Title: Electromagnets and Equations
Spoilers: General, nothing really specific. Set right after Volume 13's incidents, when Kamui confronts Fuuma.
Summary: In mortal life, the purpose for which things and individuals are actually used deviate sharply from what they were originally meant to be used for. This can open up alternate universes of possibilities and reveal things you would've never guessed about the people and objects around you.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the summary's content and the plot idea. The characters are copyrighted to Clamp because if they belonged to me, X/1999 would be finished.
Rated: T for mild drug use.
Story: Electromagnets and Equations
By Sei-chan-1999
He reached for the syringe on the bedside table while trying not to look at it too carefully. The way it still made him shudder amazed him. He could adapt to the fact that the youth he looked up to as a brother had killed the only girl he'd loved in his life, driving him to insanity for a few hours and the fact that he had faced the aforementioned youth twice, nearly losing his life in both attempts and would probably have to do so soon again in the future.
He could put up with that, with relative ease. He was Kamui after all; the one who represented the majesty of the Gods. There was nothing to it. Or at least, that's what the others thought. If he could tolerate that and live on, he could withstand anything.
But not this stupid needle.
And that too, after weeks of having its contents pushed into his veins to course through his blood and carry out its work within him.
To let him finally sleep. In peace.
Finally, he'd learned to operate the device himself but somehow, that was much worse than turning away and letting someone else do it for him and sparing him the pain of looking at that lethally sharp tip piercing the greenish worm beneath his pale flesh.
He knew it was wrong, cowardly and inconsiderate even if it was right by circumstance. The drug made him forgetful, snappy, delirious and unsteady on his feet hours after it had finished influencing its control over his sleep and he didn't want the others to keep hovering around him. They had lives of their own too. They shouldn't have to be…chained to him.
Kamui let his fingers graze the cold wood of the table, turning his head away, waiting for the inevitable feel of the syringe's slippery plastic wrapper against his skin.
That was why he flinched, when his hand clamped down on the equally alive skin of another's hand that was in turn cupped over the glass and needle apparatus.
Kamui tensed but didn't move his head yet, preferring to stare at the other's reflection hesitantly through the glass of the window he was currently facing that had darkened with the promise of another black night despite the threat of the end of the world.
After his encounter with Fuuma that had left him with multiple fractures and four broken ribs, they'd moved him to a room that was so high up that he could look down and see the lights of Tokyo as if he was in a plane from above. It was beautiful and he'd often stare at that when he had nothing else to do.
"I'm sorry," Kamui said finally, "I know it's wrong but I can't stop it."
The syringe lay under the twisted grip of their hands.
He turned his head, fearing anger or disgust or even worse, pity but preparing himself for them all the while.
Instead, a green eye studied him thoughtfully. They were expressionless. Kamui had often tried to copy him in secret, in front of mirrors, forcing himself to hide the insecurity he felt by pulling on a cape of nonchalance over it all, like smoothing out a mess on his bed by pulling the sheets over it. It never worked for him. Then, he had understood. That sort of act was a discipline by itself and needed years of practice to reach the level of perfection that he desired.
"You don't have to apologize to me. It's your right."
Subaru gently moved his hand away, dislodging Kamui's in the process and let the syringe roll precariously to the very edge of the table. Kamui twitched in spite of himself and knew the next instant that Subaru had seen it. He felt as if he was being played with all over again; being forced to watch a dying lizard writhe on the ground when it would all the more kinder to just pick it up and get rid of the problem without drawing it out. His own anger aimed at Subaru surprised him and Kamui grabbed his hand away, refusing to acknowledge the older youth's presence any further. An inability to handle stress. Yet another side-effect of the medicine that was now as constant in his system as water.
The twenty-five year old onmyouji pulled up a chair next to Kamui's bedside and pulled off his ever-present trench coat, before sitting down with it spread over his knees. Black boots with fraying laces were scuffed with mud stains. His black jeans and T-shirt were creased. His face looked eternally tired and the younger boy found himself wondering if he'd look like that if he ever hit his twenties. Marked by his past for the rest of his future.
"Is there any other way you can get to sleep without that?" Subaru asked quietly and somehow, even that was enough to set him off.
"Maybe you could tell me," he snapped unthinkingly before biting his lip so hard it stung.
"Subaru, I'm sorry! I didn't mean that. Please don't-"
Subaru held up a hand to stop him and Kamui noticed that he was actually smiling a little. If he had had to sketch it at that point, it would've technically still have been a straight line but coming from Subaru…
It just qualified.
Kamui stared at him, wide-eyed, waiting for whatever he was about to given.
"You know what?" the onmyouji said softly after a few moments of suspension, "I think I can."
"Subaru, I-"
"I'll return soon," he said down to the younger boy as he got to his feet, "Don't worry."
Dismayed, Kamui watched him leave, sure that he had banished the only person who had ever truly come close to actually knowing him. Subaru walked straight through the double doors to his room and disappeared down the hallway beyond.
But then, Kamui's glance fell on the chair.
Subaru had left his coat behind. It had been done deliberately. He was sure of it.
It was slumped over the seat of the chair like an unconscious entity and Kamui found himself grinning weakly.
The Sumeragi would be back.
XXXXX
Kamui's briefcase was heavy. According to the timetable in it, he was carrying books for at least three extra subjects, which he supposed was a good sign. It meant that he was taking their joint tutoring sessions all too seriously. Somehow, that thought made him feel more content than all the pretty words of thanks his clients gave him after he had attended on them.
The boy was awake when he came in and looked relived to see him, until he caught sight of what he was holding.
"There's no need to look so worried," he could resist saying, when he saw the look Kamui shot at the briefcase in the other's hands. It would've struck Dragons of Earth dead.
Subaru pulled his coat out of the way and sat down in the chair.
"May I?" he asked, pointing at the case, which he rested on his knees. Kamui observed him warily but nodded.
He opened its clasp and pulled out what he had been expecting to find.
"Subaru, this isn't what I think it is, right?" Kamui began nervously.
"I don't know," Subaru replied simply, "What do you think this is?"
He flipped through the creamy pages until he found the chapter they'd been working on until they'd been forced to stop thanks to Shinjuku falling down around them.
"Subaru," the boy began helplessly but it was easy to cut him off after he had picked a particularly hideous sentence that took up half the page.
"The electromotive force, or e.m.f of a cell, equals the work done, in moving a unit positive charge from the positive terminal of a cell through the external circuit to the negative terminal of the cell and then in moving it-"
"I've forgotten all of this," Kamui muttered shamefacedly and that stopped Subaru. They'd barely gotten to this part of the chapter when hell had broken loose again, which had ended in Yuzuriha's disappearance, Saiki's death and a traumatized Kamui being confined to a hospital bed for the past few days. Subaru wouldn't have blamed him if he'd forgotten the whole book in the midst of a mess like that.
They stared at each other; Kamui was flushed from the consternation of the past few minutes and couldn't even meet his eyes. He was toying with the covers on his bed.
Subaru was angry with himself for being so insensitive but made sure not to let the younger boy see it. It'd only cause him more pain.
"That's fine," he said pleasantly, "We'll go back to the beginning of the chapter and work together from there."
Truth be told, he needed a revision as well.
XXXX
"I'm still awake."
"I see."
The boy wasn't lying to him or challenging him. It was clear as day. His eyes were too alert for eleven in the night and he was beginning to shift uncomfortably again. Subaru was beginning to wonder if this was a mistake. Kamui seemed to really be taking in everything he was decrypting and had even managed to answer most of the questions at the back of the textbook without too much trouble.
He's terrified. He doesn't want to go to sleep.
"Which lesson do you dislike the most?" Subaru asked casually, leaning forward as if he wasn't really concerned.
Amethyst eyes narrowed.
"Electromagnetism. Why do you ask?"
Subaru smirked internally as he flipped back to the table of contents. For the first time in his life, he experienced what he decided was what his sister had felt every time she found a novel and unconventional way to destroy the monotony of his life.
"Subaru!"
XXX
"….with diameter of the coil generally smaller than it's length is referred to as a solenoid."
The sixteen-year-old was fast asleep with his dark head pressed against Subaru's thigh and his arms wrapped around the older man's waist. He was still half draped across the bed and Subaru smiled as he closed the book to put it down on the table next to the syringe. For good measure, he swept the glass apparatus off the table and watched it shatter against the polished floor. The translucent pool of liquid showed him his own face. He turned away.
He carefully hauled the teenager off of him and back into the bed, so Kamui was curled up on his side and drew up the covers to his thin shoulders.
"Sleep well," he whispered and kissed the boy's forehead. Kamui didn't stir. For the first time, he looked truly exhausted.
He left the Physics book there, should Kamui wake up in the middle of the night and need something to get back to sleep.
He took the briefcase for himself.
One last look at the sleeping boy and he departed after leaving on a small light.
In retrospect, he'd been rather lenient with Kamui, unable to bring himself to end it sooner and break their companionship.
No matter. He was sure that there'd be a next time.
And maybe then, they could do Chemistry together.
Subaru shut his eyes as he leaned his head against the door and really smiled for once.
He'd make Kamui balance the equations.
The End.
_x_
Author's Note:
I apologize for a simple one-shot fanfic being this long but this story is something I wrote at 10:30 in the night to get over the pain of having my wisdom teeth removed surgically (it is not fun having a mouth full of stitches) and the weird effect of the amnesia inducing drug they gave me so I don't remember anything of it.
I was also in a seriously celebratory mood because I'm done with tenth grade, I detest science and I hope I'll be dropping them in favor for Arts soon. However if Subaru were the one teaching me, I'd have to amend that.
The Physics passages were from my own textbook, by the way, because Kamui and me fall around the same age, if I'm right. XD
Please read this unbearably long one-shot, leave a review/comment and/or let me think what you think about it. I'd appreciate it and would gladly return the favor.