A/N: Well, this is a mildly insane collection of... basically, head-voice ramblings. Sometimes they just won't shut up, you know? Anyway, each and every one of these was inspired by events occuring in our RPG.. all the points of view in here are characters that I play in that RPG... either because I had ideas concerning them, or because they would not be quiet and needed an outlet...

Please be aware that while Invader Zim, JtHM, and any of the other related characters in here originally belong to Jhonen Vasquez, they have changed a lot in the course of the RP, so don't expect them to be fresh out of the show, so to speak. They have been through a lot and have changed as people. Possible characters you might hear from (that I play) are my SI character, Shalea, Maroon, Dib, Nny, Misik, Ranlumez, Zimkiller.. or maybe others.. kinda depends.

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This monologue of sorts took place during a plot where Zim's siamese cat, Shalea (yes, in reading Susan Kay's Phantom Zim decided he must have a siamese cat), got trapped in one of the house computer's species altering machines. After several such accidents, Zim destroyed the machine, although Kat is currently building another one because she wants to try being a walrus/monkey/python whatever... anyway, Shalea's little issue was that she was able to inhabit an Irken body for a little while. She deigned to use this newfound 'power' to make all her selfish and power-mongering dreams come true... it didn't work, but hey, she tried.

~-~-~ Shalea ~-~-~

I have never before been in a position where I could output my thoughts and feelings in an albeit limited written form.. I have been 'blessed' with a knowledge of their language and somehow, a grasp of it. All my short life I've been a cat. Taken from my mother when I was very very young, I confess I barely remember her.. taken IN also at a young age to the being, the man, the god and center of my universe. I grew always in confidence.. and I admit I've also been somewhat stubborn. Everything about him is wonderful. Everything. His scent, his touch, the feeling he gives off, the way he moves, the way his voice sounds.. I cannot and never could hope to express my devotion to him. His power too, his command of the rhythms they call music, it thrills me. To see him wield it over another, I would almost become prey to it myself.. but then, I wouldn't be myself.

I've been around others as I was growing up. I don't like them much. They can't compare to me, can't compare to the feeling that I share with him. They can't compare.. why do they try? Why does he LET them try!? I give him all of me! I give him everything and still he lets them around, lets them touch him, he even gets upset with me when I make a protest. He almost seems immune to my charm.. doesn't seem to see the feeling I have for him and how I'm trying to express it. I KNOW I'm doing nothing wrong in how I express. His exterior is cold and it can be very hard.. to reach inside. But I have been inside.. I have been inside and it's wonderful and beautiful. I want to stay inside.. but I'm not sure if he'll allow me. THEY can not get inside. I don't want them near.

It frustrates me, and makes me start to doubt myself, lose my confidence.. I look around and I see humans, I see Irkens, I see them.. I see he is of their kind. He ignores my entreats for feeling when they are around him. I know he loves me.. I know he needs ME. But I can't bury myself in his feeling to the level I want to.. I am.. 'only a cat'. This creates a barrier between us that I am desperate to tear down. I want to make him my own. I had to find a way to do that.. I thought I had the way.

There's little use explaining what happened but suffice to say.. his technology.. has always been amazing. He can create and rule worlds with it. Anything can be done.. and I thought I could make this possible. I tried it. It was extremely painful.. I'm not sure I quite comprehend what happened. I am not.. whole and connected as I used to be. A construction of synthetics and electronics, I believe, went into the making of this... whatever it is.. and I fear I won't be able to go back to myself. But my love and my devotion is strong enough for that not to matter. I can BE.. a part of him now. And that's worth more than being myself.

Only I found my confidence shattered. This new body and consciousness, not to mention the knowledge, was staggering and disorienting and I could not even cling to my dignity. I make it my strong duty now to reclaim this, to become used to and comfortable in my new guise as... as someone of.. HIS type.. this, too, is thrilling.. utterly thrilling.. it brings me close to him, I feel, in a way I've never been able to be before.

The others, now, they are clearer, too. No better than pieces of furniture, they are obstacles in my blind but undaunted struggle towards him. Merely obstacles, to be destroyed, avoided, or climbed over. Only these obstacles move.. and the greatest obstacle is his tendency to move with them. I am only one little cat.. how can I cover all of it with my desperate rushing paws, my piercing but ineffective yowls, how can I reach every field in time? I can't be everywhere.. but at least I can now perhaps.. my reach has extended.. once I am back on my feet. My reach is farther, I can leap more quickly over obstacles, I can latch onto and overcome more of them at the same time.. perhaps this way, if I keep my poise, and I hurry, and never take eyes from my goal.. I will get past them, and reach him.