A/N: I was driving to the beach the other day with my friend, and we noticed this hilarious bumper sticker. And my friend, awesome as always, suddenly asked me, "Can't you picture Tamaki in a shirt that said that?" I replied "Yes, but only with some badass leather pants!" As we were cracking up, I started thinking. When I got home, I thought some more. And this, which is turning out to be longer than I expected, was born.
I'm doing a little contest to tie into this story! The first people to find the alliterations I've hidden in here and post their finds in a review (hopefully with criticism included) will get a prize! I don't know what kind of prize, but still…I'll come up with something. These alliterations are hidden everywhere that has something to do with the story, except for my profile; therefore, they are cleverly hidden (I hope!) throughout the actual story, a/ns, other places…I should stop talking now. But you have to read the story to understand the contest.
And so here we go – chapter 1.
Hikaru and Kaoru's birthday parties always had a theme to them. One year the theme was symmetrical, and another year, duct tape. A particularly memorable year, their fourteenth birthday, was neon; the blinking and flashing lights had sent two maids to the hospital with seizures. The most recent year, which happened to be Hikaru's favorite, was gangster themed. It ended with a water gun shootout and Honey holding Tamaki ransom for three year's supply of strawberry shortcake.
Due to desperate pleas from his mother to have a more benign party this year, for their seventeenth birthday party Hikaru and Kaoru decided upon a simple slumber siesta, with…no obvious theme? Whenever they explained it, all they received in return was a blank stare. Nobody got it without an explanation – except for their mom. As soon as they told her, she had said "Let me guess; it's alliteration." Which was, of course, right. (Seventeenth…simple…slumber…siesta. They all start with s.) It was weird how she understood what they were thinking so often. She was just as devious as them, their mom. She pretended not to be able to tell them apart, but knew just as well as the twins did who was who.
Naturally, this party theme had ulterior motives – Hikaru was, to put it bluntly, in love with Kaoru. It was weird, unnatural, society and in general everyone found it repulsive, but really, Hikaru didn't care. He loved Kaoru. It was as simple as that. Those things didn't matter. As long as he had Kaoru, could hold him at night and know that he shared something with his younger brother that no one else did, their own little world, it was enough, and he could believe that they would be together, someday.
He was sick of hiding it, though, sick of lying to Kaoru, but so many barriers stood between the day when he could lay bare his innermost feelings to him, and the present, when he lied about practically everything to him.
Hikaru was sitting at his favorite spot in the mansion, a window seat that overlooked their circular driveway. The drive was lined with leaning trees; their branches met and intertwined over the road. It was both the perfect vantage point from which to see the party guests arriving, and also a perfect place to think. He sighed, and shifted, trying to get comfortable. Every time he thought about the party, second thoughts and doubts flooded his mind.
For Kami's sake, I don't even know if he's gay! Nothing would be worse than him being repulsed by me, but at the same time, what if he is gay, but doesn't think of me in that way? But then again…
He could go around in circles like this for hours, never coming to a definitive conclusion, only worrying himself more. Wondering what to do would only waste time, but it made him feel better.
He was so worried because in one of his common impulsive moments, he'd had come up with a harebrained scheme. What better circumstances to confess to someone then when slightly intoxicated and watched by your closest friends? Now that he thought about it, that didn't sound as good as it had when he hatched that little plot. Oh well. Too late to back out now, but as for the alcohol…That'll work. He would just put green tea in his and Kaoru's glasses; it looked similar enough to beer that the others wouldn't notice.
The first of the luxury cars was pulling up to the front of the house. Hikaru slid from the window seat to greet their guests.
Down in the grand foyer, one of the maids swept the two story front doors open to reveal Hunny and Mori.
"Happy birthday, Hika-kun and Kao-kun!" Hunny said happily. Hikaru and Kaoru trotted down the last flight of the curving staircase.
"Hey guys." Hikaru said.
"About time."Kaoru added, kidding. Over Hunny's head and through the open door, Kaoru saw another car arriving.
"That's probably Milord and Haruhi. He probably convinced her to ride with him again." he said. His guess was confirmed when the car's occupants spilled out, an overly enthusiastic blonde and a tiny, dark haired girl. She was carrying two small, neatly wrapped packages, which she handed to the twins when she arrived on their doorstep. Tamaki was following her, unable to see beyond the gigantic wrapped package that he was carrying. As soon as he got to the door Mori grabbed the box from him and set it down.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU BOTH!" Tamaki said extraordinarily loudly, as he hugged both of the twins.
"Jeez, milord. Back off." Hikaru said, wrenching himself out of Tamaki's grasp. Offended, Tamaki went to lean against the door in a sullen model's pose. His plan worked for about ten milliseconds, for the door wasn't supported by anything. It swung open, causing Tamaki to fall backwards and go tumbling down the front steps. His fall was stopped by a tree.
Tachibana held Kyoya's door open, and the Low Blood Pressure Demon Lord ascended the steps to the Hitachiin mansion. As he passed by Tamaki, he glanced at him and thought about helping him up, but when Tamaki said "Mother, please help me!" Kyoya just walked past him.
"Happy birthday, you two." He said to the twins, handing them a slim box. They waved off the gift and his sentiment like divas. Kyoya made his way over to where Haruhi was standing.
"Yeah, yeah. Heard it before." Hikaru said carelessly. "Just put our gifts over there, guys." Mori picked up the huge box Tamaki had brought, which no doubt contained something completely useless, and followed everyone into the sitting room. Once an opulent pile of gifts had been formed, and Tamaki had dragged himself back into the room, Kaoru suggested they play poker. But first, they went in search of alcohol. Rich bastards will act like rich bastards, as Haruhi so eloquently put it.
"Well, men - and Haruhi," Hikaru added hastily, "let's play some poker. Losing hands take a drink. Ready?" The assembled club members nodded, and play commenced. Hikaru dealt, and each viewed his opening hand.
Hikaru looked around the table, which was inlaid with lapis lazuli mosaics, and sized up his competition.
Honey – no opposition there.
Honey had such an open face that his fortune or misfortune was always plainly visible. In short, he wasn't a very good poker player.
Mori…I actually don't know. Hell, I don't have a clue.
Kyoya is a threat. He looks like he knows what he's doing.
Kyoya, naturally, was an amazing poker player. He had it all – the composure, quick thinking, the ability to read others.
Hikaru, intent on gauging his opponents' poker prowess, failed to notice that Kyoya and Haruhi's free hands were entwined underneath the table. He was observant in some ways, but completely ignorant in many others. He still hadn't figured out they were dating, and they'd been together for four months.
Tamaki was an open book. He might as well be screaming that he had a moderate hand…perhaps a pair?
As for Kaoru, Hikaru could read his every expression, every subtle quirk in his persona. Easy.
He looked at his hand. Score! A pair of jacks. Knowing that this was a fantastic hand to begin with, Hikaru started betting heavily. By the end of the round, he had only twenty dollars in chips held in reserve. The final round of betting ensued, and Hikaru smiled. Got this in the bag. And then Kyoya laid his hand on the table.
He had a flush. Shit.
While Kyoya raked in a huge pile of chips, Hikaru remembered the penalty he had set earlier, and angrily drank some of his beer. The others did as well; Honey and Tamaki had both opted to drink sparkling water instead of beer, but the twins had spiked Tamaki's with vodka. He was always hilarious when tipsy; he would do or say pretty much anything.
The rest of the game followed suit – Kyoya dominating, with Hikaru either coming in second or occasionally beating him. By the end of the game, Mori and Haruhi were broke. Haruhi was so awful at poker that she had managed to lose even with Kyoya constantly and discreetly adding chips to her pile. She couldn't gamble to save her life, but Kyoya sure could.
Everybody was sufficiently tipsy at this point, which would aid Hikaru in the next stage of his plot. Time for the next game.
"Has anyone ever heard of the commoner game 'Never Have I Ever?'" Hikaru asked the group. Tamaki shot up out of his chair in excitement, and in his haste his elbow clipped his drink. It spilled all over him, the table, and everything else, but he was too caught up in his joy to care.
Sopping wet and dripping alcohol on the marble flooring, he said excitedly, "It's really popular at parties! Can we please please please play?"
"All in good time, Tamaki. Haruhi, I'm guessing that you've played this before. Do you want to explain?" She shook her head.
"The honor's all yours."
"Excellent. Basically, one person says 'Never have I ever' and then says something they have never done. If someone else in the circle has done it, they have to take a drink. They also have to explain the circumstances, if the person who issued the question tells them to. And don't you dare lie." He looked at Kaoru, and identical, mischievous grins spread onto their faces. "Because if you do, I have some very, very nasty plans up my sleeve. Got it?" Everyone got up from the poker table because it was still covered in Tamaki's sparkling water/vodka, and headed into one of the mansion's many lounges. Nobody, excluding Kyoya, was very sober; Mori slammed his head into a shelf when they were walking down the hallway, and Haruhi was giggling in a very un-Haruhi like manner. Kyoya was walking with his hand on her elbow in case she tripped.
They reached the lounge and all sat down, but Haruhi noticed that Tamaki wasn't there.
"Guys, where's Tamaki?" she asked. Just this simple question had the twins snickering. They just shook their heads.
"He'll be here soon, Haruhi. Chill." Kaoru said, smirking.
When he'd asked Hikaru to borrow some clothes because his were sopping wet, Tamaki wasn't exactly sober. So when Hikaru had said "Sure, Tamaki, but the only clean clothes I have are these…" Tamaki had completely believed that Hikaru only had one clean outfit, even though Hikaru was filthy rich, like everyone else at Ouran (Haruhi, as always, excepted). So Tamaki had accepted the proffered clothing and gone to change. Hikaru, impatient and sick of waiting, had ditched Tamaki and gone to the lounge.
When Tamaki finally showed up, his appearance sent the twins into hysterics.
For starters, he was wearing an extremely bright pink shirt with bold black lettering. Upon closer examination, it said:
"Let's get one thing straight - I'm not."
To complement the shirt, which Kaoru had bought for Hikaru as a joke, Tamaki wore the tightest pair of leather pants known to man. Hikaru and Kaoru had actually hand tailored them to Tamaki's measurements.
Wondering why everyone was laughing at him, Tamaki asked "What's so funny, guys?" Hikaru couldn't answer, because he was literally rolling on the floor he was laughing so hard. Kyoya was trying not to laugh to Tamaki's face and barely succeeding, but Haruhi was laughing unashamedly, unable to keep her composure in the face of alcohol and gayboy pants. She laughed so hard she fell off of the chair she was sharing with Kyoya. Mori was actually chuckling, and Hunny was giggling.
Kaoru had tears streaming silently down his cheeks, and was doubled over laughing. He wiped the tears away and managed to say "…Not you…Hunny…said something…"
Tamaki didn't care. The pants were pretty comfortable, after all. And he loved the color of the shirt; it was sooo bright! He settled down next to Mori on the floor.
"Let's get started, guys!" he chirped.
Once he had stopped laughing and regained the ability to speak, Kaoru said "I'll go first." He was sitting on an elegant, olive green sofa, sandwiched between Hikaru and Honey.
"Never have I ever…punched a dentist." Kaoru said maliciously. Hikaru gave him an extremely dirty look before taking a drink. So did Hunny. Surprised, Kaoru added "Explain, guys."
"I really don't like the dentist, and I had to get a root canal…" Tamaki snickered, but poorly covered it up by pretending to cough.
"In other words, after that appointment we got sued and had to find a new dentist." Kaoru added.
"I had eight cavities once." Honey said. "And the dentist tried to give me six shots on the roof of my mouth." Hikaru winced, which had everyone else laughing.
"We're going in a circle, right?" Honey asked. Hikaru nodded. "Then it's my turn!"
"Never have I ever cheated on a test!" he said happily. The twins and Tamaki drank. Kyoya took a sip so quickly that Hikaru almost missed it. But he didn't miss it, so he winked at Kyoya, and then inwardly laughed at the look on the boy's face.
"Never have I ever kissed a member of the same gender." Mori said quietly. Haruhi, obviously, took a drink. The twins tried to hide it, but they drank too. Under the gazes of the entire club, Kaoru broke down.
"We were five, okay? It didn't mean anything!" Kaoru said indignantly. "Just because I like guys doesn't mean I've…" He flushed a brilliant shade of red to match his hair.
Kaoru was silently freaking out. He couldn't believe he'd said it! Hikaru was never going to look at him the same way again. Now that Hikaru knew his dirty little secret, everything between them would be so…altered. Hikaru was obviously not interested in him in that way, the way Kaoru so desperately wished him to be, and this one tipsy slip-up would change everything.
Hikaru, very aware that his right side was pressed flush against Kaoru's, was also freaking out.
Holy shit. Holy effing shit. He's gay. That means that…I have a chance. Rash as ever, Hikaru decided to carry out his confession plan. That one revelation had filled him with hope that maybe, just maybe, things would work out.
"My turn! My turn!" Tamaki was practically jumping. "Never have I ever…been on LSD!" Of all people, Kyoya drank. He was lying on the floor on his stomach, about a foot away from Haruhi. Seeing the shock mirrored on every face, he explained.
"It was all Tamaki's fault, actually. He decided I needed to 'loosen up a little', so he drugged me." Kyoya sure didn't look happy about this. Everybody stared at the blonde. Tamaki was much scarier than they had thought.
"But Kyoyaaaaaa…" Tamaki whined, dragging out the last syllable of his name, "You were being so boring! And I wanted you to have fun!" Make that extraordinarily scary and absolutely idiotic.
Hikaru had finally noticed that Haruhi was practically sitting on Kyoya's lap, so he decided to test his theory.
"Ohhkaay then. Never have I ever dated someone from club." Hikaru said. Kyoya and Haruhi both picked up their cups and drank. Since nobody else drank, it was pretty obvious who they had dated.
"So, you're dating each other. Unless Renge is involved…" Hikaru postulated maliciously. Kyoya spit his drink out.
"When hell freezes over." he said. Haruhi hurriedly corrected him. "No way. Renge doesn't even know about us, so don't tell her. Actually, you guys are the first to know."
"We won't tell anyone, Haru-chan!" Hunny said, happy that Haruhi and Kyoya had finally confessed. He and Mori had figured it out about a week after the two had gotten together, but hadn't told anyone.
"Never have I ever been… attracted to somebody of the same gender." Haruhi said. Nobody moved; the room's occupants froze. Breaking the tension, Kaoru raised his cup to his mouth slowly, and drank. Several awkward seconds passed silently. Hikaru was steeling himself to just pick up the damn cup already, but he lost his nerve and chickened out, aborting that step of the plan, and therefore going straight to phase three.
"This is getting boring. How about we spice it up a little?" he said carelessly.
"In what way?" Kyoya asked cautiously, wondering what Hikaru had hidden up his sleeve.
"Why Kyoya, thank you for asking first. We are going to play a little game called 'Five Truths and a Lie'. To start, pick one person please, Kyoya." Hikaru's eyes met Kyoya's, and the redhead, while pretending to stretch, pointed his leg at Tamaki.
"Tamaki." The blonde winced, envisioning torture in the form of the twins making Haruhi dress provocatively, then finding a can of whipped cream; with cream-that-had-been-whipped in hand, they would stand menacingly over her, while she cowered in a corner covered by their pooling shadows…
"Okay, Tamaki. You need to leave the room until we motion for you to come back in. I'll explain the rest of the game to you once we've finished our part in here. And please shut the door on your way out." Hikaru said, dissolving Tamaki's delusions into dust.
Tamaki walked out, oblivious to the plotting going on in the lounge and fully occupied with his daydreams about him heroically rescuing Haruhi.
He believed the twins were his biggest competition for Haruhi's heart, when in reality, he had nothing to worry about from Hikaru and Kaoru. Or from anyone aside from Kyoya, who had already staked his claim to Haruhi. Really, Tamaki had zero chance with her. He still ignored the fact that she was with Kyoya, hoping that she would one day 'come to her senses' and rush to him, instead of his best friend.
"Here's the plan." Hikaru said. "We're going to have a little fun with Tono, and here's how."
He proceeded to outline what was probably the most outlandish plan he'd ever concocted.
"When we tell Tono to come back in, we'll say that we changed our minds, and instead are going to play Seven Minutes in Heaven. More likely than not he'll want to go first, which we will let him do. Then we will send somebody else in there, and watch the fun begin. Any volunteers?" Everybody looked at Haruhi. She shook her head emphatically.
"If you send me in there, I won't come out alive." Which actually made sense. Tamaki would probably smother her with kisses.
Kyoya, surprisingly enough, agreed also.
"If we send Haruhi in there, it's too obvious who she is. The only indicator Tamaki will have of the identity of our sacrifice is the sound of their footsteps, and Haruhi's are too distinct. The rest of us, excluding Hunny, are around the same weight. It makes sense to send someone else." He said this sensibly, in a no-nonsense manner, as if this was all business to him, and nothing more.
In reality, he just didn't want Haruhi getting molested by Tamaki.
"Let me think…got it!" Hikaru swiveled to face Mori, who was sitting at the foot of Honey's chair. "Mori, you'll walk in. Since you're so quiet, Tamaki won't know who walked in. When he tries to kiss you, bitchslap him. Or whatever else you want to do. And when he runs out screaming, we'll enact phase two."
"Which is…?" Haruhi asked.
"While Tamaki and Mori are occupied, we are going to disperse across the mansion. Honey is going to hide in the kitchen and Mori will join him shortly after phase one, Kyoya and Haruhi will be on the roof, and Kaoru and I will be hiding in the room we share. Honey and Mori will hide in the kitchen because we have fresh cake…and that's the only reason I could think of for you guys to hide there." Kaoru got off of the couch and grabbed a small box from behind the armchair Haruhi and Kyoya were in.
"Kaoru and I will hide in our room, because it seems too obvious, and so Tamaki will never think to look there. Kyoya and Haruhi, you'll be on the roof because there's only one door to it, and Tamaki doesn't know where that door is." While Hikaru was speaking, Kaoru handed out small handheld screens to each pair. Kaoru then explained the screens to the group.
"These are security monitors. The button on the side switches between the various security cameras in the mansion. With these, you guys can watch Tamaki going crazy from anywhere near the mansion's wireless mainframe. The only place that doesn't have a camera is the roof, and I don't know why not. So if we lose Tamaki, more likely than not he is there."
"Everyone ready?" Hikaru asked. Everyone murmured their assent, so Hikaru and Kaoru got up and left the room to look for Tamaki. They could hear the twins yelling "TONO!" at the top of their lungs.
"You guys sure you want to do this?"
A/N: Multiple days…nine pages…and a minor concussion later, here we are! I got a concussion because I was in my pool, and this total loser (one of my best guy friends…but he's still an ass for doing this) jumped in, right on top of my head. The people in the emergency room thought this was pretty funny, for some reason.
So, what do you think so far? I've blown off studying for round one of my AP exams for this - not that I mind!
Gah…I have to take AP exams two years instead of one, because I'm taking AP class's junior (this year) and senior year. So if you guys review, then I won't feel so awful when I fail…just kidding. I think.
I never realized it, but I've mentioned Kami, without explaining it. Kami is a Japanese spirit/deity – basically, the equivalent of saying God, here in the homeland.
Hehe…there is more to come. I promise!
Just to let you guys know…the more you review, the faster I will get the next chapter up. It's motivation and pretty much the same as bribing me…except I'm receiving absolutely no monetary compensation for my endeavors on . Right, lawyers?
Dang, that was a long A/N.