Strength
Hiii, again. ^^ So, I plan to still continue 'The Prize", but I had the muse to post this small teaser for a
SaiNo fanfiction I might start soon. Hoping to get a little feedback before I post the whole story ^^
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-"Forget what hurt you, but never forget what it taught you."-
...
It was in slumber she found relief. In his arms where she found peace.
But, along with the light, came flooding the memories of past nights as crystal hues peeked open at the sound of an early bird's song. Such an unappreciated, beautiful sound that Ino felt the small creatures music was misplaced during such a morning. A good night's rest left one's mind at ease. Refreshed. Open and free and ready to deal with any concerns or troubling thoughts.
The only problem was, though her mind was ready, her heart was not.
The woman's tired gaze lingered on her lover's face. She observed the lines of worry that creased the man's features. The dark shades underneath his closed eyes. She laid, helpless and silent, and wondered what demon's tortured his soul now. Even in the recesses of his sub-conscious.
Unable to help relieve pains of a shadowed past she'd never truly be able to understand, a grief-stricken sigh passed her lips as she dragged herself from the warmth of the covers. Leaving the artist to his dreams, Ino moved to curl herself up atop the room's broad window-sill. Staring out at the rising sun and clutching her hands close to her chest.
Her mind still a bit hazed from sleep, Ino was mildly-surprised to feel her own heart beat beneath one of her palms. So sure was she, that she'd already lost the vital piece to the man who shared her bed. But, there it was. Healthy and strong. And just as much her own as it'd always been.
Or, so she told herself.
Sapphire orbs wavered to Sai's sleeping form once more. Unable to deny the joy it brought her very being in seeing him there. Safe. Alive. Hers. It eased her worry, if only by a little, to know that, even though there was nothing she could do to erase his past, it was the man, now, who was truly Sai. The person. Not the tool.
And it was the man she had come to care for. His honesty, his humility. His sensibility, his intelligence. His smile..
She loved everything about the man.
She loved everything about Sai..
Loved. Love..
..She loved Sai..
Oh Kami, no.
...
She'd let herself dream once- those innate female dreams of romance and a handsome man to love her, of home and children and happy endings.
When had she stopped?
Her year between Genin and Chunin, she admitted. That single, hot, hazy day when she'd seen the boy she'd loved with all of her wild heart and foolish youth, reliving the moment he had taken her last remaining shred of innocence, on the bank of a hidden river's edge. Only, she had caught him reliving that special moment, with another girl playing her role.
The boy didn't matter anymore, she knew. She could barely even see his face in her mind. And, the girl never mattered. She had most likely just been a naive young fool, much like herself. But, the /moment/ mattered.
Thinking on it now, the woman realized the moment had sliced her life in two. The time before, when there was still hope and innocent dreams and faith. And the time after, where there was only ambition, determination, and a steely vow to never, never believe again.
Without it, who knew what direction she could have taken in life? Oh, she and the boy would have parted ways soon enough. But, it might've been with some bitter sweetness, it might have left her with some soft memory of first loves.
But, that stark vision of sex and betrayal had forged her. She'd understood then what it might have taken her years to learn otherwise. That a woman was smarter, safer, to drive the train herself. Which was why they had to be strong. Men came, men went, and enjoying them was fine.
Loving them was suicide.
...
Ino was snapped from her thoughts, her head jerking around to eye the stirring artist's form as another small sound left him. She waited, holding her breath lightly, until Sai's movement's stilled again and she sighed. With blue orbs settling on the man, Ino failed to notice the smile that threatened her lips. And, as her heart fell just a bit more and tumbled within her chest, the blonde shook her head violently in hard-headed denial.
She couldn't be in love with him. She wasn't. She knew better.
She was smarter than that.
Of course she cared for him. More, perhaps, than she'd cared for any other she had allowed to get close. But, that was all. There was nothing there that needed to be taken deeper. Love was still too strong of a concept for Sai to even understand.
She was still tired.
She was stressed.
She was simply over-thinking things.
...She was a coward.