Kurt's POV:
"Why don't you want me to come back to McKinley with you?" Blaine asked me, frowning slightly. My stomach clenched. Of course I wanted him to come back with me. But Blaine wasn't as... steely as I was. And with Karofsky and Azimio still there, I couldn't let Blaine go back; couldn't let them have their way with Blaine like I'd let them with me. I was afraid Blaine wouldn't be able to handle it.
"Kurt?" He prompted, nudging me out of my thoughts. His eyes were so... full.
"Listen, Blaine, it isn't that I don't want you to come back with me. It's just... I'm worried that you won't fit in with the New Directions. You love the Warblers; Why throw this all away just to come with me?" ...Maybe I was lying.
"Oh, Kurt, is that really all? So what if I don't get along immediately in New Directions? You took time to adjust here. I figure it can be the same with me. And I wouldn't be 'throwing this away': I've done my time as a Warbler, I think. Besides, I want to be with you. You're my best friend, right?" He nudged me again and smiled before walking off to his next class.
"Right," I mumbled under my breath, "friends..."
There wasn't an exact moment when I decided I was going back to McKinley. It was more of a buildup. Not that I didn't like Dalton; I loved it. It was a safe-haven when I really couldn't handle Karofsky any longer. The classes were more than challenging (not that I needed to be challenged; I was more intelligent than anyone I knew). And the Warblers... well, that was different. Sure, I wanted solos- who didn't? The dynamics the Warblers had though, they were something way different from New Directions.
But then there was Blaine.
And watching Blaine watching other guys, hearing him talk about them, seeing him get excited about going on dates with someone else... That hurt more than anything I encountered in Lima.
...So I was going back.
And yes, I was going to miss Blaine and the Warblers. I was going to miss Dalton and its cavernous halls, the ones that had given me a break from the tormenting. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I was completely bruise-free. On the outside, at least.
I carefully placed my bag holding the bulk of my skin care products in my suitcase and glanced around my dorm one last time. I was going to miss it, but I was ready to go home.
The door closed quietly behind me as I left into the hall, leaving Dalton, returning home.
I ignored three calls and nine text messages from Blaine on the drive home. So maybe I hadn't exactly told him when I was leaving. Maybe I hadn't wanted to deal with saying goodbye to yet another important person in my life. And maybe I had thought that if I maybe didn't tell him when I was leaving, then maybe he would miss me. Maybe he'd spend hours fixing his clothes and hair so he could try and maybe impress me. Maybe he'd lie awake at night and wonder why no one loved him and the only boy he'd kissed was the same one who pushed him against the lockers and made him leave his friends and family and school and... and...
Choking back a sob, I pulled my car over to the shoulder of the highway. What I really wanted was for someone to feel how I felt- to fully understand. Because yeah, it happened months ago, but it was always on my mind. I woke up and thought about it. I sat in class and thought about it. Any time I wasn't laden with work, I thought about it. No, I didn't show it on the outside, that wouldn't do anyone any good. But no matter how much I thought about what had happened, no one else did anymore. Kind of like they forgot. And it hurt so much.
My phone started ringing once again, and I knew it was Blaine before looking at the screen. Taking a deep breath and wiping one of those damn spare tears from my face, I answered the phone.
"Hello?"
"Kurt! I've been trying to get a hold of you for the past hour! Where are you? Are you okay?" I took another deep breath to steady myself and slouched in the seat of my car. Was he really worried? Really?
"I'm fine," I lied.
"Where are you? Are you sure you're okay?" He sounded so worried, but the more I tried to care, the less I actually did.
"Yes, I'm fine!" I just wanted to go home.
"... Tell me you didn't leave already."
Silence.
"Kurt... I wanted to say goodbye, at least. I still want to come with you! …Why did you leave?" The way he was speaking upset me more than I thought it would. My fingers ached from how hard I was clenching my phone and seatbelt.
"I know you wanted to come, alright?" I paused for a moment to let myself think. I didn't want to hurt anyone else, more than I already had, at least. And I really didn't want Blaine to get hurt. So- "I didn't want you to come with me. I just want to try and do something for myself for once. And... I think you'd get in the way of that. So just stay at Dalton. Listen, I have to go, I'm driving." I heard a broken "Kurt-" sound from the other end before I snapped my phone shut and turned it off entirely.
As I merged back into the heavy flow of traffic, I thought about what the fuck I had just done.
"Good one, Hummel," I murmured to myself. It was starting to look like fucking up was what I was best at.
Things were a bit different when I started settling back into my home life. While I was gone, my dad, Carole, and Finn had concocted a weird sort of routine that, apparently, I now had to adjust myself to.
After unpacking my bags from Dalton, I changed into my pajamas and face-planted on my bed. Skin could wait. Covering up could wait. All that mattered now was that I was home and alone in my room, on my bed, and it was quiet. And I hadn't had that in a long time.
"...Kurt?" With bleary eyes I turned around on my mattress to see Finn hesitating in the doorway.
"Mmhmm?" I kind of flopped around on my mattress for a minute in an attempt to get up, but of course I failed terribly. Instead, I settled for looking up at Finn with half lidded eyes and waited for him to tell me why in the world he would interrupt my terribly important sleep.
He walked a few feet into my room and closed the door behind him. "You really back, man?" He asked, creeping towards my bed.
Sighing, I pushed myself slowly into a sitting position. "Yeah, I'm back."
Finn's face broke into his signature goofy grin, and the wind was knocked from my chest before I registered that he was on top of me. The bed creaked as he rolled me back and forth across my bed, caught in a monster bear hug, happy cackles erupting from his body. I was extremely happy my door was closed, because this was quite possibly the gayest thing I'd ever partaken in, including the number the Warblers and I did at the gap.
The Warblers.
My throat clenched tightly; the memories were flooding back at an alarming pace. All the performances, the blue blazers, Jeff and his antics, the togetherness, Blaine-
"You okay, man?" Finn pulled off me, releasing me from his ten minute welcoming hug of death, eying me with puppyish concern. I guess I had stiffened in my pajamas or something.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
"No, you're not."
"Finn, shut up, yes I am." We challenged each other with contrasting looks; his one of concern and mine of blank, false cluelessness. I won.
"Well good, 'cause I made you some warm milk!"