Author's Note: Okay. First attempt at a L4D2 fanfic, and it's yaoi (you expected any different?). I'm not about to waste my time on people who don't like yaoi and find it 'gross', so consider yourselves warned. I've written it from Ellis' perspective and... Just about nearly blew up my spell checker in doing so. Damn Ellis and the way he talks. Anywho. Enjoy, review, watch out for that zombie creeping up behind you...

Mah Momma always use say to me, 'Ellis, yer shoul' spend more time 'ppreciatin' God's creation, not ours.' Ah'd jus' nod, an' keep on fixin' whatever it was that'd broke that week.

An' truth be tol', if Ah'd known what was gonna happen to God's creation, Ah still wouldn't've paid her no 'ttention. There ain't much niceness lef' to 'ppreciate no more. If Ah had taken-a-time to 'ppreciate it all, it'd just be more upsettin' for me. It'd be another thing Ah'd hafta live withou'. Ah don' think Ah could take tha'.

Las' couple-a-days 've been rough on all of us. We're hidin' out in an old tree-house righ' now, righ' in the middle of a forest. It's damn creepy, but Coach said we got less chance of us bein' overwhelmed this way, what with all the trees an' tha'. Good vantage point too, from way up here.

Whoever built this tree-house did one fine job. It's made outta real sturdy wood, an' it's huge. Lucky for us, whoever built it 'ad a lotta sleepovers up here – They lef' us with everythin' we need! We got sleepin' bags, pills, food, everythin'! There're even some little fold-out chairs on the 'balcony 'round it. Ah'm sittin' out on tha' 'balcony' with Nick. We figured it'd be bes' to have two of us on guard while two of us were sleepin'. There ain't been much killin' goin' on, or much talkin'. Nick jus' sits there, polishin' his gun, havin' a smoke, tryin'-a peel some of the dried zombie goo from his suit.

We're watchin'. Waitin'.

Another thing mah Momma would tell me is 'tellin' lies angers God.' Ah guess Ah tell lies. Cause Ah do 'ppreciate God's creation. Ah'm sittin' here 'ppreciatin' away righ' now. Nick jus' sits there, not noticin' nothin', an' it's probably better that way.

Ah ain't acted on it, an' probably never will. Ah know he's a lone wolf. An' Ah ain't gonna go 'round causin' rifts in the group, cause we all know none-a-us would last more an a day by ourselves. So for once, Ah've kept mah gob shut. Jus' the way Nick likes it, know Ah come to think 'bout it. Guess Ah do tend tah babble on a bit.

All-a-sudden, Nick turns 'n looks at me. He's caught me lookin'. But he jus' shoots me a wink, an' nods t'wards the trees.

"Check it out, Ellis. Zombie-on-corpse action, three o clock!"

Ah hope he's jokin'. Ah look through the scope of mah sniper rifle, and lo and behold, there's a zombie righ' there fuckin' away at a dead body we made on our way to the tree-house. Ah laugh a little, all quiet like, so Ah don't wake Coach an' Rochelle.

"Well, Ah guess even zombies gotta take whatever they can get at times like these." Nick smirks a little. Ah raise the rifle back up, peerin' through the scope at the dismembered, diseased thing havin' his bit ah fun. "Should ah kill it?"

Nick shakes his head, puffin' away on his cigarette. "Nah. Let him have one last fuck," he said, "but as soon as he's done, shoot the damn thing before he causes anymore trouble."

Ah grin back at 'im, an' watch the fuckin' session through mah rifle scope. If Ah hadn't-a got used to this a few weeks back, this'd be so fuckin' surreal. Sittin' in a tree-house, in the middle of a forest, at nigh', watchin' out for zombies so Ah can protect two people Ah barely know.

The deranged lookin' thing finishes up, an' Ah shoot it once in the head. It falls next tah the corpse it'd jus' finished fuckin'. Ah kept mah rifle focused for a sec, jus' in case the sound attracted more infected souls, an' relaxed.

Things fell quiet 'tween us two again. Ah'm fine with that, for once. Ah know Nick prefers some time tah think 'bout things, an' this is the only time he gets to do it. so Ah keep mah gob shut.

We sit. Watchin'. Waitin'.

We stay like tha' for wha' feels like hours. We 'ccasionally shoot the heads off some zombies. We don't see no more tryin' a fuck another one, though. Tha' one musta bin desperate. Pretty soon, Ah know Coach an' Rochelle'll take us off of watch soon so we can grab ourselves a few hours-a sleep, too. Ah yawn a little, an' stretch in mah chair. The sun looks like it's gonna bust over the horizon at any second. Ah guess this is another one-a-God's creations Ah 'ppreciate bein' alive tah see. Ah whistle 'ppreciatively.

"Ain't never seen a sunrise before," Ah say, an' Ah think Nick mutters somethin' 'bout me not enjoyin' nightly pleasures like he did, but Ah jus' ignore 'im. Things go quiet again.

We're jus' two guys, watchin'. Waitin'.

"How can you be so optimistic all the time? You do know we're in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, right?" Nick asks after-a-while. He shifts a bit in his seat. These things are mighty uncomfy after a few hours.

Ah give the question some thought, not jus' blurtin' out the firs' thing tha' comes to mah head, for once. Ah reckon if Nick wants to know enough tha' he's serious 'bout knowin' that he asks me, Ah should give him a good answer.

"Ah've always bin use' to makin' the bes' of a bad situation, Ah guess. Like righ' now. Yeah, we're in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. But we're survivin' in the middle of it. Ah'm jus' grateful Ah ain't one-a-those poor souls, fuckin' corpses cuz mah mind's bin infected."

Nick smiles a bit at the joke. Ah'm glad-a tha'. Ain't got to see no one smile in a long time. That's why Ah try-an' tell everyone stories 'bout me an' Keith. Ah jus' wanna give everyone a minute's peace from this bad situation we got ourselves into.

"I guess we all need something like that. Something to keep us going at times like this." Nick says, an' Ah nod. He looks at me for a bit, an' Ah 'magine for a sec we're not in the middle-a this zombie apocalypse. Ah 'magine we're jus' two buddies out on a campin' trip in the woods, an' in mah mind, Ah replace our guns with beer, the zombies with other party goers, an' Ah jus' 'magine we're havin' a few minutes away from the festivities an' we're jus' bein' good pals. The thought gives me a smile, but times like tha' seem so far away, so unreal now. It's almost as if this is the world Ah've always known, an' times like tha' are the nightmare. Ah know how backward that sounds, but damn, Ah wish mah mind wouldn' think-a things like tha'.

Ah think Nick notices Ah've gone all sullen, an' he walks over tah me and pats me on the shoulder. Ah turn 'round 'an look at him. Ah shoot him a grin, but mah heart ain't in it. Ah think he sees tha', an' shoots me another smile. Stuff that rare is always somethin' treasured, an' Ah 'ppreciate his effort. Ah perk up a little.

His hand's still on mah shoulder. Ah'm still smilin'. So's he. Suddenly Ah don't notice the groans and moans of the infected. Ah don't notice how cold it's gotten out here. Ah do notice the warmth of his hand, how his smile ain't gone yet. It feels like somethin's gonna happen, an' Ah wonder if Ah've been too careless with mah feelin's. But it ain't me who's starin' at mah lips like tha', it's Nick, an' Ah jus' find maself wantin' him to move in closer an' stop worryin' bout the consequences-a this...

Then, the hand's gone, an' Rochelle an' Coach are lookin' at us, both all bleary-eyed like an' yawnin', tellin' us to get some rest. Ah nod, handin' Coach mah sniper rifle jus' in case, an' duck inside the tree-house. Mah heart's still poundin' away, cause Ah really thought somethin' was gonna 'appen jus' now. Ah think Nick feels like tha' too, cause he ain't lookin' at me, an' his smile's gone. He looks mighty serious, an' so Ah say nothin', an then jus' as Ah'm about-tah get into mah sleepin' bag, he touches mah shoulder 'gain. This time, Ah don't turn 'round to look at 'im, cause Ah got a feelin' this ain't somethin' Ah particularly wanna hear. Ah got a righ' bad feelin' bout this in mah stomach righ' now, and Ah almos' wish he'd jus' leave it an' not say nothin' ever again 'bout it.

"Ellis... We have to keep things as uncomplicated as possible. Not just for us, but for their sakes, too." Ah think he gestures to those out there on the 'balcony,' but Ah still ain't turnin' 'round. Ah don't wanna.

Then, Nick forces me 'round to look at 'im, an' Ah smile at 'im, even though it hurts to force a smile like tha'. Ah try not tah 'magine mah Momma tellin' me off for lyin' to someone's face like tha' withou' even sayin' a word.

But sometimes it's the only way tuh get through things, Momma.

"You... Understand, don't you, Ellis?" Nick asks me, like he's unsure of it. Ah nod an' smile wider at 'im.

"Sure thing, Nick. Ah understand." Ah tell 'im, even though Ah don't wanna hafta understand, or put up with nothin', with this weird, cruel kinda rejection.

Nick nods, satisfied, Ah reckon. He smiles back for a sec an' then goes back to his sleepin' bag. "Good. Now let's get some sleep. We're gonna need all the rest we can get."

Ah think it's jus' the tiredness settin' in, but somethin' don't sound righ' 'bout Nick's voice. Sounds almos' like he's bin constricted by a Smoker for too long. Ah let it go, though. Ah turn back to mah own sleepin' bag an' get maself in.

How am Ah s'posed tah sleep now? Ah can feel tears startin' to well up in mah eyes, an' Ah hate maself for actin' like a girl. But Ah ain't felt hurt – physical, mental, 'motional – like this in a long time, an' it all jus' hits me righ' now, an' Ah let the tears fall. Ah sniff a little, by accident, like, an' Ah hear Nick shift a bit in his sleepin' bag.

"Ellis-"

"It's mah hayfever," Ah croak out, not wantin' to talk righ' now. Ah jus' wanted a bit-a time to hurt. Ah rambled off some grade a bullshit 'bout me an' Keith 'catchin'' hay fever one summer cuz we ate flowers for a dare, an' Nick stays quiet.

Ah guess Ah now gotta live withou' somethin' that zombie musta been lookin' for when he was fuckin' that corpse. Ah didn't think Ah'd be able tuh live withou' somethin' else, so Ah try an' convince maself it was somethin' Ah never had, or never could've had with Nick, an' that helps...

After a while, Ah've cried all Ah can, an' Ah squeeze mah eyes shut, exhaustion takin' over mah feelin' of hurt, an' Ah fall asleep, hopin' Ah can find some comfort in mah dreams.