This story is a crossover between Get Smart and Night Court, two of my favorite TV shows. It takes place after the original '60s run of GS, specifically during the time period of Night Court. (Please read and review this work afterwards)
Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Get Smart or Night Court. They are both owned by separate companies.
Max and 99's Adventures at Night Court
New York County Courthouse, Manhattan, NY
June 6, 1985, 7:50 PM
The sun was going down over New York, and most of the city's workforce had gone home after finishing their jobs on Wall Street, City Hall, and elsewhere. For many of those folks, it had been a long day.
At the New York County Courthouse, Judge Harold T. Stone (Harry to his friends and colleagues) was in his chambers, skimming over the numerous cases he had to adjudicate before the night was over. Now completing his second year on the bench, Harry, at only 32 years old, had risen very quickly through the ranks to win an appointment as Manhattan's youngest judge of the Municipal Court.
Harry was reading through a case when someone knocked on the door. "Yes?" He called out.
The door opened, and in stepped Mac Robinson, his loyal court clerk. "Sir? It's almost time for court to begin. By the way, the first case up tonight is going to be quite interesting."
Harry replied, "I hope it doesn't involve an animated cartoon character. Last night I had to lecture Wile E. Coyote because he wouldn't stop harassing the poor Road Runner. Do you know what that felt like?"
Mac tried to stifle a chuckle. "Oh man, that one was a doozy! Now come on, everybody's anxious to get started."
"Let me put my robe on and I'll follow you out." As much as he loved his job at night court, Harry was well aware of the long hours it involved, and tonight was no exception. He just wanted to hear his cases, get home, and practice his magic tricks.
The young judge followed Mac from his chambers to the courtroom, which was only a few doors down the hall. As soon as they reached the courtroom's entrance, Bull Shannon, the very tall, yet lovable, bailiff announced, "All rise! Manhattan Criminal Court Part II is now in session. The Honorable Judge Harold T. Stone presiding."
Harry ascended to the bench and exclaimed to those assembled, "Please be seated." Mac handled the judge a manila folder and said, "The first case of the evening, as promised, Your Honor."
His Honor took the folder and scanned it quickly. His eyes widened when he saw the names of the defendants involved. He then asked the prosecuting attorney, "Um, okay Dan, who do we have here tonight?"
At that point, Dan Fielding, a nattily-dressed, skirt-chasing assistant district attorney, announced, "Mr. and Mrs. Maxwell Smart, Your Honor. They're charged with intentionally causing a motor vehicle accident, as well as leaving the scene of said accident and going over the posted speed limit."
Harry stared at the well-groomed, middle-aged couple for a moment, then managed to sputter, "Maxwell Smart?"
Max nodded with a look of confidence on his face. He then stooped down to tie his shoelace when he unintentionally hit his forehead on the table. The gallery and the bailiffs began to laugh. After tying his shoelace, Max turned, smiled, then put his hands down on the table, accidentally spilling his glass of water in the process. Again the gallery and bailiffs laughed.
Harry also chuckled nervously, then asked, "Are you the same Maxwell Smart who saved America from nuclear war when you single-handedly fought those Russians at a missile-launching site in Siberia back in the early '70s? Are you really the Maxwell Smart who once made the cover of Time for being the best spy in the Western Hemisphere?"
"The one and only," Max replied. "As you can see, Your Honor, I may have aged a bit, but I am still on active duty as a Control agent."
"That's wonderful," said Harry. "Still in your early 60s, yet still serving our country in an important capacity. My first question to you is this: What is Control, anyway?"
99 chimed in, "Your Honor, although we can't divulge what Control really does, I can tell you that it is an agency of the U.S. government, and we report directly to the President."
"Ah, I see," Harry said.
Christine Sullivan, the beautiful, perky public defender who was serving as Max and 99's defense counsel, then spoke up. "Your Honor, my clients are very well-respected secret agents within the espionage community who just happened to be involved in a little mishap when they arrived in New York last night."
"What kind of mishap?" asked Harry.
Max decided to explain the accident to the judge. "Well, Your Honor, 99 and I were driving in from Washington because we were going to attend the annual Control summer conference. Our check-in at the Waldorf-Astoria Hotel was at 6:00 PM but we were running a few minutes late. I was afraid we were going to miss check-in so I floored the gas of my car and darted in and out of traffic. Luckily I didn't hit anyone, and after 10 minutes of speeding around central Manhattan, we arrived at the Waldorf-Astoria."
99 added, "Little did we know that Max had sped through a red light, causing two pickup trucks to collide with one another and their contents to spill out. The drivers did suffer some minor injuries, however."
"Who told you that you had caused an accident?" Harry asked Max.
"The valet at the hotel," Max said, "He said the red light I ran was only one block away."
"Oh," said Harry. "You ran a red light because you were late for your check-in at the hotel?"
"The hotel valet told me, 'That man has to be one of the worst drivers I have ever seen,'" said Dan. "From the looks of it, Mr. Smart appears to be quite an incompetent dolt."
"Hold on, Dan," Harry said. "Mr. Smart, if you appear to be the incompetent dolt that you are, how have you managed to elude assassination attempts and serious injury during your lengthy career?"
"Yes, well, umm...hmm," Max exclaimed. "You know, I don't really know, Your Honor. I just happen to be lucky, that's all."
Bull and Mac looked at each other and tried to stifle their snickering.
"This guy's got to be the clumsiest secret agent I've ever heard of," Bull noted.
"My husband is the best professional in our field," said 99. "He just happens to bumble his way through most situations, and I'm not going to lie about that. Your Honor, I hope you don't give us a severe penalty."
"Your Honor," said Christine, "as I mentioned earlier, Mr. and Mrs. Smart are top government agents who just happened to get involved in a small accident at the wrong time."
"I understand," said Harry. "Although I do have another question: Mr. Smart, if you and your wife are two of America's top secret agents, how come you have our public defender as your attorney and not a high-priced, top defense lawyer?"
"Huh?" exclaimed Max. "Well, umm..."
"Your Honor," said 99, "We would have had Control's attorney come to New York to defend us in this serious matter. Unfortunately, he's been missing for a few weeks. We fear he's been captured by Kaos."
"What's Kaos?" asked Harry.
"Kaos is an international organization of evil," said Max. "This network, made up of assassins and spies, has been my number-one enemy for over twenty years. They have tried numerous times to assassinate me, yet they have not succeeded."
"Sounds like people I don't want to mess with," Harry said. "Anyways, Mr. and Mrs. Smart, I'm sorry to hear about your lawyer, and it seems as if you were really involved in an accident, at the wrong place at the wrong time. That said, here's the verdict: I'll call you guilty, give you a $100 fine and time served. But you do have to pay the damages for the two trucks."
"Wonderful!" said Max, "We can tell the Chief about this."
"You're a free couple now," said Harry. "Although I do want to ask you just a few more questions before you go. Mrs. Smart, I noticed here in the case file that you gave your name as a number - 99. Can I ask you what your real name is for the record?"
99 replied firmly, "That is classified information, Your Honor."
"Classified?" Harry exclaimed with a look of surprise. "Mr. Smart, would you care to explain?"
"You can call me Max from now on," said Max. "The Control procedures manual states that no senior agent is compelled to give out their real name, unless in a serious emergency."
"And you wouldn't happen to have a copy of this manual on you by any chance, would you?" asked Harry.
"Unfortunately no, Your Honor. We burned the only copy after it was read by every agent in the organization."
Harry put a hand to his face and muttered, "Oh boy." Then he looked at Max and asked the aging spy, "Would you care to approach the bench."
"Why, certainly," said Max. When he got to the bench, Harry asked him, "I read in one of those magazine articles that you have a phone hidden in your shoe. If that's true, may I see it?"
"Yes, of course," Max replied, and immediately removed his right shoe. He then revealed the hidden transmitter, receiver, and number dial to the judge, who was fascinated by just about anything.
"This is neat!" Harry said with a look of wonder on his face. "I wish I could have one of these. Do you mind if I try it?"
"Not at all," Max said. "Here, dial this number: 318-..."
Control Headquarters, Washington, DC
8:16 PM
The Chief of Control sat in his plush office at the highly classified headquarters of the organization in Washington, smoking his pipe and drinking a glass of Pepsi. Even though he was nearing 70 years of age, he still felt compelled to hang on for a few more years, not out of necessity, but because he had to keep an eye on Max, whose bumbling he had tolerated for 24 long years.
Still upset over the fact that Max and 99 had been arrested for a mishap while on their way to the Control conference in New York, the Chief wondered how they were going to get themselves out of this mess.
Then the phone rang. "If that is Max, I had better expect some good news," he said to himself.
He picked up after the second ring and said, "This is the Chief. If this is Max, it better be good!"
"Hello, is this the Chief of Control?"
The voice was unfamiliar. "Who the heck is this? And why are you calling the number of a secret government agency?"
"Uh, sir, this is Judge Harold T. Stone of the New York Municipal Court. I'm calling on Max's shoe phone."
"He let you try out his shoe phone?" The Chief couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"Yep!" Harry went on, "Just to let you know, sir, I found the Smarts guilty, but gave them a $100 fine and time served. They do, however, have to pay damages for the trucks that were damaged in the accident."
"Well that's certainly good news, Your Honor," said the Chief. "I hope they hired a good lawyer."
Now it was Harry's turn to be concerned. "Yeah, about the lawyer. Um, uh...I hate to tell you sir, but they used our court-appointed public defender as their counsel."
"What?" asked the Chief. "How come Max and 99 couldn't get a hold of Control's lawyer?"
"Uh, Chief," Max said, "I hate to tell you, but our counsel is still missing. I think Kaos has him, and we still haven't been able to track his whereabouts. It's bad, Chief."
This was too much for the poor Chief to handle. His face turned a dark shade of red, and he bellowed as loud as he could into the phone "MAXXXX!!!!"
The shout was so loud that it shorted out Max's shoe phone. Harry looked at the now-obliterated shoe with a look of amazement, then looked at Max. Max looked around the courtroom, then back at Harry. Without warning, he turned and ran out of the room at full speed.
Christine then turned to 99 and asked, "How can you live with a man like that on a daily basis?"
"It isn't easy, honey," said 99. "Sometimes I wonder how I married him, the most inept secret agent in the world. He is good at what he does, though."
Sensing an opportunity to snatch a woman for the evening, Dan walked towards 99 and said to her, "When court is adjourned for the night, I have some free time. Maybe you and I could go back to my place and -"
Dan screamed in obvious pain as 99 kneed him in the groin. She then delivered a karate chop to his shoulder, and the womanizing prosecutor fell to the ground, defeated and dejected once again. The courtroom erupted in simultaneous applause and laughter.
"Next time, don't mess with a secret agent, especially a senior one with years of experience, if you know what I mean," said 99 in her ever-sultry voice.
Christine looked on with her mouth half-open. She eventually managed to exclaim, "You go, girl! I've been wanting to do that for a while now!" Then she exchanged high-fives with 99.