Silent Whispers in the Dark, a xena: warrior princess fanfic

Silent Whispers in the Dark

(Xentrya)

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Xena: Warrior Princess. They belong to Studio USA and Renaissance Pictures. No profit has been made from this story, damn!
Rated: K

*The songs I used In the story belong to Kelly Clarckson(Irvine) and Skillet(Whispers in the dark)

"I'm sorry I never meant to lie….Xena…I couldn't kill her. She's my daughter. You're a mother you know this. I had to save her!"

"Maybe it's not too late. She's young. Poison 'll kill her if her powers are not mature."

"Poison? Xena she's my child!"

"She is not a child! She is a body-a vessel- an instrument for evil. That is all!"

"You are wrong! Xena Hope is the victim here!"

…

"If I hade just done what you said- when you told me to do it, then they would still be alive-Kalepius and Solon"

"No. Don't you even speak his name.

"Xena…"

"No. You lied to me. I trusted you and you lied to me. And now Solon is dead. My son is dead because of you."

"…..I love you Xena…"

"I love you Xena…." …Gabrielle's words slash ferociously through the bleeding piece of flesh that's still left inside my chest, causing yet another wave of nausea to forcefully rise on the unavoidably sinuous path from the pit of my stomach up to my throat, and though I have fought against loosing self control for as long as I can remember, I don't actually recall having felt so overwhelmed by the atrocious murderous instinct of just ripping someone limb from limb as I feel this very moment, in my entire accursed existence.

I trusted her. I trusted her with everything that meant something to me on this gods damned earth…. I trusted her with my son's life. And what did she do? She stabbed me right in the back….without thinking once about the consequences of her actions, without wondering for a second how her little one act play would affect me, or the whole world for that matter. Lying, cheating, manipulating…looking only after her best interests. And for what? To save that already sentenced to death heinous monster she hallucinatingly calls her "daughter" ? Sacrificing my son so that Dahok's vessel could go on seeing the light of day?

…Oh but you surely know me by now Gabrielle. Yes, you do….In three days time, at the end of the mourning period , before my tears have dried, I will bathe in your blood even if that means killing the last sparkle of goodness and humanity left in me.

Solan's unfair and early departure will be avenged and your guilt washed away from your hands by the treacherous crimson streams flooding the earth from your broken carcass.

XXX

As I turn my back to walk away from the consuming flames of the funeral pyre, I'm suddenly stricken by the realization of this new empty, worthless reality that has engulfed my life right now, and in less than one blink my brain begins the loathsome, dirty work of replaying over and over again the terrifying but very much true idea that the raging fire back there isn't turning to ashes the body of my son alone….No….My best friend, my strength, my will to live, my hopes to become a better person, the desire to undo the unforgivable harm that I caused in the past…everything is up there too, slowly transforming into nothingness.

By dawn, there would be nothing left.

Painfully closing my eyes, I try to block the agony for at least one whole blessed minute, but I'm aware that right now, that's a lot to ask. I'm actually surprised to notice that I can still stand, cause I can no longer feel my body properly…my feet feel like stone, cold and heavy, my arms weak and limp- barely functional, and my head…..my head sounds as if thousands of Spartan chariots of war were spinning round and round inside it, driving me crazy, brutally chopping the insignificant remains of my sanity.

Thinking back about it now, I can't help marveling at the irony of this whole bloody mess… Destiny's sick and twisted ways to slap one's face over and over again, until his cheeks are on fire, regardless if he deserves it or not, are sometimes truly incredible…Not that I don't actually deserve every single ounce of pain that the Fates have in store for me, my own past binding my soul, despite the bard's strongly and persistently advocated opinion to an inescapable eternity in Tartarus…but Solan…he was but an innocent little boy…..he unmistakably deserved better than that ill written scenario of the three implacable ladies with the thread and the scissors.

And then again…..why blame it on the Fates? It was that beast's hand that held the dagger...

Oh Gabrielle…you just couldn't do one simple thing when I asked you to, could you? Kaleppius would still be alive…..I could still have the chance to hear my son calling me "mother", I could still hold him in my arms….

Well….in the end, they say that everything happens for a reason…..I can only hope for some more interesting events to start unfolding soon though, cause I would hate to find out that all this grandiose show was staged in the exclusive purpose of you being able to enjoy some long, precious quality moments during your soon to follow inhuman torture and grotesque death.…You could have just asked, you know, there was no need for you to kill Solan for that.

And yes, you heartless hyena, you were the one that killed him. It might not have been your hand holding the blade but in the absence of your betrayal, everything would be different now….How could you Gabrielle? How could youuuuuuuuuu?

I scream, I scream hoping that screaming would somehow diminish the suffering by closing the gushing wounds inside my chest. By miraculously healing them...

It doesn't…

As I keep on walking, eyes firmly glued to the ground before them, I finally realize that I absently reached the border of the Centaur forest and the very next second my legs give out on me and I unavoidably crumble loudly next to a pile of still wet wood.

It had rained the night before, and the ground beneath me is still moist, and the air is chilly…I'm cold. I just don't know any more if the wind is the one that makes me feel the crisp of this dark night or is it the bareness inside me? I don't think I care any more. It doesn't matter. But I wish I could cry…My tears have stopped flowing the moment I left the village. There's only rage and a saddened, irremediably broken heart left now….quite ironic, huh?.

I dealt with loss so many times and on some many different occasions in my life, I have been myself so close to dying more times that I care to remember….. probably today's events shouldn't have succeeded into making me flinch one muscle while facing them and still…I can't recall the last time I felt so tired…exhausted….dead inside…..It's like something has almost finished draining even the last drop of energy I had left, everything combined with a weirdest déjà vu, sensation that literally makes me sick to my stomach…..It's certainly not the first time…but it definitely hurts a thousand fold more than anything I experienced in the past

Closing my eyes for a second, without bothering to get up, I just dig my fingers deep into the ground, for a long time now wishing we could become one…and I can't really explain why and when my thoughts had began drifting back to someone familiar…to someone that I hate with all that I am…but who can give me a reason to live with a single gaze at the same time, filling the whole drilled inside my soul with an ambiguous mixture of feelings that I was never able to decipher properly.

Aressss…..his name crosses my erratic mind faster than lightening bolts, echoing like silver bells inside my every cell, and as I lay down completely, my lips touching the sour mix of disintegrating leaves and dirt, an almost imperceptible sigh leaves my throat, as one burning, forsaken tear starts rolling down my cheek towards the tip of my lips like poison…..

Aressssss…..where are you now when I need you…? I could call him…I could...but what ever for? I' m certainly not in the mood for lectures….nor for his patronizing gaze to look down on me as I fall apart before his eyes…And yet…

Strangely enough, right out of nowhere, there's this maddening song invading my tangled reason ….I can't get it out of my mind…Heard it in Athens once…it was a shabby tavern….I laughed about it then, thought it sounded pretty lame, I still do, but it kinda suits the situation that's all….

Am I delirious or what? Thinking about that heartless self conceited bastard that has never done a good, humain thing in his entire immortal existence? I must have hit my head big time when I fell…..

Slowly, very slowly, almost in slow motion, I feel yet another tear streaming down my face…..

Where are you? You said you'll always be here for me….

Are you there?
Are you watching me?
As I lie here on this floor
They say you feel what I do
They say you're here every moment
Will you stay?
Stay 'till the darkness leaves
Stay here with me
I know you're busy, I know I'm just one
But you might be the only one who sees me,

The only one who knows me

The one to save me...

Does he know? Oh yes he does… The bond…He must have felt the pain ripping through it…Maybe he just doesn't care…why would he? Why would I…..?

And all of the sudden, another pang of pain pierces my chest, this time hitting my lungs full force , and I literally hold my breath for what it seems to be an eternity…I can't hold back a very audible moan this time, thrusting my fingers even harder into the soil, as one older image of Solan playing in front of Kallepius's hut with the other children assaults my memory ….Gabrielle handing him a new ball we had bought for him on our way to the village.

Now I really wanna die, get this done with once and for all…..What would it take? A quick stab in the stomach? Or even more effectively, a fine cut around the neckline?

I'm shivering now…the wind is blowing, howling past my ears and a few drops of rain begin to fall again…but I don't feel like taking cover any time soon…The cold….this freezing cold…..my son's body felt like this tonight when I wiped out the blood from his chest…..The cold….

I barely open my eyes for one brief second, just to close them back again, and suddenly, from all the numbness radiating from my limp form, I can feel it surrounding me, rushing inside my bones and flesh like the rays of the sun in a hot summer afternoon: the distinct tingle of his presence at first, and then as he is laying down by my side, covering me protectively with his arms, his godly warmth. That surreal glow that fills you inside out with vital energy…..with life….

He came…despite the fact that I didn't call him, despite our last fight….despite all the nasty stuff I told him the last time we met…

I desperately want to move, to escape his graps, just to find out that I can't…It's like my body refuses to obey my will any more…I want to push him away, to yell in his face that I don't need or want his divine presence anywhere near me, under any pretext, but it's no use…it's like the words have stuck in my dry throat, refusing obstinently to come out. And he doesn't say a thing, either. He just turns me around to face him, his every move more tender and more caring than the other , but I refuse to look him in the eyes. I don't want him to see just how weak I am, nor give him a clear idea about how deep is the abyss of desolation digging inside my soul, eating it alive….

Gradually, but strangely enough calmly, I burry my head in his chest, adverting what I now feel to be his solicitous glare, and he still remains silent, covering my bare arms with his own, one of his palms resting shelteringly on the back of my head, gently caressing my hair, placing from time to time sweet kisses on my forehead, rocking me back and forth like a mother would do with her child, like I used to do with Solan...and somehow, it all feels so naturally...

Solan…..the mere thought of his name makes my body flinch and he feels it, as he probably notices my uncontrolled frown and the fresh tears dampening his leather vest, dripping on his skin...and yes, he does...I can feel him tightening his embrace, and holding me closer to him...as the rhythm of his breath quickens as if the agony I feel tearing me up inside has the same effect on him too...

I can hear his heart now...it's drumming thunderingly against his chest, vibrating stronger and stronger with each beat...

As another grievous , bitter moan finds a way out of my lips, despite having ferociously bitten them until they started bleeding, he softly cups my chin, forcing me to lift my head up, and before I get the chance to open my eyes to meet his, he delicately brushes my lips with his own, placing three, affectionate kisses on their chopped surface, covering them up like bandages over an opened wound, and they burn and cool at the same time...

I don't even have the time to react that they languidly start gliding towards my cheeks, wiping away the already fading trails left by the salty tears, first with his lips and then with the tips of his fingers...and when I finally do open my eyes to look at him, I genuinely have the irrational sensation that he had erased the tears streaming inside my soul too, along with the ones trenching my face.

Surprising even myself, I don't utter anything, not the slightest muffled protest that I usually have the habit of releasing after such gesture coming from his part; I just stand there, watching him, mesmerized by the sight of his clouded amber moons, and I can't help wondering if the skillfully veiled shade that I see on their surface is pain, and if the wet traces on that perfectly sculpted visage of his are...tears or drops of rain...Tears...Mine or his?

Taking his time, and never breaking his gaze, he softly caresses my face with his knuckles before placing yet another protective kiss on my forehead, and when he knows that he has my full attention he just whispers lowly, and I can actually count on one hand the number of times that I've heard his voice so broken and helpless before.

"I'm sorry, Princess. By all Olympus, I'm so sorry, sweetheart"...

XXX

And that's when she finally broke, and I swear it on Styx, I would have smashed the gates of Tartarus itself and brought the kid back if I could, just to stop that unimaginably hard to endure pain from ripping her heart any longer.

"Bring him back, Ares...please bring him back" she kept on repeating in between sobs, while fisting my chest as hard as she could, freeing her soul from all that amount of bottled up rage, hurt and regrets consuming her bit by bit, her eyes irritated and swollen because of the excessive fatigue and crying.

"My beautiful Princess, oh sweet, I've tried honey, don't you think I tried? " I said to her on the mildest of tones, vainly attempting to ease her pain.

"I did even the impossible to have Hades give him his soul back but that was something beyond his own powers...the force that killed him didn't belong to any of our domains, and the blade was imbued with the very essence of evil, Dahok has taken good care of that...not even a God could have survive it..."

"I hate you! I hate youuuuu!" came the breathtaking, hard to swallow reply that she served me in exchange, and the pair of resonant slaps across my face along with the commonly phrased invectives I was so used to with hearing every day only came to replenish the scene, but I didn't block any of her attacks though. I just stood there still, waiting for her to quiet down, hoping that maybe, just maybe, this would somehow alleviate the pain and the frustration of not having been there for her son...

And when the last drop of energy finally left her already debilitated body, crumbling to the ground at my feet almost past out by the overwhelming wave of hurt and emotions, I just bent down and picked her up carefully, and transported us both to the Halls of War, in her former room, placing her gently on the bed.

With one thought, I made that wet, uncomfortable amour vanish from her body, replacing it with a black silk nightgown, that despite my generally unspeakable pleasure, tempting me beyond measure, now seamed to reveal more than it was the case.

Quickly blocking the my every desire for the half naked, outrageously seductive woman now laying asleep in front of me, I just rose from the bed, preparing to leave and give her some space, when those cerulean moons flashed open, sensing my presence fade away.

"Ares?"she murmured barely audibly...but I heard her. I always do.

"Yeah sweet?"

"Will you keep the nightmares away?" she asked, fixing me with that win win childlike stare of hers.

She was asking me to stay, to hold her while she was sleeping. With Lyceus, just a few years back, it was the same...How could I refuse?

"Sure thing Princess" I replied instantly, and but seconds later, her creamy palm, was gently resting on my chest, along with that pretty head of hers, using me as a pillow like she was always doing when we slept together, her long dark tresses, flowing like a waterfall down her statuesque visage, making me want to tuck them behind her ear, so that I can watch her undisturbedly while her mind was off to some far away land of illusions that had nothing to do with the brutal reality of real life in which she was about to wake up the next day...

"The land of Illusia..."I hardly utter , my heart literally skipping a beat, as I continue to caress her bare shoulder and the line of her neck.

"Sweet dreams my love" I silently add as I place yet another light kiss on those gorgeous lips of hers, smiling at the bright idea that had just crossed my mind..."By the time you wake up tomorrow, more than half of your problems will be solved..."

Despite the lies that you're making
Your love is mine for the taking
My love is just waiting
To turn your tears to rosesI will be the one that's gonna hold you
I will be the one that you run to
My love is a burning, consuming fire.

No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes I'll light the night with stars
Hear the whispers in the dark
No, you'll never be alone
When darkness comes you know I'm never far
Hear the whispers in the dark
Whispers in the dark.

You feel so lonely and ragged
You lay there broken and naked
My love is just waiting
To clothe you in crimson roses.

I will be the one that's gonna find you
I will be the one that's gonna guide you
My love is a burning, consuming fire.