For sixteen years, I was bound to that person.
Sat at his side patiently, as he whispered cruel things into my ear. I came when beckoned, hugged when pulled into an embrace, turned my cheek when scolded. For sixteen years, I both cherished and hated my own existence.
But it was not until my sixteenth year that I had the motivation to change it. It was not until I met her that there was anything to change for. Tohru. In her little ways, without her knowing, she became my best friend and my determination. Unlike Mama and Papa, Tohru stayed by my side. I remember it well, the day I helped her clean at Papas' place, the day I accidently met Mama: Tohru cried such sweet tears for me that day. And it was those tears that showed me just how lonely I had been. I was finally able to admit to her, and to myself, that I didn't want Mama to forget me. No, what I really wanted, was a family, a childhood, a friend and someone to love, and who would love me back. I wanted all of it. It was that day that I realized the "bond" between Akito and the animals of the Junnishi was not "normal", that I wanted something more.
Little by little, I felt my insides being torn between something ancient, and something new. I felt the Junnishi fighting to be near Akito, as it always has, but I was also beginning to feel something stronger. And as the days passed, that feeling, that wanting, grew. Instead of Akito, I wished to spend my days laughing along with Tohru and everyone else at Shi-hans, where the air was warm and friendly. I began to hate being at the main house, I couldn't stand it. Not when I knew there was something better.
So when the day came when that unnatural bond was severed forever, I was elated. There was a chance for me to get what I wanted, something that I made myself believe I was content with not getting. I had hope, and a new beginning. One without darkness and a God.
The day my curse was lifted Akito told me that he would take care of me. Perhaps my body could not forget the hundred years of blood that connected me with "God", because I told that pitiful being not to worry; I told him that I would come back. But that was cruel of me to do so, because since the day Tohru cried for me, I had no intentions of attending an eternal banquet.
But I had no idea how much more lonely things could become with freedom. And I didn't realize that with freedom, came opportunity, and with opportunity, came let downs and setbacks.
And so, I lost my home, and the only thing that bonded me to my friends and God. The days following my freedom were surprisingly frustrating. I passed Mama every day on the way to school, just to see if she would notice anything different about her estranged son. I wanted desperately to scream out "Hey Mama, I am here and I am no longer a freak!" But I knew that wouldn't change anything. I wanted to run to Tohru, throw my arms around her, then step back and watch her face change as she inspected my unchanging human form. And then I wanted her to smile, so that warm happiness could puddle in my chest.
But I couldn't do that either, no…Tohrus' heart was somewhere else. With someone else. Everyone was somewhere else. Haru was preoccupied with Rin, and Yuki was just becoming strong enough to handle himself, let alone others. The only one who noticed enough to say anything, the only one who opened himself up enough for me to confide in, was the one I was disgusted by. Kyo. Since we were young, we were told that the cat was not even a person: just a thing to laugh at, a monster. I never truly understood until I saw him one day, in the courtyard where all the other Sohmas' play. I remember his frame bent over a moth, inspecting a broken wing. I thought to myself then "he is just a normal boy" two boys pushed him down, whether on purpose or on accident. It was then, that I saw his hate-filled eyes which both frightened and soothed me. "Now this," I thought, "was someone who had the right to be sad. We both have no family, but at least I am not a monster." And then I watched as Kyo crushed the moth he was tending to underneath his shoe.
And it was now that this monster, Kyo, approached me, asking if something within me had changed. It was also this monster who stole the heart of the girl I loved. And so, even though my mouth watered with the words of my transformation, I just couldn't bring myself to say it. For it is only now that I don't see Kyo as monster that I see him as a threat. I both envy and loathe him. There are times that I wish I could be as brave and straight-forward as he, but mostly, I envy the fact that he gets to take up so much of Tohrus' time and thoughts.
When he asked me about how I was feeling, I couldn't help but lament over how much Kyo had changed, but the fact that I knew who he could attribute this change to, just made me angry. So I told him something I knew he didn't want to hear. I told him how he should hurry up and get his curse broken, for Tohru's sake. I walked away as he began mumbling to himself. After that, I left school for the day and went back to Papa's warehouse, where I have been sleeping for the past four days since Akito kicked me out.
A few days later, I got a call from Shi-han. He knew everything, Akito told him, and gave him a few scratches on his arms because of it. Even so he invited me to stay with him until I found a home again.
That was how I came to live with Tohru Honda