Disclaimer: i dont own CSI sigh
A/N: please review! reviews are love!
Today is the day it will happen. Part of me wants to give it it's full name, other than simply referring to it as 'it' but all that seems to final, and yet this confuses me, isn't that what I want; for it to all be over, to close my eyes and never wake up?
I don't care what people say, it isn't the cowards way out, at least I'm facing up to death, I mean... Nick doesn't even talk about death, although that could be due the time he was buried alive, I never asked and now I never will. I'm sorry nick, I guess if I'd opened up to you I wouldn't be here right now, but it's too late for thoughts like that. I'm beyond help now. I'm sorry, to everyone, the Greg you knew and loved was a facade. I've been battling this inner demon for years now, the smiley happy Greg you knew was an act, it's only slipped a few times such as when the lab was blown up or when I was beaten up, but whether that was me or my demon showing, I can't be sure, I can't remember who I was before this, but I know that person exists somewhere, helping to provide the facade and yet I can't find him. I'm hollow. I can feel it, there is something missing and no matter how much I search I can't find what I'm looking for. And that is why I must do this. I'm so sorry. I just can't go on like this, I need to feel again, I have tried everything imaginable to feel, but all that's in the past, I have it under control, I can't hurt myself again not after this, the ironic thing is that soon I won't feel anything at all. I had just wanted to feel something other than the hollowness in my soul. I wanted to feel free, to feel free of all that plagues me, not to feel nothing, and yet this is what I choose, odd that...
At least with this tape there won't be any ambiguity around my death, my suicide... funny that word it implies so much, 'to commit suicide' what I'm doing isn't a crime, I'm killing myself. I have proper control over something, I know the outcome.
-sobs- I'm sorry guys...
-tape clicks off-
Grissom silently surveys the room, analysing each team member's reactions as the tape clicks off. He watches their pain and absorbs it, hoping to feel their pain as well as his own. Lowering his head, he squeezes shut his eyes, 'I could have stopped this, and I could have seen it coming. It's my fault. His blood is on my hands' and for the first time in his life, Grissom felt truly uncertain.
A/N: please review! reviews are love!