Story Notes: I usually finish my stories before I start posting them. This is an exception, as I am not quite done. I will start posting one chapter per week, but I warn you, it might slow down at some point. I hope though, that your reactions to this story will inspire me, so it won't be necessary!

Thanks to my friend and beta laurielove, who has been an inspiration and great support for me.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything...

The Butterfly

"Shush. Astoria, don't cry. It's not going to help. Here, take this..."

Lucius handed a handkerchief to his distraught daughter-in-law and watched absent-mindedly out of the window while she wiped away her tears. When her breathing had calmed he turned away from his view over the stormy grey sea.

"Do you wonder why I brought you here?" he asked in a calm voice, his face tired and as grey as the ocean. Astoria thought that for once he looked his age, never had the lines on his face been so pronounced.

"You said you wanted to take us away from the manor... Scorpius and me. Because everything there reminds me of Draco."

"Yes, yes. That is right. But not what I meant, actually. I meant, do you not wonder why I brought you here of all places."

"I...I don't know... I... No, I didn't wonder. Although I didn't even know you owned a cottage like this."

"I brought you here because it is the place where I used to meet my mistress."

The witch looked at her father-in-law in disbelief. Having a mistress was quite common for purebloods, but talking about it was not. At least not outside the smoking parlour with male company only. Lucius noticed her astonishment and smiled sadly.

"Yes, I know. Would you care for a spot of tea, Astoria?"

She watched him preparing the beverage with precise movements. He seemed to know the kitchen very well, not once did he search for something. It was slightly disturbing to see him doing such a mundane thing, never in her wildest dreams would she have imagined seeing him doing a servant's task.

But she supposed that this was no more bizarre than him taking her and her son away on a whim after Draco had... No, better not think about that. Or taking her to a tiny cottage with barely two bedrooms. She sighed and dabbed her eyes once again. Scorpius was sleeping in the cot, upstairs in the smallest room.

Lucius put one sugar in her tea before he came over to the table again and put the cup down in front of her. He always took his tea black, why spoil a perfect tea by adding something to it? He lowered himself heavily into his chair and took a small sip from his tea. Astoria watched him from under her lashes and couldn't help but wonder. Never had she seen him so open and vulnerable. In her mind he was the personification of aloofness and control. Now he almost seemed readable. Like a book that had unexpectedly opened up. The wizard looked up and met her eyes directly.

"I admire him, you know? It takes courage to do what he has done. It could not have been easy for Draco to stand up to us all, to what he has been taught ever since he was old enough to listen. Yes, I admire him."

"You admire your son for leaving his wife?"

"That is one way of seeing it. But that is not the point I wanted to make. I admire him for having the courage to admit that he wasn't happy. For having the force to do what's necessary to be happy. Even if it means disappointing people he loves. Even if it means going against what society dictates."

"You admire him for admitting that he's in love with a half-blood? I would have thought that you of all people would be furious with him!"

"Yes, I do. And no, I am not furious with him. Do not get me wrong, Astoria. I think very highly of you, and I wish it had worked out for you and Draco. I wish none of you had had their hearts broken. But it's not the case, and what my son did was the right thing to do in his situation. I envy him, Astoria.

"You remember that I told you that this was the place where I used to meet my mistress?"

When the woman in front of him nodded, he continued.

"Well, she wasn't what one would call an appropriate match for me either. Too young, too poor, and not of pure blood."

At that Astoria's head shoot up. She watched in amazement as Lucius traced the rim of his cup with his forefinger, lost in thought. He had a faraway look on his face, obviously remembering the witch he once had known.

"You remember the time when I started severing my business ties with the Germans? It was when Draco had just begun courting you. I met her there, she was the watch-dog from the ministry. She had been assigned to the case against her will, and was a bit moody. She didn't want to be there, didn't want to keep an eye on me.

"She was beautiful. She had this delightful little line between her eyebrows, and a slightly pouting expression on her face—although she would never admit that she was pouting. This woman was so different to every other woman I had met before. Not like a pureblood witch who'd never worked in her life. Or like one of the secretaries who'd only try to catch my eyes in the hope of starting an affair with me...

"No, she just sat there in her grey skirt and white blouse, a notepad in front of her, waiting to begin. Her whole posture and clothing screamed no nonsense and don't even think about messing with me. I should probably have considered her plain, not noticeable. But the way she furrowed her brows and that pouty bottom lip... I saw her and I knew immediately that I was risking falling in love.

"I couldn't keep my eyes off her, and I think everybody in the room noticed. I don't remember the details of the meeting. Only her voice and the way she looked. Her perfume. The way she got more and more annoyed with me the longer I stared. She didn't want my attention, and it made her even more desirable to me.

"The negotiations proved to be more difficult than I had foreseen. But it turned out to be most auspicious - because if we had been able to go home the same day as intended... I would never have had my chance with her. It took me five days to get her to have dinner with me. But in the end she agreed. To celebrate the successful end of the negotiations.

"To this day I still don't know how I convinced her to see me again. Or how I convinced her to engage in an intimate relationship with me. She knew that I was married. And she wasn't the sort of woman to be happy with second place—or as the rightful wife, to share her husband. By the Gods, I don't know why she agreed to the arrangement we had. She certainly deserved better than that."

Lucius grew silent and took another sip from his cooling tea. He had almost forgotten the witch who was sitting at the table with him, when she spoke.

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I am not sure. But I think that what is happening to you right now, might turn out to be the best thing that could have happened to you. And that my story might help you understand.

"Nobody knew about the two of us. Not her friends, and certainly not mine. We met when she was away on Ministry business and I could manage to get an appointment in the same town. We checked in to hotels separately, of course, but spent the nights together. Or we came here when the need was too big and the gaps between our meetings too long.

"Gods, how I loved the woman. She was everything I was not. With her I could breathe and be happy. When she was around, my life seemed worthy and I felt that finally, finally something good had happened to me. I had more money than I could ever spend. Power, a good standing. But she was the one thing that I had been missing in my life all along. She made me complete."

"I still don't understand what that has to do with me and Draco."

"Everything. Don't you see? She made me happy, she gave me purpose. And I made her happy, at least for some time. When we were together we wanted for nothing, needed nothing, asked for nothing. She was enough for me, and I was enough for her. This cottage was our haven. We didn't need house-elves or expensive clothing to be happy. We needed nothing but a cup of tea, a bite to eat and each other.

"Have you ever felt like that with Draco? I certainly know it never was that way with Narcissa and me. She doesn't make me happy, and I don't make her happy. All her shopping, gossiping and travelling serves only to fill the emptiness she feels. The parties? The charity? To mask how lonely she is. Even her nagging me and her jealousy are nothing else than the result of bitterness about a wasted life.

"She's just as lonely in this marriage as I am. Yet, she is too proud to admit it. It would be too much of an embarrassment to get a divorce. Is that what you want for yourself? A life full of regrets? Do you want to wonder in twenty years if you could have been happy if you had had the courage to admit that you weren't at one point in time?

"If Draco hadn't decided to leave, don't you fear that he would have regretted it? That he would have pondered over what ifs for the rest of his life? Do you think that an unhappy husband could make you happy?

"Look at yourself, Astoria. You are a young, beautiful, intelligent woman. You can do anything you want. If your goal is being a wife, then you still can be one. All you have to do is find yourself a wizard who loves you, and doesn't marry you because he feels it's his responsibility towards his family. But if you want to do something, anything else, there is nothing at all that can stop you. You will never want for anything financially—after all you will still be the mother of the Malfoy heir, even if you won't be married to one anymore."

"I didn't marry Draco because I felt obliged to. I really love him..."

"The fact remains that he doesn't love you. At least not anymore. And that he wasn't happy in this marriage. If you love him, and I believe you, would you want him to stay with you out of a feeling of obligation? Or guilt? Could you be happy under those circumstances?"

Astoria shook her head in tears.

"No, I couldn't. But it doesn't make being left behind any less painful. I wanted to give him everything, make him happy."

"Ah yes – I know everything about being left behind." Lucius smiled a tight lipped smile.

"What happened?"

"She left me, of course. If I had been a wiser man, I would have seen it coming. A woman like her could never be happy or even content being a mistress. I ignored the signs, and they were there. It was like watching a beautiful butterfly caught in a glass jar. In the beginning she was beautiful, deliriously happy, fluttering around, vivacious.

"But as time wore on the situation became more and more unbearable for her. She was slowly dying. Out of her natural element, suffocating like the butterfly in the jar. She wanted to make it official, wanted me to leave Narcissa. She said that the situation wasn't fair to either of them. That I couldn't just go from her bed to my marriage bed, leading both of them on.

"I don't think that she held Narcissa in very high esteem. After all she knew that Narcissa had accepted my affairs before and would accept this one, too, if she ever found out. She said that she herself was a fool, for accepting being in a relationship with a married man. To always take the back-seat behind my family and other obligations.

"During the last months of our relationship she cried a lot. And to be honest, I doubt that I saw half of it. I suspect that she was suffering from depression at that time. It was my fault and my fault alone.

"I was so fascinated by my delicate butterfly, that I didn't realise my jar wasn't good enough for her. That I killed everything beautiful within her. I didn't see that she was meant to fly free, not kept in a restrictive and diseased arrangement like ours. I saw her fluttering and flying against the glass walls without realising that it broke her wings. I only saw what I wanted to keep, not what I was doing to her.

"Everything I loved so much about her was gone in the end. Her strength, her determination, her independence and her laugh. All gone. She begged me to leave Narcissa. Again and again. She told me what she wanted, what she dreamt of. It all sounded perfect to me. And still, I hesitated.

"What would a divorce do to my fortune, my standing, my business? Why endanger that when I could have it all? The wife who reflected my place in society, and the mistress I loved. In my head it was all so easy. I imagined that I could have her, maybe even have a family with her, without giving up anything.

"What a horribly selfish man I was. I didn't even think about what the situation was doing to her. That the idea of me sleeping with Narcissa made her vomit. That she went to bed alone most of the time. That she went to every function, every event, single or escorted by a friend. While I profited from our deal in every aspect, it was a disaster for her.

"I still don't know what the breaking point was, but she finally confided in a friend. She finished with me the same night. I didn't believe she would stick to it, thought she'd come back. We loved each other so much, that I simply couldn't imagine she'd be gone. But she didn't turn up when I asked to meet her the next time. Or the time after. Or the time after that. She didn't inform me where she would be travelling to for ministry business anymore either.

"I tried to go to her flat, but her friend had got her a new one. It was on a high security list, so I couldn't even discover the address for myself. When I inquired at the ministry I learned that she had resigned.

"From a friend I heard that she was seeing a psychiatrist. He obviously didn't know that we had been seeing each other, but apparently it was the biggest news at the time. That she was so broken that she needed to see a shrink.

"It was then that I gave up. I finally saw what I had done to her. I had completely destroyed the woman I loved. I didn't deserve her, but still she offered her love, offered herself. Gods, I was so selfish. I could have given her what she wanted, or left her alone. Either way ultimately she would have been fine. But instead, I played her, tried to get the maximum of what I could possibly get and hurt her in the worst way imaginable."

"Did you ever see her afterwards?"

"She disappeared for a lengthy period of time. But yes, I have seen her since. The first time I saw her came as a great shock to me. And to her, too, I think. She paled when she saw me and hurried the other way. She was..."

Lucius breathed heavily and closed his eyes before he continued.

"She was pregnant."

"Oh!" Astoria grabbed his hand over the table and squeezed it in sympathy. "Was it... I mean is it..."

"Mine? No. At that point we hadn't seen each other for over two years. It definitely wasn't my child she was carrying. But it knocked the wind out of me anyway. She was so beautiful. So incredibly beautiful, even with another man's child in her womb.

"I imagined how it would be if it were my baby. She had wanted to have a baby with me, you know. She longed for a child. I don't know whether her wish for a child with me was so strong because she subconsciously thought that it would make us more real, because it would secure her. Or if it was because she really wanted to create a new life with me.

"She never stopped taking her potion while we were seeing each other though, even when I told her that I'd love to have a baby with her, too. And she was right not to do it. Because what could I have been for her and for the child? Nothing at all. At the important times she would have been alone.

"I was a coward, Astoria. An old fool, who didn't go for the woman he loved. Draco is a wiser man than me. And I hope that after you have sorted out your pain and hurt, you will see that it wasn't only the right decision for him and his butterfly, but for you, too."

He rubbed his eyes in tiredness and looked out of the window and into the dark. The day had stirred up memories he had been trying to forget for years now. He was so tired of this. Of his failure. Of his longing for the one woman he still loved and probably would love until the day he died. He only hoped that she was happier than he was. She deserved it.

Lucius took Astoria's hand again. She looked up, and he could see the tears in her eyes, that doubt, hurt and a portion of anger brought. He knew that she would need some time to think on her own. He had told her all he had to tell; now it was up to her to sort her own story out. He only hoped that he had helped her a little. The wizard got up and put his cup in the sink.

"I will retire to bed. Don't forget to put out the light when you go to sleep. There are no house-elves around here. Try to get some sleep tonight, alright?"

Astoria nodded and he turned towards the stairs. He was halfway up the short staircase when she asked, "Who was she?"

He half turned towards her.

"Hermione Granger."

So... Let me know what you think!