Well this story is my gift to Vincia for the Secret Santa swap, so I really hope you enjoy this!

I don't own anything just using the wonderful characters...

"And it was the touch of imperfect upon the would-be perfect that gave the sweetness, beacause it was that which gave the humanity"

― Thomas Hardy, Tess of the D'Urbervilles

Chapter 1:

Her eyes were darting their focus around the room, her heart rate well above average, as well as her extremities shaking. It feels like the floor broke underneath her and she was free falling.

This isn't the first time Liz had woken up from this nightmare, to find him sleeping soundly with his arms wrapped around her waist holding her closely to him. Like he is afraid she would leave him.

The nightmare always starts off the same way; Liz and Red are married. Or at least that's what the matching bands around their ring finger suggests. That gives Liz the first sign that she is dreaming. There is no way Red would ever allow that to happen, it is way too dangerous and a man like him would never be tied down to one women. That doesn't stop Liz from being in a relationship with him, she cares for him deeply and not that she would say but she loves him. She just pretends and tells herself that he isn't going to leave her, or do anything to hurt her.

This reoccurring dream is just the manifestation of all of her fears she refused to acknowledge.

And as a couple they are walking hand in hand somewhere Liz knows but not consciously.

And everything is just peaceful.. The sounds and scents of the outdoors mixed with her best friend and lover holding her hand. If the dream could just continue, just like it is at that moment, life would be wonderful.

Then out of now where, and at various points in the dream Red pulls out a gun. Sometimes it right after she looks down at there hands and smiles, other times it's after they kiss and other times it's after Liz says the three little words non-dream Red has never heard escape her lips.

Once the gun is out it only takes a matter if seconds before the muzzle of the gun is placed against the left rib cage. And he laughs dangerously and pulls the trigger.

To which bring us to the end of Liz's dream, or rather her worst nightmare.

This time felt so different, maybe because he was so angry with her last night because she screwed up and allowed the suspect to run away from them.

/././././././././.

"Seriously Elizabeth?" Her growled at her the second they were inside of his safehouse and away from the eyes of the FBI and random passers by.

"That was the last of my contacts for this blacklister and because of your mistake he is gone!" Red yelled; he had never yelled at her.

"I'm sorry! Ok? You never told me who I was to play in this meeting so I went in as Elizabeth Keen, the FBI agent because... I don't know... That's who I am! Do you honestly think I would compromise the case on purpose?" Liz yelled back as she failed to see how it was her fault.

"That's who you are? Really because I took you for a hell of a lot smarter than what you showed in there. And seeing that I clearly don't know who you are, I don't know if you would compromise this on purpose."

Red poured himself a glass of scotch without asking her if she wanted anything, threw it back drinking it in only a few sips and slammed it on the table. Only adding fuel to Liz's anger.

"I guess I don't know you either." She whispered, unwilling to cry in front of him.

"Nope, you really don't, sweetheart." The criminal said with a laugh laced into the comment.

"I'm going to bed. I am sorry about my mess up today, regardless of what you may think I didn't do it on purpose and I wouldn't try to compromise anything you are helping us achieve. In regards to us, I really thought I knew you better. I'm gonna sleep in a guest room, don't come in." Liz said flustered, upset and angry. She thought that leaving the situation would be best before she stabbed another pen into his neck.

He let her leave without another word.

Red walked over to the back door, gently pulling it open to go sit out on the patio, even if it was the middle of winter. He needed to think. Yes, he didn't explicitly tell her, "you cannot be yourself as it will cause ruin to the entire case." But he did mention that law enforcement was a stressor and would cause him to panic. And maybe he overreacted, but she needed to understand how detrimental it was to the case. A cigar later he calmed down, this wasn't worth losing his Lizzie over.

Knocking lightly on her door, he could hear faint sobs coming from her. "Lizzie, sweetheart, can we talk?"

"Red...?" She said shocked and rather confused.

He opened the door slightly and saw Elizabeth sitting on the floor against the bed, eye makeup smeared all down her cheeks and her eye burning red making her blue pupils appear brighter. She was truly beautiful. "Oh sweetheart."

"Red, I'm so so sorry. I really didn't mean to screw everything up so badly. You just didn't tell me and so I so stupidly believed I was being myself... Which really is me being myself. And... And I know you mentioned before that he got freaked out from law enforcement and I was still stupid..." Liz was sobbing harder than before. "I'm so sorry! Please don't leave. Please continue working on the list, please don't let me be what causes this to end... I'll stop being on the task force and we clearly can't be together... Just I'm sorry."

Red was shocked, too shocked to interrupt her, but when she finished he knew that he had to do something. Red sat on the floor and pulled her unto his lap, pushing his lips almost roughly against hers holding her hips tightly afraid she would try to pull away. Releasing her lips after a moment, he maintained his grip on her hips. "Of course I am going to continue my list, one mistake isn't going to stop us, but I only speak to Elizabeth Keen." He shot her a smile. "As for us, I don't think we are over. I'm not over you at least."

Tears still slowly rolled down her face, "Why did you say those things to me?"

"I was mad. Horribly mad at the situation and truthfully, you. After thinking for a while, I found myself more at fault than you. And I'm the one who should be apologizing profusely, not you love, you were acting how you have been trained. Which to go along with that, you are not stupid." He took her face in between his hands. "You are brilliant and one moment doesn't change that." Feeling cautiously daring he leaned forward and pressed at quick kiss to her nose. "You're also quite beautiful."

Liz couldn't help but grin at him. He was so frustrating but then he did things like that and her heart melts.

"I should be mad at you, I know I should. But then you kiss my nose and I can't help but feel my heart flutter and my anger dissipate." She looked at him, waiting. He had to make the next move, and she wasn't going to give in anymore than she just did.

"Oh Lizzie..." Red flashed her a crooked smile before he flipped them over so her back was against the carpeted floor and he was balanced on his forearms above her.

Red leaned forward to start kissing her, however was stopped when her hands pushed him at his chest. "What is it?"

"We can't do this. I am still mad at you and there is no way you are completely over it. And if we do this tonight then the next fight we have instead of even talking through it we are gonna end up here."

"I hope we would end in bed..."

Liz cut off the end, "No! Don't try to make this a joke."

"Okay Lizzie, we won't do this tonight. But, you are coming to bed with me." Red stood up pulling her up with him. He looked into eyes and briefly smiled before leaning in to kiss her cheek.

"You can kiss me at least." Liz smiled. Red leaned forward pressing his lips against hers, and hands at her hips. Liz responded immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck and slowly running her tongue against Red's bottom lip.

When they pulled apart Red grabbed her hand and he led her into their bedroom. Instead of their usual, which is undressing the other before they changed for bed, they went separate ways.

Laying down first, Red watched her pull her shirt off and over her head, unclip her bra and slide his button down over her shoulders, completely unaware of his watchful eyes. After removing her pants she walked over to the bed and caught him smirking. "You watched me change didn't you."

"Let's go to sleep, it's been a long day." Red wrapped his arms around her and they fell asleep.

/

Well now Liz is where she is and even though they made up that memory made her dream appear lifelike. It breathed life into an already terrifying nightmare.

Liz must have been shaking more than usual and startled Red from his slumber. He mumbled something against her neck. And when that didn't calm her Red rolled her over to get a good at her face before moving to switch on the bedside lamp.

Liz's eyes were red, bloodshot and filled to the edge with tears. Her rate rate is way faster than usual, and Liz is practically hyperventilating. Along with her shaking arms and legs.

"Lizzie, sweetheart, are you okay?"

Liz searches his face and notices how distraught he is.

"You would never want to...to get rid me, would you?" Tears flooding her eyes and leaving trails down her cheeks.

"My dear! Heavens no! You are the most important thing to me! I would never and will never hurt you." He lightly pressed his lips to hers. "I won't push you right now to tell me, but at some point you are going to okay? And we can fix this."

Liz buried her face into his neck and felt his warm hand travel up and down her back. Neither fell back asleep that night.

Almost a week later Red was no closer to figuring out what her dream was about. And Liz was becoming more and more distant.

"Red! I don't want to talk about it! Please don't make me!" She was crying and yelling. And he just kept getting closer to her and... And Liz was terrified.

"Elizabeth! You won't let me touch you, won't let me kiss you, and you can't even talk to me without you being scared of me. So darling please tell me!" Red calmly but his tone was becoming increasingly angrier and louder as he spoke.

"I can't tell you." Liz yelled.

"I thought you would want to fix us, Lizzie. But clearly you don't want to." Red gave up and turned to walk away from her, running his hands across his shaved head.

"Are you saying we aren't a thing anymore?" Her voice increasingly getting higher in pitch and the tears falling faster down her face.

"As much as it pains me to say it, Lizzie, yes. I am saying we aren't together anymore. I'm sorry you don't trust me enough, and I will never let anything happen to you. But we are only hurting each other."

Red grabbed his fedora and his jacket and walked out of their apartment. Out of her life forever, it seemed. For all Liz knows she could be out of a job already. Liz really screwed things up this time.

This is exactly what she was afraid of with their last fight and her dream.