last meeting was suspended in the air between them. The defeat and discouragement of Ashley Wilkes was tangible in the air and impossible to miss in his watery grey eyes. Scarlett sighed as she saw him now for who he was. He truly looked worse now than when he had wandered up the long dusty road to Tara all those years ago.

They spoke of acquaintances and shared friends, but the names of Melanie and Rhett were not uttered. As if they both understood that the loss was still too great to be borne. Scarlett spoke all of the right words, but they were hollow for her eyes did not sparkle, and her laugh didn't ring. And Ashley understood Scarlett in that moment. He saw the pain reflected in her eyes, and then he saw a glimmer of something he did not understand. There was still a thin veneer of hope for her. Ashley deduced that it was due to Rhett still being alive. For Scarlett would tell no one of her hidden daughter. She could not share her with the world, on the slim chance that word might get back to Rhett. And Scarlett was certain that Rhett would take the child from her, and so she spoke not a word.

Scarlett bought clothes for herself, and instead of purchasing new things for Lexie, she simply took what was left from Bonnie.

Before returning to Tara, Scarlett stopped by the cemetery. She slowly made her way to where she knew Bonnie lay. Rhett had apparently erected a massive moment, greater by far than the child had been in life. Scarlett knelt in front of the stone and traced the letters of Bonnie's name. Scarlett's hand faltered when her hand dropped to the listed dates. June 15, 1869 July 21st, 1873. Scarlett closed her eyes to block the memories of the day. She rose from the ground and shook the dust from her skirt.

As she was entering the carriage she glanced back at the grave and saw a dark figure kneeling at the base of the angel statue, and Scarlett was thankful that Lexie was at Tara.

Author's note: after researching I discovered that Scarlett could have been pregnant with twins and one of them died, but the other survived. I know it's unlikely, but it is possible. And look Janet, its not in the middle any longer.