A/N: This is my first published fan fic for Dr. Who and my second fanfic ever. I have really been enjoying reading all of the wonderful work in this fandom and wanted to add in my two cents with this reunion piece. Please let me know what you think. I am especially concerned about sounding in character for the Doctor.
I had no idea the pain would be this strong
I had no idea the fight would last this long
In my darkest fears rights become the wrongs
I am still running, I am still running
I am still running, I am still running
Build me a home inside your scars
Build me a home inside your song
Build me a home inside your open arms
The only place I ever will belong
I am still running by Jon Foreman
After:
The Doctor awakes bathed in golden light so bright he cannot see anything but burnished gold. In fact at first, he thinks he's still regenerating until his mind adjusts and he hears… silence. Complete and utter silence. No voices in his mind screaming in agony as their world burns. No sound of Rose crying as he left her behind. No Donna begging him to stop. He listens closer. The millions of intricate timelines constantly spinning in his head- like radio stations too static filled to hear properly unless you tuned in- all quiet. Not even the comforting hum of the vortex reaches the edges of his mind. For the very first time in his life- all is still. Silent night indeed. He should have known he couldn't get through a Christmas without something strange happening. Well, stranger than usual. Still- he hadn't expected this. He should be frightened- He doesn't know where he is or what exactly has happened to him. Instead, he feels an overwhelming sense of peace- warm and cozy and safe. And that terrifies him.
Later:
The next time he opens his eyes, the Doctor is in a hall. Fresco covered ceilings, gold trim on the walls, ivory marble statues in the niches between the doors. He is reminded of the opera house back on Gallifrey. He begins to walk towards the sound of an orchestra tuning in a room down the hall, the sound of his footsteps swallowed up by the deep red carpet. The orchestra begins to play. The song comes in slow. He hears a few strands and then it grows louder and stronger. It's a familiar tune. It sounds like the song the Ood sang and also the song he heard when Rose came to find him long ago on Satellite 5. It's the song he hears when the stars are born and when the planets die. But it's different somehow. He can't put his finger on it, exactly. Something has changed. He stands there for a few minutes entranced by the song and then it hits him. The song is whole. Before there was always something broken. A bit of sorrow in the harmonies, the sense that you were missing a key soprano without whom the melody was just not the same. This song- this song was complete. And it was wholly joyful. Oh- it still held sorrow and loss and mystery and anger and betrayal and all those other notes that filled it before- but overall, through all, in all was hope. He doesn't even realize he is weeping until the salt splashing on his sonic screwdriver causes a short out and he feels his hand shake with the sudden voltage. Not again, he thinks. I'd really like to keep both my hands this time.
Before:
Knowing that the end was coming should have made it easier to leave, but it didn't. He was more like a human than he thought. Clinging to life, wanting to say a proper goodbye, set things right. If he'd believed in God, he might have asked to have last rites performed. It was all well and good risking his life to save a planet he'd only just stepped foot on. He'd done that hundreds, even thousands of times. He would gladly give his life for any one of his companions and had, actually. He knew that all his memories and knowledge and cells would regenerate. He would continue on- saving the world, running from danger, exploring the great and wonderful cosmos. But he also knew that he would be different the next time round. Different personality, different preferences, different character. Would he be more or less merciful in the next incarnation? Would he still like bananas? Would he finally be ginger? A part of him that he tried to keep quiet insisted that it wouldn't be exactly the same him. And that aggravating little part wanted to know what would happen to HIM when he regenerated? Where would HE wind up? The thought that this 10th self would just stop being entirely scared him. Not one to philosophize about gods and demons (having met his fair share of both), he had never imagined an afterlife. He'd seen too many people on their deathbeds and all of them- Ood, Slitheen, Human, Tree and Cat alike- all had a look of utter shock and loss in their eyes when the final moments came. He assumed it was the lack of light at the end of the tunnel that made them look so bereft, so he held their hands and closed their eyes when it was over and shook off the nagging fear that one day he would have to travel the final journey into night. Still, he was the Doctor, and everyone knows a good doctor doesn't dwell on death, but on life. So he lived in the present and pushed aside his concerns about the future after life. Until the moment came when he died and it was so much quicker then he expected. He was there- on Earth, living and then… Then he was not.
Now:
The music on the other side of the wall was calling to him. He wanted nothing more than to open the door and join the magnificent song. He put his hand against the door, his breath halting as he remembered another wall, another parting. He didn't want to be alone, so alone. Lost without her, without all of them. He began to see the parade of faces all looking at him with such hurt in their eyes. He had let them all down in one way or another. It was time to stop hurting them. To stop hurting all together. To be swallowed up in the song. He put his hand on the doorknob.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you." A familiar voice interrupted him. A VERY familiar voice, actually. He spun around to face his 9th self.
"What?!" He exclaimed in his typical articulate manner
"What?" Nine answered
"What?!!!!"
At this, Nine rolled his eyes. "Enough what-whatting. It's not your time to go in there yet, so why don't you be a good lad and step away from the door."
"What?!!!"
Nine stepped closer, talking very slowly "Ok. How about this then." He held out his hand. "Run"
Now that was something hardwired into his DNA. He took Nine's hand and the two of them ran through the corridor and out of the opera house. When they reached the apple grass lawn outside, they stopped. When he was done gasping for air, Ten turned to Nine. "How are you here? Or rather where are we? I didn't think it was possible for us to exist simultaneously. How is this happening?"
Nine turned and faced the mountains to the east. " Don't you recognize it here? I knew it the instant I arrived."
Ten looked up at the orange sky. "But it can't be. We watched it burn…"
Nine looked up too "So we did."
"Then how?"
" Didn't you ever wonder if there was anything afterwards? I did. I prayed to all the gods I'd ever heard of that there was something waiting for our people after the inferno ceased."
Ten looked down intently at his converse. "I guess I didn't dare wonder too much."
"Well, here you are. The multiverse of lost things, the place where all living things end up eventually. What once was lost now is found and all that sort of thing "
" So this is really…"
"This is home."
"Home." The two Doctors fell silent for a moment, looking at the one place they never thought to set foot in again.
"It isn't possible. And yet it appears to be so real. Are we in Heaven?" Ten asked.
"I don't know that I would call it Heaven, but so far I've come across The Grey Havens, Valhalla and some girl named Persephone who was trying to find Hades. Who knows, maybe Heaven is here too." Nine shrugged, his momentary eloquence surprising both of them.
"Grey Havens? Really? Did you meet elves? Ooh! What about Vikings, did you meet Vikings? Wait a minute- how are you traveling about?"
"Ah. That I'll have to show you. Follow me."
"Don't you mean, run?"
"Only if we must."
Ten grinned his mischievous grin and met an equally mad grin in return. The two Doctors ran and ran across the field of grass towards the mountains. It might have been 20 yards or 20 miles, but they came to the edge of a carefully planted field of golden wheat. All the stalks were lined up in perfect symmetry.
" You travel by wheat stalk?" Ten asked skeptically
"Oh come now. It's much better than that." Nine reached into his pocket and pulled out his key. He stepped up to the tallest wheat stalk in the row and reached out his hand. The stalk shimmered and changed into a familiar blue door.
"Can't be" breathed Ten
Nine grinned. " Did I mention it travels in time?" He flung open the door with great gusto and the two Doctors stepped inside. They both headed for the same spot by the controls, bumping into each other as they reached for the mallet out of habit.
"I was just going to adjust the spacio-chronautical circuit" 10 stammered
"I was just going to adjust the lever." Nine said at the same time.
They looked at each other for a moment.
"Right then." Said Nine, taking the mallet from Ten's hand. "Where to first?"