Title: Sammy Snaps
Author: Lilya
Genre: Angst
Summary: Beware the nice ones when they are pushed over the limit. No one can tell what's going through Sam's mind now, not even Dean.
Main Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester.
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Nothing in this fiction belongs to me, except perhaps the basic plot.
Warnings: Out-of-Character-ness (but I meant it)
Author's notes: English is not my native tongue – please forgive my mistakes. If some sentences don't make sense, please tell me and I'll try to fix them.
SAMMY SNAPS
Part I: Dean.
I wish I knew what the fuck he's thinking – fuck, is he even thinking at all?!
I used to be able to read him and now… He's shutting me out, but not well enough, he can never get good enough – I hope.
He's got something going on, I know he has but the little bastard just won't admit it.
Not that he has to…
I wish I knew what the hell is going on. I've never been good with chick-flick stuff like feelings, but… I guess doing nothing but standing still for weeks has taken its toll on me.
Especially when I was the one standing still and God knows what the fuck he was doing.
No…perhaps not even God knows.
Whatever it is, he needed time. Time and info – as if he didn't have enough of that on his own before! No, he had to go through Bobby's library three fucking times and to find what?
I don't know.
I don't fucking know and it's driving me mad.
It must be something big. And possibly dangerous. And probably crazy, he'd tell me otherwise. Or would he?
He's been using his demon powers again – doesn't even bother to hide it.
He and that Ruby bitch meet at all times of night and day, as if they were the best of buddies. At first I thought it was her, I thought she was manipulating him, using him for who-knows-what dastardly end…but that would have been too easy.
I don't think she knows what he's planning, either.
I saw her leaving one night and she looked afraid. A demon, afraid.
I've been watching her even more closely the rare times it's actually me and her and Sam and she's still afraid. I thought it might have been a one time thing – no such luck.
I can see it all flicker in her eyes – doubt and nervousness and utter, blinding fear, even when Sam's not focusing on her at all. Especially when he's not focusing on her at all.
I wonder if he's falling to the dark – but if it is so, why haven't we seen an angel yet?
Or rather, I haven't seen an angel yet. I have no proof, but I'm fairly certain he has and that's not a thought I want to indulge on, not with his mad quest for info.
Quest. It sounds just right.
Quest for what, I wonder… It's not just info.
He's still looking for that, but he's after something else now that sort of back to hunting.
He's the one who leads the business now. He picks the hunts, he plans, he gives the orders…how the fuck did this happen?
Ok, I know how it happened, with that story of recovering from my death and taking a breather. I should have seen thought it, anybody else and I would have seen though it, but from him I believed, I believed every fucking word of it.
What a cunning bastard my little brother is.
There's more to our hunts, they're not just…stuff to keep me occupied and out of the way. Technically speaking, I'm never out of the way: he never lets me out of his sight. Ever.
I tried to go and see Bobby without him, once – and not just to say hello.
He knew. I don't know how, but he knew. And he stopped me.
Sprained my ankle with his fucking powers and calmly pointed out he could have broken my leg, as if we were discussing the fucking weather.
He doesn't want me to leave, no reason given.
I haven't tried again. I know I won't try again.
For the first time in my life I'm not just afraid for my brother: I'm also afraid of him, if only a little. Judging from Ruby's eyes, not as much as I should be.
But she has a reason why, while I…don't.
If the angels were here, they'd tell me he's leaving the righteous path and order me to kill him – I could bet the Impala on that.
Trouble is, he doesn't feel wrong.
There's nothing like the life we lead to build up a sort of sixth sense for bad things – it might not be 100% accurate, but it's there and I consider it part of the package of healthy survival instinct.
Whenever I'm with Sam, I don't feel anything wrong in him.
Different, yes, but not wrong.
I don't know what he's doing, but I'm not sure it's betraying the business, not sure at all.
Of course, my feelings could be clouding my judgment – I've already taken that into account.
Still, if anybody wants me to pull the trigger on my baby bro, they'll have to give me more than that. Much more.
Sometimes I wonder if I would be able to do it at all, yes, even after my stay in Hell.
I've found myself thinking about dad, too.
What would he do if he was in my place? Would he be able to get all these secrets out of Sam?
Would he actually shoot him on a hunch?
I really don't want to know.
I just want to stop feeling helpless – I fucking hate being helpless.
I just want to know what the fuck is going on.
And I wish…I wish I had Sammy back.
Liked it? Hated it?
Leave a review and let me know