DISCLAIMER:: I do not own KNB or it's characters. However, I do own this story. Please do not redistribute without permission.
NOTE:: To get the full effect of the story, listen to Cold by Jorge Méndez while reading.
When He Sought Solace
"He might forget a lot of things." Was what the doctor had told him. Was what the doctor was dreading telling him.
"It might take him a while to wake up." Was what the doctor had tried to explain to him. Was what the doctor was scheduled to tell him.
"Give him some time if he doesn't remember." Was what he hoped and prayed that the doctor wouldn't have to tell him. Was what he feared the doctor telling him.
"Were you close to him?" Was the question that shattered his heart and caved his chest in. He wanted to laugh and weep at the same time. He wanted to pound at the wall and scratch it and rip the paint off because he couldn't crawl out of the terror that was his own skin.
The doctor finally let him in, finally let him in to see the battered and bruised body on the hospital bed. The blond locks that was his hair disheveled and crinkled. The pale skin that was his lips cracked and parted like the sands of the desert. The blue veins that was his hands cold and clammy like the damp grass in the morning dew.
He knew, he knew and yet he didn't know.
He didn't want to know..
"Kise..."
"So poor and defenseless... What have they done to you?" He chuckled between tears and laughed between gasps. He wailed when it was day and he cried when it was night. He sobbed when he was alone with Kise and he whimpered when he had company. He sniveled when his family came with gifts and he whined when strangers peered inside, sympathy for the poor gay couple that was edging closer and closer to despair.
He was rooted, rooted right next to him and all he knew was that he loved him. He loved him with every fiber of his being and he couldn't let him go.
His golden eyes were as severe as Tokyo in the winter. Bright and limitless, vast and chilly. Always filled with wonder, always filled with naivete. Hopeful but never discouraged. Vibrant but never blinding. His golden eyes that were always sparkling, always looking at him. Always looking at him.
He was wild like the soles of Aomine's basketball shoes. Ripped and cracked but solid and unstoppable. Seized and pierced but loyal and sustainable.
He was as beautiful as the new leather smell of the basketball signed by LeBron James that they shared in their apartment. Perched on the fireplace, untainted, untouched.
He was as timeless as the scheduled routine that they practiced every morning before heading off for work. Eggs and bacon, pancakes and orange juice, sometimes coffee.
...
Smiles and laughs.
Before...
before the accident happened;
golden eyes would meet dark blue and they would embrace in a heated passion of soft lips and pancake syrup. Of coffee stained breath and gentle morning sun.
But he was not there anymore. He was not able to get up and walk and climb on top of tanned skin and dark blue hair and kiss him from his forehead to his collarbone. He was not there anymore to laugh at his boyfriend's antics or scold him when he was too loud.
He was not there...
Kise was not rooted there..
He was in a different place. A place filled with antibiotics and the sounds of beeping machines and the shuffling of white heels that made his pale skin and golden hair stand out a little too often. A little too often...
...
His stay in the hospitable continued longer than they expected.
And when the doctor finally kicked Aomine out, finally dragged out his limp body that was swollen from being in a sitting position for way too long, he felt as if he had lost a piece of him that he didn't know he had been living without.
Felt as if his whole world was broken in half and when he returned to the apartment that they shared; he didn't know what to do. He opened the door with a shaken hand and as soon as he entered he was blown in the face with a gust of spicy cologne and flowery fragrances. Aomine remembered when he would tease Kise for wearing such a girly fragrance that always clashed with his manly ones.
But now, now he only breathed it in and cried as his knees hugged the floor and his throat wheezed for air.
Kise would forget him...
He already knew.
...
He knew.
Eons.
That's how long Aomine spent suspended in nothingness, suspended without Kise. He wouldn't sleep at their apartment. He refused to separate their things.
Even if Kise did wake up, he needed those things there. He needed to see the clothes that fit him tight around his chest still folded up next to his. He needed to see the slightly smaller pair of shoes calmly resting next to his dirtier, bigger ones. He needed to see the makeup brushes, eyeliner pencils and various bathroom toiletries that Kise used in the morning; every morning. He needed to breath in the axe shampoo and smell the fruity fragrances that frequently filled the bathroom after Kise took his night showers. He needed to see the love notes tucked away in his drawers, the ones that he never gave to Kise. The ones that were a result of his baby crush on the model. The ones that eventually got put away to gather the dust of the household.
"Call me xxx" The fainted scribble of the beautiful handwriting from his boyfriend almost made him break into tears. It was the first letter he got from Kise, the first letter that made his heart leap a mile a minute and his body heat up as if he was having a heat stroke. He took it with him, just in case. He read it over and over again, just in case.
When he was packing up things to take to his friends place, Aomine noticed a small, shiny white box hidden under a pile of clothes in the corner of the closet. Dark blue eyes swelled with sadness and he cried again, for he completely forgot about his future plans when the accident with Kise occurred.
A proposal ring. Hidden, golden, breathless.
He stuffed the white box into his bag. He wouldn't forget. He would never forget.
He wanted to propose to Kise after 6 years of being together. He wanted him. Forever. Together.
If he ever woke up...
"When will he wake up?" The hot redhead asked, his tone softer than usual. Aomine wanted to slap him for asking such a stupid question, for even bringing up the topic.
He didn't want to believe.
He didn't want Kise to not wake up.
"I don't know..." Aomine spoke, throat parched, vocal chords ripped. He tried to stop himself from crying that evening, but his willpower didn't exist. Kagami didn't know how to respond, what to do. So he just held his friend, held his muscular body to his own and rubbed his back when he croaked out. He wanted to help in more ways than one, but he didn't how.
His friend was dying..
His best friend's boyfriend was dying.
That night, Aomine couldn't sleep. He tried his best to think about Kise, think about their life together. But he couldn't. The memories would go and fade and leave and be replaced with the horrifying image of Kise laying in the hospital bed, not moving. He dreamed off their old life together, dreamed of them doing daily chores and errands as hours turned into days, days into weeks, weeks into months and months into years. He felt as if he had just met him, he felt as if the 6 yeas that they were together was 6 seconds.
He needed more of Kise, he loved more of Kise.
He missed Kise.
"Aominecchi! I missed you!" Kise clung to his boyfriend, who spun him around in a daze of flashy white teeth and rippling tan muscles. Aomine was gone for two months on business and when he returned, Kise stuck to him like glue. He made him his favorite breakfast in the morning; blueberry pancakes with eggs and bacon. He kissed him before he went off to work, waving goodbye from the entryway and receding back into the house. When Aomine would return home, Kise would practically fall ontop of him, covering him with kisses and hugs until the tanned male couldn't breathe anymore.
"Aominecchi..." He breathed out, breath hitched up in his throat as his body twitched in the hands of his lover. Soft kisses, gentle kisses, almost invisible kisses were placed all of the blond's body. He moaned, pressing himself closer against Aomine. When golden eyes met dark blue, their lips met simultaneously and they drank in the smell of one another. This time they didn't taste the morning coffee or the pancake syrup. They tasted the intoxicating love that they shared, something only they could have for one another.
"Aominecchi." He heard him say his name in his head, over and over again until those five syllables were the only things he could think.
Screaming,
he woke up to a wet, stained pillow.
It had been almost a month.
Kise didn't wake up, but Aomine stayed there. The doctor finally agree'd to let him stay. He didn't leave at all, unless his body told him to eat or use the restroom. He would always sleep in the chair, curled up to the point where it was almost unbearable. His knees would dig into his chest, his feet would scrunch up against the arm railing.
But he stayed. He waited and he stayed because he knew Kise was fighting too, he wasn't the only one hurting.
He couldn't be the only one hurting.
It's amazing how his body shut down once his brain did, too.
He didn't do anything for weeks, he just slept, cried, ate and discarded himself of the toxins he ate.
Sometimes he prayed with the nurses when they would enter, and sometimes he cried to the doctor when he would enter.
His mind always thought about the worse scenario. His brain always played out how Kise would forget about him and throw him away as if he was a nuisance.
"RYOUTA!" Is what he would scream, running up to Kise's bedside and hugging him a little too tightly. Kise would push against him, confused, and mumble out the three words that would break his heart and shatter his mind and batter his body and gouge out his eyes.
"Who are you?" Golden eyes would ask the dark blue ones staring back at him, and he would cry in front of Kise for the first time ever. Unbeknownst to his lover that he actually was,
his lover.
He would only end up crying more at the innocence of the question, pull himself back and allow a weak smile to fit on his face.
"I'm your boyfriend.." Is what his throat would want to say and his mind would try to process but his body would reject it and he would croak out and realize that it was useless because the emptiness in his lover's brain wouldn't be able to comprehend the statement.
"But I have a girlfriend..." Is what the blond would say and it would only make the tan skin cold with ice and the blue eyes void of all life. He would push himself away farther, abating back into his chair in the hospital room, waiting for the doctor to come.
"Had." Was what he wanted to say before his body disagreed with him, nodding with his eyes closed, wiping the stained, dried tears off of his cheeks and faintly chuckling out a laugh that sounded anything but genuine.
"Yeah..."
It had now been two months.
Aomine was crying again, while dreaming of the life that he used to have with Kise. When suddenly, a pale, dim glow filled his dreams. It filled his consciousness and clouded his brain. Dripping with heavy drops, not letting him think about the past, nice and peaceful. He fought with himself. He screamed out in his sleep, lashed out at nothing in particular until the nurses decided to give him sedatives to calm him down.
He had no strength to open his eyes. And finally, after processing the situation on and on. He realized he could not see Kise anymore. The Kise he once knew slowly started to splash away from his consciousness, filled with the current Kise that was lifeless on the bed. He didn't want to forget, he didn't him to forget.
"I don't want to be forgotten." He sobbed, curling in on himself until his shirt was soaked with salty tears that he didn't know his body was capable of making anymore.
"I love you." He mumbled to Kise through forehead kisses. He touched him everyday, hoping that maybe he would respond to something,
anything.
But he just laid there , unresponsive. The monitor beeping in the corner was the only thing keeping Aomine sane.
The gang came to visit, one by one. First dark red and blue, spending the longest and comforting Aomine every second. Then red and purple, giving Aomine words of wisdom to keep him from breaking. And finally green, who left so many stuffed animals that Aomine made jokes about how he didn't need to talk to the nurses anymore for company.
They left flowers, yellow roses; Kise's favorite. They left chocolate, dark raspberry; Aomine's favorite.
Even with all the gifts, Aomine felt alone. Their presence was there,
but not their hearts.
It had been half a year now.
The doctors wanted to take Kise off of life support. Aomine complained, kicking and screaming. He almost got into a fight with the doctor himself.
He looked horrible now. His arms had lost their mass, his stomach became even smaller than it was before, his hands were thin and his nails were blue. His cheeks lost their shine and his eyes lost their light. His lips were cracked, they had lost their plumpness. His hair was brittle and it too, had lost its dark blue hue. The doctors were debating putting him in a separate room, for he was getting worse on his own.
He didn't cry anymore. He didn't scream out in his sleep anymore. He didn't whine anymore.
He didn't feel anything anymore.
And the feeling was so—empty—that he slowly started to question why he was even there still.
"He won't wake up." He said.
"He's going to die." He thought.
"I'm going to die." He considered.
He sometimes got visits from the group. Sometimes Kagami would come and cry, praying that somehow Kise would wake up from the sound of his voice. But he was only met with a cold, tanned hand on his shoulder, saying that he had already tried that a thousand times.
Sometimes Akashi and Midorima would visit and play a piece, violin in the heads of red, piano in the hands of green.
Cold
It would make Aomine cry out what little tears he had left. The song was somewhat soothing, but it ultimately made him think of death.
Kise's death.
Sometimes Aomine would sing. He would sing until his throat got sore and until his chest expanded rapidly for air.
He would sing until the light would shine through the windows, until the curtains would blow from the air conditioning and until the birds would chirp from their nests.
He would sing until his hope had faded.
He would sing.
It had been a year now.
Time does not heal wounds. As Aomine has recently learned.
The truth was pounded into him by pain, cruelty and lies.
He learned from that.
He remembered.
One day, Aomine got a call from Momoi, asking for him to go outside; and so he did. Her cheeriness was just what he needed at a time like this, so he thrived off of her. He had let the pain consume him long enough, he had let the anxiety manifest in his mind until he controlled his every thought.
He needed to get away.
He went to the mall with Momoi, he went to the park with Momoi, he went to the ice cream shop with Momoi.
Bu his heart was with Kise.
It was always with Kise.
Momoi would hold him sometimes, letting him cry on her shoulder as she realized just how much pain her childhood friend was in. They had walked to Momoi's house together, reminiscing about their childhood antics when Aomine's phone buzzed.
"He moved."
He left his phone there, on the ground. He left his phone with Momoi. He didn't care anymore.
He didn't care.
Even if it had just been a pinky toe, even if it had just been a finger, or a joint in a finger, or a flutter of an eyelid or jerk of a lip.
Kise moved.
So he forgot about the advantages of transportation and ran to the hospital on foot. His weakened muscles and fatigued state slowed him down but it didn't stop him. Nothing could've stopped him from seeing Kise now. Nothing could've stopped him from holding his small lover in his hands.
He crossed in and out of cars, sneaked through alleyways and busted through backyards like he was a criminal on the loose.
To see Kise again, to hear him again.
"Aominecchi." His voice rang out to him, squeezed the breath out of his chest and he swore Kise was calling him, he swore that he was scared and lonely.
He needed to be there. He ran and ran until the cold breeze of the night cooled his racing temperature and his feet came into contact with the hospital rug at the entrance.
He didn't need to speak to the lady at the front desk. She knew who he was, they were on a first name basis.
But he didn't even give her as much as a glance as he ran towards the elevator, traveling to Kise's room.
Heart pounding, face flushed, body jittery.
He was so happy, so happy that Kise wasn't dead.
When the elevator doors opened however, that's when the feeling of discontent shrouded his mind.
"He might forget a lot of things." Just as his mind turned from being overjoyed, fear filled it's place. His dreams of Kise forgetting about him and moving on cluttered in him and he almost choked on the thoughts. He's going to forget about him.
He's not going to know who he is.
He isn't going to be his,
not ever.
Not anymore.
...
He saw the doctor outside, his face gleaming and his white coat polished. He nodded for him to walk inside. And so Aomine did,
and he braced himself for a Kise that would deny any of his love.
A Kise that would challenge his loyalty; his relationship.
A Kise that opposed him,
dismissed him,
declined him.
So when he entered the small hospital room, the beeping of the monitors sounded and they brought about the same eerie sound that Aomine had memorized from being in the room for so long. He made his way around the abundant gifts, the huge teddy bears and the stacks of chocolate, the tiny glass cologne bottles and the cheap razors that they both didn't need.
"Ryouta..." He hadn't spoke the name in so long, that it almost felt foreign to him. So he grab the edge of the bed and walked to the side, his knees buckling, his chest splitting, his muscles curling. He glanced at his golden orbs that were now open, slowly moving around the room to take in the surrounds.
He had moved,
and now he was awake.
He was alive.
Kise was alive.
"Ryouta." Aomine spoke his name louder, seeing that Kise was awake and fully responsive. His golden hair traced his forehead in random spikes and his lips were still cracked, still parted from the multiple months of abuse. His eyes were the only real sign of life in him, and his slowly glanced at Aomine with his sickened body.
"H-huh?" Kise croaked out, his voice must raspier than the last time Aomine remembered.
And he fell.
His knee's collapsed in on himself and put his hands in his face, crying harder than he had ever cried before. His breathing was rapid and he couldn't control how loud he was. He breathed in, but at the same time tried to breath out and he choked on his own saliva, his tears meeting his jawline and splattering onto the floor.
He was right, he was right all along.
He forgot about me.
"Kise forgot about me." He whispered out loud to no one in particular, sitting in his own puddle of sulk.
Aomine pounded at the ground, his poor fists cracked around the edges, his skin slowly peeling and his fingernails dirtied. He sobbed and choked and cried some more, his heart broken and his mind shattered. He was shaking so terribly, he was crying so much, he was hurt so bad. He was cut too deep.
The wound was too deep. It continued to grow deeper and deeper the longer he cried.
But not once did he think that Kise was just too drugged up to respond correctly. Not once did he think that waking up from a monthly long coma could have side effects. Not once did he think that maybe, just maybe, Kise was just confused as to where he was at.
"Why are you crying Aominecchi?" Kise asked, choking on his own vocal chords as he moved his unsteady hand to rest on top of Aomine's head.
That's when his heart stopped again, for the tenth time that day. He sprang up, hope filled in his dark blue eyes as he met Kise's brighter ones. He grabbed a hold of his lover's hand.
Brittle, cold, clammy, tiny, shaky.
"You... remembered me?" He spoke, his throat regaining the moisture that it used to have. His eyes searched for an answer within his lover's, but he was crowded by the tears that had swelled them. His head ached and his stomach churned. He felt sick, utterly and disastrously sick but he couldn't leave now. Hope suddenly filled his aching head and his heart pumped the blood too quickly through his veins, for his chest did another loop and his lungs burned with anticipation.
Kise smiled, flashing his not-so-white teeth and tightening his weakened grasp around the tanned hands holding his. He put on a weak smile, the brightest smile that he could've produced given the current physical state he was in, and spoke a sentence that Aomine would never,
ever,
overlook.
"I could never forget my love for you...
..Aominecchi"
"I would rather be crying with you, than crying alone; all by myself." - Unknown
A/N;;I hoped you enjoyed this short story. I got the prompt idea for writing this after reading "The Jacket You Never Returned." It's a Haikyuu! BokuAka fanfic on AO3(Archive of Our Own). If you even mildly enjoyed this story than please go check that one out because it is x10 better.
Thanks to Schadenfreude-doll on tumblr for helping me come up with parts of the plot.
I'm still working on new chapters for MTG and SIC so don't worry, they'll be done soon ;).
If there is a typo or something looks off, please let me know ASAP and I'll fix it.
-Cryle