Yahaba sighed uneasily into Kyoutani's pillow, sprawled out over the his bed face down. His arms wrapped about the pillow, causing it to scrunch uncomfortably under his cheek as he inhaled the comforting (It's like home) scent that clung to it.

Nobody from Kyoutani's family had been home when he'd arrived, so Yahaba had let himself in with Kyoutani's spare key. He'd been so unsure when his boyfriend first offered him his spare house key.

"Are you sure it's okay?"

Kyoutani had just scowled even harder at the ground, his face and neck flushing a dark red. Yahaba knew the blush most definitely extended beyond his collar, staining his chest and shoulders the same colour, albeit less violently bright.

"Just take it," He'd growled, "You deserve to have somewhere you can feel safe."

Yahaba did have places he could call safe; the boys volleyball locker room, that spot in the park that nobody ever went to beyond the swings, Kyoutani himself was safe to him.

But none of those compared to the safe space Kyoutani was offering to him. The locker room was often noisy and full to bursting with energetic teenagers- not great when all you want is time on your own. The spot in the woods was cold and awful when it rained (Yeah, it was always cold. But that didn't stop him from going) and even worse in the winter.

He rolled onto his back and tried not think about the morning. Kyoutani would be the first to return to his house after school finished.

Yahaba hadn't even gone in to school.

The ache lodged deep in his chest, in his stomach and his brain and everywhere, this unbelievable pressure that weighed him down heavy, he could hardly move. His phone chimed and lit him with notifications.

'You aren't at school'

Yahaba let a weak, brief smile flit over his mouth, just now, just right now that never ending pressure wasn't so bad, was almost tolerable, he could almost bear it. So predictable, so like Kyoutani to state the obvious and not actually ask what it is he wants to know.

'You would be correct' Yahaba sent back, not bothering to answer the unasked question.

'Where are you?'

Teeth sawed at his lip as he considered his options. He could lie (he couldn't, not to Kyoutani, not ever) to get Kyoutani to stay at school, so that 'skipping class' wouldn't be added to his list of behaivoural issues.

Or he could be honest and have Kyoutani come and see to him. Yahaba chewed his lip harder, it hurt it hurt it hurt and he could taste blood on his lip, inside his mouth and he wanted to gag.

Option three: Evade.

'Not there'

'No shit'

There was no helping the snort at the blunt response, but Yahaba frowned deeply (he was frowning deeply anyway, it didn't make a difference) at the one that came after.

'Something happened'

If someone else had seen that message, it would have been natural for them, for anybody, to assume that the 'Something happened' would be a happening on Kyoutani's end of communication.

But between them, just the two of them, the implications were too clear, almost painfully so. Kyoutani wasn't perceptive, by any standards at all, so for him to be aware that something happened.

Either Yahaba was unknowingly obvious or-

Yahaba winced at the thought.

-Or Kyoutani was learning his behaivoural patterns.

'Where are you?'

The question, despite being the same as before, harboured more desperation this time.

'At your house'

He really couldn't lie to Kyoutani, not even if he tried. His boyfriend would likely believe everything he says, so it'd be easy (it'd be so so easy to lie to him, so easy to convince him) but he just couldn't. He was hardwired with 100% honesty when it came to Kyoutani.

'On my way'

He didn't want to drag Kyoutani out of school to be by his side but... he really didn't want to be alone right now.

Selfish.

Yeah, yeah he was. Yahaba rolled onto his side and felt his heart accelerate when suddenly there was nothing beneath him and he hit the ground hard. He's cheek stung like fire and his mouth tasted like blood again. It figures he'd manage to roll out of bed and bite his cheek open, God he was so stu-

No.

Yahaba scrunched his eyes shut, concentrating. Kyoutani had been asking him to stop this, stop his scathing self deprecation for every minor mishap.

But he was-

It was so, so hard on his own though, it wasn't to easy to pull off without Kyoutani there to verbally reassure him. God, he wished Kyoutani would hurry home faster because Yahaba really needed him right now.

It didn't even occur to him that maybe he should try getting up off of the floor, but his arm throbbed and his cheek stung and his eyes were wet-

Fucking- !

Yahaba's throat constricted and he couldn't tell if he was trying to hold it in or if he was finally, finally forcing it out, but either way it didn't matter because he was crying and the whimper that escaped sounded choked and strangled regardless of whether it was relief or frustration.

The floor was pressing uncomfortably into his forehead and a then there was a noise, a hand pressing into his back, so warm and so steady and so safe.

"Sit up," Kyoutani's voice rumbled low, the hand on his back moving to Yahaba's shoulders when he weakly pushed himself off of the floor.

Now upright, Yahaba sat back on his heels, Kyoutani's hand wiped off the wet on his cheeks and Yahaba pinched his lower lip between again to stop it from fucking trembling. Kyoutani's thumb pulled gently just under his lip however, easing it out of the bite while the rest of his hand cupped Yahaba's damp cheek. He could taste his own tear-salt on Kyoutani's thumb

Then, instead, he could taste Kyoutani's mouth on his own, soothing the indents his teeth had left. A firm but silent, 'Don't do that,'

It was so good and so warm, Kyoutani's mouth was so so so soft against him, so safe and it made him want to whimper, made him want to press deeper and get hotter hotter hotter-

But Kyoutani pulled back, now wasn't the time. Yahaba immediately felt his lips quivering again, this time allowing them to shake freely.

"Your nose is dripping," Kyoutani huffed, standing up, "Sit on my bed, I'm going to get you a tissue

Yahaba covered his mouth and nose self consciously as he pushed himself back up onto Kyoutani's bed as the other boy left the room. With his free hand Yahaba worried the blue sheets in his fist, digging his nails into the fabric. It was like a routine, almost tragic in just how familiar it was.

Kyoutani wouldn't say any more than he needed to, would only speak to tell Yahaba to do something, or to announce what he was going to do. Yahaba himself wouldn't say a word, couldn't bring himself to use is tiny reserve of energy to speak, not right now. As the routine went, later Yahaba would speak again, quiet and tired and sad and so, so exhausted. Then Kyoutani would talk back, quietly and gently and reassuring and most of all safe.

In his fragile, agitated state conversation was one more thing to gear his brain into overdrive. Until his his wild, erratic pulse had calmed and he'd cried against Kyoutani's shoulder, then Yahaba got treated like one of the injured animals that Kyoutani found and tended to until he found a shelter to take it.

The necessities and basics first.

Returning after a minute or two, Kyoutani pressed the tissue against Yahaba's nose without a word. There was no flicker of disgust on Kyoutani's face and Yahaba was immensely grateful as he took the tissue and wiped the snot from his nose.

An ember lit up deep in Yahaba's belly when Kyoutani tugged off his school shirt. This was different from the club room, this was private, this was-

"I'm changing out of my uniform," Kyoutani stated with his back to Yahaba, defined muscles visibly moving under his skin when he rolled his shoulders, "Lay down."

Yahaba nodded, though Kyoutani couldn't see, easing a shuddering breath out of his chest and throwing away the damp tissue into Kyoutani's bedroom bin. He swung his legs up onto the bed, a little bit giddy from the motion.

"Under the covers," Kyoutani clarified in a soft tone, tugging sweatpants up over his knee's and hips and struggling when his arms got tangled in an old band tee.

Correcting his action, Yahaba lifted the duvet and climbed into Kyoutani's bed, thumping hishead against the pillow and tugging the covers up to his chin.

Yahaba was almost certain he had never seen that particular band in his boyfriends CD collection or any of his playlists, wondering for a brief moment how old that shirt was, but then decided he really couldn't care less.

Kyoutani fixed him with a considering glance, then tilted his head and asked, "Are you thirsty?"

No, Yahaba shook his head, grimacing when his fringe fell into his eyes. Watching him with a blank look, Kyoutani told him he was going to get him a glass of water anyways, then left the room again.

It felt good. It felt so good to be taken care of, to be paid attention to like this. Not that Yahaba would admit that, but Kyoutani on some level must know how relaxing it was to be treated like this. He didn't care if Kyoutani was comparing him to some timid, wounded animal that needed his care, because that's how Yahaba felt right now. He was wounded and scared and tired and was so mistrustful of someone offering care. But Kyoutani was a protector and he would hold Yahaba together even though he was visibly falling apart right in front of him. Bones and muscles that just wanted to crumble under the insane pressure, but Kyoutani wouldn't let him dissolve. He'd hold him, would help him hold up under that pressure until he was okay enough to carry on doing it on his own.

"Here," Kyoutani had returned and was holding the glass out to Yahaba, "Sit back up and drink this."

It was cold, icy and soothing in his throat and after Yahaba's first gulp he realized just how thirsty he really was, downing the water in seconds, condensation wetting his fingers and the palms of his hands

"Not thirsty huh?" Kyoutani commented drily as he took the empty cup and set it down on his bedside table, "Move over, I'm getting in."

Kyoutani shuffled in and laid down on his back, he kept his arm wide, indicating for Yahaba to scoot in close against his side. He wrapped his arm around Yahaba's back when Yahaba's head rested on his chest. Yahaba had his hand curled into a loose fist on Kyoutani's stomach and focused on the soft, repetetive strokes of Kyoutani's knuckles against his back.

"Wanna talk about it?" Kyoutani murmured, eyes closed.

There was a heavy feeling in Yahaba's chest. It was heavy and stiff and burned his throat, weighed down his heart. He barely had the energy to keep his eyes open, out of melancholy rather than actual exhaustion. He huffed onto Kyoutani's chest and slowly stroked his fingers over the soft fabric covering Kyoutani's stomach.

"Shutdown," Yahaba murmured, eye's barely open, "Talk later."

He breathed out a long deep sigh and couldn't react when Kyoutani tilted his head and kissed his forehead.

They lay like that for a long time, not sleeping, not speaking. Yahaba could feel himself emotionally shutting down, his body resisting any command to move. Eye's just open, starting at the wall on the opposite side of the bed. He knew he was upset, angry maybe, but right now he just couldn't feel it.

It was in there somewhere, but it was just somewhere else right now, which was just fine because he didn't really feel like he was capable of dealing with all his feelings right now. So just for a little while he was content to keep those feelings buried somewhere, where he could sense them, but not feel them.

Slowly, after a very long time, after it got dark outside, after Kyoutani's parents had returned, and feeling was ever so slowly coming back. Kyoutani's mother peeked her head into her son's room (the lights were off, Yahaba didn't have the energy to turn it on and Kyoutani wouldn't leave his side) and once she caught sight of Yahaba curled against Kyoutani's side she offered him a sympathetic look and left them alone, letting them know there was food they could reheat whenever they felt up to it.

It was like a tide coming in, slow, receding and creeping up again, but definitely getting closer each time it rode up.

"M'feelin' it again," Yahaba mumbled against Kyoutani's chest, closing his eyes when he felt fingers carding through is hair.

"Feeling what?" Kyoutani asks, his own eyes closed, partially dozing next to Yahaba.

"Upset," Yahaba thinks for a moment, "Frustrated."

"Mmm?" Kyoutani hums, indicating for him to continue but without the pressure of words.

Or maybe he was just sleepy.

"I told them I was gay," He sighed, tracing a star pattern on Kyoutani's stomach with his fingers, "It... needless to say it wasn't the greatest experience."

"Did you..." Kyoutani started, opening his eyes and looking down at Yahaba.

"I haven't stop them about us yet, no."

"Hm," Kyoutani hummed and held Yahaba's hand with his own, bringing Yahaba's fingers up to his lips so he could kiss each one slowly and warmly, "You should be proud."

Yahaba nodded against Kyoutani's chest and wrapped his leg between Kyoutani's, tensing his arm and leg to squeeze his boyfriend lightly, "I don't feel proud."

"Hm," Kyoutani scoffed slightly and began to sat up, "You should."

Yahaba didn't want him to go, wanted to stay wrapped against his source of strength, wanted stay cuddled up with his most important person and just ignore the world, which wasn't easy when Kyoutani kept talking to him, keeping him here.

"Stay," Yahaba whined pitifully, clenching his fist in Kyoutani's shirt and pulling on it to prevent the other teen from leaving.

"M'Comin' back, don't fret," was the reply, "I'm gonna get us something to eat. Pick out a film to watch yeah?"

"Yeah," Yahaba mumbled as he sat up and slid off of the bed.

He flopped down onto the floor with a softer landing than before, sighing at the coolness and feeling strength weakly pulse in his bones, just enough to crawl over to Kyoutani's movie pile on his hands and knees, sifting through the cases.

Kyoutani returned carrying two bowls, pushing the door closed behind him. Two sets of chopsticks were being carried in his mouth as he watched Yahaba skimming the spines of the DVD pile.

"Faah'n one 'et?" Kyoutani slurred around the sticks as he crossed the room.

"Yeah," Yahaba replied as he plucked an easy to watch film.

Kyoutani placed down the bowls and removed the chopsticks from between his teeth.

He snorted when he saw what film Yahaba picked out and took the case from him, "How many times have we watched this now?"

Yahaba smiled gently at Kyoutani, "It's easy to watch, don't have to think about it too hard, yeah?"

"Uhuh," Kyoutani agreed as he opened up the Finding Nemo case and took out the disc.

There was something infinitely warm about the situation as he settled between his boyfriend's legs on the bed, his back pressed against Kyoutani's chest as Kyoutani leaned back against the wall, arms wrapped loosely around his waist, holding him calmingly. Kyoutani urged him to eat and he did. The rice tasted like glue in his mouth and it took so much energy to chew, but Kyoutani's mouth was oh so much tastier when he kissed him afterwards.

"Mum says to stay the night," Kyoutani slurred against Yahaba's shoulder.

"Mm," Yahaba hummed happily, "Spoon me."

Kyoutani snorted, "Sure thing pretty boy."

Yahaba was pretty sure this was the best feeling in the world. Somewhere, the pressure still existed. It was looming like an overly invested pursuer. He knew he'd have to deal with the issues eventually.

But for now his guard dog kept those threats at bay.

-SiCanFly