My tongue-in-cheek reply to mammab72's FF writing challenge "Jane vest/ring"…

My Precious

Emergency room, Seton Medical Center, Austin (Texas)

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ahhhhhhh," Jane whined.

"Don't be such a baby," Lisbon scolded her boyfriend but there was a touch of worry and guilt mixed into her expression.

With a deep, indignant pout on his face Jane whimpered, "But it really huuuuuuuuuurts, Lisbon."

A doctor approached the pair. "Mr. Jane? As suspected, the x-ray confirms that your finger is indeed broken. And the swelling has reached dangerous levels. I'm sorry to tell you, but we have to cut off your wedding band or you'll risk losing your finger."

Jane shrugged, brow furrowed with pain. "Had planned to take it off for good anyway. Never found the right time for it. Thought, it had to be done in some kind of momentous gesture. Guess, this has to qualify as such, as it's obviously taken out of my hand now – literally. Do whatever it takes to make it stop hurting like this, doc."

Lisbon eyed him with increasing worry. "It really hurts, doesn't it?" she asked tentatively.

"Duh," Jane uttered, slight irritation and pain clouding his voice. "What the hell does it look like? It's blue and green and as thick as a banana. You think, I'm pretending?"

Deep guilt became visible on her face. "I'm sorry, I bullied you into playing basketball with the agents from organized crime. Should've known, they wouldn't play fair."

"You should've at least seen that they're all 20 inches taller and 10 stones heavier than me. But no." He snorted and cast a skeptical and anxious look at the doctor who had started to cut off the ring very carefully with a dangerous looking metal saw, mindful not to hurt the injured finger with the sharp tool.

Mocking Lisbon's inflection and nagging voice, the blond consultant went on, "'Jane, you really need to exercise. Jane, you really should socialize with our colleagues a bit. Jane, you should really learn to be more of a team player.'" He snorted again, interrupted by a yelp of pain when the doctor had finally cut through the gold but unfortunately also a little into the flesh beneath.

Holding up his hand with blood running down from his injured but ringless finger in a gesture of accusation, he added, "Satisfied now? I told you, sport's nothing but a danger to people's health. And why would I want to socialize with a bunch of brutes with no refinement who think that culture is something you add to milk so that it becomes some kind of energy yogurt drink? And working in a team is highly overrated too. I prefer to work and socialize with my partner only, thank you very much."

"Somehow that felt like I've been insulted and complimented at the same time," Lisbon replied dryly, but the worry for and sympathy with her hurt boyfriend were all over her face. "You really say the sweetest things, Jane."

"I'm a closet romantic, Lisbon. Thought, you knew that," Jane said through his teeth, fighting to cry out in pain while the doctor tended to his injury. "Oh, and while we're at it: now that I'm finally free of the last symbol tying me to the past, would you do me the honor of becoming my wife, Lisbon?"

She looked at him in open-mouthed shock. "You're proposing now? In a hospital?"

He nodded. "Yep. And if you would hand me my jacket? – Ah, yes, thank you. There's a ring in the pocket. Ah, sorry. Can't really get it out with only one hand. Would you… ? Yes, the small, dark green box. And no. My plans were to present you with this after I'd shown you my male prowess at that primitive game that's nothing more than a sad substitute for me hunting down a mammoth for you. But this has to do now as I expect to be knocked out by pain killers later. And I have some hope that the utterly pitiful state I'm in might work in my favor. So, what do you say? Yes?"

Teary eyed Lisbon stared at the wonderful engagement ring that – of course – was exactly the one she'd always wanted to have without even knowing it, and nodded eagerly.

"A verbal answer would be nice," Jane said anxiously. "I know, I'm supposed to be able to read your every thought but this is kind of something I'd like to have confirmed instead of just assuming," he rambled.

"Yes, yes, yes!" she exclaimed enthusiastically.

He beamed. "Ahm, doc? Please be extra careful with that finger, okay? It needs to be really nice, and straight, and unblemished in a few months when the lady of my heart puts a new ring on it."

The next day in a secluded part of the men's restroom at the sixth floor of the FBI headquarters in Austin/Texas (housing the organized crime unit):

"Hist!" Patrick Jane whispered, motioning for someone to join him.

Agent Rodriguez, a bulky man of six feet ten stepped over to him. "We should stop meeting in dark places, Patrick. People will start talking." The big man chuckled, but then he saw the big bandage on the other man's left hand. "Oh, shit! That looks pretty serious. Did I hurt you for real?"

"Yeah, well. Apparently you don't always know your own strength, Jimmy. You actually broke it!" Jane replied with a grin.

"Sorry, my friend. These things need careful calibration. Not easily done. But did the rest work out as planned?"

Jane's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Worked like a charm, Jim! I'm engaged! Isn't that wonderful?"

"Congrats, mate!" He pulled the smaller man into a bear hug. "You shouldn't have told me such good news in a dreadful place like this! We should be out celebrating with the boys!"

"You know that Lisbon doesn't know that I know you like that," Jane stated mysteriously. "It's a delicate matter. Will take some time to prepare her for the shock of learning about me being the founder of the secret role-playing club at the FBI everybody is talking about. She isn't really into that Tolkien stuff and if she finds out that the removal of my wedding band was part of a totally different kind of game and that I only still carried it because I was the current Ring-bearer of THE ONE RING, she might not be too understanding…"

The End

Please don't kill me - I don't know what came over me... but I'm a tad worn out when it comes to discussions about the significance of Jane wearing or not wearing his wedding band in season 7... and this just happened somehow... It's of course just meant as a bit of harmless fun...