This is a song-fic/ story about Lily and Snape when they were back at Hogwarts as students together. Lily is invited into Professor Dumbledore's office and he tells her about what Snape has done. I don't know how accurate my story is but this idea just came to me when I was listening to this song, so, I hope it's not too bad! Song: 'What if' by Kate Winslet. Told from Lily's point of view and set just a Lily is about to leave Hogwarts.
Disclaimer: If I was J.K Rowling I wouldn't be on Fan fiction!
What if?
I knocked quietly at Professor Dumbledore's study door and waited. My heart thumped uncomfortably in my chest as I waited for an answer.
"Come in." Called a distant voice and I turned the brass door handle and entered. My heart still in my mouth I smiled nervously at the head master sitting behind the giant table. He stood and smiled at me reassuringly before pointing to one of the chairs in front of his desk.
"Come and sit down Lily."
I walked nervously and when I sat down a feeling of dread flowed through me. I knew what this was about.
Here I stand alone,
With this weight upon my shoulders,
And it will not go away,
I had heard the rumours just like everyone else in the town had as well as the students and teachers at Hogwarts. I fought for his corner. I told people they weren't true. I defended him. Now I wasn't too sure.
"I have something of great, great importance to speak to you about." Dumbledore's eyes gazed at me over his half-moon glasses and they were filled with worry. Fear twisted my heart. I knew he was about to confirm my deepest fears.
"Severus Snape," - I frowned when he used Snape's full name – "Has joined Voldemort."
My heart stopped beating.
In my head I keep on looking back,
Right back to the start,
Wondering what it was that made you change.
I didn't speak. I felt numb. Tears started to free fall down my cheeks. Dumbledore's face twisted into a look of deep sadness.
"I am deeply sorry Lily." He paused, obviously choosing his words very carefully. "I know how…important he was to you."
I could only nod. I had just broken up my friendship with Snape a couple of days ago due to him calling me a name that had insulted me. I knew it had hurt him.
"Was it my doing?" I asked tearfully, "Did I make him angry enough to…"I tried to stutter the word that I feared to speak, "change…?"
Well I tried,
But I had to draw the line,
And this question keeps on spinning in my mind.
The head master looked at me with a look of shock mixed with understanding.
"Of course it wasn't you Lily. He did this out of his own mind." He passed me a small, white handkerchief. "Do not blame yourself."
I couldn't see how it wasn't my fault. I had argued with him and then he had gone to be a follower of the most feared wizard of all time.
What if I had never let you go,
Would you be the man I used to know,
If I'd stayed,
If you'd tried,
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know.
I thought of our times together at Hogwarts. The many times we had sat and helped with each other's homework. The times when we had stuck up for each other against the bullies. My shoulders started to shake with the memory that had made us become enemies. I had tried to defend him when he was in a fight and he had called me a 'Mudblood'. I still couldn't believe it but I would forgive him straight away if it meant he would come back.
Many roads to take,
Some to joy,
Some to heart-ache,
He had lost the way forward. He had travelled away from the right path. I took in a deep breath to steady myself.
"Why?" I whispered.
Dumbledore sighed.
"The influences of Voldemort," – I winced a little but the head master carried on talking – "Are great. More powerful then any of us can imagine."
I shook my head.
"I never thought he would do something like this." I whispered. "I didn't do anything to hurt him…" I broke off a little embarrassed to reveal to Dumbledore that my feelings for Snape where more then friendship. Dumbledore just sat back in his chair and waved his hand at me.
"Please," He murmured, "Carry on."
Anyone can lose the way,
And if I said we could turn it back
Would you take the chance and make the change?
"He has always been my best friend." I mumbled but I started to trip over my words, "I didn't do anything, he hurt me! He called me a…" I stopped, not wanting to say the word in the head teacher's presence, but Dumbledore looked at me sincerely.
"Mudblood?" He asked.
I nodded.
"I told him I didn't want to be his friend," I murmured, "I told him that he should stay away from me."
Do you think how it could have been sometimes?
Do you pray I had never left your side?
"It's all my fault!" I cried and buried my head in my hands as I sobbed out my pain and horror at this news. My shoulders shook as I wept. After a moment I remembered where I was and I suddenly felt embarrassed. I straightened up and wiped my face with my hand.
"I'm sorry…" I started to apologise. The head master looked at me with a sad smile.
"Do not apologise for how you feel young Lily." He murmured and handed me another tissue.
What if I had never let you go,
Would you be the man I used to know,
If I'd stayed,
If you'd tried,
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know.
"You loved him Lily." It sounded like a statement, but I wasn't sure so I nodded reluctantly.
"He felt the same way." I wasn't exactly surprised at this piece of information. There had always been rumours consuming me and Snape.
"I think you broke more then your friendship when you told him you didn't want to talk to him anymore." Dumbledore murmured quietly. I considered this and could only help but agree. It made sense.
"I suppose I did." I whispered.
If only we could turn the hands of time.
If I could take you back would you still be mine.
"Turn back time Professor!" I insisted in a moment of hysteria, "Make the clocks go so far back that he never called me that name, that I didn't break our friendship, that he never turned bad!" I was out of my seat, my hands leaning on the desk in front of me. Dumbledore sat still in his chair.
"You know I can not do that child." He murmured. "Please sit down."
"Please!" I cried in desperation, "Please, for mine and his sake!"
"Sit down Lily." Dumbledore pressed. Tears filled my eyes and I slumped back into my chair.
"I'm sorry." I murmured quietly.
"You know I would do that if I could Lily," The head master sighed sadly, "But I can not."
I wiped the tears away.
"I understand." I whispered.
'Cos I tried,
But I had to draw the line,
And still this question keeps on spinning in my mind.
"I don't know if you do." Dumbledore mumbled. I looked up.
"Sir?" I asked.
"There is something I need to discuss with you." He said and stood. I nodded and listened intently. My eyes widened at the information the head teacher told me. I interrupted, I gasped and sighed, but Dumbledore carried on, being patient with my questions and answering them the best way he could.
What if I had never let you go,
Would you be the man I used to know,
If I'd stayed,
If you'd tried,
If we could only turn back time
I stood up after Dumbledore had explained everything to me.
"I need to go and think about the things you have entrusted me with." I murmured.
The head master nodded in understanding.
"Do not tell anyone the information I had just revealed to you Lily." He smiled slightly at me, "Snape's fate and yours lie in the fact that this information is unknown by anyone other then you, the Order and myself."
I nodded and headed for the door. As I touched the handle I stopped and turned back to face Dumbledore. He was watching me. I dipped my head in respect and whispered,
"Thank you."
He smiled again.
"You are very welcome young Lily."
But I guess we'll never know.
I descended down the stone steps that led to Dumbledore's office. At the bottom, leaning against a column was James. He smiled a dazzling smile at me and I smiled back, but it was tearful for I had started to cry again. He rushed forwards and held me in his arms, stroking my hair and whispering comforting words to me. He broke the silence after a moment.
"It was bad news?" He asked.
I nodded into his shirt.
"The worse." I whispered.
He didn't press me but I knew he wanted to know.
"I can't tell you." I mumbled.
He smiled at me as I pulled away.
"That's o.k." He murmured and pulled me closer again. After another moment of holding me he asked,
"It's about….Snape isn't it?"
I then burst into tears again and he took that as a confirmation. I felt him sigh.
"Don't worry," He mumbled into my hair, "Everything will be fine." He started to walk me down the corridor in the direction the common room. As I walked I thought about what would have happened if I had forgiven Snape. We would be friends? He wouldn't have turned bad? Maybe we could have been something more? Now there was no hope.
We'll never know…
I hope you liked it and I'm sorry for any wrong information I have added in this story, but I think that it went o.k. for my first Lily and Snape story.