so just a quick disclaimer, I don't own this song, and I realize that the lyrics may be out of order, but I don't care I made it work. ;) enjoy!
Connor paced back and forth, Oliver watching him with a look of concern clearly stated on his face. "Connor, what's wrong?" Connor took a deep breath and turned to Oliver, his Ollie, and he tucked his arms into his sweater sleeves.
"I'm opening up, and swallowing my pride way down deep. But no spoon full of sugar could make it sweet."
Oliver cocked his head slightly, obviously confused. "Connor?" He asked worriedly. "Are you using again?" Connor laughed loudly, throwing back his head. "Oh God Ollie, I wish. This cancer, inside me, it's stealing my sleep and night after night it keeps haunting me." Connor paced some more, sweat starting to gleam on his skin.
"Is there some kind of secret that you're not telling me Connor?"
"Oh God Ollie. The secrets I keep are tearing me up inside and I try to hide them and now I'm wondering why. I'm wondering why I'm still running when I know there's no escaping."
Connor sniffed, trying to hold back tears that were coming to him. His fear was overpowering; fear of losing Oliver, fear of going to jail, fear of being 'taken care of' because he told Oliver. But Oliver made Connor feel safe, safer than anything in the world, and this thing that had happened was starting to take its toll on Connor. He could hardly sleep at night; he was often woken up by Oliver shaking him and screaming his name. Connor had developed a fear of fire, and he freaked out any time he saw or smelled smoke.
The smoke.
The stench of burning flesh, rising up in the air in the form of smoke haunted Connor to this day. Any time Connor came anywhere near smoke he always had to leave, had to go to the bathroom to vomit and cry, wishing he could be rid of these memories.
"Connor, tell me what's going on. Surrender is stronger than whatever you're fighting right now."
Connor looked deep into his lover's eyes, his sweet, precious Ollie, and sniffed. "I don't have to be the hero tonight." He whispered, mostly to himself. Oliver heard what Connor had said, but decided to ignore it for now.
"I know you want love Connor, and I know you want honor-"
"We all want that. But nobody is willing to pay the asking price."
Oliver hung his head for a second before looking back up at Connor. Connor suddenly crounched to his knees in front of Oliver, grasping Oliver's soft hands in his rough ones.
"Ollie, I'm falling on my knees, I'm falling on my pride. I've lied so many times, I honestly can't remember them all. I don't think I can drive it home tonight, and I don't think I wanna be alone tonight. Please, please don't hate me."
Connor searched his boyfriend eyes, seeing nothing but confusion on the other boys face. "Connor. What the hell is going on? Your tears aren't going to stop me from asking." Connor laughed/sobbed, pressing his forehead to their linked fingers. "No, I can see in your eyes that you don't need tears for alibis."
Connor stood and sat beside Oliver, their knees brushing each other softly. Connor tightened his hold on his lover's and laughed, sniffing back tears. "It's true what they say; love must be blind. That's why you're still standing by my side, even when all the things I've done have left you bleeding." Oliver lofted Connor's chin so he could look deep into the younger man's eyes.
"Connor. This is me we're talking about. I'm not going to hate you, I just need to know what's going on."
Connor searched Oliver's eyes one last time for any sign of doubt or apathy; but when he found none, he took a deep breath and nodded.
He told Oliver everything.
About Sam's death, about Lila, about Wes. About the role that he himself played and how the night that it all went down the only place he could think of to go was here, at Oliver's. About how he lied to Oliver about being a drug addict so he wouldn't talk. Connor talked for almost two hours, and Oliver just listened, gasping at the things that needed to be gasped at, giving silent encouragement to Connor during the few times he almost stopped.
When Connor was finished, he pulled his hands away from Oliver's and turned so that he wasn't facing the older man. It would make their breakup so much easier.
"So? You're living with a murderer. Shall I get my stuff and go?"
Connor stood and started to walk away before Oliver grabbed his wrist and pulled him back onto the couch, hard, making Connor fall on Oliver. Before Connor had any time to react, Oliver kissed him ferociously, his tongue invading the younger man's unsuspecting mouth. Connor kissed back with just as much energy, tears pouring down his cheeks as he got to kiss the man he loved more than anything in the world, maybe for the last time.
He hoped not.
"Don't you dare," Oliver gasped, after breaking apart from their hungry kiss. "Pack your stuff and go. Connor Walsh, don't ever go. I love you, more than anything in this world, more than anything ever existed, more than I love myself, and I am not about to let you walk away. You are not a murderer; Wes is. You were scared, and you protected your friends, but you are no killer. Sam's blood don't wash over your hands; your hands are still as clean as the moment I first laid eyes on them. I love you so damn much, and you'll never go through anything alone ever again because I am here now, and I'm not going anywhere any time soon."
Connor pressed his forehead to Oliver's and cried, his hand on top of Oliver's, which was resting on his face. Oliver kept whispering words of love and encouragement and promises of no abandonment, and as he talked he would kiss every part of Connor's face, until Connor finally rejoined their lips.
This kiss was much less heated than the first, but it was even more powerful. It was slower, but the love was bigger. Connor pulled away after a bit and pulled Oliver closer to him, their chests pressed together. "I love you Ollie, so much. You're my everything, and I don't know who I would be without you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I've never said that to anyone before, but God Ollie, I love you so much."
Oliver grinned and pressed their lips together, it quickly intensifying. After a bit of the two of them groping each other, desperate for touch, Oliver pulled away, their lips still barely touching. "I'm going to rock your world tonight Connor Walsh. You won't be able to stand up in the morning." Connor grinned and pecked Oliver in the lips quickly.
"Good; tomorrow is my day off."
Hey everyone! So I totally just came up with this and I loveee it! The song is Undone by FFH, and I just came up with this while I was in the shower. If you haven't seen HTGAWM, you totally should, for coliver is life AND canon. What's better than that!?
Anyways, this was just in my brain and I had to get it out there, so yeah. Hope you liked it! Leave a review and let me know how I did!
Much love and stuff,
-ImmaSlytherout