Author's Note: This is the one before the final one, guys. Two chapters on what happens after Emergency Contact. We are nearing the end! Reviews are (almost) better than Christmas. So leave one if you can. Cheers!

No one warns you about the amount of mourning in growth.

Té V. Smith

They're cutting down trees

They're putting up reindeer

And singing songs of joy and peace

Oh I wish I had a river

I could skate away on

.

.

.

- Jyn : [8:32]

Hi.

Bodhi?

You there?

- Jyn: [8:50]

Okay.

Guess you're on your way to class or something and can't get to your phone right now.

I know it's been a while since we talked, but please don't freak out.

I have something to tell you.

- You : [8:51]

Jyn?

I'm here.

What's wrong?

- Jyn : [8:52]

Please don't freak out.

-You : [8:53]

Why would I freak out?

- Jyn : [8:54]

I'm at the hospital.

Some idiot shot me on a job.

But I'm out of surgery now. I just needed you to know I'm okay.

- You : [8:55]

Which hospital are you at?

Send me the location.

Now.

- Jyn : [8:56]

You don't have to come get me.

I promise you. I'm okay.

-You : [8:57]

Send me the fucking location now!

- Jyn : [8:59]

Bodhi, there's really no need.

You have better things to do.

- You : [9:00]

Jyn, I am not joking!

- Jyn : [9:02]

I'm fine. I really, really am fine.

- You : [9:03]

Send me the fucking location, Jyn.

Just send it to me.

- Jyn : [9:06]

I told you. There's NO need.

I'm well taken care of.

The TV channels here are shit though.

- You : [9:07]

Not funny, Jyn.

Where are you? I'm coming to get you.

- You : [9:14]

Jyn?

- You : [9:37]

Are you seriously giving me the silent treatment?

On WhatsApp?

You're such a child!

- You : [9:58]

Bloody hell, Jyn.

Help a man out here.

You were in surgery, for fuck's sake.

- You : [10:22]

Tell me where you are.

Don't make me call Kay and ask for help.

- You : [10:59]

I'm giving you thirty minutes before I call Kay.

- You : [11:13]

Jyn, you owe me.

- Jyn : [11:24]

Sharing the location with you now.

Seven days before Christmas

The first thing Bodhi notices when he walks into the patient's ward is the huge banner displayed behind the nurse counter in red and gold: Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Right by it, just to the left and squeezed in between the service lift and the counter, is a medium-sized Christmas tree decorated with lights, baubles, ornaments, stockings and wreaths. The sight of it gives Bodhi pause, makes him feel a strange tightening in his chest, and he has to brush aside the nostalgia he feels for something before he can give an awkward cough to draw the nurse's attention. She looks up from her flip chart and places her blue-rimmed glasses upon her head.

"Good afternoon," the nurse says, her eyes widening at the sight of Bodhi. (He gets that a lot here. He is almost used to it by now.) "How may I help you today?"

"Um..I'm here to see Jyn Erso? She just had surgery?"

"Ah." Something shifts in the nurse's expression and she purses her lips. "The mysterious, self-inflicted gun shot wound."

Just hearing it voiced aloud makes Bodhi's heart sink. He drops his gaze. "Yes, ma'am. That's the one."

"Are you another ex-husband?"

"Excuse me?"

"Never mind," says the nurse, putting her glasses back on. "Down the hall to your right. Room number 719."

Bodhi mutters his thanks and the nurse dismisses him with a polite smile.

Room 719 is a few doors down from the counter and Bodhi peers in through the slot on the door before he goes in. He can't see much - just the side of a television set, a chair and a tiny crack of light coming through the open curtains. He pushes the door open and slips into the room, making sure his steps are making as little sound as possible.

The sight he sees brings a lump to his throat: Jyn asleep in the bed, tubes running from her wrist to a nearby machine. She is breathing, he notices immediately - a slow, almost peaceful breathing that causes him to exhale in relief. He stands staring at her for far too long before he can bring himself to grab the chair and sit down next to her. Strangely, he sees a tiny sunflower by her bedside table and a pink 'Get Well Soon' balloon tied to her bed. The thing is nearly out of air now, but it still manages to float and bob along like it is on its last, dying leg. What a pathetic sight, he thinks fleetingly and wistfully, to attempt flight when a fall is the most likely outcome.

But isn't that precisely what I'm doing?

Jyn shifts in her sleep, her eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks. She looks tiny, lying there, safe and whole and young, and Bodhi wishes they could sit here forever.

He recalls the many times Jyn had called him during the past five years since she and Cassian divorced. He recalls the late nights of him holding her by the hair as she vomited into his toilet and him rushing to class the next morning, too tired and hungover to understand the lectures. He remembers the panic, the despair, the self-destruction, the giving up, and he has to curl his hand into a fist.

"I don't know what else to do, Bodhi," she had told him. "I'm no good at doing anything else."

He had shaken his head, muttered his argument under his breath, but never once contradicted her. It is Jyn, he told himself. You can't expect her to go on the straight and narrow. Especially not without Cassian.

But now, here, seeing her lying on a hospital bed with a gunshot wound in her side… Bodhi wishes that he could have been braver. Cleverer. More determined. He wishes he were Chirrut or Baze or even Kay. They would have talked some sense into her somehow - put a stop to everything before she got herself here. But none of them had been around. It was just Bodhi. And he thinks he has failed her just as much as she has failed herself.

So he reaches out and takes her hand. She moves a little, but doesn't open her eyes, doesn't wake up.

"Hey, Jyn," he whispers, half to her and half to himself. "Thank God you're alive."

He doesn't know how long he sits there, holding her hand and looking at the pink balloon. It could have been days or weeks; at least, to him, it feels that way. When she finally opens her eyes and sees him, they both say nothing. They hold on to each other instead, her hand in his, her other hand gripping tightly on his arm. It is an embrace of sorts and Bodhi is glad, because how many times can you say 'I miss you' without it turning redundant?

Six days before Christmas

Jyn's stuff consists of only her pair of old combat boots, her phone, and the clothes Bodhi bought for her before she was discharged by the doctor. He rolls up the t-shirts and the jeans that she's not wearing, stuffs them into the backseat of his second hand Volkswagen. When she slides into the passenger seat, she is wearing his oversized hoodie and a pair of faded jean shorts. She insists on bringing the small pot of sunflower and the sad, deflated pink balloon with them and Bodhi has to be the one who crams both items into the backseat along with her clothes, his textbooks and backpack.

When he turns the car onto the highway, he looks sideways at her and finds her staring out the window, her chin resting on her hand in an almost wistful posture.

"So what happened?" he asks. It is the first time he's asked that question since he showed up at the hospital. With Jyn, he has learned not to rush it. The more he rushes, the worse it gets.

"Fucking idiot," she replies with only a slight edge to her tone. "Thought he's going to scarper with more than half his share."

"By shooting you?"

She shrugs. "He's not a particularly smart bloke."

"He's not - " Bodhi grimaces, grips the wheel a little tighter. "He's not someone you found through Han or Lando, was he?"

"No." She hesitates and tugs a loose strand of hair behind her ear before continuing. "I'm…on my own now. And Han is married and Lando is…"

"Trying to be a respectable business man?" scoffs Bodhi.

A hint of a smile and Jyn turns to look at him. "What about you? Flight school gave you time off classes?"

Bodhi turns away sharply. "I..uh…we have Christmas holiday."

"And you don't have any coursework to do?" She raises an eyebrow. "Bodhi -"

"We're best mates, Jyn," he cuts her off, but keeps his eyes straight ahead. "If you think I was going to bail on you when you nearly died, then you don't know me at all."

She lets the silence stretch on for a couple of seconds. Then he feels her tiny hand encircling his.

"Thanks, Bodhi."

"Well…you can thank me by stopping."

"Stopping what?"

"You know what. Stop taking all these jobs. Stop trying to get yourself killed."

"I'm not trying to get myself killed," she says and pulls her hand away. "And I don't want to talk about this now."

"Okay. When do you want to talk about it then?"

Her answer of never hangs in the air, unsaid. He lifts a hand to scratch at his beard and sighs. He has come this far, he might as well just say it.

"Cassian came to see you, didn't he?"

"What made you say that?" Her tone is suddenly harsh and it cuts.

"Because - because it's obvious." He doesn't dare look at her; he signals and changes lane, all without sparing her a glance. "The nurse asked me if I was another ex-husband and he's the only one besides me who knows how much you like sunflowers."

Again. Silence.

"You - you don't have to lie to me, Jyn. God knows I don't judge."

"I know you don't judge, Bodhi," she says and her voice sounds tiny. Insignificant. Sad. "You never judge. Which is precisely the problem."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means…" she sighs and the sound is desperate enough that it gives him courage to look at her. She is staring at the road and not at him, her brows furrowed and her lips pursed. "It means…Just forget about it, Bodhi."

"What do you - "

"He's still listed as my emergency contact so they called him before I went into surgery. He drove down to make sure I was okay. Nothing happened. We…we talked. That's all."

"About what?"

"Things."

Things. Bodhi wishes he were braver so he could ask what those things were. But he feels as though he is walking on thin ice. One misstep, one wrong toe out of place, and both of them will be plunged down into the cold, dark waters. So he asks instead: "Jyn, are you - are you okay?"

She looks out the window and that same wistful expression returns.

"I wish…" she says, "I wish it would snow."

Five days before Christmas

Bodhi wakes up at seven in the morning to go to the library and finds her still asleep on his sofa. He fixes her a plate of pancakes and leaves it on the floor next to her.

When he returns late in the evening, he finds the pancakes untouched and has to throw them out. She is still sleeping when he goes to bed at around midnight, but not before he checks to see if she's still breathing.

(Just in case.)

Four days before Christmas

Bodhi wakes up at six thirty to get ready for his group project and finds her still asleep on his sofa. He fixes her a new plate of pancakes and leaves it in the same place.

When he returns late in the evening, she is still sleeping. But this time, he finds the plate empty. Smiling a little to himself, he picks it up and puts it in the sink.

She is still sleeping when he goes to bed at midnight, but not before he checks to see if she's still breathing.

(Again. Just in case.)

Three days before Christmas

Bodhi comes home to a dining table stacked with boxes of Chinese takeaway and Jyn in fresh clothes. She looks up from her task of unpacking a box of spring rolls as he comes through the door and grins.

"What's this?" he asks and he can't help but grin back.

"Dinner."

"Dinner?" He dumps his jacket on an arm chair and walks over to marvel at what she's set down. "You ordered dinner? I'm glad you're finally out of your….weird stupor. Or whatever it was."

"I nearly died, for Christ's sake. Cut me some slack," she says, rolling her eyes, but she is still smiling when she sits down at the table. "Do you have work to do tonight?"

He does, but it doesn't stop him from asking: "Why? What do you have in mind?"

"Let's watch a really bad film."

He frowns, taking a seat opposite hers. "How bad?"

"Batman and Robin bad."

He stares at her for a second, sees the hint of a twinkle in her eyes, and shrugs.

"Okay," he says. "I'm in."

Two days before Christmas

He keeps expecting her to be gone at the end of the day, but he comes home to find her curled up on the sofa in his hoodie, remote tv in hand, asleep while Casablanca plays on the screen.

He switches off the film, wraps a blanket around her and leaves her there.

Two hours later, she strolls into the kitchen with the blanket still wrapped around her shoulders, looking for a cup of tea. He looks up from his course work, smiles at her and teases her about sleeping too much. She rolls her eyes, throws out the excuse of nearly dying, and makes tea for them both.

He keeps expecting her to be gone at the end of the night, but she hangs around. And he enjoys her company too much to question why.

Christmas Eve

Bodhi overslept. The clock by his bedside table blinks back at him: 11:37 am. He hears the TV from the living room and the first thought that comes to his mind is 'she's still here'.

He dresses, brushes his teeth and emerges from his room with the idea of asking her to go with him to the library. Maybe a change of scenery would do her good. And it's Christmas Eve. Aren't nice things supposed to happen on Christmas Eve?

But when he sees her on the sofa, he knows immediately that something is wrong. Her eyes are damp with tears, her chin resting on her knee, and there - there it is. A bottle of vodka in her hand.

He thought he had gotten rid of every bottle in his house the day he brought her home. But he must have missed a place. God damn it, he must have missed a place.

"Jyn?"

Again. Thin ice. She is sinking. And he is arriving too late to the scene.

She doesn't look at him, barely acknowledges his presence as he takes a seat next to her.

"Where'd you find this?"

"Under the sink," she says, voice heavy. She tips the bottle at him and takes another sip. "Seems like it survived the purge."

"There wasn't a - "

"Of course there was."

"I asked if you were okay."

"Well, I was. But then I got sad." She tips the bottle at him again and the smile she wears is a sardonic one. "It comes and goes, you know."

"Jyn, do you - do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

Getting shot. Nearly dying. Seeing Cassian again after five years.

But still, Bodhi is not brave enough. He simply shrugs and she turns to look at him. Regret is swimming in her eyes.

"Bodhi, do you still have it?"

"Have what?" He knows what. But maybe if he doesn't say it, things might not get worse.

"My ring," she replies.

(She doesn't call it her wedding ring anymore. When she used to call him up drunk in the middle of the night, she always called it 'my ring'. Just 'my ring', and they both knew what she meant.)

"I promised to keep it safe," says Bodhi. "So it's safe."

"Can I see it?"

"No."

"Come on, Bodhi. Don't be a bastard."

Bastard. He swallows down the word. Reminds himself that she can always be a little insensitive when she's drunk. That she doesn't really mean it.

"I don't think that's a good idea," he says.

"Why not?"

"Because you'll have an urge to throw it away and then you're going to regret it afterwards. You made me promise."

She cackles and the sound is all sharp, all edges, all cruel. "Promises mean nothing."

"They do to me."

"You broke one big promise already, Bodhi," she says, and the words keep spilling out like she has no control over them. "Didn't you promise my father, before he died, that I was going to be okay?"

The ice breaks beneath him. He is falling, sinking, the cold swallowing him up. This time, he has no problem looking her straight in the eye and he can see the realisation slipping into her gaze.

"Bodhi, I'm - I didn't - "

His own voice sounds like a stranger's to his own ears. It is broken, frozen, like all the life has gone out of it.

"I know you're drunk, Jyn, but there is a line. There's always a fucking line."

"Bodhi, please," she stammers, the regret growing worse. "I wasn't thinking. It just slipped out. I didn't mean it. Seeing Cassian again…well, it fucked me up and I - "

"Don't you think I understand all that, Jyn? You and Cassian weren't the only ones who lost things when the divorce happened!"

"Bodhi - "

He gets to his feet, brushes her hand away. "I'm - I'm no good at fighting you. Honestly I'm not. I'm not even good at being angry with you. But sometimes, Jyn. There's a fucking line."

"Bodhi - "

But he is passed the point of listening to her. He knows he is going to regret it the next morning. Hell, he's going to regret it in the next hour! But he marches to the kitchen and grabs the magnet from the fridge. The magnet shaped like Texas. The one she and Cassian bought for him during their trip to Corpus Christi.

"You want to talk about promises, Jyn?" He shows her the magnet and she is staring at him, her eyes pleading, her feet rooted to the spot. But for once, he is too goddamn tired to care. "This? This is a promise. And you broke it."

Before he realises what he's doing, he hooks back his hand and throws. The thing hits the floor, shatters into tiny little pieces, and he thinks he hears her gasp in despair.

"Don't follow me," he spits out.

He doesn't even remember to grab his jacket before he slams the door shut behind him.

- Jyn : [12:37]

Are you still mad?

Please come back.

Let's talk about this.

- Jyn : [13:08]

I didn't mean it.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- Jyn : [14:02]

I'm horrible.

I'm an asshole.

I'm the worst person in the whole world.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- Jyn : [14:47]

Jurassic Park is on TV.

Come on, Bodhi.

- Jyn : [15:55]

Please don't ignore me.

- Jyn : [17:00]

Okay. I get the message.

I'll give you time.

- Jyn : [22:55]

Bodhi, it's almost Christmas.

Just come home.

I'm sorry.

- Jyn : [23:44]

Okay.

Fine.

I'll leave.

You won't see me when you come back.

But know that I'm really, really sorry.

I hope you can forgive me one day.

- You : [23:46]

No.

Stay.

Just…

Give me till morning.

Okay?

- Jyn : [23:47]

Okay.

Christmas Day

Bodhi ends up sleeping in the library and returning home at ten in the morning. He thinks she's going to be gone by then. A part of him begins to wish that she would be, but when he pushes open his front door, he is greeted by a very unexpected sight: a Christmas tree in the middle of his living room and Jyn in his Christmas sweater, putting up lights.

He pauses in the doorway, words failing him. But she turns around and smiles. It is a cautious smile - one that says all sorts of things - and they end up looking at each other awkwardly, not knowing who should speak first.

"You hate Christmas," is the first sentence that comes to Bodhi.

Jyn shrugs. "But you love Christmas," she says and lifts up the lights in her hands. "I found the tree and the lights in your basement. I managed to find a store that's open and got us Christmas crackers, one disgusting pack of turkey meat and some mince pies. I couldn't find mulled wine though, but I thought that we could - "

"Have a British Christmas?"

"Yes," she says, chuckling softly. "Not the real thing, but close enough."

A part of Bodhi wants to continue being angry with her. A large part, actually. But seeing her, scared and unsure, standing beside the pathetic Christmas tree he'd bought by himself at Wallmart…

Well, with him, there is always a pattern. Nostalgia (always) wins out at the end of the day. Especially with her.

"Give me those lights," says Bodhi eventually, closing the door behind him. "You're putting them up wrong."

Half an hour later, they stand back to admire their work. It is not too bad, considering the circumstances. A few cracked up baubles hanging from limp branches, the lights, fake snow made out of tissue paper. Bodhi cannot help but grin at the sight. Jyn arches an eyebrow at him.

"Are you seriously impressed?"

"Impressed enough."

"You're easy to please," she says. She hesitates for a moment, crosses her arms. "Sometimes I think you're the best person I know."

"Not a compliment."

"Oh, it is," she says. Her smile slips and a more serious expression crosses her face. She moves closer to him until their elbows brush. "You're right too, you know."

"About what?"

"About everything. There's a fucking line and I crossed it. I think I crossed it a long time ago. I need to stop now. Find something else I'm good at, if there's anything. Maybe write. Read. Travel. I might go back to England for a while. God knows I could use the change in weather." Bodhi laughs at that. He pulls her in closer and she snuggles her face into the arm of his sweater. "And it's not your fault I'm so fucked up, Bodhi. It's not."

He knows that. Of course he knows that. But he hasn't always felt it. Hearing her say it out loud is almost enough to change everything.

"You're coming back next year for my graduation, right?" he asks.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world."

"Good. Because I would never forgive you otherwise."

"So does that mean you've forgiven me for what I said last night?"

He smiles thinly. "Just about."

"I didn't mean it, Bodhi. Please believe me."

His breath hitches in his throat. "I know you didn't mean it," he says, his eyes fixed on the tree. "But it's definitely something I've thought about before. Whether I could have done more…"

"No one could have done more. What happened was…bound to happen, I suppose." And her voice drops even lower as she whispers, careful and precise: "But, Bodhi, I've always meant to ask you."

"Ask me what?"

"Why didn't you give up on us?"

She doesn't have to say it; he already knows. By 'us', she doesn't mean her and him. She means her and Cassian. Her and Cassian at the beginning of everything. Her and Cassian at the end of everything.

Bodhi lets out the breath that he's been holding and grips her tighter.

"You're both…you're both family, I guess."

"And now?"

"Now?" He sighs again. "Now…I don't know."

His phone rings when they are finishing up their horrible meal of cold turkey sandwiches, mince pies and apples. He looks at the name on the screen and feels a strange, horrible tugging at his heart.

He should have known. It's Christmas. Of course it's going to ring.

"What?" asks Jyn, looking up from her task of putting away the plates.

"Friend," replies Bodhi. He tells himself that he's not lying but, of course, he is. "I'm going to take this outside."

"Okay." She shrugs, piling one plate on top of another. If she suspects anything, she doesn't show it. "Which friend?"

"Flight school."

That is another lie. But, again, she doesn't comment, and he slips into his jacket and steps outside into the freezing cold. He makes sure to close the door behind him so she would not hear when he answers the call with a sharp, curt, "Hello?"

"Hi, Bodhi," says Cassian, his tone smooth and neutral like always.

"Hi, Cassian."

"Merry Christmas."

"Yeah. Merry Christmas to you too."

Silence from the other end and Bodhi almost curses out loud.

"What do you want, Cassian?"

"I just wanted to check in."

Bodhi would laugh if it wasn't so sad. He sighs, shifts the phone to his other ear. "Cassian, she's here at my place."

A pause, then -

"Good," says Cassian, and the syllable is heavy with…something. Relief? Sadness? Bodhi has never been good at reading Cassian.

"I knew you were there at the hospital. She told me," says Bodhi. "Thank you, by the way."

"Is she - "

"She's going to be okay. She told me she's going to stop. For real, this time."

"We've heard that before."

"Yes, but this time she means it. I know she does."

An intake of breath and Bodhi lets his friend hang onto his words for maybe a few seconds too long. Until eventually, Cassian says: "I have to go now. But thanks for answering my call, Bodhi. Thanks for letting me know."

"You're not spending Christmas alone, are you?"

"I'm at work."

Bodhi chuckles. "Of course you are."

"But if we finish early, Kay and I might swing around to Dameron's."

"Well, that's…unexpected."

"I suppose things were bound to change eventually, right?"

Bodhi thinks he catches a hint of a laugh, but he can't be sure. Sometimes, sarcasm from Cassian is too rooted in reality, making it almost impossible to detect. He turns around and looks at Jyn through the window. She is in his kitchen, cutting into their leftover chocolate cake from three nights ago. Her brows are knitted together and she is biting her bottom lip in concentration. On top of her head, perched in a slightly awkward manner, is the blue paper crown from their Christmas cracker.

She would be better at deciphering Cassian's garbled tone, but even she had failed in the end.

Bodhi smiles ironically at the thought, and it doesn't matter that both his friends can't see it.

"You still love her, don't you?" says Bodhi.

It is not a question. Cassian understands that too because he doesn't offer a reply. Bodhi scoffs at the silence and says: "She still loves you too. You know that, right?"

"Bodhi - "

"Yeah, I know. It doesn't really matter. It is what it is."

"It's just - "

"Merry Christmas, Cassian."

Cassian sighs. "Merry Christmas, Bodhi."

Bodhi is the one who hangs up first. Because, quite frankly, there is nothing else left to say. And he ponders on how funny it is that flight school has managed to make him bolder somehow.

The sky is cloudless today - vast, blue and bright. He thinks of how he can't wait to be up there someday - flying, soaring and simply as he stands there and dreams, a breeze tickles pass. Soft, white flakes begin to fall, each one as delicate and new as the growing warmth inside his chest

"Jyn!" Bodhi cries, and his voice is choked with unfamiliar joy. "It's snowing! It's bloody snowing!"

A very merry Christmas

And a happy New Year

Let's hope it's a good one

Without any fear

War is over, if you want it

War is over now

.

.

.

Author's Note: Next chapter: Cassian and Kay

This is not one of my best, I have to admit, but I have to set them up for the final story in the series. However, I'm glad we get to see Bodhi again and hear the story from his perspective. What an absolute sweetheart and I feel horrible for what I put him through!

Thanks to Joni Mitchell's "River" and John Lennon's "Merry Christmas (War Is Over)" for the inspiration. The Maroon 5 cover of the latter, however, is slower and sadder, which fits the story better, obviously! PLEASE leave a review and let me know what you thought. Much love!