This was actually something that popped into my mind a couple of days after reading about the topic "Firsts" on a lj community for Oone Piece yaoi. I don't really feel like the point gets across either- but I've tweaked the silly thing for days now and this is what I get. I wanted to explore that other side of love- the part that you really don't want to think about until you're put into a situation where you're stuck on the side lines and have to think about it..Make sense to anyone else yet? O.o' Should I also mention that I wrote this half asleep- It was around 3 AM, what can I say lol? Despite that, I'm still pretty content with how it turned out. O.o'' Uh hope you all enjoy reading it, as I had a blast writing it!

This story is YAOI: MALExMALE pairing. If this isn't your thing then please hit the back button. I realize that Shanks is probably some big ladies man (I'm being in One Piece so I don't know all that's gone on with him) but here? He's my loveable red haired gay pirate who's in love with a bookworm. ;)

Just a note, as it's not too clear (At least to my sleep deprived mind), this takes place just after Shank's losses his arm. O.o;


Ben Beckman, First Mate of the Red Haired Pirate Crew, could remember a lot of things. It was something he was good at, observing his surroundings, learning and taking note of each and every task he could. Needless to say he was an intellectual man, a scholar of the sea.

However this didn't mean he was just book-smart. No, Ben put his experience into action. His body could easily remember a lot a many things as well. Warmth, from hands that freely roamed his body. Sensations, that he had felt from those hands awakening places he had forgotten about. Contentment, from the feel of hair brushing against his face, from the gentle snores from his lover who was asleep next to him. The smell of rum would always triggers theses memories and thus also become memories themselves. All were things that he had silently cherished.

Yet this time it's different. They're in the same room where those memories had taken flight. His other half is lying in the very same damn bed that they had made their own, but it's all wrong. There's no sense of contentment, no silent communications being made through touches or caresses. Instead, the First Mate is keeping vigil, grief filling his very being. For the first time Ben is being forced to watch as his lover suffers. It isn't for sure yet if he'll make it through.

It's hard for him to describe what he's living through at the moment, even to himself. He's feeling too many emotions at once: fear, desperation, and frustration. So he can't begin to understand this process that they're being forced to go through. Ben just knows he isn't going to forget it anytime soon.

He notices that there's hardly any sound coming from their room. Only the sounds of the ocean and the rustling of bandages reach his ears. The stench of blood is faintly still there; it seems to linger around what's left of Shank's arm.

"Come back to us soon Captain, we're all waiting for you…lunkhead." Ben says into the night, his voice a bit gruff but he carefully brushes the red tresses off of Shank's face gently all the same.

There's one last thing Ben realized that he was doing that he hadn't done before. He's begging, pleading beyond all hope that he's going to be able to see those blue eyes again and that damn goofy smile that makes Shanks, well Shanks. He settles in once more in his chair. He's come to realize that the redhead has made him go through one experience after another. His way of living has changed drastically, even for a pirate.

He also realizes that is exactly how he wants it.