Title: Four Words
Summary: Grissom owns up. "Daddy's Little Girl" filler.
Stuff: So, DLG? Just a touch anticlimactic… kinda like Antarctica is a touch cold. I wanted to lash out, but luckily everybetty took care of that for me. Instead I let that episode stew for a day or so and then wrote this. I guess you can call it a mid-ep since … well, it happens in the middle. Ha.
Don't own em.
"So… it's over."
(Yeah.)
"Good."
(Good.)
Four words.
Four whole words from Grissom's mouth and his CSI's nightmare was over. Did he really believe that was the be-all, end-all, magic bullet of a solution?
It hadn't taken him the ten minutes he'd been staring at his desk since Nick's abrupt departure to realize the answer was a decided "no."
In fact, he'd known pretty much right away.
Really. Who was he kidding? Without even taking stock of Nick's thoughts or feelings on the issue, he officially decreed the matter closed, like some 12th century monarch.
Archie had told him a short while ago that Nick was aware of the audio evidence. Grissom decided it would be a good time to gauge Nick's reaction to that discovery by checking up on the Kelly Gordon suspect situation. What ended up happening was a surprise solving of the 'second voice puzzle' and Grissom being completely caught off guard.
And subsequently bungling it.
What was it he said to Ecklie a few years ago… "Without the people, there is no lab."
Doing a fine job honoring that sentiment, Grissom thought ruefully.
"Well?"
Catherine entered the office with heels loud and tone sharp, abruptly shaking him from his thoughts.
"Well, what?" Grissom supplied, in no mood to deal with her disapproval.
"He was hardly in here two minutes," she started, "You couldn't possibly have—"
"What do you want from me?"
"To show a little responsibility."
"You wanna talk about responsibility? What the hell are you doing letting Nick interrogate Kelly Gordon by himself?" Grissom's voice raised well above his normal tone and he quickly regretted it, running a weary hand down his face.
Catherine skirted the question, anger still evident. "Gil, I just passed him in the hall. You know what he said to me?"
Grissom sighed.
"'It's over…' and then he just walked away," Catherine finished.
"It is." The words grated on his ears, sounding hollow and false.
"You know damn well it isn't. How could you keep that from him? You didn't tell me and I'm about to wring your neck, just think how he feels!"
"Cath—"
"And then because this apparent accomplice is dead, it's over? Listen to yourself!"
Grissom lowered his head for a moment. When he finally looked back up, her face said it all. She was calling him out on this, and rightfully so; she knew he dropped the ball... what he had to try and fix. And how important it was that he do it. Sometimes she knew him better than he knew himself.
"Gil…"
"I know," he said quietly. She held his gaze for a moment before turning and leaving the office.
Grissom's mind drifted back to Nick's reactions during their 'conversation' – if one could even call it that.
Nick had become a pro at internalizing things these past few months. Today was no exception. Nick didn't lash out at him, but the younger man's eyes betrayed every frustrating question his brain prevented him from forming into words.
How could you hide something like that from me?
Why didn't you tell me?
Why do you treat me like this?
It might be over for you. Go close out your file and move onto your next round of evidence, your next case. It's not over for me. It's not over. It'll never be over.
Nick had wanted so badly to confront him about the tape evidence, Grissom knew. His internal battle was evident regardless of his silence. But instead, he allowed his boss take the lead, and then dutifully followed along. Nick had turned on his "Grissom Filter."
Grissom also knew much the other man looked up to him – even now, when Nick was certainly capable of being an exemplary CSI without any kind of supervisory guidance. He should take that pride as a testament to his teaching and as a great trait of Nick's character.
Instead, he took it for granted.
Nick needed to hear explaining, reasoning… anything. Instead, he got four words and a closed case.
Was it really so hard to say, "Nick, Archie and I were the only people who knew about the other voice on the tape. We received the evidence right around the time you returned to work. We didn't involve anyone else in the breakdown of the voice... or anything else on the tape."
Was it really so hard to say, "Nick, I kept this information hidden from you because I'm a coward. I didn't think you'd have an emotional breakdown or not be able to handle it well. You're too strong for that. I didn't do it to protect you... I did it to protect me. If I didn't leave you in the dark, you'd know for sure that I was aware of your message to me. And I don't know how to deal with that. I can say flat out that you've never disappointed me. But I can't say it to you."
And was it really so hard to say, "Nick, you survived a hell no one else could, and your level of work and attitude since your return have been nothing short of incredible. But I didn't have the guts to make the right decision. And I'm sorry."
Apparently, it was.
Nick needed closure, not a case file being slammed shut and shoved into the back of a filing cabinet. But that closure would be hard to come by. He just discovered that the second person involved in his abduction was dead.
It still wasn't exactly clear what their motivations were, especially with the addition of an extra party. If nothing else, Nick needed straight-forward answers from his own supervisor. The incident had changed their relationship in a way he couldn't quite explain or even understand himself, yet. Right now, the only kind of closure Nick could still achieve was… with him.
And he blew it.
At a time when Nick deserved answers more than ever before, Grissom had taken the low road. It couldn't have been more obvious that Nick wanted… needed to talk about it. He'd been selfish… taking the easy way by playing his "socially inept" card and knowing full well Nick would follow suit.
He felt sick to his stomach.
Who knows when he'd ever have another chance like that to sit down with Nick. It sounded easy enough, but the simplest things in Grissom's life had a way of becoming uncontrollable. Judging by the look of anger, sadness, and overall defeat in Nick's eyes before he left, Grissom doubted he'd get a second chance.
Damn it.
He'd never told anyone, but even Grissom wasn't immune to the occasional nightmare of Nick's abduction. But it never featured being propelled backward from the concussion of Gordon's vest bomb, or the universal feeling of helplessness, or even the horrific condition in which they found Nick.
It was always Nick recording what he thought were his final words.
He'd singled out his boss only after saying goodbye to his parents. Nick thought he was going to die… and die a failure. A let-down.
The choked words echoed in his ears, and the grainy image of Nick's anguished face hovered in his mind's eye.
Grissom… I'm sorry I disappointed you.
No, Nick. You never did.
He considered four other words and whispered to the empty room.
"But I disappointed you."
fin.