A Bleeding Heart

Cannot be cleansed with antiseptics

Cannot be patched up with bandages

Cannot be numbed with painkillers

A Bleeding Heart

Bleeds until the person causes it stops the bleeding

In the midst of everything, being hurt by the person you care most about… isn't so bad.

Sounds insane, right?

Wrong.

It sounds just about right to me or maybe I was insane. It didn't matter anymore.

Gaara. I would sometimes whisper his name out loud to myself for no apparent reason. I liked the way his name rolled of my tongue. His hair seemed to almost be the same exact pigment of blood. His eyes, almost the same shade as my own could say words that could make or break a person.

Was it odd that somehow I became so captivated by this man with red hair and jade eyes?

From the very beginning I knew he would destroy me, break me down to my very core. I didn't know if he would do it out of love or hate, and I wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. The very first time my eyes clashed with his jade eyes I knew he held some kind of enchantment over me. From then on I could never tear my eyes away from his if caught in the sight of jade.

XxXx

It's always been rude to stare, and I knew this, but I couldn't help it. This man, this stranger with red hair, had the most unique color of eyes, next to my own. Mine emerald and his jade. His almost a sea foam green…

"What are you staring at, woman?" the stranger bit out.

I snapped out of my reverie. "Oh! Ah sorry, I just couldn't help but notice that you have beautiful eyes."

He seemed dumbfounded for a moment, before becoming composed once again. "That has got to be the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

I let out a weak laugh. "But it's true. My name is Sakura." The stranger looked at me lazily. This annoyed me. "Well?"

"What?"

"It's common courtesy that if one gives their name, you give your own name to them."

He only smirked. "You're weird." I bit back a remark. "But the name is Gaara."

XxXx

I never thought I would see him again, but we always crossed paths somewhere or another. By first glance his eyes held this dull light to them as if completely bored with life. I soon learned that they came alive when I annoyed the living crap out of him.

Though Gaara seemed almost ready to rip my tongue out I guess he learned how to tolerate me. And at some point I learned to care for him, soon wanting to have him as my own.

XxXx

"I'm no good for you. I'll end up hurting you. Or killing you," he said, his voice quiet, but stubborn. His hands squeezed my waist letting me know that, yes, he was fully capable of hurting me. "Does this satisfy you? Do you take pleasure in my giving you pain?" His hand slowly glided up my sides letting it rest on the curve of my neck..

Through half lidded eyes, I could see his beautiful jade eyes stare intensely at me. Something sparked in his eyes for a moment before he wrapped his calloused hand around my neck.

My breath hitched. I knew my natural response should have been to push him away, but I was too entranced by the gleam in his eyes. He leaned towards me, his face turned towards the side to whisper in my ear.

"Do you like knowing that I can easily take the life out of you?" his hand tightened slightly. I gulped. He chuckled. "There will be no going back," he warned becoming somber. My thoughts were far from his warnings and all I could think about was how his warm breath seemed to caress my ear.

I let out a small whimper, but I was determined to have my intentions clear. "I know and I don't care." His hand loosened its grip, but not enough to let me escape his grasp, not that I wanted to anyway.

"That's what I'm afraid of," he whispered before tightening his hand once again but this time within my pink locks. He crushed my body against his and pressed his lips on mine affectively devouring me. "You are mine," he growled. My heart leaped in anticipation.

XxXx

Despite his warnings I couldn't help myself. I was so entranced by him. I could never get enough. I could never let him go or even possibly leave him.

Gaara said that I could be an angel in human form, though albeit sweet, he was overly possessive and very ill-tempered. Many men tried to grab my attention… among other things and his first reaction was to get me away from any eyes that belonged to the male species. He would take me away and make his claim over me clear, affectively causing any other plans that night to diminish. It would be all about him, god, he was everywhere.

XxXx

Our lips moved together erratically, our bodies warm, both for different reasons. My body hot and flushed from his actions, his body hot from anger. Another man had tried to steal me away from Gaara while he was off doing business of sorts. And knowing Gaara he wouldn't stand for it.

After leaving an effectively beaten man behind, he placed his arm around my waist and guided me towards the exit of the club. Even before the door could shut completely he had me pushed up against the wall leading to our present position.

He kissed me aggressively before pulling away and leaning his forehead against mine. His eyes seemed to glare into mine. "No one will ever touch you like I can," he brushed his hand against my thigh and I was too dazed from the intensity of his kiss, "No one will ever take you away from me."

I smiled softly letting my fingers wrap themselves in his hair. "You're ridiculous. Only an idiot would try that. I'm not going anywhere." And my lips returned to his. His shoulders relaxed slightly and the kiss we shared became gentle.

XxXx

His possessiveness was sometimes quite endearing and I knew I had already fallen for him. I had already promised I wouldn't leave him, but I sometimes worried if he would get bored of me and drop me like a rock. His demeanor was always dark and demeaning and surely my bubbly personality couldn't possibly match up to his preference.

I could never figure out what he saw in me, though he would try to convince me it didn't matter, but it never stopped the doubts.

XxXx

"You know, one day you might leave me," I whispered out in the dark knowing he was listening. He always listened. In the darkness, I could see his silhouette as he raised himself into a sitting position. I sat up as well, pulling the covers over my chest to cover my naked form from him, not that it mattered..

He remained quiet. "Gaara?" I placed my hand on his warm shoulder. He placed his hand on top of my own, stringing our fingers together before turning his torso towards me. His eyes penetrated my own. They glowed in the darkness when nothing else did.

In moments like these I believe that maybe he loved me too. I closed my eyes and leaned forward placing my forehead atop of our joined hands. I sighed out when I felt his forehead lean against my head. I listened to the sound of his breathing.

"What if I'm not the one leaving?" he finally asked. I lifted my head, the movement causing his head to lift as well. I blinked.

"What?"

His other hand reached for my face stroking my cheek. "What if you leave me?" I could see the sadness and pain he had to endure as a child flash through his eyes. My face softened as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders feeling the bed covers fall from my body.

"Gaara, I'm not going to leave you because I can't be without you." I knew using the word "love" was hard for him, so I tried to refrain from doing so as well. I felt his hands enclose on top of my arms.

"As I can't without you," he whispered before turning around and softly pushing my naked form against the bed.

XxXx

I had meant every word I had ever told him, but it never stopped the doubt that crossed his eyes.

Gaara's entire being was ironic. His behavior, a bit restless, was completely overwhelming and overpowering, yet beneath the surface he was very fragile, easily confused. Even the thought of him being hurt, emotionally, is baffling, but very possible. I learned the hard way.

XxXx

My body burned in anger. How dare that bitch! How dare she fling her body all over Gaara! I was possibly fuming as I stormed out of the building. Before I could call myself a taxi a strong hand grasped my wrist and pushed my back against the wall next to me. "Why did you leave me?" he asked angrily, but I could see a tinge of pain and loneliness in his eyes.

I tried to glare back despite the guilt I felt. "You seemed a bit preoccupied."

He scoffed. "Having a dimwitted woman forcefully making her attraction to me doesn't keep me from you," he nearly snarled, "I didn't think you were that petty to react like such a child."

I tried to force myself not to cry. It was true, but it didn't mean that it didn't hurt any less. "Well, what was I supposed to do? Just sit there as some bimbo tries to further initiate rather intimate and vulgar contact?"

"No, but you don't go off running away wordlessly either!"

"Fine! I'll keep that in mind just stop crying like a baby!" I shouted. The next thing I know his hand flashed across my face and the sound of skin hitting skin reverberated around me. My head whip lashed to the side due to the impact.

"Oh my god," I cried. My face stung. He hit me. Gaara hit me.

"Don't talk to me like that," he hissed. I shut my eyes finally allowing my tears to fall. My hand flew to my own face to try and shield out the pain. It hurt so much…

Silence followed after. The sound of his palm connecting to my face still echoed in my mind. How could he?

"Look at me," he whispered. It almost sounded remorseful. "Look at me, Sakura," he said again, but with more force. I whimpered taking a step back. He growled in response. His hand grabbed my chin forcing my eyes to meet his. I had expected his face to be graced with the most frightful emotion of anger or maybe to see some kind of pain in his eyes that reflected the pain I felt on my face, but I only saw his eyes, only saw something more entrancing than both.

His jade eyes were bright and livid. They glowed in the dark like they always did, but this time it was almost as if I could see into his soul. It was beautiful. He was beautiful.

Gaara let out a deep breath and I could feel it as it fanned my face.

"I-" he started. He let go of my chin to stroke my now red cheek. He stared at the effects of his anger and sucked in a breath when I hissed out in pain.

"Sorry," his voice was just a whisper as he continued to stroke my face affectionately, this time trying not to cause me pain. I knew he didn't mean it, but it didn't mean it stopped the tears. They continued to fall, but I couldn't pull my eyes from his. They were just so beautiful.

XxXx

Gaara had anger problems we both knew this, but him going out to cause me physical pain shocked us both. After he realized the damage he became really gentle with me as if trying to apologize, hoping that I wouldn't leave. Of course, he never said anything. His eyes always told the story. And I missed that unknown glint in his eyes from when he struck out at me.

Sometimes I wonder why his eyes shined like that.

XxXx

My shift at the clinic was just about done when a rather persistent coworker came up to me to try and woe me, I'm sure. From the corner of my eye I could see that Gaara wasn't here yet to pick me up. I let out a sigh of relief. He would be very upset to see that another man tried to flirt with me.

We both agreed that he would only wait outside the clinic for me and not inside, for he had the tendency to scare most of the patients.

"So Sakura, are you still with that temperamental bastard?" I could hear the distain in his voice.

"Yes, and his name is Gaara," I said feeling rather bored of this man.

"I don't understand you. You're amazingly smart and kind, but you're with a man who's the complete opposite of you. I don't get it."

I turned my eyes at him and forced a smile. "It doesn't matter." Not that he would ever understand.

"Tch, just spend one day with me and you'll see what it feels like to be with a real man who can actually talk and show emotion," he continued to try and sway my decision. My eyes narrowed as he placed his hand on my waist.

"Truly, I'm flattered, but could you refrain from touching me." I caught a flash of red outside and I knew I had to finish the conversation soon. My eyebrow twitched when I noticed he didn't do as a requested and kept his hand placement. "Now!" I strained to keep my voice leveled.

The man grumbled a bit before walking away. I sighed. I felt completely disgusted right now.

Taking a deep breath I ran out to meet Gaara. I saw him sitting on a bench not too far.

"Gaara," I breathed. I was extremely happy to see him, but was slightly surprised as to why he didn't try to intervene earlier? Maybe he didn't see?

He looked up at me with a glint in his eyes that took my breath away. "Sakura, who was that?"

I blinked. "Who?"

"That piece of shit you were talking to."

Oh.

"He's a coworker of mine. He always tries to put moves on me. He's a total slum." I tried to laugh off his tension.

"Well it seemed like you were enjoying his company." Maybe he mistaken my smile?

I frowned and my brows furrowed in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"He touched you," he sneered, "He was touching you. Why didn't you stop him?"

I gritted my teeth. "I don't think my employer would appreciate it if I started assaulting coworkers!"

Gaara pushed himself of the bench and came to stand in front of me, towering over me. "Well I don't appreciate him touching you. What were you two talking about?" he demanded.

I placed my hands on his chest and pushed him away, completely fumed. "That's none of your business!"

"Is it?" he asked almost delightfully menacingly as he grabbed my wrists. The long forgotten gleam sparked in his eyes and for a moment I was completely dazzled.

I opened my mouth to protest and doing so caused his eyes to flash. I blinked before realizing the crushing pain on my arms. I gasped. Gaara started to squeeze on my arms with his brute strength.

"Gaara! What are you doing?" I asked becoming slightly frightened.

"Is it really none of my business if a man touches as he wishes as if you were a little whore?"

My eyes blurred up by my tears. "Gaara…" Why was he saying this?

"Does it make you happy?" he almost growled squeezing my wrist even more.

I could only whimper and curl into him. I know I should be fighting against him, fighting to get away, but the moment my eyes met his, I was at a lost.

"Does it make you happy," he whispered gently now, but not releasing my limbs.

"No…"

"Then what makes you happy?"

My tears continued to fall, but I didn't look away. "You make me happy. Gaara please stop hurting me," I almost begged.

He blinked, once, twice, before realizing what he was doing. He immediately released my arms, but only enough to turn them over for examination. The imprint of his hands could still be seen on my skin that would soon turn into nasty purple bruises. He seemed appalled for a moment and the gleam in his eyes dissipated.

'No!' I almost yelled. I didn't want the light to go away just yet.

"Sakura… did I-?" he couldn't finish before wrapping his arms tenderly around me. "I didn't… want to hurt you…" he whispered.

His words didn't stop the tears.

XxXx

I learned that it was easier to face his physical anger when I would look into his eyes and not his face. One moment he would be tender and loving and another he would lash out in anger. It frightened me. He seemed to be two different people and I couldn't keep up. He didn't used to be like this before, but despite it all I still loved him.

XxXx

The bruises on my body seemed to glow in the darkness as I lay naked next to Gaara. There were so many, I could almost cry, but I was dried up. All the bruises, all the times he hit me, he hurt me, seemed to all blend in to one. I never tried to remember all the reason behind each injury. It was easier just to believe that whatever reason it was, it was because I was careless.

His body shifted beside me as his arm snaked itself around my waist. I silently wished that this shouldn't have made me want to cuddle up even closer to him. I looked at his face, the moonlight showing everything that the sun could not.

"Why?" I would whisper more to myself than him. Sometimes I wished he would just hear me out and feel my pain, but it would never happen.

XxXx

Gaara was at peace with himself in his sleep. He didn't look like he was ready to yell at anyone or even hurt me. On nights like this, I would just stare at him and mule over times when he didn't used to do this.

In the beginning I would start to flinch and shy away from his contact, which only made his eyes flare. They seemed to think that I didn't want to be around him anymore. And sometimes I wished that that was true, but it was a lie, and I was the only one who knows the truth. I could never be without him even if the beatings came as a package deal.

The beatings weren't so bad. What hurt the most was that he could actually find it in himself to hurt me. Of course I would be the one to get myself in an abusive relationship. I always wondered why girls never asked for help when they were stuck in this situation. I now know why. Well for one, I just loved him too much for my own sake. And…

Life would never be the same without him.

Every time a person you love hits you, you seem to lose a part of yourself. You lose the trust in them, but not in the way that would make you hate them, no. You always hope that they would never do it again and sometimes they don't. You lose trust in yourself.

Maybe this was supposed to be. Maybe I was really supposed to be with him and maybe there was no changing him.

I had to realize that soon enough anyway.

XxXx

I was worried. Full blown worried. Something had upset Gaara and this time I knew for a fact that I didn't cause it. After one of his acquaintances had whispered something to him, he had stormed off leaving me alone. I waited an hour, in fear that if I left and he returned, it would make things worse.

So now I found myself in the living room of my apartment worried sick. What could make him that upset to just leave me?

I was snapped back into reality when my front door was slammed open. I turned my body towards the sound completely startled.

Gaara sauntered in his shoulders hunched over and he stumbled a bit. What was wrong with him?

I got an answer when a whiff of alcohol hit my nose.

Gaara was drunk.

XxXx

I can't quite remember what happened that night, maybe it's because I refuse to remember. But… I recall the pain that he inflicted on. I never did find out what upset him enough to drink his night away.

I closed my eyes remembering the feel of my back being shoved against a broken mirror. But it was okay, it would only leave scars that would fade…

But the scars on my heart could never disappear.

He hurt me so much that I even thought of just disappearing to just end it all, but that was before I found out I had something more to live for.

I was going to be a mother.

And I wasn't quite sure how he would take the news. Since that one night he grew in a routine of getting drunk almost every other day. And no surprise that he was an angry, violent drunk.

After some time it was just a daily thing. He would come home drunk, beats his frustrations out on me then go to sleep to awaken with a hangover and become highly irritable, and… well most likely release it all on me.

Sometimes I think that when he was sober, he's not really there. He never went through the gentle phase of trying to apologize to me. Gaara wasn't the Gaara I was in love with anymore.

And as I sit here trying to get away from his angry glare, his swinging fists, I pray that my child doesn't experience the pain that has been forever burned into my mind. The fear and love that I have for the living essence in my womb causes me to scream out, to finally fight back.

"Gaara! Stop hurting me!" I scream pulling myself on my feet. "Stop treating me like this!"

He only growls, his eyes, for once aren't clouded with alcohol, only anger, and that simmer of light that I had soon learned comes apparent when he's violent. I always wished that they would brighten because he loved me.

"Shut up, Sakura," he snarls. I don't back down.

"No, not anymore!" I know there will be consequences, and if I manage to make it out in one peace… I will take the little guy in me. I will take him (or her) away with me so I can raise him and to love him with everything I have left. "Gaara, I don't know what went wrong between us and I don't want to know if you enjoy hurting me like it seems like you do, but I know I can't do this anymore. You are not the only person that I will love anymore!" By this time I know my face is flushed with anger, my eyes reflecting fear with the other life that I have to protect.

Don't worry, little guy… everything will be okay…

"So while I'm away you're off having fun with another, aren't you," it doesn't sound like a question.

"No," I whisper, "While you are away I cry my broken heart away. When you are away I wonder what happened to the man I loved. When you are away I wonder how my child will live without a loving father!" I finally scream.

This stops the anger. He stares at me, his face completely shocked. "F-father? You're pregnant?"

I only nod as the tears start to fall. The wheels turn in his head and his face starts to crumple up to try and resolve everything. He tries to stop the anger, I can see that. And I can see the actions going in his head saying "how will I apologize".

But it doesn't matter. I am leaving when I get the chance. I can't falter back into his arms… as much as it hurts to think so.

His fists relax and fall to his sides, but only to soon reach out to me. He takes me in his arms. He tries to cradle me in them. I can almost hear his unspoken whisper, the words his actions try to say, "I'm sorry, so sorry…" I am too.

That night he doesn't say anything else he only keeps his arms firmly around my waist while he sleeps. I lay awake waiting, always waiting…

I look at his face. I can tell when he's in dreamland when his face relaxes and he looks like he's smiling. I smile too, but I pull away not before placing a kiss on his forehead and whisper words that will be lost in the night. I take a bag that was already packed before he got home.

I go to the kitchen to write a note, a note only for his eyes. There is one sentence on there that makes me wonder if I should keep it there, but I don't think much of it.

Sometimes I like it when you hurt me because it's when your eyes shine the brightest and you know how much I love you eyes.

Love,

Sakura

I smile while stroking my stomach.

Without another glance I open the door and walk out. And in the back of my mind I can almost hear my heart breaking.

But within my broken heart, I can almost hear another start beating.

A Bleeding Heart

Bleeds until the person causing it stops the bleeding

Or

When you find a new reason to stop it yourself.

Well there you have it another depressing one-shot. I'm debating whether or not to add Gaara's POV. I'll just wait for feedback!

So...

That means you have to review!