Title: Revealing the Truth
Author: Minnie
Rating: PG
Category: Max/Liz
Setting: Harvest alley scene
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these
characters. No infringement intended.
Dedication: To my dreamer sister who
wanted an angsty M&L fic
Feedback: Constructive feedback is
appreciated.
Author's Note: Liz POV
The alley is dark and gloomy, much like my mood. A breeze blows past me, raising goosebumps on my arms. I rub my hands on my arms, trying to ward
off the cold. Who am I kidding? It wasn't the breeze that chilled me, it was
the events of the past 24 hours.
That devastated look on Max's face as he saw me and Kyle in bed together, broke
my heart, chilled it to the point that it almost became numb.
I walk faster, trying to outrun the memory of that look. "What I did was right. I know it was," I tell myself. "It was for the good of
everyone." Somehow those words
seem hollow. What good was it
doing? Max is hurt, Kyle is befuddled
and I'm in agony. Maria doesn't even
know. My best friend and I can't even
tell her about it. Restlessly, I run my fingers through my hair. The secret is too great to bear alone.
"Liz! Liz, what are you doing? We agreed none of us would go anywhere
alone," Max calls out. Oh, God,
he's coming towards me. What do I say? Can I keep the truth from him?
"Fine," I reply lamely. I
can't look at him, can't talk to him otherwise I know I'll break. Instead I try to walk past him.
"Wait," Max says. Wait for
what, Max? Wait for the end of the
world, because I'd rather stop the hurt than keep a secret? No, I can't do that.
"Max, look. There's just...there's nothing left to say," I tell him.
"Except the truth," he responds with slight acid. He knows I'm lying. He knows me too well. Keep it together, Liz. Don't tell him. Think about everything Future Max said. Isabel dying, Michael dying. Everyone dying.
"We have already been through this!" I say in a tired, almost
impatient voice. I just wanted to get
out there. Away from him. Away from the burden of knowing. Away from the hurt.
"So far, all I know is what I saw, and what I saw can't be true, because
it means everything I felt in my heart for the last year is a lie!" he
rasps out.
God, Max, don't say that. Whatever you
think I did with Kyle, it can't wipe everything away, my mind says. But my mouth stays silent.
"Now, you owe me an explanation, and I want it right now!" Max takes
on a demanding tone.
He'd never understand. He was Max, the
one who always wanted to control everything. He'd think he could probably control the future too. I can't take the chance of him being wrong
about that. Because then we'd lose
everyone. This wasn't just about us
anymore, it was about everyone else in the world.
"Please quit shouting, Max. You're scaring me," I relay to him in a
shaky voice, trying to get him off track. Perhaps if he thought I was scared, he'd back off.
"That's a lie, too! You're not scared. You're hiding something," he
replies. He doesn't buy it. I have to be more convincing.
"I'm not," I say in a much stronger voice.
"What the hell is going on with you, Liz? We never lied to each other,
never kept a secret from each other," he accuses me.
Each word cuts through my heart. He was
right. We were open books to each other
then. Then, but not now. Now I couldn't afford to be open, to let him
see what was really going on. I had to
focus on the big picture. A part of me
weeps as I tell myself to lie to him once more.
"You know, you have got me up on this pedestal, Max, and...I'm not this
perfect person. I made a mistake. Look, Kyle and I made love. The end. I'm sorry," I rush out the
words, knowing they would end the conversation.
I look up to see his reaction. He backs
away from me and starts walking back towards the house.
***
I clench my jaw tightly in an effort to keep the tears from spilling. Pain once again is coursing through my body
like an out of control forest fire. I
give up the pretense of control and let out rasping sobs. I close my eyes tightly and let my head
droop down in silent despair.
I hear a shuffling of feet and feel some fingers tip my head up. My eyes, full of tears, pop open.
"Max!" I manage to get out. He came back. Why?
Just as the question arises, his saddened eyes capture mine. I stare at him, unblinking, wondering. His soft hands wipe away the tears falling
down my face. I start pull away but
find myself mesmerized by his gaze. His
eyes reflect a familiar pain, one that was already entrenched in my heart. But mixed in with that pained glance is some
kind of light, a shining light that seems to offer comfort. Why
would he want to comfort me after everything he thought I had betrayed
him?
I want to say something, to come up with an excuse to tear his hands away from
my face. Part of me didn't want to be
consoled, wanted to revel in this pain because it was almost familiar now.
He shakes his head slightly, as though he knows what I'm thinking. I purse my lips together and look at him
helplessly. He catches that look and a
glint in his eye forms. He droops his
head down to capture mine in a soft kiss.
Flashes course through my head. Oh,
God, is he seeing them? Is he seeing
the flashes? Can I stop him?
A flurry of images pour out from my head …
"I can't tell you too much, Liz...only what you need to
know...but 14 years from now, we are taken over by our enemies."
"No one can know I'm here, especially not me...that is, my younger
self."
"The closer that you and I grew, the worse it got with Tess, and
eventually she left Roswell. And it
turned out Tess was critical to our survival. "
"So, um...you want me to help you and Tess get together?"
"Oh, we had a great wedding. At
the end of the night, "I Shall Believe" came on the radio. "
"If we succeed in changing history, a different version of the future will
take place.
"Yeah. Um, Kyle, look...I just wanna make sure that I...I...I made it
actually clear that we're not gonna...
"Consummate. I understand."
"From now on, the future is to be determined. It's what've always said to
you, Liz. We create our own destiny."
The flashes end along with his kiss. "Liz …" Max pulls back. I see the dawning look on his face. He's seen them, he's seen everything.
***
"Why didn't you tell me?" he asks softly, slightly shaking his head.
"I … couldn't," I stammer. "I just …couldn't," I continue morosely.
"You did that for me?" Max asks, almost in wonder and disbelief.
"No, Max," I shake my
head. "I did it for us. For everyone," I clarified.
He pulls me into a bear hug. "I'm
sorry," he whispers, burying his face into my hair. " I'm sorry you had to go through
that," he tells me again.
I close my eyes wearily, twin emotions of shame and relief hovering over
me. Why didn't I stop him? Where were all those earlier convictions,
those repercussions I so feared?
Was I really so weak that I couldn't even halt his kisses? Was the feeling of Max's lips on mine worth
assigning everyone to perdition? I
sigh, hating myself even more for making a mockery of all my past actions.
In the midst of my self-loathing, a voice cries out in jubilation. I trap it to hear its words. It says nothing, merely releasing
itself. A flood of relief enters
me. That's what it was ... the voice of
relief.
It is then I realize the absurdity of my words to Max. "You know you have got me up on this
pedestal ... I'm not a perfect person ..." But I am trying to be perfect. I am trying to be the perfect martyr, the perfect savior, the perfect
heroine.
But Max's kisses show me that I am not this paragon. He shows me that I am only human, that I have feelings and emotions
that aren't always perfect. No wonder
I feel such giddiness. I let go of the
burden of perfection. Now all I have is
the truth. And Max. But wait, do I still have Max?
"Do you hate me?" I ask him in a small voice. My breath catches as I wait for his
response.
"I don't hate you, Liz. I could
never hate you. I hated the
situation. Maybe I even hated myself
for driving you to that point. But I
never hated you," he explains.
With each syllable, my soul lightens. He didn't hate me. He understood. Thank you, Max.
"Liz, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not
listening, for all those things I said but most of all, I'm sorry for hurting
you," he continued with deep regret.
I touch his face and ease the lines of worry that reside there. "It's okay," I reiterate. "I'm sorry too," I add, still
feeling residues of guilt.
The guilt triggers a small dark cloud of doubt and worry. "But Max, what if …" I start to
say.
"What if the end of the world comes?" Max picks up on my
thoughts. "Now that I know what
happens, I won't let it," he says with conviction.
"What if you can't? I mean, what
if what we just did makes that future real again?" I ask him worriedly.
He smiles. "It won't. I'll make sure it won't. I know Tess is the key. I'll make sure she remains part of the
group."
"How? Are you going to tell
her?" I wonder out loud. If that's
what it took, then I'd stand by his decision. I'd even tell her myself.
"No. But I won't ignore her or
make her feel left out. I can be a
friend. You can too. We all can. She's not really a bad person. And if we can make her feel like she belongs here, she won't want to
leave Roswell," he explains. Is it
that simple? I want to believe him so
desperately.
I look at his face, his eyes and I find that I do believe him. I nod my head in agreement. What was that old saying? "The truth shall set you free". It does, in more ways than one.
***
"So I really had gray hair, huh?" Max switches the subject
suddenly, teasing me with a light
tone.
I grin and answer "Yeah," with a little glint in my eye. After the emotional rollercoaster of the
past few days, I welcome his levity.
"So what did you think about me? I
mean, future me?" Max asks.
A blush creeps up on my face. "I
think you were … are going to be … kinda sexy," I say shyly.
Max preens, self-mockery evident in his stance. "Guess I'll have to grown my hair long then, huh?" he
kids.
"I can't wait to see it," I tell him in half-serious tone.
"Neither can I. Because that means
we'll be together then," Max replies.
He pulls me into his arms once again, holding him tightly, as though he was
afraid I was going to disappear. He
lifts his head, pulls back and sighs. "Liz …" he cries out just before his lips descend on mine.
I close my eyes, savoring the anticipation of another kiss.
***
"Liz …" I hear a murmur, then feel a slight tap on my shoulder. Startled, my eyes open. Isabel is standing before me. Where did Max go?
"Liz ... What are you doing out
here all by yourself? We're supposed
to stick together," she tells me.
"I …" The words die in my mouth. I look around to search for Max. He is nowhere in sight.
***
I look at Isabel and ask, "Where's Max?"
"Max? He's at the house. He's been there for the past half-hour,
waiting for you. We all have. We need to go now," she tells me.
"At the house? But how could he be
at the house when he was just ..." I break off as the truth hits me. The last few minutes with Max didn't happen,
never happened. It was, to coin the
most clichéd of cliches, all a dream. I
could have started crying all over again.
"Just what?" Isabel stood before me, a question mark on her
face.
"Nothing. Forget it," I reply
dejectedly.
"Come on back to the house. We
don't know who's out here," Isabel looks at me strangely, then glances
around worriedly. "Let's go,"
she commands again.
"Okay, I'll be right there," I tell Isabel.
***
My heart feels weighted down again. The
relief I felt earlier disappears, trapped back into its stifling shell. Nothing has changed. Everything is still the same. Max stills thinks I slept with Kyle. I am still burdened by the secret, by being the perfect little
martyr. Everything feels hopeless.
My feet feel like lead as I trail behind Isabel. Every step seems to jab at me.
A breeze blows past me again. This
time, I don't even bother to rub my arms to combat the cold air.
"Liz …" a slight whisper is carried by the breeze. I stop. Then start walking again. "Just another figment of my imagination," I shake my head in
despair.
"Liz …" This time, the whisper has more force. I incline my head backwards.
A glowing figure flows behind me, a bright, ethereal light cloaking it. I turn my head to call out to Isabel but she
has already receded into the distance.
I look back at the glowing figure again. My eyes squint as it comes closer to me.
"It's not hopeless, Liz," a familiar voice comes out of that
figure. It was him. The same beloved face, yet older. Longer hair, tinged with gray.
"Max! I mean … you! Why are you here? We changed the world. I
mean, that's why you disappeared, right?" I wailed.
"Yes, we did, Liz. You did … you
changed everything …" Future Max
says cryptically.
"Then why am I seeing you? Why are
you here if you're not even supposed to exist anymore?" I continue, flustered.
"Search your heart, Liz. You know
why I'm here," the future version of Max tells me.
"No, I don't. Tell me, explain it
to me," I cry out almost desperately. If he is here, then it means somewhere along the line, I must have done
something wrong. Did I finally crack
under the pressure of perfection? Did
I release the truth and say, "Damn the consequences, I can't take it
anymore!"? Did I bring about the
end of the world again?
"Let's just say … you will have that wedding dance, Liz …" Future Max
smiles at me enigmatically, not addressing the concerns that floated through my
head.
"What?" I'm more bewildered
than ever. "What are you talking
about?"
"You'll see. Everyone will,"
he tells me, then starts to fade.
"Wait! Wait! No, don't go. You haven't …" I tail off as the vision fades.
I put my hand up to my face to cover my eyes. Am I going crazy? Seeing
things? Is the strain making me
delusional? Did I just imagine future
Max's visit the same way I imagined Max finding out the truth about me and
Kyle?
I don't want to know. It's just too
hard. I drop my hands down and turn to
catch up to Isabel. But a shiny,
circular object on the ground catches my attention. It's lying on the spot where the vision of future Max stood.
Slowly, I walk towards it. I pick it up
with my fingers and hold it up to the street light. It's a CD, with the label rather worn out. Still, I could make out the words on
it. It said, "I Shall Believe -
Sheryl Crow. Max and Liz Evans,
2008."
A giddy joy fills me. "Please
don't let this be a dream." I
close my eyes and open them rapidly. The CD is real. It is in my
hands. It is no dream. "Thank you, Max." I whisper
silently.
As I catch up to Isabel, I swear I could hear the strains of "I Shall
Believe" swaying in the breeze. Relief fills me again. No
matter what the next few moments, the next few days, even the next few months
brought, I could bear it.
It isn't about secrets and lies or even about perfection. It is just about us. Max and I. I just have to believe.
"I will believe, Max. I will
believe," I whisper out a promise.
The End