Summary (Huzzah!): Just to prove his little cousin wrong, Artemis Fowl the Second undergoes a forced change to be come a...merperson.

At the same time, a young merprincess who doesn't want to be so causes havoc. She is about to cut her hair to disguise herself when our other young "hero" just happens to be swimming along as a…merperson.

A load of cool stuff happens, la da da, and then the merprincess, Stephanie, goes through a change herself (No, not puberty) and stays at Fowl Manor with dear Arty for a few weeks. Why a few weeks? Ask Artemis, Iunno. Anyhoo, will things…happen (GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER NOW) between dear Arty and wee ickle Steph? Read and find out, fools.

We will say this once, and only once, for it isn't very important. We don't own Arty. Or any other Artemis Fowl characters. Kay, now leave us lone.

We will be transferring all reviews when the story is moved to its proper home. frog-noo. Okay? Ok. Also, did you know that if you added the next letter in noo, it'd be nood? Well, I did. -Frogerita

M'kay. I'm the one who's going to be typing up all of your reviews. I volunteered. So thank me, you ignorant trolls.

Regards, Noodle

"Hello, Ted. Do you know what this is?" A girl said, pointing to the brush in Ted's hand.

"Your hairbrush ma'am."

"And Ted, what is wrong with this picture?"

"There is no hair in the brush."

"Really now? What do you think you were doing?"

"I was only trying to get out the hair…"

"Ted. I really don't care. "

"But…"

"PUT DOWN THE GODFORSAKEN HAIRBRUSH!"

"If you insist…"

"Give it!"

"Of course." Ted said, slowly handing it over, as if it was too hard for his meaty hands to achieve.

The royal brush cleaner guy, Ted, swam of in a huff, tripping over a coral piece. (How he managed to trip over a piece of coral smaller than his eye will always astound me…

Princess Stephanie collapsed on her clam, slowly sinking. (A/N: That is HER BED, for all the people that have not seen THE LITTLE MERMAID) She, of course, was a mermaid, for the dim witted.

Princess Stephanie was a fair skinned, fair haired, maiden. Wait, um… No. That's, someone else, sorry. Let me, restart.

(Rewind noise)

Princess Stephanie was a jolly bearded man. No, sorry. That's Santa Claus. Okay.

(Rewind noise)

Princess Stephanie had a light, peach complexion, with gray, blue and green-ish eyes, changing whenever her mood changed. Like a mood ring. Only better. And she doesn't wear them on her finger. That would be creepy. The blonde mermaid swam over to her coral balcony, annoyed with the fact she couldn't clean her hair brush, or do anything at all. If only her father, king Biten' would not make her marry a prince. The idiotic, red- headed, son of a bish, Prince Elton. She'd be so much happier, not really. She couldn't get any unhappier, but she'd be a bit happier. (A/N I put Bish, because I said so, so deal wit' it...)

So. It was at that time, before night, called dusk, that Stephanie decided to do several, un-princess like things in order to be, impeached I suppose.

Artemis Fowl's annoying cousin Shawn had come over for a visit to the manor. No matter were Artemis went or did, Shawn was there, and it was driving him up the wall.

Artemis was sitting at his window sill at this particular bug-and-annoy-to-no-end session.

"Mermaid's DO exist!" yelled Shawn.

Artemis sighed, fighting extremely hard to control his temper. "No, dear cousin, they don't."

"Yes they do-o-o-o! Yes they do, yes they do, and yes they DO!" Shawn voice was whiny and high pitched.

Artemis's eyelid twitched. "No. They don't."

Matching his older cousin's tone, Shawn argued, "Yes. They do."

"No."

"Yes."

"NO." Artemis was losing control very quickly.

"YES." Then, causing Artemis to lose it, Shawn chanted, "Uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh!"

I bet you thought you'd never see the day, but Artemis broke out in a childish, mocking tone and contorted his facial features. He turned to his cousin and, "NUH-UH."

"UH-HUH."

"NUH-UH."

"Yes-HUUUUUH."

"Nuh-UUUUUH."

"YES-HUH!"

"WANNA BET!"

"Yeah, how much?" Shawn smiled greedily.

"It depends," Artemis collected his cool and poked his cousin in the nose, "on what happens. And how much you have." He stood up. "I will concoct something that will prove myself, mainly because if I explained it to you, your tiny, seven-year-old mind wouldn't be able to comprehend my logic and your tiny head would explode."

Shawn whimpered.

"As I was saying," Artemis continued. "I will concoct something to prove my point, and if I do so happen to prove it you will have to vow never to pester me again. If you do, the consequences will be…ah…dire."

"What does that mean?"

"You won't like it, that's what." Artemis hurriedly pushed Shawn out of his room. "Now shoo, I have work to get to."

Stephanie had just enjoyed cutting off the royal food stock, eating until she had diarrhea (lol) and farting. She also had been about to prepare herself, with cutting off her luscious locks of golden hair.

Just as she was about to…" Stephanie Rutheria Biten'! How dare you, fart and RANSACK the kitchens!"

"Actually, that was your room."

"Excuse me- never mind But Stephanie, is that any better?"

"Umm… Yeah. Pretty much."

"Do not use such a disgraceful word! Yeah. No, you will say YES!"

"Okay, Daddio."

"Stop, stop, STOP! Quit using offensive words!"

"Eh?"

"Ugh, you must say things properly, Stephanie. Like 'The swan slept.' Not, 'The swan sleepteded, Daddio.'"

"I don't do that."

"Yes you do."

"No. I don't."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I do not."

Biten' lost his temper. "YUH-HUH!"

Stephanie gasped. "Father! You used an offensive word. Be ashamed."

"AUGH!" Biten' left the room in a rage, and left Stephanie grinning.

Hello. We are glad you read this. Have you ever noticed, read, and read are similar? We have. Who are we? You shalt not know. Ha. HAHAHAHA. We will go by Noodle, and Frogerita. Thank you, again. And now, have you noticed that Frogerita and margarita sound similar? We have. Please review. The periwinkle button winks to you. Ha. Bad pun. Okay and you shall get cookies if you review. And maybe oatmeal bath, if you're lucky. I had one of those once.

-Frogerita

Hoookayyy. All that I was going to say has been said, and a lot of rambling has been said as well. If you read said rambling, please get your ass off of the computer chair and go outside. You have friends, don't you? Enemies? Family? Something! I bet they miss you dearly. Oh, and if you do take my advice, I suggest you warn anyone of the disfigured features you may have from computer screen radiation. Bloodshot eyes, see-through skin, the works.

Regards, Noodle

Quote of the chapter: He stood up. "I will concoct something that will prove myself, mainly because if I explained it to you, your tiny, seven-year-old mind wouldn't be able to comprehend my logic and your tiny head would explode." -Artemis Fowl II