"Where to next Doctor?" Rory called from the TARDIS doors. "The past? The future? Another crazy old cat lady's cellar?"
"Or, better yet how about you find my daughter?" Amy's thick Scottish accent accentuated the last word.
"I told you," The Doctor huffed. "One of her cats was living plastic and was feeding off the life force of that poor woman. And your daughter is going to be fine, Amy! She becomes River, of course she'll be fine." He turned to the TARDIS console. "She'll be fine." He said once again, more to himself than anyone else.
"Fine? Then what's your brilliant adventure this time?" Amy asked, more than a little disappointed.
"We're going to the library!" The Doctor grinned at Amy like it was the best idea he'd had in ages.
Amy frowned at the Doctor like it was the worst idea he'd ever had.
"The… Library? Like 'little old ladies that shush you from behind mountains of books that no one cares about' sort of library?" Rory asked, incredulous.
"What? No, of course not, that's rubbish. This…" The Doctor laughed, pushing buttons and flipping dials on the glowing console. "This is the most spectacular library ever! You can literally write a story in the library and it will come alive! Your very words, coming to life, imagine! And there are lots of preprogramed ones as well."
"What's that supposed to mean, 'preprogramed'?" Amy cut in, walking up to the Doctor.
"And more importantly, what do you mean, 'come alive'?" Rory followed.
"Classics stories! Previously written books. Wonderful ancient fairy tales that have outlived countless generations, to the longest plays you have ever read. Or seen, in this case. Everything from Aristotle to Zbangaloush, all there."
"Zedbingelosh?" Rory stuttered out.
"Close enough."
"But Doctor, you still haven't said what you meant by come a-!"
Before Rory could finish his question the TARDIS jerked into life, throwing everyone to the side. Amy let out an involuntary scream and Rory was thrown to the ground with a thud that sounded over the engines and the Doctor's maniacal laughter.
Then it was quiet, the TARDIS landed with one last jerk and a metallic groan.
Before Amy and Rory could even fully get back on their feet, the Doctor had bounded past them and flung open the doors.
Only to be splashed by a massive wave of frigid sea water.
"Sweet baby Rassilion!" he sputtered, shaking seaweed from his hair.
The library was in chaos. Thousands of almost indescribable figures were rioting in the middle of a large white hall.
"Come, Watson. Let us hear what your deductions on this horrid spectacle may be?"
Sherlock Holmes, the one and only consulting detective strode past the TARDIS; with his pipe, three piece suit, and favourite army doctor by his side.
"I'm sure I have no idea what may or may not have caused this Holmes!" John Watson sounded exasperated. They continued on, their bickering fading into the general noise of the room.
"Arrrrr! Tis the great white whale!" Captain Ahab cried from a plank of rotting wood, slowly drifting along a murky stream of water.
"That's another wall you idiot!" his sullen companion screamed from the other end of the plank, his neck fur bristling and his whiskers twitching in anger. "Sweet Tael, just relive me from my misery!" he clasped his strange hands over his head in some sort of prayer.
A small teddy bear followed them, throwing flowers and giggling to itself.
"One step, two step, tickle me there! Round and round the garden, like a teddy bear!" it spun around in circle during its bizarre chant.
The Doctor stared after the fuzzy creature until Amy poked him in the back.
"Oi, why are you all wet?" Amy rubbed a hand on his head, mussing up his hair.
"Because," The Doctor ducked away from her hand. "I was attacked by what I'm pretty sure was a great white whale!"
"What like from Moby Dick? That's ridiculous." Rory, crossed his arms. Even that was a bit farfetched for the centurion.
"Rory, look around you! A fuzzy bear just pranced past me and there's a pirate ship about ten feet away! How hard is it to believe that a white whale might be somewhere in this room!"
"Arrrrr, did ye say that ye have seen the white whale?" Captain Ahab came back to the TARDIS with his annoyed companion.
"No! Now go away Ahab!"
He left, both he and his shipmate muttering curses.
Amy looked around the huge room, trying to take everything in.
"Bloody hell." She cursed.
"Hush!" a woman in a drab grey dress with a red letter A sewn on the front walked past them. "Thou must not say such things! Tis unwomanly and unholy."
A child walking beside her pulled on her hand. "Mother!" she cried. "Look, it is the sainted physician! But Pearl knows he is not a saint! Pearl knows his sins!"
Pearl ran away, laughing and dancing madly, leaving her mother to follow her slowly.
"Any chance you could tell us what's going on Doctor?" Rory stared after the curious pair.
"Deduction my dear boy, simple deduction!" Holmes was back, staring at the TARDIS with rapture. "Come Watson, look at this! This is obviously not from any tales already here. So tell me," he turned to the trio. "Are you a new tale? Recently written? Or hidden in the deep corners of the library somewhere that even I could not find you hmm?"
"Come Holmes, do not press these new characters so harshly!" Watson sounded more exhausted than exasperated now. "I do apologize for my companion's rudeness." He bowed to them slightly.
"Not at all," The Doctor bowed back, his still damp hair flopping down. "I completely understand."
"Doctor John Watson," He held out his hand, and the Doctor shook it firmly. "And my colleague, Sherlock Holmes, detective."
Amy and Rory stared blankly at the pair of them shaking hands.
Holmes continued to pace around the blue box, ignoring the Doctor's attempts to greet him as well.
"What a marvellous machine you have Doctor!" Holmes finally stopped in front of him.
"I never told you my name." the Doctor smirked.
"You didn't need to."
"Of course, and you used your amazing deductive abilities to guess my name did you?" The Doctor's smirk widened.
"I never guess. And the true doctor behind you said your name moments before I arrived." He glanced over Rory. "Pardon me, a nurse."
Rory started to stutter, and Amy jumped in before he said something stupid.
"So if you boys are done have your fun, mind telling us what the hell is going on?"
"Right. Excuse me." He bowed to Holmes and Watson, and they nodded at him, turning to examine the TARDIS. He faced Amy and Rory. "Ok, good news and bad news. Good news: I made it to the right library. Bad news: something's interfering with the central matrix of the library's memory drive and every character of every story written so far in the universe is running loose in this room."
"And your thought was that the good news was somehow going to outweigh the bad news, am I right?" Amy folded her arms, scowling.
"Oh Pond, you're so… Scottish. Always focusing on the negative. But there's more good news: I can fix this! I think."
"I think, therefore I am!" a man in a robe called from a few feet away.
"You're the Doctor; you shouldn't think you can do something! You know you can do it!" A tall, lanky man in a pinstripe brown suit sauntered up to them.
"Oi! What do you think you're doing here?"
"I'm the oncoming storm, of course people would write stories about me! Use your brain!" the man poked the Doctor in the head.
Amy cut in. "Doctor, who is this? And why haven't I met him before?" Amy purred, looking him up and down. The man stood up straighter and flashed a lopsided grin.
"Oh stop it, Mrs Williams. This is just a previous regeneration of me, personified by the library's myth drive."
"Call me John. John Smith." He shook Amy's hand. "Tell me, you still use that name much?" he turned back to the real Doctor.
"Never mind that, we need to focus on getting all these characters back to their own books." The Doctor growled.
John Smith snorted. "Good luck mate, we've been trying for ages."
"Well did you- wait a minute, what do you mean 'we'?"
John grinned. "All your regenerations, and several versions of some of them, have been working on fixing this."
"Well, John, did you try to supersede the main matrix, and reroute the 'printers' to the binary core?"
John paused. "No, we haven't…" he grinned ever wider. "You're brilliant, you really are, stone cold genius!" he hugged the Doctor and ran off to what they assumed was where the main computer was housed.
Soon all the chaotic figures began to fade until all that was left was the huge white room and a small puddle of sea water.
The Doctor let out a long sigh. "Well, glad that's all patched up. Come on you two, let's go mess with Captain Ahab again." He sauntered off towards the other end of the room.
"I kinda want to see that John Smith fellow again." Amy said, following him, her eyes sparkling.
"Watch it, Mrs Williams!" Rory called, running after their shrinking figures.
"You watch it, Mr Pond!"