June 2012

"It's for charity. Come on Tara, at least think about it." Amanda pleaded, plopping down in the chair across from Tara.

"I totally get it's for charity and I'd be completely fine with doing the show if it wasn't there." Tara huffed, sorting through her mail. It had built up since she insisted on handling it all herself instead of letting her agent take care of it.

"Please." Amanda pouted, "We will keep it under wraps that you're coming. A special surprise guest. They may not even show up."

Tara rolled her eyes, "It's Charming, they will be there. HE will be there. SAMCRO is all about charity." She glanced up at Amanda who still had her lips pooched out, Tara sighed in defeat, "Fine." She hated how easily her best friend could talk her into things. "Promise me, NO ONE will know I'm there until I get on stage. I don't need that drama."

Amanda jumped up and down with excitement, making a cross on her chest, "Cross my heart. I'm your agent and your best friend. You can trust me. Thank you, thank you, thank you." She pulled Tara in for a hug.

"Yeah, Yeah." Tara hugged her back. She had traveled all over the country, but hadn't went anywhere near Charming since she left a decade ago.

March 2002

Tara nearly fell out of her chair when Jax's burst through their front door. "Is everything okay, what's wrong?" Concern took the place of fear.

"Wanna tell me what you were doing in Oakland today?" Jax growled, his eyes hard and cold.

"I told you a few days ago that Steven invited me to record a demo." She answered, her heart hammering against her chest.

"And I told you that you weren't going." Jax retorted, dropping his fist down on the table making Tara jump again.

"I do recall you saying that, but I also recall me saying that I was going whether you liked it or not, and you storming out and refusing to talk like always." Tara hissed, not wanting to go through this now. She had been excited all day to tell Jax how well today had gone.

"You're my old lady, I said you weren't going, there was NOTHING else to talk about." Jax bit back, his anger flaring.

"No, that may be how things work with the rest of SAMCRO and their old ladies, but that won't be how things are done with us." Tara snapped, rising from her chair standing in front of him.

"I just don't understand why you're wasting your time with this babe." Jax tried to hug her before she stepped back.

"Wasting my time? You think trying to follow my dream is wasting my time?" Tara felt the tears welling up in her eyes. She had never once questioned Jax's love for her until this moment.

"Yes." Jax answered. "I think you wanting to become a famous singer is a little crazy babe."

A single tear rolled down Tara's cheek and she nodded, "You were always the one to believe in me when no one else did. I could always count on you."

"You can count on me. I just don't want you to get your hopes up over something this foolish." Jax tilted her chin up but she refused to look at him.

"I think you should go." Tara pulled away, "I need time to think alone." She turned her back to him.

"Babe, just talk to me." He objected stepping back in front of her.

"Please just go. We'll talk later." He nodded, deciding to give her the space she was requesting. They would work this out, they always did.

Several hours and beers later, Jax returned back home to an empty house.

"Babe?" He called out, searching every room. He found an envelope laying on the kitchen table.

Jackson,

In the past 4 years I've been there for you, loving and supporting your every move even if I disagreed with it. In that time, I never doubted your love for me, until today. Today was a wakeup call. This relationship was a fairytale, I thought it was my happy ending but I think I was wrong. I can't do this anymore. I can't be the one who supports you whole heartedly while you call my dreams and ambitions silly, crazy, or foolish if they don't suit your needs. If you're reading this I'm already gone, don't come find me. I don't want you to. I need this time by myself, to find myself and I need to do that without you. If you care for me at all grant me this last request, don't look for me, let me go. Let me figure out who I am.

I will love you until the day I die, but I just don't believe that's enough anymore.

-Tara.

July 2012

The memory of how things ended replayed over and over in her head. He had granted her wish; he didn't try to find her. He stayed away. A part of her wished he did come looking for her, the first few years without him were hard. She missed him so much, but she kept moving forward. As time went on it got easier being without him. He didn't haunt her dreams as often. She had a feeling once she saw his face in the crowd during the charity concert that would all change.

Tara was a bundle of nerves when the bus pulled up into Charming. She wasn't sure how she expected to get around without anyone noticing her. SAMCRO had eyes everywhere.

She had made it to the area they had set up for a stage, no one had approached her yet so she was pretty sure she had pulled off her stealth mission. If Gemma caught wind that she was back in town, she'd know it. Hell hath no fury like Gemma Teller-Morrow and Tara was almost certain she was on Gemma's top 5 bitch list.

"You good?" Amanda asked, sitting beside her. "You look like you're going to pass out." She rubbed Tara's back for support.

"I'm fine. I just keep waiting for Jax or Gemma to come around the corner and confront me." Tara kept her eyes fixed on the curtain in front of her.

"Nah, no one knows you're here, yet, but they will very soon so pull yourself together. Remember this one's for the kids." Amanda stated, smoothing Tara's hair down. "Nice choice on the clothes by the way. You look hot. If he's here, he's not gonna know what hit him." She winked.

"I'm sure he's here, I heard the motorcycles a few minutes ago." Tara sighed. She held out hope that he was on a run somewhere, that they all were, including Gemma. She wasn't that lucky though.

"I'm surprised you didn't puke." Amanda laughed.

"I almost did." Tara admitted. Her stomach was still doing somersaults.

"I bet." Amanda nudged her and stood up when the last song was finished. "You're up."

Amanda stepped out on stage to call Tara out there. Tara bent over with her hands on her knees taking deep breaths. "You all have been great. You ready to go home or you want some more?" The crowd cheered for more. "Alright. Well we've got a special guest here to perform for you. Let's bring her on out. Give it up for Charming's own TARA GRACE."

Tara stepped out on stage and waved to the crowd. "Wow thank you for that warm welcome. It's good to be back in Charming." Tara lied, her eyes wandered around the crowd and she found him immediately. He stood there with Gemma, Donna, and SAMCRO, with his mouth gaped open. She took another calming breath and performed the set she had picked out.

As she started off stage she allowed herself one more look in his direction, but he was gone.

"You did great." Amanda high-fived her. "Thank you for doing this."

"No problem." Tara answered. She could feel someone's eyes on her. She spun around and was standing face to face with Gemma.

"You did good out there sweetheart," Gemma stated, "have time to talk?"

"Uh sure." Tara answered, "I'll meet you in a bit." She hugged Amanda and turned to follow Gemma out.

"I'm sorry if me coming here was a bad idea, I didn't want to." Tara blurted out before Gemma could say anything.

"You're damn right it was a bad idea. You tell my son not to come looking for you and then you show your face here. You've got a lot of nerve little girl." Gemma hissed.

"Look I'm sorry how things ended with Jax but I'm sure you don't know the whole story." Tara crossed her arms and stared at Gemma hard.

"I know all I need to know. You just up and left without a word, without giving him the chance to fight for you." Gemma snarled.

"I left a note." Tara countered. "Besides he said my dream was crazy and foolish, when all I ever did was support him 100% of the time."

"Were you supporting him when you chose to be some uppity bitch over him and this family?"

"No. I chose me for once. I'm not going to apologize for that. I'm sorry that things ended the way that they did. I didn't want that, I loved him, but I will not apologize for following my dream. If that's what you're waiting on, then this conversation is over." Tara turned on her heels to leave.

"You didn't love him. You loved what he could do for you. If you loved him, you wouldn't have broken his heart the way you did. He almost died because of it but were you there? No, you took off. Get on that bus and don't come back. He's finally got his head on straight again and doesn't need you here twisting him all up." Gemma spat.

"Gladly." Tara's heart was heavy, she had no idea what Gemma was talking about, him almost dying. She would have hated herself forever if anything bad had happened to him. She may have been pissed and hurt but she loved him with every ounce of her.

"Bitch." Gemma muttered as Tara walked away.

"Tara. Wait up." Donna called out. "Hi." She pulled Tara in for a hug.

"Hey, wow look at you." Tara rubbed Donna's huge belly. "When are you due? Boy/Girl?"

"Next week. Girl, Ellie." Donna instinctively rubbed her belly too. "You weren't gonna leave without saying hi, or goodbye, were you?"

"Aww. I like that name. Well they are getting a room in Lodi for the night and were wanting to head there pretty soon. We're all pretty tired, and Gemma made it pretty clear that I'm not welcome here. I don't want to cause any more problems." Tara explained.

"Forget her. Spend the night with me and Opie. Opie will drive you to Lodi in the morning. I think you owe me some girl time after the way you just disappeared for 10 years." Donna glared at her for a moment before her small smile was back.

"I don't think that's a good idea. You could come with me to Lodi for a little while and hang out if you want."

"With as far along as I am, I don't need to leave Charming. Please Tara, I promise Gemma won't bother you. She knows better than to mess with me in this current state." Donna protested.

"Fine, I'll come for a few hours and then have someone come get me." Tara agreed with a sigh. She hated her almost inability to tell her friends no.

"Yay. Awesome." Donna grabbed Tara's hand.

"Manda, I'm gonna hang out here in Charming with an old friend. I'll see you later." Tara called out as Donna pulled her toward her car.

Opie and Donna had bought the house across the street from the house that Tara grew up in. That house was still empty, she had been meaning to put it on the market but that would have required her to come back to Charming to clean it out.

"Nice place." Tara stated looking around the house.

"Thanks." Donna beamed, "it's so good to have you here. You have no idea how much I've missed you."

Tara was pleased that Donna didn't seem to hold any grudges for her disappearing act, she seemed genuinely happy that Tara was here. "I've missed you too. Can I ask you something? Gemma said something about Jax being broken hearted and almost dying, what did she mean? Was she just messing with me?"

"No." Donna gave her a small smile but shook her head. "Jax had a really hard after you left. He spiraled so far out of control, he had us all worried. He was drinking from the time he got up until he went to bed. He jumped from pussy to pussy. He ran his bike into a barrier during one of his drunken rages when someone mentioned your name. No one could say anything about you, not even me. He would completely lose it. He was in intensive care in a coma for a little while." Donna admitted.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Tara spoke a little louder than she intended to.

"I tried to find you but Gemma had forbid any of the guys to look. She said you ran out on him, in her eyes it was your fault." Donna patted Tara's knee.

Tara sat back on the sofa with tears in her eyes, "I didn't know it would affect him that way. I honestly didn't even think he still cared. He had pretty much said I was stupid for wanting to be a singer, I was upset and well you know the rest."

Donna nodded, "It's not your fault. You have an amazing talent. Don't let this get you down. He's okay now for the most part. I think he still misses you but won't say it. He's stubborn, he married some croweater bitch to fill the void of his loneliness."

"He's married?" Tara choked out, out of all of the scenarios she pictured him being married was not one of them.

"Legally, Yes. He doesn't love her, he's hardly even home. Long enough to fuck and be gone, I'd say. He usually stays here or at the clubhouse. He's VP now." Donna rambled on.

"Married." Tara muttered.

"Just on paper." Donna reiterated. Jax would be pissed that she told her about his marriage to the whore.

Tara couldn't help the jealousy raging through her body, even after ten years she never dreamed he would have gone through marriage with someone else, that was always her dream.

"Well look at you. A fuckin superstar now." Opie's voice pulled her from her trance. She hadn't even heard him come in. "Come here give me a hug." He must not hold the same animosity toward her that Gemma did.

"Hey Op," Tara greeted, "good to see you." Her attention was immediately on the figure standing by the door. Jax. He was there just a few feet from her.

She sighed and walked toward him slowly, "Hi."

"Hey." He muttered. She noticed his hands shaking, she wasn't sure if it was from anger or nerves, she was betting more on him being anger. He had always been a hot head.

"How have you been?" She questioned, hoping to keep things civil. She had her hands behind her back, not wanting him to notice them shaking as well. She wasn't afraid of him; he'd never hurt her physically. She knew that it would only take a couple of words to break her heart, as much as she'd try to prepare herself for this moment.

"Aight." She sighed but nodded, he was keeping his answers short. In a way that may be worse than just lashing out at her. At least then she would know he still cared a little bit.

"That's good." She bit her lip unsure of what to say next. "Well it was good to see you, I just wanted to say hi. I didn't mean to bother you." She turned to go back to her spot on the sofa, her chest was tight, she knew this was going to be hard but she didn't expect him to be so cold. She didn't know what she was expecting really, but not this.

"Wait." He called out. "Can I talk to you in private for a minute?" She turned to see Donna watching them.

"Sure." She followed him into a spare bedroom and waited for him to speak. Her heart was pounding, she felt lightheaded.

He sat on the bed, he ran his hands roughly through his hair, "Looks like your dream came true."

"Yours too." She touched his VP patch lightly but quickly withdrew her hand and stepped back.

"Part of it. You were my dream too but you disappeared." His eyes had that cold look that had haunted her dreams for years.

"Jax, I don't want to fight." She closed her eyes tightly.

"I don't either. Just listen."

When she opened her eyes, his expression had changed.

"I was an asshole back then. I should have handled the situation differently. You were right. You supported me through every decision I ever made, good or bad and when it was my turn to support you I failed. I was afraid," Tara's eyes went wide, this was not where she had expected this to go. "You were a talented singer and I was afraid that if you made it big you wouldn't want me anymore. You would leave here and I would lose the only woman I had ever loved." He admitted, his hands were shaking even more visibly now.

Tara watched him carefully, "I loved you. That meant more to me than being rich and famous."

"Obviously not." Jax motioned at her. "You left."

"I left because I didn't feel that you really loved me. You said if I wanted to be an old lady then do what I was told, that's not how a relationship works and I was not going to sit around and let you control me just because of an old lady title." Tara growled.

"You think I didn't love you? Everything I did was for you!" He raised his voice and it startled her.

"Bullshit." She hissed, "Everything you did was for the club and you. I was the one who kept putting off my dreams. I could have left a year before I did, but I was so wrapped up in being your old lady that I decided to wait. I wanted you to live this dream with me but you didn't want me to have it. You didn't want me to ever leave Charming, you wanted me to die here in this town miserable and most likely without you when you ended up dead or in prison over the club's bullshit."

"Then why are you here now?" He stated as if he saw through her. As much as she told herself she didn't want to see him, she knew it was lie. She loved him then, she loved him now.

"For a charity event." She answered.

"Bullshit. There's Charity events everywhere. You could have gone anywhere but you chose to do the one here. You're not fooling anyone." He said smugly.

"Then why do you think I'm here, Jax?" She had her arms crossed protectively over her chest.

His expression changed again, the look he had in his eyes the first time they ever made love was there in place of the coldness and anger that was there just moments ago. There was a burning intensity, he stepped forward to her, pulling her into him and whispered into her ear, "The same reason I'm here now." His hands slid up her shirt, he massaged her breast.

She moaned out. Her body cried out for more. He nibbled on her neck and pulled her lips back up to his. He unbuttoned her jeans and her rational thinking kicked back in, "Wait." She pulled away, panting to catch her breath. "We can't do this."

"Why?" He questioned, she could see his jeans poking out from his erection. She wanted him so fucking bad. No one had ever been ever to fill the void. She had sex frequently but no one ever pleased her like he had.

"I can't do this one-night thing with you, Jax. It's taken a long time to get past what we had and be able to function right and this will set me back." Her insides were on fire and tingling.

"I'm not looking for a one-night stand either babe. You know it's never been about that with you." He stepped toward her again, "We'll make it work, somehow." He picked her up and her legs automatically wrapped around his waist. Her body was betraying her. He laid her down on the bed.

"We can't." She insisted and her body was screaming at her to shut up and let him please her the way he only could.

"Yes we can." He slid his fingers down into her jeans and panties, inside of her moving slowly in and out of her wetness. "You want this. You're soaking wet babe."

"Fuuuuuuck!" She moaned and threw her head back. He used his free hand to pull off her jeans and panties, still fingering her with the other.

Her orgasm was close; she knew she needed to stop him but it felt so damn good. He dipped his head down, licking and fingering her simultaneously. That was all it took, her orgasm ripped through her.

He stood up, smirking at her, wiping his mouth, and leaned down to kiss her again before sliding out of his own jeans and boxers. He looked bigger than she remembered. Her body was screaming for him again.

"Jax, wait." She sighed, sitting up. "We can't do this." She stated again.

"Baby, we're already doing it." He rubbed her hair.

"I can't do this, it's not right." She retorted, she stood up pulling on her clothes.

"That didn't stop you from letting me eat you out or finger fuck you did it?" He said, annoyed.

"Actually I said stop, we can't do this, but you kept on. So don't put this on me." She hissed.

"Oh no, nothing is ever Tara's fault. She's the perfect one who never fucks up. She a superstar with the perfect life while the rest of us are total fuckups." He glared at her.

Tears rolled down her cheeks, "You know nothing about me anymore. I'm not perfect, my life is far from perfect. In my perfect world, you'd be there by my side. In my perfect world, it would have been ME you married. Go home to your wife, Jax."

He was stunned, Wendy was the reason she didn't want to do this. Fuckin' Wendy, she was a mistake from the beginning, a sad time out from the wanting and missing Tara.

"Wendy means nothing to me. We haven't lived together in months. I was lonely and missing you. We were fucked up and she was there. It was mistake. I've never even loved her. I've only ever loved you, despite everything that happened, I still only love you."

His words melted her heart of stone, he still loved her after all this time, but that didn't change anything. He was still technically married and even worse than that they still lived on opposite sides of the country.

"What am I supposed to do with that?" She questioned, her mind racing. She was pacing.

"Let me love you. Be with me. Forget all of this shit that's trying to keep us apart and let's be together. I love you Tara, I always have and I always will." He pulled her into his chest and held her tight against him.

"I love you too." She admitted, "I would love for this to work, Jax but I just don't see how it can. We live 3,000 miles from each other. How can that work? You're not gonna leave SAMCRO and I'm not gonna give up my music career." She pulled back to look at him.

The reality of her words slapped him in the face, they were at impasse. "We can at least try." He whispered.

"I can't go through the heartbreak like I went through the first time things ended badly because of our choices. I just can't. I'm sorry, Jax. I do love you." She walked toward the door leaving him standing there alone in the dark room.

"I've got to get going, good to see you guys." She exited the house and walked to the diner across town to wait on a ride back to her life.

When Amanda pulled up she climbed in the car and the sobs tore through her body.

"Oh honey what happened?" Amanda asked, instantly concerned about her friend.

"I saw Jax." Tara choked out.

"Asshole. What did he do?" Amanda held Tara's hand tightly, but drove toward the motel.

"He said he wanted us to work things out and he loved me." Tara sobbed, wiping her nose on the tissue Amanda handed her.

"Then why are you crying?" Amanda questioned, usually she could read Tara like a book but this baffled her.

"We live thousands of miles from each other. He's married, he says he doesn't love his wife and they are getting a divorce but I can't go through the heartbreak of getting involved and losing him again." Tara rocked back and forth in the passenger seat, the sobs slowing. "I don't wanna talk about it right now. Just take me to the airport, I need to get home."

"Okay." Amanda agreed, this would definitely be a topic for a later time. She hated seeing her friend hurting but she knew her well enough to know not to push or she'd shut down completely.

Tara immersed herself in work over the next several weeks. She did anything she could to keep from thinking about Jax. On the friend side, Amanda was extremely worried about her friend. She hated seeing her heartbroken but Tara refused to talk to her and try to let her help. As her agent, she was pleased with how much work she was getting done. Seeing Jax seemed to open up a flood of new material for a next album.

Jax also threw himself deeper into the club to keep his mind off of Tara. He didn't seem to have any issues with killing an enemy now and that worried Opie.

It had been a month since Tara was in Charming when the call came in from Donna.

"Hey Donna, how's that baby?" Tara greeted her with a smile. She hated that being away from Jax meant being away from Donna too.

"She's good." Donna sniffled.

"Are you crying? What's wrong?" Tara walked out of the party she was at so she could hear better.

"It's Jax." Donna stated. Tara's heart skipped a beat.

"What happened?" Tara whispered, it felt as if someone had sucked all of the air out of her lungs.

"They're in jail. Jax, Opie, all of them. Weapons charges. They don't have any protection in there Tara, I'm so worried."

Tara sat down, it felt like the room was spinning. "What about bail?"

"It was set at 3 million, $300,000 to bond them out, we can't afford it. We tried to use mine and Gemma's houses but it was only enough to get Clay and maybe Jax out, they won't leave the others." Donna explained.

"Shit. Let me call you back tomorrow okay, I'm in the middle of it." Tara stated. She hung up the phone and made a phone call.

Tara made the trip to California and paid the bond for the guys to be released. She knocked on Donna's door.

"Tara?" Donna was stunned to see her friend standing there, "What are you doing here?"

"You, Opie, and Jax needed me so I'm here." Tara hugged Donna. "They should be released soon."

"What?" Donna squealed. "You paid it? Oh thank you Tara. I wasn't calling you so you would pay it, I just thought you should know."

"I know. They weren't safe. I had the money. They will be safe now." Tara smiled.

"We need to go let Gemma know." Donna picked up Ellie and put her in the carseat.

"I don't think that's a good idea for me to go there, maybe I should wait here." Tara objected, "Gemma hates me."

"You just paid for her family to be safe, she's not going to mess with you today." Donna pulled Tara with her.

"Gemma!" Donna banged on her door.

"What the hell is going…." Gemma's eyes met Tara's, "what the hell are you doing at my house bitch?"

"STOP Gem. Tara is in California because she came and paid for the guys to be released. She's at your house because I made her come. No one asked her to pay the bond, she did it because she was worried about their safety too."

"They're getting out?" Gemma exclaimed, focused on Tara.

Tara nodded, "Yes. Donna said they weren't safe. I would never forgive myself if something happened to him-them-and I could've prevented it."

"Thank you." Gemma's tone was softer, nicer. It shocked the hell out of Tara.

"Of course." Tara answered, wanting to say more but resisting the urge.

"Donna, is it okay if I crash at your place? I've been up for 32 hours and I'm gonna fall over at any second." Tara asked, yawning. Her eyes were heavy and her body was weak but she wouldn't change a thing knowing that Jax is safe.

"Of course. Gem, I'll meet you at the clubhouse when the guys get there." Donna replied walking with Tara back to her car.

"How'd you come up with the cash to get us out?" Jax asked Gemma.

"I didn't," Gemma answered. "I tried every way I could think of to get it but I could only come up with enough to get one of you out."

"Then who did?" Clay questioned, his arms wrapped around Gemma's waist.

Gemma looked at Jax and shrugged, "Tara paid it."

"Yeah, we had been keeping in touch since she left the last time and she asked why I was crying so I told her. The next thing I know she's standing at our door saying she paid the money." Donna interjected grinning from ear to ear.

"Where is she now?" Jax looked around the lot.

"She's at our house, resting, she said she'd been up for 32 hours so she wanted to get some sleep." Donna answered, hugging Opie close to her.

"Okay. I'll see ya later." Jax turned to his bike.

"Hey." He whispered rubbing her hair back out of her face.

She rubbed her eyes and sat up, "Hey. You're out. That's great." She yawned.

"Yeah. Thank you for helping us out, I will pay you back every penny." He sat down beside her.

"Jax, I'm not worried about the money. I was worried about you and Opie being there. I needed to know you were safe." She placed the pillow against the headboard and leaned back against it.

"Why?"

"I love you." She took his hand in hers. "I said I didn't want to deal with a broken heart, but the minute I left you here, my heart was already broken. I want to try to make it work with you. I have to at least try. If you still want me." She kissed his knuckles. "And have filed for divorce." She added.

"I did file and of course I still want you. I love you too." He scooped her up into his arms and kissed her passionately. "I love you so much baby."

"That's good." She giggled. "It won't be easy, I'll have a lot of traveling that I have to do when I'm on tour but I can move here and record."

"We will make it work." He stood up, picking her up with him and spun her around. "I will do anything to help make it work."

"Me too." She smiled. Her heart felt complete, she had the love of her life back and it may not be easy but it was worth it. They would get through this, if they could be apart for ten years, go through all of the shit they had, and still found their way back to each other then it must be destiny. He was her soul mate, her one true love, she had no doubt about that now.