Amidst me thinking about Quinn dealing with the adoption (or not dealing with it), I had this creepy image of her talking to a baby doll, pretending it was Beth. I made it a bit less creepy, but here's the result. Enjoy!
and i'm fading
She's never felt this… empty before.
It's hard to explain. Really, it's even hard for her to understand because she thought she knew what pain felt like. She thought she knew what emptiness was. She saw it when Finn learned the truth and her daddy left her.
But she's never felt anything this powerful. She didn't know it existed.
They stay at the hospital all weekend. They take their three days to decide. By Tuesday afternoon, she knows Shelby is going to adopt her. And it's what she wants, really and truly, but somehow she can't stop screaming inside like a child who has just been robbed of her new toy. No. It's mine, give it back.
It's just her emotions talking. She needs to be rational. She can't take care of a baby. She can't be like one of those girls on Teen Mom. Beth will have a better life without her. She knows it.
But that doesn't explain this emptiness burning inside her as she tries to lie down in her own bed again. Tomorrow is Thursday and she has a final but she can't sleep. Nothing feels the same.
Will it ever feel the same again?
She lays there for hours staring at the neon glow of her clock. She's five days old and that's the last you'll ever see of each other.
This can't be how she spends the rest of her life. She'll go insane.
Eventually she throws the covers off and tip toes up to the attic, digging through an old box of toys until she finds her baby dolls.
She picks the one with blue eyes that close when it's lying down and clothes her in a light yellow dress with a baby blanket. She cradles the plastic thing to her chest as she descends down the stairs, ignoring how crazy this is.
Does this make her insane? But she knows it isn't real. Still…
She brushes off the dust and gets back into bed, the doll in the crook of her elbow. Next thing she knows, it's morning and the baby's there, right next to her.
It's the only why she can fall asleep at night. Every night, all summer.
She doesn't tell anyone. It's too embarrassing. Though it's not like she feeds her or gives her baths or changes her clothes… she only sleeps with her. It's the same thing as having a stuffed animal. She doesn't pretend the baby's real. She doesn't talk to her (well… not often, anyway). And no, her name isn't Beth.
Her name is Lauren.
She's always liked that name. If they had kept her, that would've been her middle name. Bethany Lauren-
She tells herself she'll stop. This can't be healthy. She tries, but it just isn't the same.
There needs to be something there, or she won't know what to do with herself.
Besides, Lauren would feel bad if she stuffed her back into the attic.