Title: Faraway
Author: Naria Lacour de Fanel
Fandom: Kuroshitsuji, slight AU
Pairing: UTxWill
Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji nor do I make any money from writing this. Characters belong to their respective owners. I do not own "Faraway", it is the property of Apocalyptica.
Spoilers: Based on chapter 60 of the manga
A/N: If you haven't kept up with the manga, this will be slightly confusing. I am also taking heavy liberties with more of UT's and Will's pasts, and adding highly unlikely speculation as to how the story could possibly progress.
From the very beginning, I was wary. But the confusion of my new life only aided in blinding me to the possibility that my decision could have been a mistake. I was born anew, and so I was not bound by all the pressures that had influenced my decisions before. In reality, how could I resist someone so unusual? Someone so different from the ideals I once held? He was everything I could never be even when I was alive: Vivacious, genteel, comedic, unflappable and suave in his own way. He was everything I now aspired to be: efficient, strong, and near infallible... save for his often inappropriate sense of humor. Of course I was reluctantly enraptured by his unique charms...and though I could never admit it out loud, I was attracted to the danger that could come of teacher and pupil relationship. In short, he was everything I never knew I wanted.
/There is something in the way
You're always somewhere else/
Strangely, he was also elusive. He would share playful words and give praise as if it were nothing, but there was far more going on behind those laughing eyes than I could ever comprehend. He stood right before me, and yet it was as if that minute space might as well have been the span of the universe. His words and actions were of the moment, but his mind was always far away in a place I could never hope to reach.
/Feelings have deserted me
To a point of no return/
Despite knowing I was not the reason for his distant gaze, I could not halt my fall. Reason abandoned me before I had realized what had happened and I could not take it back.
It was his laughter.
Somehow, it made the world I now occupied, a world drenched in death, seem just a little more pleasant.
/I don't believe in God
But I pray for you/
On the rare occasion he would let his guard down, the look in his eyes would take on a hint of sorrow and madness I never knew could exist. It was wondrous in it's chaos and disheartening in it's visceral sadness. Looking back on it now, it frightened me. Something in me balked at the intensity that should never have existed in someone who could find humor in everything. Knowing how unnatural it seemed gave me the naive desire to seek help, even if it had to come from something as improbable as a deity. I would fall into the familiar, yet nearly forgotten routine of sending a small plea out into the cosmos...Something I had sworn I would never do again having shuffled off the mortal coil. Something I had sworn never to rely on once I knew the truth of my existence. There was no God as I had been taught Him to be, otherwise I would not be what had had become. If He existed, then I should have been sent to Heaven or to Hell as judged by my mortal deeds, but, no...I had become something else. I had become something that collected souls in the name of some other force; souls that remained to be perused and studied for eternity rather than finding everlasting rest. No, God as I had known Him all my life did not exist.
But his eyes screamed for mercy that did not exist for our kind. And though I had much distaste for such unreasonable weakness as asking an unknown force for aid though words that would likely never be heard save for myself, some unjaded part of me could find no more sincere means of seeking help, even if I knew it was in vain. Something in me hoped I was wrong...
/Don't you slip away from me
It's you I live for/
And that madness made me fear that I would one day lose him entirely to it's embrace...
...And what would I do without that laughter?
/Don't you leave no
Don't you slip away from me
I'm vulnerable to your love/
Though we never shared words, though we never gave a name to what it was we had, I knew he was my weakness...though I was not his. I could never occupy more than something in the present for him and he was still so immersed in the past. Somehow, I became incidental to this "other" he constantly pined for in the distance. I was not the one his eyes screamed for.
Oh, how I wished to be.
/There is something in the way
You're always somewhere else/
When he began his mad research I was the first to know. In genuine delight and elation he told me of his speculations and I merely hoped nothing would come of it. I knew it was mostly doggedness that made him hypothesize the method of bringing the dead back to life. The possibility went against all that we were and though he hid it well, I knew something jaded within him grasped at that spitefulness.
The day he came to me with the news that his theories had been proven true, his joy was so profound I nearly forgot the atrocity in his act.
/Feelings have deserted me
To a point of no return/
My fear for him, of him, did not deter me from falling further. But he would not be there to catch me. And I did not have the courage to ask him to...
/So the light fades out
And you're so close to lose it/
With his accomplishment he left. He disappeared from my life, from many lives, without warning...What he was, all that he had been, was gone, and none were to mourn him. The madness had finally claimed him.
I told no one of what he had shared with me though I knew what he was capable of...But the memory of his beatific smile made me wish to do nothing to stop him at the time.
If that was to me my last memory of him, I would not betray the passion in that smile.
/Don't you slip away from me
It's you I live my life for/
But now that he has reappeared, I know what my duty is. It has been the same since the day of his desertion, and I am no longer blinded by sentimentality.
I have not forgotten, nor have I forgiven. I know I have become bitter and cold. I know that I have never given anyone else even the slightest chance...but I could not risk such heavy betrayal again.
Each rash of unusual murders has sparked my interest over the years in the hope that I would find traces of him, and now that he has made himself obvious, I will be the one to end the terror and power of this madness once and for all. I have lived for this moment for years.
He will not escape me this time.
/Don't you slip away from me
I'm vulnerable to your love/
I realize now that she fuels him. This "other", this "love", this person of his past that has wounded him so deeply...The memory of her and the desire to have her again is the reason so many have died, and why so many will still die. She is the reason I have become so cold, why my heart is bitter, and why I must stop him.
/Don't you slip away/
I calmly survey the scene before me and note that the two reapers I had assigned to the job have still not yet completed their task. Not only have they failed to collect all the souls assigned to them, they have become side tracked. To make matters worse, a demon has decided to join the fray. All of them have decided that he is to be their catch. I find my eyes automatically narrowing in disapproval as I adjust my glasses and enter the quickly flooding room.
As swift as ever, and much to my chagrin, I aid the demon in coming between the reapers and their target. I am not one to waste opportunity when it is presented, and I will deal with it once my business is concluded with the intended person.
Nonplussed by their gawking stares and halted attacks, essentially ignoring all the chaos before me, I turn my gaze to him and lock eyes for the first time in decades.
"It has been a long time, sir," I say calmly, holding Grell's still revving chainsaw mere inches away from my face. "I have waited half a century to bring this to an end."
He merely smiles at me. It is a rapturous smile full of joy and gratitude, one that I know is genuine, but I will not be held in thrall this time, even as I ignore the ache growing in my chest at the thought of what I must do.
"Please, do, dear William," He chuckles softly and motions with his hand in a knowing and entirely welcoming gesture. "Please do."
And for the very first time in all the years I have known him, his eyes speak to me and only me. Even in our most intimate trysts I had never seen such sincerity in his emotion...His eyes shine with apology and wistful regret, and it is breathtaking. I find profound satisfaction in knowing that expression is for me and me alone, even as it begins to fade and he breaks eye contact with a very wet cough.
"I always knew it would be you..." he laughs softly, blood seeping from the corner of his grinning mouth as he sinks to his knees. The other occupants of room are entirely silent and still as they comprehend what had just happened. I shove Grell off with my primary scythe with an order to stave off the demon, and turn to follow the length of the secondary scythe I had kept hidden until the opportune moment. I follow it back to the man's kneeling form and stand looking down upon him.
"As it should be." I say crisply as I yank the scythe from deep within his chest, pulling the reels of his Cinematic Record with it.
Again he smiles fondly as he finally collapses to the side.
"Yes..." he says softly, blood pooling around him. "As it should have always been."
I drown out the battle going behind me to study his reels, despite the yells and shouts of the enraged demon against the two struggling reapers...and while I manage to remain impartial, I admit I am surprised at the end of his long stream of memories when I see myself emerge so often.
"Don't be..." he laughs weakly, as if he knows my thoughts even as the last traces of his life escape him. "Your prayers...did not fall on deaf ears...Nor did mine..."
I nod again as I watch the last frames come to a slow and I see myself and nothing in else within them. My throat is strangely tight as I look down on him once more with pity as the reels disappear into the pages of the book in my hands. He sighs as he finally shuts his eyes, a very content smile upon his lips, and I shut his book. I deny myself the urge to feel anything though I find it very difficult to swallow, and turn to the non-combatant occupants of the room.
"You have your proof," I say to the young Earl with a curt motion to the corpse at my feet and a nod towards Dr. Stoker. "Now kindly call off your dog and allow us to finish our job."
The boy looks utterly flabbergasted, then he scowls and barks a haughty order to the demon for retaliation for having his quarry stolen or some nonsense. I frown but refuse to allow a mere boy to cause me to accrue more overtime.
With a crisp bow to the young Earl, I leave the other two to deal with the demon and, having had the forethought to bring reinforcements, I join the others in cleaning up the mess on the Campania. It takes an unnecessary amount of time to dispatch the walking dead AND deal with Phantomhive and his disgusting pet. I find myself cursing the man for his ability to create annoyances in my life though he is permanently no longer in it. But, ever the efficient and steadfast supervisor, I ensure that our work is completed, even as my hands shake and a strange weakness courses though my limbs.
Once we complete the mission, I immediately go to the Library as usual to turn in my harvests. But on the way there, I find myself hesitantly tracing the cover of one blood splattered book in particular.
I have kept his secrets all these years, and it would tarnish my honor were I to let them sit in an obvious and easily accessible place where they might fall into the wrong hands.
I can ensure that one book in billions will not be missed...
...and if this is all I can have, then I will not let him slip away from me.
Salt water mingles with the blood.
Okay so for those of you who might not get it, this is a culmination of many of my UT theories. Some of it is canon, but most of it is combining a lot of wishful thinking! XD
Basically, Will and UT were in a "casual" relationship while Will was in the academy. Initially, it was an odd, slightly uncharacteristic crush on Will's part, but UT was not one to say no to anyone's advances, so he indulged Will. Of course, it grew to be more, but UT was quite preoccupied with Claudia P. (a name on one of his hip charms) whom I have taken to assume was a mortal woman he had loved but could not save because of his job as a shinigami. This made him bitter towards his job and obsessed with finding a way to bring her back. Despite being involved with Will, he experimented and worked with souls and discovered how to make the Bizarre Dolls and abandoned everything once he succeeded. Will is left with his confusion and broken heart and becomes more introverted and cold over the next 50 years while UT continues to perfect his zombies. Finally, the Campania arc comes into play, Will finds out about it, recognizes the zombies for what they are and comes to investigate. Of course, Will ends UT out of his broken heart and his duty, thinking that his love was unrequited all this time, when in fact, UT had loved him and thought of him constantly over the years, regretting what he had done to him. Basically, UT had already invested too much time and effort into reviving Claudia that he could not just give up, and so he sacrificed what he could have had with William...but years later he regrets his decision and hopes that someone will come to stop him, preferably William. The madness is ended and so both of their prayers are answered. William takes UT's book to keep with him because he wants no one else to know the secret of how exactly the zombies work, nor does he want to let UT go entirely.
Pretty deep and depressing, eh? But, it was a bittersweet ending. They both got what they wanted...Also, I am not at all religious, I just thought all the "God" stuff was wonderfully poetic!