WARNING: THIS STORY IS GOING TO DEAL WITH SOME HEAVY ISSUES.
A/N: It's baccckk! The goal is to finish it this time!
Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. This is a work of fiction that I am not making a profit off of.
Flashback
"So," The silver haired woman started, sliding her thick red framed glasses over her eyes as she leaned back into her chair. She opened a leather journal and placed it in her lap, pen ready in her left hand. "How are you feeling today?"
"Pretty good." Raven shrugged, slipping her shoes off and pulling her legs to the couch to sit cross-legged. "Things have been pretty quiet at the Tower."
"You've been spending a lot of time in the Tower?"
"We had a small alert, but Cyborg was already out. He was able to take care of it solo, but," She confirmed, playing with her fingers. "I've mostly spent the last few weeks packing."
The silver haired woman nodded, making a note. "How's that going?"
"I've been surprised at the amount of things I've accumulated." Raven smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.
"That's always the case when moving." She laughed. "Have you told your friends, Raven?"
"I told Cyborg. He was surprisingly understanding about the situation." Raven admitted. She honestly expected him to try to talk her out of it. "I think I'm going to tell Starfire soon."
"So," She nodded, taking more notes. "You haven't told your other friends?"
"Bee, she's the leader of Titan's East, knows. And, Arsenal knows.." Raven huffed, tangling her fingers through her hair. "That's it for now."
"You haven't told Nightwing? I figured he would have been the first to know. "
"We've talked about me moving, but he doesn't know I've made a decision. He thinks I am still thinking about it." Her eyes widened, feeling her stomach twist. "He doesn't know I've been packing. I'm afraid he'll try to change my mind."
"You'll have to tell him eventually."
"I planned to tell him the day I leave."
Irisnodded. "When is are you leaving?"
"Next week."
"Flying?"
Raven shook her head. "No. I, uhhh," She paused. "I'm going to take a little road trip with Arsenal."
Iris made another note, her eyebrows raising in interest. "What are you feeling right now?"
The empath shook her head, trying to name the feelings that surrounded her. "Nervousness, dread, ashamed-"
"Ashamed?" The silver haired woman lowered her pen, giving her patient her full attention. "Let's talk about why."
Violet eyes drifted to the slate white carpet, she pulled a pillow in her lap digging her fingers in the fabric. "I feel like I'm running from my problems again. I feel like I should be strong enough to endure this whole mess, but," Raven confessed. "It hurts, and I'm embarrassed that I feel this weak."
"I think it takes an incredibly strong person to name what they are feeling and confront it."
"I'm running, like I've done before."
She shook her head. "We've talked about this move and your motivations behind it for last few months, and I truly believe you're doing this for yourself. Now, if you just up and decided to leave, without thinking and processing your feelings, I would caution you to reconsider."
"I'm just worried I'm not making the right decision," Raven confessed. "But I feel like I can't keep going in the environment I'm in."
"Raven," The older woman leaned closer to the empath. "You have been through so many extraordinarily unbelievable circumstances. You've been abandoned, abused, and assaulted. You've faced the end of the world-"
Literally.
"And you're still standing. You deserve to be happy." She told her. "You deserve to be selfish."
Raven nodded.
"Even though you have made significant progress, I still recommend you continue therapy."
"I planned on researching a psychiatrist once I settled in Steel."
"I'd like to recommend a colleague of mine in Gotham." Iris told her, grabbing a post it note. Her pen scribbled down the information. "She has experience working with people in your particular line of work, so she will be able to understand what you've been through." She handed Raven the post it note.
"Thank you."
"It's a two hour drive from Steel, but she's worth it." Iris assured. "I also recommend getting an appointment before your birthday. Maybe consider attending a support group this year?"
Raven shook her head. "I don't think-"
"I just want to consider the fact that you're making a lot changes around your birthday, and you won't have the support you normally have."
Raven nodded, lips twisting in a frown.
Flash Forward
"You don't have to do this."
"You're right." Raven forced a small smile to her face as she leaned against the wall. "I've made a choice. I don't have to move, but I've decided to." She sighed, leaning against the kitchen counter. "I can't stay here anymore."
"When?" Nightwing questioned, placing a mug in front of her.
Her fingers circled around the mug as she pulled it closer to her. "I'm leaving tonight." Her fingers tapped the ceramic rhythmically as she waited for her coffee to cool.
"Raven…"
"I know, I know." She could feel his hurt and anger roll off in waves. Her eyes drifted to the plain bagel coated in cinnamon sugar cream cheese in front of her.
"You should have told me," He sighed, setting his mug down as he pressed his palms on the counter. "Us," He corrected. "A lot sooner. I mean, what are you gonna tell Cy, Kori-"
"I told Cyborg about two weeks ago. He helped me pack and ship things to Steel." She confessed. Their conversation had her stomach in knots, but she took a bite of her bagel anyway. "And I told Star on Thursday."
That certainly explained why the empath had allowed Starfire to take her to the mall for shopping, haircuts, manicures, pedicures, and dinner yesterday. "Have you told Changeling or Terra?"
She took another bite of the bagel, shaking her head. "No. I was hoping you'd tell them."
"I think your friends would appreciate hearing it from you."
Her chest burned as she felt a stab of panic. "I'd rather not." Raven took a sip of her coffee, frowning. She never understood how he was able to drink black coffee or why he was determined to get her to appreciate the flavor every morning.
Nightwing walked over to the fridge and retrieved the coffee creamer. "You're not leaving because of them are you?" He asked quietly, pulling her cup toward him.
"No." She answered, watching him fix her coffee.
"But?" He pushed, placing the mug in front of her.
Raven sighed, violet eyes looking all most pitiful as she forced herself not frown. "What do you want me to say?"
"I want to know why you're leaving." Nightwing told her truthfully. "You're the closest thing that I have to a sister, and I," He paused, shaking his head as he searched for the right words. "I just want to know how we got here. I thought things were okay. I thought you worked through the trauma and…" He trailed off unsure of how to word the things that had happened in her history.
"Things are okay, but," Raven confirmed. "I have worked through as much as I can in three years, but it's going to be a constant struggle." She told him.
He knew.
"But, I don't think I can move forward here." She could feel the sadness of acceptance slowly washing over him. "I honestly and truly believe the best thing I can do for myself and my mental health is to move." She didn't want to tell him that she'd considered quitting the Titans all together.
"He's not in love with her."
She couldn't blame him for trying. "That's not why I'm leaving."
"But it's a factor."
She couldn't deny it. "It's part of it."
"It's puppy love."
"We're not puppies anymore, Richard." The violet haired teen reminded him. "And you're not an empath."
"Doesn't matter." Nightwing shrugged. "I don't need to be an empath to see that it's puppy love."
"And you're a relationship expert?" Raven snorted bitterly, taking a sip of her coffee. Much better now. "Since when?"
"Since I had a nasty case of puppy love for years with Kori." The masked leader admitted. "They don't know each other. Their conversations don't go deeper than what pizza topping they want or what game they want to play. They don't even fight."
"Maybe they don't have anything to fight about." Raven shrugged.
"No." Nightwing disagreed firmly. "I don't trust a couple that doesn't fight. The conflict resolution skills of a couple are a strong indicator of a relationship's survival rate. They haven't had one fight since Terra came back almost two years ago."
"That you know of."
"Kori and I have doubled with them. Many times." He reached over to her plate, snatching the bagel. "I'm telling you," He took a bite. "Their relationship is superficial."
"They're happy." Raven wasn't sure she was saying it to prove her point to Nightwing or to remind herself of that fact. "I'm not going to sit around waiting for their relationship to fail."
"You're not. You know him-"
"I appreciate you trying to make me feel better."
"Raven, I would never say something untrue just to make you feel better."
"I know." She assured, her hands tightening around her mug. "I think you want to believe it because it causes me less pain, and I appreciate that."
"I know what I know."
She smiled softly. "I'm still going."
"What if they weren't together?"
Raven looked at him. She pretended not to consider his words. "What if the sky were orange?" She shrugged. "What if doesn't matter in the world facts."
Nightwing sighed loudly. "Okay." His voice was low. "I'm gonna miss you. Who else is going to have breakfast with me?"
"I think you're going to miss stealing my breakfast in the morning." Her eyes drifted to her bagel in his hands. "You know we have about a dozen bagels in the fridge right?"
"Can't." He shook his head, taking another bite of her bagel. "Still on my Keto diet."
"That definitely isn't Keto." She informed him.
"I like to think that the carbs don't count if I didn't make it myself." He shrugged as he continued to eat. "The cream cheese is Keto though."
"Actually, it's not." She told him with faux sadness.
Nightwing sighed, continuing to eat her bagel.
Raven laughed. "Now you're going to have to steal bagels from your girlfriend."
"And draw back a nub?" He asked eyebrows high and eyes wide. "I think not." He finished off her bagel, moving closer to her. "If you need anything-"
"I know, use my com."
"Or call Bruce." Nightwing told her firmly.
"Bruce hates me." Raven reminded him, her lips tight.
"No, he doesn't."
Her eyes narrowed.
"Call Al." Nightwing corrected. "Day or night."
"I'll be fine." She assured him, rolling her eyes.
His hands went to her shoulders, gently forcing her to look at him. "I'm serious. Day or night, I don't care what day it is. If you need something, anything, call me or call Gotham."
"I promise." She nodded.
"Got a ride to the airport?"
Raven nodded. "Yea, well," She took another sip off coffee. "Actually, Arsenal's coming tonight and we're driving."
He frowned. "Driving?"
She snatched her plate with the other half of her bagel on it. "Yes."
"To Steel City?"
"That's the goal." She confirmed. "Well, we talked about maybe getting a flight to Steel from Chicago."
"Well." Nightwing spoke with his lips tight and eyebrows high.
"Richard-"
"I didn't say anything-"
"John-"
"You're the one jumping to conclusio-"
"Grayson." She finished, her eyes glaring dangerously at him.
He shrugged innocently. "I didn't say a word."
"You forget that you don't have to." Raven smirked, taking two fingers and tapping them against her temple.
"I mean, can you blame me for wondering…?" He held up his hands in surrender.
"Yes," She decided with a little nod. "Yes, I can, because I expect better from you."
"That, my dear bird, is your mistake." He took the bagel back and continued to eat. "But seriously," He paused, tone changing. "Roy has issues."
"I have issues." Raven countered with a small laugh. "And, we're just driving across country together. We're not dating, screwing, or running off together. I mentioned something about driving to Steel CIty," Her hands gestured wildly as she tried to recall the series of events that led to this plan. "And Karen mentioned it to Roy, something about he likes to venture to the West Coast every now and again, so…" She decided to let him fill in the blanks. "I thought it would be nice to get to know one of my new teammates. We've hung out before, so it doesn't seem crazy to split gas and driving with him."
"Because that isn't out of the ordinary?" Nightwing raised his eyebrows boredly.
Though her eyes were pinched in annoyance, a small smile curled on her lips. "I'm trying here."
"I know." He relented. "Just Roy…"
"I'll be sure to call you from the chapel in Vegas." She commented dryly.
A flicker of worry flashed across his face.
"Joking." She assured him. "We're just taking a road trip." She was also still hung up on a certain changeling.
"Okay."
She thought it was funny he didn't even try to hide his skepticism.
"I'm not happy about it, but…"
She wasn't sure he was talking about her choice to leave, her choice not to tell Changeling and Terra, or her choice to travel with Roy. It seemed like she was making so many questionable decisions lately.
He trailed off, wrapping his arms around her in a hug. Nightwing knew he wouldn't be able to persuade her. "This will always be your home."
"I know."
"Just say the word." He told her.
"I know."
"Oh I better get a hug before you go." Cyborg spoke, entering the kitchen behind them.
Raven laughed, releasing the hug and looking to the metal man. "Jealous?"
"Yes, I am." Cyborg nodded, playfully hurt. "Here I am thinking I'm your favorite person, and I see this nonsense."
"Well," Nightwing shrugged. "She did tell you first."
"Actually, I let you know my intent first." Raven corrected. "Cy was the first person I confirmed my decision to."
"Alright, so here's what I'm thinking," Cyborg's voice boomed with excitement as he looked at the empath. "I know this is your last night here, so I was thinking about a delicious super yummy chicken and waffle good-bye dinner? Eh?" He looked to Raven. "Eh?" Then to Nightwing with a grin.
"My last supper?" Raven snickered, pulling her coffee mug in front of her lips.
"Well, it is your last, official, supper here." Cyborg shrugged.
Nightwing frowned. "Chicken and waffles?"
"It's delicious." Cyborg spoke with finiality.
"Is there syrup involved?"
"Yes, indeed."
"I don't know how I feel about this."
"Well," Cyborg shrugged as he walked over to the fridge to prepare his breakfast. "It's not about you." He cradled the package of sausage, bacon, and carton of eggs in his arms as he made his way to the stove.
"I'm in for the chicken and waffles." Raven nodded as she finished her coffee. "Not sure about the whole goodbye dinner thing." She picked up her mug, walking it to the dishwasher as she avoided their stares.
"It's your last night!"
Raven shrugged. "Not a big deal." She could feel the wave of their disapproval the moment the words left her mouth. "I'm not dying or going to another planet."
"You're moving across the country." Nightwing reminded her. "And possibility eloping." He added cheekily.
"WHAT?"
"He's being an ass." Raven chuckled, swatting Nightwing on the shoulder.
Cyborg wasn't sure he wanted to ask.
"You guys can call, text, write, and we'll see each other a few times a year." She decided to carry on as if the masked Titan hadn't even made the comment.
"Which isn't every morning for coffee and bagels." Nightwing told her with a smile.
"Or Sunday dinners." Cyborg added serious smile as he laid a few slices of bacon in the pan. His questions and confusion seemed to fade at the smell of sizzling bacon.
Raven laughed as she walked over, placing a kiss to each of their cheeks. "I'm definitely going to miss the mac and cheese, Victor." She told him warmly as she moved toward the hallway.
"I'll make some tonight!" Cyborg called as he watched her walk toward the hallway.
She gave a little salute as the doors zipped closed in front of her. With a small sigh, her shoulders relaxed as her eyes darted around the dimly lit hallway. Her ears absorbed the sound of her boots clicking against the metal floor, and for a moment she wondered if her feet would sound the same in the Eastern Tower. Or would there be Sunday dinners, movie nights, and fights over pizza toppings?
Raven imagined that Titan's East carried their own team traditions and rituals, but she'd never experienced them first hand. Granted, they'd only been there over night for a handful of times, so she'd never gotten the opportunity to experience their team dynamic.
Sure, she knew of Arsenal and Tempest's legendary battles about seafood. They definitely rivaled Cyborg and Changeling's battles about meat.
She knew that Bee trained almost as much as Nightwing but wasn't nearly as obsessive.
Raven knew that her new home was a replica of her home on the West Coast. She only hoped that her new room overlooked the water, like her bedroom here.
Her fingertips dragged across along the walls as she moved at a snail's pace. Her eyes stopped at a series of scuffs on the wall.
She hadn't looked at these in awhile.
Her hand moved against the damage.
The Beast.
Adonis had attacked her, and Changeling shifted into the Beast to defend her. How could she forget? Sure, the changeling had received an antidote to keep that side of him dormant, but Raven had never forgotten the implications of that change.
Changeling had morphed to protect her.
From Adonis.
Their friends.
From her father.
Her fingers moved from the wall as she passed her bedroom. She'd emptied her room that morning, and for the moment, Raven was content just wondering the halls of her soon to be former home.
Terra's sharp giggle hit her ears as she approached the Changeling's room. Her steps paused as she watched the scene in front of her.
The blonde was leaning against the wall next to his door, her arms wrapped intimately around his neck. The changeling had his arms wrapped around her waist as he peppered kisses against his girlfriend's lips.
Raven swallowed a lump of envy as she took a moment to remind herself she was happy for the pair.
She wished them nothing but the best.
Even after everything Terra had done to them.
To her.
"Hey Raven!" Terra chirped. "Morning!"
Raven blinked unsure of how she ended up walking by them. When had she started walking again? "Morning Terra." She nodded toward the blonde. "Changeling." She greeted evenly, trying to swallow her bitterness.
"We were just going down to breakfast." Changeling commented, hooking Terra closer to him. "You coming?"
Even if Raven was hungry, her appetite was long gone at their display. "No, I was just…." She'd walked by her room, so she couldn't say that she was going there. "Headed to the training room." Sounded reasonable enough.
It was on the way, at least. And, she did need to make sure she grabbed her favorite yoga mat from the the training room, so it worked out.
"You sure?" Terra smiled, leaning into Changeling. Her hand pressed against his chest affectionately. "You really shouldn't workout on an empty stomach."
"I already ate." Raven informed her with a polite smile. Why did it hurt to be nice to her? "Cyborg is making Southwest omelets, I think."
"Oh no he isn't." Changeling smirked, detangling himself from his girlfriend as he charged toward the kitchen.
Terra looked at Raven rolling her eyes with amusement. "I'm swear he's lucky I love him."
"Indeed." It was the nicest thing that came to Raven's mind at that moment.
"I'm gonna go stop my boyfriend from starting World War III." Terra chuckled, waving goodbye to Raven as she chased after Changeling. "Later, Raven!"
"Later." Raven waved half-heartedly as the stabbing feeling in her chest returned.
Raven reminded herself that she was happy for Changeling and Terra.
They deserved to be happy.
She wished them nothing but the best.
So, what if Terra had betrayed them?
She couldn't blame her for the damage that followed.
Could she?
Raven's eyes closed as she pushed down the feelings of rage and envy.
She reminded herself that Terra deserved to be happy.
It wasn't Terra's fault that she couldn't remember her sins.
Raven focused on breathing as she felt a wave of anxiety.
She wished she could forget her sins and trauma, like Terra. Maybe things would be different if she could…
To Be Continued…