you see, there is this place in me
where I can still feel your touch,
where I can still smell your breath,
taste your tongue.
And your whispers softly echo
your last wish.
last hope;
stronger than optimism,
weaker than faith,
but baby, I was a hopelessly
lost dream.
These tears don't do you justice,
honey, you tasted so sweet
like cocaine and hunger.
-kiss me, cure me, kill me-
I was yours
& I am yours
-your last wish
I promised to listen-
But where your fingerprints are
now more prominent than my
soul-
that's where I find that
the beauty of a love I once
felt
was not as beautiful
as the day you left.
Your last wish:
Didn't matter.
I promised.
XX
"Kiss me," I said; softly, almost a whisper—just like your kiss.
There were moments like these that I remembered. Just the slightest touch and my heart began racing in leaps and bounds, trying to escape from my chest as if it didn't like the butterflies trapped in my stomach. As if this was torture that you put me in every time you were near me. How was I supposed to love you when I could barely look at you without having to close my eyes for a moment—
breathe, breathe baby, it'll all be okay. just look and suddenly she's not really there—just two eyes, one mouth, one girl that you want so badly it fucking burns
-just to realize that I didn't want this a split second later. That all this….wasn't magical to me.
but baby, your looks could kill. i can still see your glowing face, even now, and feel the places where I like to kiss your lips, softer than feathers, and where your skin is so hot that i feel like im inhaling you like smoke
You made everything magical to me, just by the way you made me feel. Like I was the only boy in the world. If it would have lasted….I don't know if I could have gotten out at all. I still remember you telling me that magic was real, but you weren't a witch and—
and honey im addicted
-I could never believe that the spell you cast over me would hold forever.
It's April and three years all at once, and we spent our anniversary together in a place you once called magical. The river sparkled with silver and night, and the waterfall made enough noise to cover up my strangely rhythmic heart. The grass and dirt was cold beneath my feet, but I was warm beneath you and I'm sure you felt the magic more than I did—
when i smell the dust you say 'its magic, can't you smell it? it isn't normal but it's always been normal. what is normal really?' and i can't follow your train of thought but that, to me, is magical. it's plain dust, honey, it's just dust. when i smell the dust i don't smell the fairies.
-I looked into your eyes, but then dropped to your lips. I suddenly notice that the beauty has all gone and turned itself into desire. I felt it, too, seeping into me like a disease. Maybe this was the magic you were talking about. If it was, I never wanted to be a wizard—
but you talk about them all the time—magic, miracles, madness-and it seems to me that they're all the same, really, when im with you because i can feel nothing but desire and somehow
-"Robin," you said, and your eyes were filled with a liquid I just refused to associate with tears. How could the girl who never stopped smiling possibly cry?
"Starfire," I said, and suddenly I felt the emptiness. There was no magic in the air, no beauty, and the clouds were beginning to gray on the horizon and suddenly the ocean just never looked so lifeless. "It's gone." We both knew what I was referring to.
You looked at me for a moment, the tears sliding down your face, and for a moment I remembered…everything. People say that before you die your life flashes before you. Well, our life flashed before me, and I suddenly felt the emptiness. Your smile could not seep into me the way lust always did. I didn't feel anything past nothing—
sadness was contagious too, and you could make me cry for the first time in my memory because I realized just how broken you are without magic. without hope, without faith, without optimism. without everything that made you brilliant and everything that made me love you
-and suddenly you said the last thing I ever expected you to say. "When," you said, and my heart broke in half, "will I feel it again?"-
but your spell couldn't hold forever
-"I don't know, Star," I said, breaking inside. "You'll find someone who deserves you. Someone who believes in magic, just like you do."
"No," you said, simply, "when will I feel the magic again?"
"What do you mean?"—
and you said to me once, I remember, "How
-"I can't feel it." You put your hand to your heart and squeezed, as if there was something missing, and suddenly I felt like I had stolen much more than just your love. I had stolen you.
can you not feel the magic when it's all around you?"
-"Magic is only temporary," I said.—
"Does it never go away?" I asked, and lied. "I can only feel it when you're with me."
-"No," you said, turning away, your hair flying in the breeze—like magic, like madness, like miracles—"Love is only temporary."
"Magic never goes away." You kissed me, but I felt cold.