I may be the only one, but I ship Team Flash pretty hard. Being polyamorous myself, it's not even a thing to me, but I know lots of people find non-monogamous relationships to be weird, so there's the warning. Henceforth my OT3 shall be known as Cabasco, mostly because it amuses me but also because it's RED HOT (see what I did there?). Genderbent Barry is, as always, Bernadette "Berry" Allen. And although the timeline is nebulous, I can say that it takes place sometime after some kind of showdown with the Reverse Flash. As to what happened to him, well, that's up to your imagination.

ALSO: this Berry is very different from my usual Barry (and his genderbent counterpart), but I figure that since this happens farther down the line, there's room for a change. As per usual, Berry's thoughts race something fierce, because she's got super speed.

I don't own the Flash.

Date Night

Caitlin is not as pretty asleep as she is awake.

It's not that she's unattractive, because that would be impossible; Caitlin is beautiful everywhere, in every situation, even hungover and exhausted or violently ill, both of which I've seen with my own eyes. It's just that she looks sad when she's asleep, and maybe this is petty of me, but I've never found sorrow to be particularly palatable. I prefer her happy or angry or enthusiastic or exasperated or, well, anything except sad. And next to Cisco, who is totally drooling but otherwise kind of drool-worthy, she looks like a little lost kitten or something and that's not even what I should be thinking about.

I can't bring myself to walk out the door. And that, frankly, is the weirdest and most terrifying part of this whole thing.

So maybe I have a little more experience with that morning-after sneak-away than a gawky lab geek should, but honestly, I was never ready to commit to anyone while I was still hung up on Iris, and maybe I still kind of am, which is why I'm standing here dithering. The door is right there and everything in me is telling me to run away as fast as I can, but I don't want this to be just another thing. Just another morning-after.

Even though it's not actually morning. It's nearly eight o'clock p.m. and we're supposed to be getting ready to scout out Club Vortex, the new hot spot that is possibly being used as a base of operations for a metahuman crime ring, and why do all the metahumans like stealing shit? Seriously, what the hell. I'm a metahuman and I never even think about using my powers to commit crimes. And, again, that's not the issue at all.

We were only supposed to meet here to discuss our plan of action because S.T.A.R. Labs feels a little empty now that Dr. Wells – Thawne – whatever, well, now that he's out of the picture, and Cisco's apartment has enough computer equipment to give Felicity Smoak a decade of wet dreams. One minute we were arguing about whether or not I should wear a dress and the next I was kissing Caitlin to prove a point and then somehow we all ended up…

I don't even know how it happened. And I don't know if I'm glad it did. My feet are itching to run, my head is yelling at me for throwing off our comfortable groove with that very ill-advised kiss, and my heart is telling me to get back in bed and forget about the club because for whatever reason, this feels better than anything has in the past few months.

"Berry?" Cisco's voice is thick with sleep and that's rather sexy, isn't it? Dammit.

"Uh, yeah. I'm over here."

"Were you about to leave?"

"No?" I race over to the bed and pretend I totally wasn't at the door. He doesn't look like he's buying it, so I hastily continue, "I mean, yes? No. I, um, I had a thought, but then I decided I couldn't leave, and then I got stuck in front of the door and now I'm talking to you."

Wow. Just wow. That was super smart. Bow before my superior intellect.

"I guess that's good then," he says slowly, probably trying to unravel my bizarre admission. I've never been particularly good at feelings-words. "If you'd wanted to leave, you'd be halfway to Starling City by now."

"Shut up, both of you," mumbles Caitlin.

"No can do. We have to get up and change into our…club attire," replies Cisco, and I remember that one of the reasons they wanted me to wear a dress was that he's going to dress nicely too, and I can't be the only one in a hoodie and Converse.

Well, whatever.

"That's right!" She sits up suddenly, which unbalances Cisco, who tries to not fall off the bed entirely, and it's up to me to catch him because we really can't have bruises on our big night out, can we?

I have no idea why I'm going along with this. Really. We could do surveillance from here. We could go to S.T.A.R. Labs. It's not that I'm averse to the club atmosphere, but after this afternoon's…activities, it feels kind of like a date. And I have no idea if that's what any of us want.

Ever since I became the Flash, I've been hyper-aware of my surroundings. It's not something I consciously do, but I guess it's because I have to know where I am when I run. I have to know who's in the vicinity, where they're about to move, where I can go, exit strategies, potential routes…all the things that aren't exactly big issues when you don't move faster than the speed of sound. So I should be used to feeling Caitlin and Cisco at my sides, but for some reason I'm extra sensitive or something.

I can't decide whether I want to run to Canada or grab their hands. Was I always this indecisive, or am I just going crazy?

"Berry?"

Oh, hell. Of course Iris picked tonight, of all nights, to check out the hot new club. Her Perfect Boyfriend Eddie – Eddie Thawne, which is a trip – stands at her side, looking at us curiously, and all I can think is does he know? Does Iris know? Is it written on my face? Is there a sign on my forehead that says I JUST HAD A THREESOME WITH MY SUPERHERO SIDEKICKS! or something? That is a very stupid thought, and I should get rid of it, but for some reason my self-consciousness continues. Brilliant.

"Hey, Iris," I say, trying for smooth. It actually sounds more like I'm actively trying to hide something from her, because, well, I'm not very good at being smooth, or subtle, or even just private. I never have been. Wearing my heart on my sleeve is kind of my thing. "It's, uh, nice to see you."

"Yeah. And you too, Caitlin, Cisco."

"Yes. Very good," says Caitlin, stilted and sharp and totally not helping the situation be less weird. It's not her fault. The situation is weird.

Cisco sort of waves and says, "Hi, guys."

Somehow, he's the only one of us that isn't being weirder than usual, and I wonder if it's because he's totally cool with everything or because he's just always so awkward that any change is just Cisco-ey, and that's not a thing, except it kind of is.

"So," I say loudly, trying desperately to stop any questions Iris might ask, "what are you two doing here?"

"Well, Eddie might have to investigate this place, so we decided we might as well make it a date night before that happens," she replies, nudging Detective Thawne in the ribs with her elbow. Is it silly of me to take a little pleasure in his pained expression? Because I do.

"Oh, us too. I mean the investigating part, not the date night part, obviously, because that would be funny, right guys? Ha. Ha." Cisco forces laughter for me, but Caitlin only folds her arms and gives me the expression that usually means I'm in trouble. Better try to dig myself out of that one. "I mean, uh, date night is for couples, and you're a couple, but we're a three-person team, and I have to pee, so, yeah."

It takes inordinate effort to not run away. Instead, I only walk a little faster than usual. I can't escape Iris by going into the restroom, but maybe she won't follow me, because why would she? I just told her I have to use the restroom, and it would be weird to follow me in, except why would she believe that excuse when it came at the end of my awkward babbling? God, I'm such a train wreck.

"So." Of course I have no luck. I turn around to see my best friend standing there with a cute little smirk on her face and I love that expression, but I wish it wasn't directed at me. "Want to tell me what that was about?"

"Not really."

"No?"

"Maybe." Why do I have to have such a hard time saying no to her? Seriously. "It's dumb."

"Come on, Ber, you couldn't be dumb if you tried. I know this because I've watched you try, and it was both sad and hilarious. I'm not Becky Cooper, so you're not fooling anyone."

When will she let that go? I was sixteen and Becky was phenomenal and smart wasn't sexy and anyway, I didn't know she didn't know I was a girl, and Iris is laughing at me behind that knowing smile, I just know it. "I just…"

"How long?"

"How long what?"

"How long have you been dating?"

"Oh my god, Iris," I say. "We're not dating."

"Sleeping together, then."

How much more awkwardness can I realistically take before I explode? I don't know. I want to run away again, and Iris knows my secret now so I don't have to worry about exposing myself – augh, now I'm thinking about how incredibly naked I was just four hours ago, and this has really got to stop, but I have to explain myself, like, now. "We're not sleeping together! I mean, we did. One time. Today. But it probably won't happen again, because we're not like that, and…why are you laughing, Iris? This is not at all funny."

She moves close and draws me into a very awkward side-hug from the front, probably because there's a line of sharp-looking ladies waiting for the restroom and no room for a real side-hug and she's always had a thing about boob-mushing no matter how platonic it might be, so she can't give me a front-hug either, and why am I analyzing this? Oh yeah. Because I analyze absolutely everything. Duh.

"Berry, you're adorable." I give her my best skeptical look and she continues, "No, really. You know what Eddie's doing right now?"

"Putting another criminal in handcuffs?"

"Giving Caitlin and Cisco the talk."

I blink. "I'm pretty sure they've already got a handle on it, if this afternoon was anything to go by."

Dammit, did I actually just say that out loud? What is wrong with me?

Her laugh is more snort-like than anything, and I actually love that laugh, but I'm still too weirded out by the idea of Eddie freaking Thawne giving my team The Talk, so I can't really appreciate it like I normally do. "No, the other talk. You know, you hurt her, you deal with me. We have been waiting for this for a long time, you know, and I'm not going to deprive him of his fun."

"That's terrible. He'll scar them for life," I say, suddenly finding myself stuck with the oddest urge to change into my suit and save my team from the very scary event that's happening right now, oh god, he's talking to them right this second, and I have to go back and make sure they're okay.

"Wait, Berry! You can't go over there now."

"Watch me," I tell her, sounding rather more aggressive than I usually do, and stride over with capital-P-Purpose.

"-promise, we're not going to – Berry, thank god," Caitlin's saying, and I look at Eddie with daggers in my eyes, but he isn't fazed. Of course he isn't. He'd be a terrible cop if he found me intimidating, knowing what he knows about me…primarily the part where I don't use my powers to be an asshole.

Cisco, though, looks like he's about to faint. What's Eddie been saying to them? I'll have to get the details later. For now, I just take Caitlin's and Cisco's hands and say, "Sorry, guys, but we have to go. Important research stuff. It was nice to see you. Eddie, you look nice in your non-work suit."

Whoops. That wasn't really relevant, and now he's going to laugh at me behind my back, which I hate. I pointedly don't look at the Nosy Couple, because I'm afraid of what I might see. Probably twin smirks. Those jerks. I pull my two darling teammates through the club and out the door, meeting no resistance whatsoever, and we don't stop walking until we're outside and out of sight.

"I am so sorry," I tell them, not really ready to let go. So I don't. It's not that bad, holding hands with them. "I didn't know they were planning to tag-team us."

"That was terrifying," Cisco says, sounding grumpy but looking just too cute for words. He always looks like that, just effortlessly, and it's not like I'm jealous or anything. No really.

"Normally, I'd tell you to stop exaggerating, but…it really was terrifying." Caitlin wiggles a little, not really a shudder, but like she's got a wedgie or something, and what am I, twelve?

Rather more hesitantly than I'd like, I ask, "What did he say?"

"That he'd shoot us if we hurt you, and that there was no point in hiding, because he's a detective and he will find us, and his voice is really deep, Berry. He meant business."

"I'm sorry," I say again.

Cisco moves around a little. He doesn't ever really do the squirming thing, but if he did, this would be the time. "It's fine. It's not like either of us ever…plan to…"

I put my face in my hands and wish to wake up from this absolute nightmare. No such luck. Is it too much to ask for a metahuman to come and punch me in the face right now? I try to tell them that Eddie was joking, or that Iris is sneaky and mean, or anything to make the weirdness a little less prominent, but instead what comes out is, "I love you guys."

Well, hell. I guess it's kind of true. Who knew? Oh yeah. Iris and Detective Pretty Boy.

This whole thing was kind of a dick move, but hot damn, was it effective. As Cisco moves in to kiss me on the cheek, because he's adorable, and Caitlin takes my hand, because she's adorable, I make a mental note to kill Iris, bring her back to life, and thank her profusely.

I don't feel like running away now.