Character's genderbent names:
Mari — Mario (Nothing to do)
Kanan — Kaoru (Do not ask)
Dia — Bort (is a type of Diamond used in heavy industry)
Chika — Chikara (means strength)
You — Yoh (…Meh)
Riko — Riku (…)
Ruby — Red Beryl (A red-colored stone usually used in the fashion world to decorate dresses and the likes)
Yoshiko — Kotarou (first son… relation with lucky child? Nope.)
Hanamaru — Konohamaru (hana equal flower, konoha equal leaf)
Leah — Leon (…)
Sarah — Syril (don't even bother asking why)
[-x-x-x-]
It was a normal day like any other in the Kurosawa household as the younger son, Red Beryl, a young high school boy with load of feminine feather—red girly hair, emerald eyes and a chubby face—woke up from a long night, dreaming about becoming a world-wide wrestler champion. It was a weird dream, he thought but what annoyed him the most was the sign of his brother Bort's figure on his bed.
The older raven-haired boy was hugging Red Beryl in his sleep and was muttering shameless gay stuff while droll was dripping from the side of his—girly—lips.
"Ow… fuck what are you doing, Onii-chan?"
The red-head barely sighed as he stood up and walked toward the restroom to masturbate at a RinPana R-18 manga. You ask how he got the manga? He ordered it online via a fake name and has his senior Riku pay and sign for it with the promise Red Beryl would hand over his collection of idol yuri manga.
Meanwhile, Bort finally came back to life after dreaming of arm-wrestling Toujou Nozomi and some faceless crowd to get Eri-sama's attention, only to end up with his idol turning out to be another dude.
The boy slowly pushed his back and rubbed the droll off his mouth. "Fuck! I've got enough of all these cute people turning out to be boys." Another sigh escaped his lips while remembering that at least half the people he idolized were in truth boys in drag, counting his favorite Eri-sama who has revealed in the last magazine that he is a fucking crossdresser along everyone else in µ's.
After speeding a good hour tidying the house from millimeter—something he always did when angry—, Bort got inside his school uniform composed of a sailor fuku shirt and a skirt before realizing something as his younger brother was standing by the door.
"Oh… I got the wrong uniform…" His brother—who was clad in the proper school uniform, namely normal shirt and pants—just nodded. The raven-haired boy sighed as he ran back to his room to change from the cosplay outfit into the real uniform. On his way though, his eyes caught sign of a single dirt on the carpet and decided to clean the entire living room. When he was back after getting changed, Red Beryl was already gone and the older boy cursed. "Fuck! I'm going to be late for school. No way!"
Bort then whistled and a taxi driven by spongebob appeared to drive him at Ura-danshi.
[-x-x-x-]
A certain blonde chairman was listening to very edgy Swedish rock music while his finger tapped on the table where his name was written in full kanji. Class was about to start but he didn't give a fuck despite also being a student since he knew the school was going to be shut down someday anyway.
Suddenly, the door was slammed open though as three boys stepped in, panting heavily. "Mario-chan, Kaoru-chan choked on a dick again!" The ginger panted out, barely earning a tilt of the head from the blonde until the two others facepalmed.
"Fuck no, Chikara-chan!" The red-head sighed. "Konohamaru has eaten too much last night and became obese to the point he can't enter the school building without fearing of destroying it."
Just as Mario was about to say anything though, the whole school building crumbled and fell as a giant chubby and fat—girly—boy sat on the ruins, still eating a brioche. "Today's breakfast is delicious zura."
Unknown to him, another boy was being crushed from underneath him and was screaming while struggling for air. "Move away from there, Zuramaru! I'm dying." And then Kotarou died.
Just at that time, Bort finally arrived at the school gate and paid the driver before rushing past a dozen of secondary characters, not important for the storyline, who got on their knees and started asking all kind of thing to our protagonist (?)
"How was the trip, prez?"
"Would you like to marry me?"
"Please fuck me, Bort-sama!"
"You fucking suck! Eat a dick!"
"You brother suck!"
Bort suddenly froze in his track before turning to the crowd, a very creepy shit-eating expression on his face. "Who was the motherfucker who said that last comment?" He glared every character he saw and threatened to kill them all if they didn't speak. He didn't care about comments but no one—except him—has the right to say thing about Red Beryl—even if they might be true.
They all instantly froze and turned to shit while pointing to Saitama, the world's strongest man, who has been forced by Tatsumaki in a game of dare because he lost.
Following that, no one has ever heard about the bald capped man as the Diamond's rage was stronger than the energy accumulated by a black hole by absorbing Canis Majoris VY and killed at least half Japan's population because he thought their country was overpopulated.
[-x-x-x-]
Kaoru was, as usual, chilling at the beach while watching dolphins swim by. He has decided to take a rest from school because he "had a cold". Bad excuse if you ask me since he was jerking off for the 37th time since the morning and was not planning on stopping until the sea turns white.
However, the sun suddenly started laughing and the blue-haired boy quickly put his pants on. "Fuck! I forgot I had to go on a date with Kotarou."
"Did you forget?" The blonde who was laid on a beach bench near him commented while taking his glasses off. "Kotarou died after Konohamaru sat on him."
"Oh." That was all Kaoru could tell before taking his pants off again and took back a seat and enjoyed watching the sea alongside Mario and Syril. "He had such awesome death. Not everyone can die so happily."
Suddenly, Koutarou's face appeared on one of the clouds, screaming. "What the fuck?!" He just barely said before dark and evil Nico dragged him back to hell to practice the Nico-Nii dance until his feet bleed. Beside the "fallen angel", Trump and Hitler were playing a game of poker while Stalin and Ayase Eri—the male one—were downing a bottle of vodka because they were in hell and drinking alcohol is sinful. Yeah; remember that kids; drinking is bad. Smoking weeds on the other hand…
Whatever.
The purple-haired resident from Hakodate was masturbating to a picture of his younger brother Leon playing a twister game with Red Beryl, the two of them clad in—girl's—school suimsuits because he was a brocon—an equivalent to siscon but prefer brothers. A sigh escaped his lips though as he placed his phone on the table near the parasol. "We really suck don't we? I mean look at us, three poor high schoolboys spending their time jerking over from morning to night."
"I do not." The blonde replied back as he took a sip from his macha-flavored orange joice before vomiting at the awful taste. "Fuck! This tastes like Chikara's shit."
"The fuck!?" Yoh and Riku appeared from out of the water, wearing their school swimsuits. "How come? We haven't even reached that phase with her yet."
And then the brunette and the red-head started torturing Mario to death and the later went to hell and arrogantly started to have a very perverted talk with—male—Nozomi about who is the biggest pervert. Nozomi said he had a collection of Love Live doujin that could't fit inside a 150-story building and Mario bragged about having at least twice as much as that.
Meanwhile, at the other side of the town, Leon and Red Beryl were helping the secondary characters assigned to rebuild the school of Ura-danshi. The Hideko-Fumiko-Mika cameos known as Itsuki-Mutsu-Yoshimi were leading everyone else and the two boys were resting and started talking about their brocon of older brother.
"I woke up this morning and found Bort again in my bed, naked."
"Syril has been swapping our underwear lately and constantly blow into my ear every time we cross path at the house."
"That's because your brother is a pussy."
"The fuck did you say about Onii-sama?"
And then the two of them started to fight like real men by having their fist talk instead, killing everyone else in the surrounding after activating their super Sayan mode. And that was how the most awesome zombie apocalypse story started.
The end
[-x-x-x-]
A/N: Okay! I am sorry but I just felt like writing some crack fick. Please do not take anything from this seriously.
Hehe.