Little Shadow
1:26 A.M.
The soft rain sounds outside her window - a quiet orchestra; her own personal lullaby. Drowsiness finally works its magic, sending her long eyelashes sweeping towards her face like falling feathers, the startling blue of her irises now concealed until daylight. He had always loved her eyes; her penetrating gaze. It was, inevitably, the first thing he noticed about her. She thought his own were beautiful as well: the deep chocolate brown, their expressiveness, the way she could always read his mind just by looking into them - it now makes her heart twist with despair.
Even a year later she feels the profound strength of his presence this time of night, and although it makes her ache with desperation, it is also her only source of solace. Sometimes, in a state of half-sleep, she can swear that he is truly beside her. Soft kisses across her eyelids; her cheeks, his breath at her throat; fingers trailing along her lower back - it can't all be her imagination.
And tonight is no exception.
Is it only a dream? Suddenly, she feels warm fingers lace through her own, the weight of his hand flooding tears behind her eyelids.
"Freddie?"
She doesn't dare open her eyes out of fear that he will dissipate straight into the dark night. With her free hand, she reaches up towards his face, slowly and with tremendous apprehension. Her blind fingers manage to land on his neck; gently she traces it up towards his jaw line, then feels over his eyes, nose, and finally lips. Familiarity causes her breath to catch in her throat. She then places her hand over his heart, the steady rhythm noticeably dissimilar to her own frantic pulse. He sighs and she realizes that her tears have escaped, seeping sideways down her face.
"Effy."
It's barely a whisper, but she hears it. Her eyes fly open at once and he is still there.
Freddie lies in front of her, a dark figure outlined in moonlight, and Effy's heart caves in.
She knows that she doesn't have a lot of time but she also knows that her "dreams" have never before been this vivid.
Effy inches closer; breathes him in, and she cannot control herself any longer. Her arm winds around his back, and she's clinging, desperate. Her face finds its way to the crook of his neck and she's sobbing; pleading.
"I'm so sorry." "Why'd you leave me?" "Come back, come back, come back."
Her sobs subside and she pulls away, looking into his heart wrenching eyes. There is sadness there, but also peace; acceptance. He gives her a small smile and brings his hand up to wipe her tears away with his thumb. Then he leans in, kissing her, and at once her head is spinning. Freddie's lips, endlessly soft and perfect as always, leave Effy struggling to contain the multitude of emotions that thunder through her veins.
"Love. All I feel for you now is love."
Freddie brushes his nose against Effy's as his lips leave her mouth.
"I love you," she murmurs, and he knows. She knows too.
"I love her, I love her, I love her."
There's nothing left to say or do. They hold each other, and the sound of his breathing rocks her back to sleep.
Slowly she regains consciousness, becoming aware of her surroundings. The taste of Freddie's lips is once again a distant memory.
It is still raining, but Effy likes the rain.
She opens her eyes. In front of her, where Freddie had been just hours before, lies one of his carefully folded paper swans. This time, Effy doesn't need to open it in order to be reassured that Freddie will love her forever. His voice echoes in her mind - "we're together, we'll be together" - and she knows in her heart that it is true. For the first time in what seems like forever, Effy smiles.