A/N: Ahoy there matey's, for any of those who are confused, this is the prequel to our fic A Pair of Ruby Slippers. You do not, however, have to read that to understand this. You do, however, have to read our bios to understand the intricacies of RAFT.

This takes place during the 5th book, but some things will definitely be occ, because this is a humor fic people, some things will be a bit different. Alright, now that that's over, time for the RAFT tip of the day: If a random creepy old man comes up to you in a dark ally and asks if you would like to see his wand, kick him and run.

When lifeboats don't fly…….

Flying high up in the sky, a pirate crew celebrated their latest plunder with rum and cupcakes, their flight in the sky going smoothly from the copious amount of faerie dust poured on the ship earlier that day. Suddenly…..

"BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!" The crew looked up to see a fancy looking pirate with curly black hair and a hook for a hand following them in a hot air balloon. Shit.

"Ah ha! I have finally found you, you pink pirate ship stealing perpetrator! Prepare to boarded!"

"Quick, everyone to the lifeboats! We're out of ammo, we'll put the ship on auto-pilot!" Captain Alejandra the fearsome pink Spanish pirate princess also known as Alex called out to her crew of the Flying Crocodile Machine to the brave, lovely, awe-inspiring Quartermaster Charlie Thermina Brown, and Garrett, the cabin boy.

"Um guys, we couldn't have run out of ammo, guys come back! Uh guys!" The captain and quartermaster paid no attention to the small cabin boy's plea; instead they piled into the lifeboat.

"Quick, get the rum and hobos, Garrett the cabin boy must defend the ship! Go fight with honor! And if that doesn't work, cheat!"

"Uh…" Charlie began lowering the lifeboat, until she sneezed, and let go of the rope. The lifeboat began to plummet.

"Think happy thoughts! Think happy thoughts! Why isn't this working?"

"Um Alex was I supposed to put fairy dust on the lifeboats too?"

"You didn't?" Charlie shook her head, and the girls proceeded to scream bloody murder.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"HOLY SHIIIIIIIITT!!!" Suddenly, the boat landed with a crash on…………water?

"Is everyone okay?" Charlie and Alex groaned and sat up before looking around confusedly.

"How the hell did we actually land on a lake? Huzzah, we're saved!" They began to cheer and dance on the boat happily, before Alex broke a bottle of rum out of nowhere and they began drinking happily. Charlie looked over when she noticed something…there were four small children on a boat next to them….and they were staring at them in fear.

"Ahoy there fellow sea-faring comrades, come, join our festivities!" A few minutes later, all four first years were on the lifeboat with them, happily sharing in the rum stock. By now they were halfway across the lake, and unbeknownst to anyone, they were being followed. Charlie laid the rum bottle on the lifeboat in favor of playing hokey pokey with the others.

"Ummm, excuse me, but I think there's something in the water…" The first year pointed behind him at the large ripples following their boat, the rest of them looked at Alex and Charlie questioningly.

"Fifteen men on a dead man's chest yo ho yo ho…" They would be of little help. The first year looked in fear as a giant tentacle reached up from the water and grabbed him, knocking the rum over in the process. Charlie and Alex looked up in horror, and quickly sprang into action. Charlie pulled a javelin out of nowhere and began throwing them at the giant squid. Alex pulled an anchor up from the bottom of the boat, and began swinging. The other first years screamed and abandoned ship, while Charlie and Alex fought the giant squid for the first year, who was screaming shrilly while the giant squid swung him around, intent on saving him from the crazy pirate ladies.

"Quick Charlie, try plan B!" Just as they were about to launch their second attack, they hit the shore of the lake.

"Hey, what do you girls think you're doing?" The girls looked up from their endeavor, only to see a stout woman with wiry white hair. She took out what appeared to be a stick to Charlie and Alex, waved it around and the first year was released and fell back into the lake.

"Ooooo, neato! Hey lady, where did you get that? I want one too." She pursed her lips in anger.

"You two get over here right now, Hagrid, here are your missing first years." A massive man came into view behind the woman and gathered the first years together before taking them up a path to a large castle…..

"Wow, where the heck are we."

"You are at Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, you both can see the castle?" They both looked at her like she was crazy.

"Well yeah, it's right there." Charlie nodded and the lady sighed in relief.

"Good, and if I'm not mistaken, the two of you sound American, correct?" They both looked at each other wearily and nodded.

"Alright, you ladies may come with me, we'll get this all sorted out."

----------------------------------------------------

"So let me get this right. You two were fighting Captain Hook on your flying pirate ship after having stolen the hope diamond. You abandoned ship after leaving your cabin boy, and ended up on the lake, where you proceeded to battle the giant squid and get a boatful of first years drunk. Am I correct?"

"Yep."

"I see." At that the old man leaned back in his chair and regarded them over his half-moon spectacles.

"Tell me, what academy did the two of you attend in America?" The two of them looked at each other confusedly.

"We don't go to school. We're pirates. If we went to school we couldn't pirate and drink rum."

"I see. Well I have a deal for you two. I can see by looking at you that you two should still be in school. Given the fact that you can see Hogwarts, it means that you two have some form of magic, but you know nothing of the wizarding world. Normally I would contact the American government, but considering how you arrived I will offer you two a place at Hogwarts, so that your magic does not go unchecked, and possibly harm you or a muggle."

"We'll get one of those stick things?"

"Yes."

"Oooohh cool. We're in."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Tryouts for the Quidditch teams will take place on the ---"

"Hem, hem." Charlie and Alex looked up from their intense game of tic-tac-toe, only to see a large frog looking lady about to start a speech. The Dumbledore guy had told them that they would be introduced as foreign exchange students, and given a proper cover story. The frog chick was stepping on their intro time. No one cuts in on intro time.

"…without progress there will be stagnation and decay-Ahh!" Charlie and Alex stood up, and moved to the front where the frog chick stood, and shoved her out of the way.

"I am Alejandra De la Vega, savoir of Spain, and princess of the moon, I vanquish evil-doers, and fight for love and justice!"

"I am Charlie "the venus fly trap" Brown, hauntress of Opera houses, and goddess of love and beauty. I fight to defend the world from villains, and corsets alike." All of the students of Hogwarts sat staring at the odd American girls, who were posing epically in front of the high table.

"Hem, hem." Charlie smacked the toad lady out of the way and they continued on their speech about love and justice.

"---and fight for the cause! Never forget the cause!" They shook their fists and the Hogwarts students roared with applause. They posed again before going and sitting back down. Dumbledore stood up then and walked to the front, past the seething Umbridge.

"And now, let their sorting begin." Alex and Charlie looked at each other. Sorting????