How like a winter hath my absence been
From thee, the pleasure of the fleeting year!
What freezings have I felt, what dark days seen!
Jay looked up from his book and peered over to the bedside window. Even with blinds drawn, he could see the dozens of snowflakes falling, falling, drifting down slowly, nothing more than minuscule flecks of ivory melting in to the everlasting darkness of evening.
"What am I doing."
It's Christmas eve and there he was, sitting there being useless. Reading poetry.
"I could be reviewing tapes, or checking my camera, or deciphering totheark."
There would be no point. The next entry is almost ready for upload, Tim fled from his radar, Alex wasn't where Jay thought he would be.
Alex.
What old December's bareness every where!
And yet this time removed was summer's time
Time removed, you can say that again. How long was it since Jay and Alex had last been face to face? What started Jay on this hellride in the first place was the absence of his college friend. How quickly it had escalated into a hostile manhunt, as much out of self-preservation as it was justice.
Friend. Estranged colleague. Enemy. Predator. Puppeteer.
"Thinking about it isn't going to change anything. Acting on it has done nothing."
It's all his fault Jay's life took such an incredible downward spiral. And yet...And yet...
The teeming autumn, big with rich increase,
Bearing the wanton burden of the prime
"I can blame him for pulling a gun on me and smashing that guy's face in. I can blame him for Jessica's distress and my memory loss. But I made the choice of taking the tapes. I needed to know."
Alex.
Like widow'd wombs after their lords' decease:
Yet this abundant issue seem'd to me
Lonely doesn't even describe Jay properly. The disheartening mixture of constant fear, maddening confusion and self-imposed isolation sewn messily together helped mask his underlying emotions. Those he would never willingly acknowledge.
A quick, small sound roused his thoughts. Looking across the hotel room towards the cracked beige door, Jay froze, eyes planted firmly on the doorknob. Not moving or making a sound for several agonizing seconds. Muffled footsteps and crinkling fabric could be heard a hair's breadth away from the door.
Normally Jay would have grabbed his camera and thrown open the door, demanding answers and chasing the other down and eventually out of the building. But he already knew what the outcome of that would be; They would get away, Jay would be forced to pack up and move to another hotel, one step farther away from whatever goal he was working towards. And it would repeat.
Not today.
Today Jay wanted a different outcome.
But hope of orphans and unfather'd fruit;
He would wait until they went away. See what they did or left behind. Watch them leave; at least then he'd have a trail to follow.
Slowly, silently, Jay put the book down and eased himself off the bloated armchair, not even daring to breathe. He crept towards the door in cautious reticence, heart pounding.
The slightest of sounds, so very faint, lingered in the air after Jay was at the door. Not a footstep, not the wind, more like the movement of fabric or crinkling paper. He would have missed it had he not been holding his breath.
Silence. Concrete and absolute silence. It stretched on for longer than Jay could bear.
Eventually he heard the mysterious other move and give a small sigh. Easing back from the door not a moment too soon, his eyes flicked downwards as an envelope passed under the locked door, half hidden under splintered wood. He didn't dare move again until he was positive the footsteps echoing down the gaudy hall had turned and dissipated. He slowly let out a breath and grabbed the envelope. No name, although clearly meant for him.
For summer and his pleasures wait on thee,
He opened it to find a smooth scrawled letter written in a hand he had almost forgotten. The silence of before had gotten to him so he unknowingly read the words aloud.
"Jay, I didn't mean for this to happen. I can't undo what was done, all I can do is pity it. And that's not enough."
And, thou away, the very birds are mute;
"I am not in control. Not any more. I'd tell you to stay away for your own good but we both know that's not going to happen. Once it started to really get ugly I thought moving away would protect you. I was stupid to give you the clues but I was delusional and thought warning you could keep you safe. Look where that brilliant decision led us."
Or, if they sing, 'tis with so dull a cheer
"I don't regret what happened, I know there was no other choice. All that I regret is ruining your chances of leading a life. One that's not ruined and violently messed up.
I'm sorry."
That leaves look pale, dreading the winter's near.
"Merry Christmas, If you're still able to be merry."
Alex.
[Sonnet 97, William Shakespeare. MarbleHornets, Troy Wagner/Joseph DeLage/Tim Sutton.]