Ignorance If I'm a bad person, you don't like me
"I hate you!" Draco would irritate me so badly sometimes. Bad enough to drive me to say things that I really didn't mean. It would just get to the point where I couldn't take it as a joke. He would say something so stupid, so rude about someone or something that I couldn't sit back and laugh like I would usually do. I couldn't sit back this time and chuckle or brush it off because he was just kidding. He would never get that what he said was going too far, so he would never correct it. It was never directed at me before this. Maybe that's why I was so upset. Hate is a strong word, but in that moment, it's what I felt for him.
"Do I honestly look like I give a crap, Hermione!?" He screamed back with his gray eyes smoldering, his face stern, his fists white from clenching. I scoffed and looked away from him, trying to think of a good comeback while trying to hide my building emotions. Unfortunately, nothing came to me in time before I opened my dumb mouth.
Well, I guess I'll make my own way
"I don't need you!" The words stung as they came off my tongue. I knew I was lying to him and to myself. I was fuming too much to show that I was wrong, that I didn't mean it. I guess it didn't matter, because his expression didn't change at all towards my sentence. Not even slightly. His stone face didn't soften one bit as he stared at me bleakly. The words I spoke or his unmoved features, I don't know which one hurt worse.
It's the circle, a mean cycle
Out of frustration, I stormed out of the edge of the Forbidden Forest past him, still keeping my anger intact as I hit his side with my own. Snapping dry twigs and making the dirt from under my heels kick up as I stepped harder to quicken my pace. We had originally left Hogwarts on our lunch break to venture outside for a walk. Hand in hand we strolled down the steep hill and left the light of the sun shining warm on our backs for the awning of darkness and decay of the woods. I didn't care how cold or how unpleasant the forest seemed to me, or how at any second any kind of creature could lunge out at us and rip us to pieces. I just wanted to be with him. To be beside him. His warmth would keep me safe in this ominous part of our world. His love would keep me safe. At least that's what I believed.
I can't excite you anymore
I couldn't imagine my life without him ten minutes ago. Now I was afraid that that was how I would have to live it. I was afraid that's how he wanted it.
Where's your gavel
Three hours after our argument, as night embraced the sky and the wind gained its usual cool temperature, my two best friends were still pestering me about it. I swear the book in my hands could have burst into a million flames with all the fire they were raising inside of me. Insanity would have been an understatement to what they were driving me to. They were practically steering me to murder. A couple more minutes passed, then I finally let the blaze explode.
Your jury
"Will you two stop bugging me!" I finally exclaimed as I slammed my thick book shut, clasping it tightly in my hands. Everyone in the candle-lit Gryffindor common room glanced over at us after hearing my outburst. They looked sort of surprised at it, like I shouldn't have said it. Harry and Ron slowly started to sink into the maroon couch the three of us were sitting on. Trying to turn the unwanted attention abruptly given to us away. I didn't care. They could stare at me all they wanted because I was glaring at them. I was in no mood.
What's my offense this time
"We just wanted to know what he said to you." Ron said in a sort of apologetic way that made me feel terrible for snapping at them. I smiled at him in apology. I knew they were just concerned about me. They just wanted to comfort me and make me feel better. I know that. But this was not the time to torture me with questions. My agitation from three hours earlier was still very much alive. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't even calm down enough to read and not being able to read for me was nearly impossible. The anger he made me feel wasn't even the problem anymore. I was more mad at myself than I was at him. 'I don't need you', I can't believe I told him that. God, I am so stupid. I had to hold it together. I couldn't break down in front of the two of them. So, for the sake of holding in my emotions and my sanity, I blamed it on Draco.
You're not a judge, but if you're going to judge me
"He called me a mudblood." They both had a look of disdain seething in their eyes. Sadly, it was true. It was him calling me a mudblood that started our argument. It was something along the lines of 'my little mudblood'. Our conversation while we were walking was going in the way of dirty talk, a direction we took when we really wanted to laugh. We were laughing pretty hard actually. I said something extremely filthy to make him chuckle uncontrollably and that's when he giggled the word that made me stop dead in the soil we were walking on.
Wait a second, I said something dirty. Did he call me a mudblood because of my filthy mind? Did I blow this whole thing totally out of proportion? I suddenly felt my heart begin to plunge into my lungs.
Well, sentence me to another life
I couldn't sleep at all that night. I tried to read some more of my book, but my distracted mind had put up a barrier against the pages. I rolled from side to side beneath my sheets, trying to find a comfortable position so maybe I could get some shut eye. It didn't work. None of my tactics worked. My head only swirled with thoughts on how I just ruined my life. Keeping me from falling into a much needed slumber. How was I going to fix this mess that I created? I had to try even if I didn't know how. I would try tomorrow to talk to him. I could do it.
It was this thought that ultimately allowed me to nod off into sleep.
Don't want to hear your sad songs
I awoke the next morning feeling replenished. Ready to face him and apologize my butt off. I was excited to tell him how much I loved him and to hear him say it back to me. A wide smile glowing on his face and his eyes gleaming. I couldn't wait until he was holding me deep inside his arms and kissing me lightly on the forehead. I couldn't wait for all of it. I was happy with these thoughts, until I was finished getting ready for the day and hurried downstairs into the Great Hall for breakfast.
I don't want to feel your pain
There he was. Standing tall beside the Slytherin dining table. Joking around with his goonish friends, them laughing at every syllable that emerged from his lips. Their chuckles could be heard across the hall, they were snickering so loudly. His platinum hair gleaming in the golden sun that shined through the cathedral windows. His arm wrapped around Pansy Parkinson's waist.
When you swear it's all my fault
His face was deep inside her jet black hair as she clutched his shoulder with her long, dainty fingers. She giggled nosily as he ran his other hand down the small of her back. He didn't even notice me walk into the hall. I don't think he even cared if I showed up or not. At that moment, I could begin to feel a lump forming inside the hollow of my throat. My happiness had completely faded away.
'Cause you know we're not the same
It was how he wanted it. He didn't want me in his life anymore and he made it perfectly clear by doing this. He really didn't care if I was there in front of him, watching him hold a girl that wasn't me. The more I watched them, the more I felt my shoes begin to sink into the ground. He had forgotten me. I had ruined everything that I ever wanted and in this second I knew it was true.
We're not the same
"Draco." I jaggedly uttered to myself out loud. He didn't hear me, either that or he chose not to listen. My body tightened suddenly. I knew I couldn't hold in my emotions anymore.
Oh, we're not the same
I couldn't breathe. Damn, I couldn't breathe. I felt like all the air had been sucked out of my steadily shattering body from holding in my sobs. I clutched my stomach, trying to keep myself upright. My head was pounding so hard I thought it might've had a heartbeat. I had to get out of here before my heart burst from my chest and caused a scene.
Yeah, the friends who stuck together
Slowly, I made a one-eighty turn and walked as calmly as humanly possible to escape the Great Hall. Once I was out and into the stone halls leading to classrooms, I lost my will to stay strong. I collapsed by the door of a storage closet, grasping the handle as I went down. Before I even hit the ground, my cheeks were already soaked with tears and drying out because of them. My lungs felt heavy with the air I wasn't receiving and my face was as hot as the Arizona sun. Shaking proceeded to take the rest of me over as I covered my face with my hands. I was ready to fall asleep and never wake up again when Harry and Ron came sprinting out of the Great Hall.
We wrote our names in blood
They skidded to an abrupt stop at the exit and snapped their heads in sync in my direction. They had found me. A little, crumpled thing nearly lifeless in the corner. I looked up at them wearily from my wet palms, my eyes clouded over with water. From what I could tell, they walked hastily toward me once they had spotted where I had fell. I could only guess this was the case because a couple seconds later, they were on both sides of my body. Clutching me in their arms. I wanted to be alone, but God knows I also needed comfort. Their compassion only made me cry harder, making me lose what little breath I had left. I began to bawl more into Harry's shoulder while feeling Ron gently caress my back with his hand.
But, I guess you can't accept that the change is good
"It's okay, Hermione. Everything will be fine." I could hear Harry whisper into my ear. My sobs became hysteric.
It's good
I knew better than to believe him.
It's good
I could only guess it would just get worse from here.
Well, you treat me just like another stranger
I jumped slightly when I heard the bell chime that released the students from the Great Hall. They charged out in a large, chaotic crowd. Banging the grand doors open and then scurrying down the halls in opposite directions. The three of us didn't make a movement to move. They knew I wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. The groups of people had mostly dissipated into classrooms when a little gathering of Slytherins strutted out of the hall. Snickering and yelling as they made their appearance. I didn't want to look up for fear of seeing him. For fear of him noticing me, the destroyed statue lying dormant on the floor.
Well, it's nice to meet you sir
Unfortunately, my curiosity got the better of me and I glanced up. To my dismay, he was one of the Slytherins. His arm had now switched its position to around Pansy's shoulders. He was laughing happily with his friends as they all glided past us. His shoes stepped down one by one on the smooth marble just feet away from me. He didn't even know I was there, down beneath him. Seconds passed and then they were gone. Disappeared into the Potions room. I felt more sobs building beneath my chest.
I was right. It was only going to get worse from here.
I guess I'll go
After moments of sitting in silence, I decided to move. I staved off the tears that were rising again from under my eyes and freed my grasped hands from Harry's robes. I pushed them down onto the cold floor below and began to raise myself up from each side. I fell forward to my knees intentionally, making both of them jump out of panic that I was going to faint. I couldn't lie to myself. I was really dizzy. Finally, after what seemed like hours of trying, I put pressure on my feet and stood up. Fighting the will not to fall back down. The two of them stared at me like they were at a loss for words.
I best be on my way out
"Should we go to class?" I tried to say with a smile and a clear voice. They knew that whatever gesture of joy I made was fake. Ron let out a sigh.
"Hermione, are you sure you don't want to..." He began to say before I cut him off.
You treat me just like another stranger
"I'm fine, Ron. I'm okay." I reassured him as I wiped my cheeks with my sleeve. Again, they both knew that the reassurance was a lie. But, they didn't protest it. I was in no condition to fight them on anything. I think they knew that.
Well, it's nice to meet you sir
"Let's just go to class." I said, my voice broken. They looked at me for another second and then they leapt to their feet in one swift motion, a motion in which I envied them for because I still felt woozy. I waited for a minute as they dashed back into the Great Hall to fetch their books and quills from the now emptied Gryffindor table. They emerged again with their hands full of materials and we made our way down the hall to the Potions room. My body began to shiver suddenly. Crap, Potions. That was the class that Draco was in. I didn't want to see him, but I had to go to class. I couldn't cower away just because he would be in the same room, no matter how much I wanted to. I had to go in there. I couldn't let him see that he was having an effect on me.
I guess I'll go
I opened the door as we reached it, since I was the only one with a free hand. We quietly made our way through the door frame and traveled to our separate desks. We were as silent as lambs, but Snape still heard us with his bat ears. He glanced up briskly at us from the piece of parchment he was eyeing on top of his podium. He glared, coldly as usual, as we took our seats and rummaged through our pile of books to find the right one. He set down the quill in his right hand and floated off his stool towards the front of the dark room. We must have made his day by being late. Now he had people to pick on.
I best be on my way out
"I see three Gryffindors were late." He growled, causing the girl beside me to swallow roughly. I looked over at Harry and Ron to see that they had already glanced at me. Snape noticed our actions and raised his black eyebrows in an irritated response. The three of us looked back at him quickly.
"Why is that?" This time I gulped. The three of us knew the reason and even though Draco didn't notice me in the hallway, doesn't mean that no one else did. Snape scowled us down for an answer while I prayed profusely that no one say anything. My praying must have worked, because he miraculously gave up. Snape sneered.
Ignorance is your new best friend
"Fine. Twenty points from Gryffindor." Echoes of annoyance and anger filled the room from the fellow Gryffindors in the class. I could feel their glares penetrating the surface of my skin, along with that of Ron and Harry. I didn't care that I had just cost Gryffindor house points. I was just glad that the truth didn't come out. My body tingled again, remembering what the truth was. I knew where he sat, two desks down from me on my right side. He sat at an angle because the room was curved, so I could see him perfectly. I think I'll look at him. It's not like he'll notice anyway. That realization hurt as it hit me. After Snape returned to his podium to mark our tardiness, he ordered us to take out our copies of Advanced Potions and turn to page three-hundred and seven. I ignored him and instead turned my head slightly to peer out of the corner of my eye at Draco.
Ignorance is your new best friend
He was reading his textbook. I assume it was because Snape had assigned us a chapter, I just didn't care to listen for which one. He was turning the pages slowly as he read them. Keeping one hand on the page and the other deep within Pansy's short locks. Her desk was in front of him, she was fully leaned back on her chair as he stroked her scalp. He was smiling the wide smile I so desperately wanted to see, but I wanted it to be out of his love for me. Damn, I could feel my tears coming back. I snapped my head back forward to stop them from coming. He really doesn't care. He didn't even feel me looking at him when before all it would take was a short glance and our eyes would be locked. Fine. If he wanted to treat me like a ghost, let him. Two can play that game.
And this is the best thing that could've happened
"How are you, Hermione?" Harry asked out of curiosity as the three of us strolled casually down the main hallway from Transfiguration to lunch in the Great Hall. I smiled in a simple way at him.
"I'm fine, Harry. I'm great." I replied. It had been a full two weeks since my blistering crying fit outside the door of the storage closet. The gossip had finally stopped spinning around my head and people had stopped giving me sympathy stares as I walked past them from class to class. I could honestly say things were getting better, little by little. Pansy and Draco were still going strong and were more cuddly as ever. I was getting better at ignoring him as much as he was ignoring me. I had an advantage in ignoring him. I hadn't passed him in the halls since the day we had our fight. I was hoping I never would. Things might change if I did.
Any longer and I wouldn't have made it
As usual, my hopes were crushed. Something did change.
It's not a war, no, it's not a rapture
We entered the Great Hall, following a large crowd of people who parted in various ways in front of us to progress to their house tables. We continued forward to our table, weaving around the standing groups that were scattered throughout the confines of the hall. God, it was annoying how people would just stand in clumps where they shouldn't be standing. Blocking everyone else who was trying to get somewhere. We reached the Gryffindor table, greeting our friends as we took our seats beside one another. I turned my torso around to greet Ginny, who had tapped me on the shoulder from behind. She smiled brightly at me, her face glowing with delight. I grinned back.
I'm just a person, but you can't take it
"H..." My welcome trailed off and my breath caught in my throat. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Draco was sitting at the Slytherin table as usual, on the other side of where I moved to say hi to Ginny. He had his arm around Pansy, also as usual, but something was very different.
He was looking at me, directly at me. Into my eyes. For the first time in two weeks, he acknowledged that I was still alive. I wanted to tear my eyes away from his, but I couldn't move. He had me paralyzed in his trance, using the element of my shock to his advantage.
The same tricks that, that once fooled me
He continued to stare blankly for a few lingering seconds as Pansy chatted with one of her irritating friends next to her. He then curved his straight-lined lips up into an amused smirk. I could see his throat move, so I assumed he was chuckling. Was he playing with me to see if he still had an effect on me? No, he doesn't have any effect on me. Again, I was lying to myself. If he didn't I would be able to look away. I knew Draco had a mean streak, but this was just cruel. He loved me once, so how could he do this to me? I could feel the emotions of two weeks prior flooding back into my brain when an idea broke through into my mind.
They won't get you anywhere
Using what little will power I had left, I ripped my gaze away from his and spun around to my left to face Ron. He was intently talking about next week's Charms test with Seamus when he noticed me facing him. He looked slightly confused at my nervous and anxious face.
"Hermione, what's..." I didn't let him finish. Instead I leaned forward rapidly and cupped his face in between my hands. I yanked him forward to meet me halfway and thrusted his lips against my own. I let one hand go from his cheek and wrapped it softly around the back of his neck, pushing us closer together. Gasps erupted from every corner of the Great Hall, even some giggling from the first years. Ginny had leapt back abruptly at my quick movements and stood staring at us in awe. Harry sat staring as well as the entire Gryffindor table, dumbfounded.
I'm not the same kid from your memory
I pulled back from Ron's face, breaking our kiss. He opened his eyes and sat gawking at me, waiting for an explanation. I sat there too, trying to think of one. I was only able to come up with one idea. It was going to be the biggest lie I would ever tell, but it was the only thing that would make sense to say.
"I like you, Ron. A lot." I told him with a confession-like tone. His expression remained bewildered a minute after my sentence, but then it changed to bliss. Guilt began to form a mess in my stomach.
"Really?" He asked, still being cautious of the suddenness of it.
"Yes." I lied again, smiling carefully. Now I was the one being cruel. He beamed cheerfully at my reply and leaned his body forward to pull me into an embrace.
Well, now I can fend for myself
I slanted forward towards him and his arms caught me lovingly into him. He held me close to his chest, tightly but smoothly clutching me around my stomach. He ran his fingertips through my brunette curls softly as I nuzzled my face into the front of his robes. Applauding and sounds of 'ah' exploded from every inch of the Great Hall as we embraced. I could hear Ginny hunch over and whisper something like "it's about time" to one of the girls at our table. Harry was clapping too, as well as laughing happily at the outcome. Ron let his face rest on top of my head and I could feel his lips curl as they turned into a smile. This had to be the worst thing I had ever done to anyone. I wouldn't even wish this on my most hated enemy, let alone one of my best friends. I was the worst person in the world.
Don't want to hear your sad songs
The warmth on top of my head disappeared as Ron lifted his face from it. Surprisingly, I was comfortable where I was. I was toasty laying half on his lap. I couldn't fake that. I hated myself for using him, this was true, but I couldn't deny that he did know how to make me feel good. I felt so good in fact that I was starting to fall asleep when he made my whole body jolt back awake.
I don't want to feel your pain
You should see Malfoy's face" He chuckled. I had to stay cool. If I snapped up to look, Ron would know that Draco was the only reason I kissed him. I laughed back fakely with him.
"Just tell me what he looks like, I'm to cozy laying here right now to lean up." I didn't dare look up. I couldn't risk Draco realizing the reason why I did what I did. I wanted to know so badly though, to see it for myself. I wanted to see if I still had a hold over him like he did over me. I had to keep myself back. It wasn't worth giving him the satisfaction of being right. That he had indeed taken over me.
When you swear it's all my fault
"His jaw is dropped to the floor." Ron cracked up. I shuddered, fighting the urge to glance up and see him.
"His eyes are wide and his arm just fell off his idiot girlfriend's shoulders. What a git." I giggled under my breath. This time, the laughter was real. I couldn't believe it. I still had an effect on Draco after all. He was ignoring me to try to forget me, he knew I was their all along. He was just so good at hiding it. I had a hold on him too, just like he did me. Maybe he even still loved me. I smiled as I buried myself deeper into Ron's robes. He reached up and pressed his hand softly against the middle of my back, rubbing it up and down which made my nerves tingle and relax.
"Mmmm..." I hummed quietly in ease and then unexpectedly drifted off into sleep.
'Cause you know we're not the same
My eyes fluttered open the next morning to the sight of the blaring sun streaming through onto my hot covers. I rolled over to my side quickly in reaction to the brightness on my pupils and realized that I had woken up in my own bed. I also realized that I felt completely horrible. My stomach was churning with nausea as I turned back over onto my back and my head felt like it was lit on fire. Sweat drizzled down my body in a blanket as I stretched out my arms over the head board of the bed. Bad idea, considering it only made the sick feeling worse.
"Ugh..." I groaned as I smoothed my hands over my burning cheeks. I shot up quickly from the mattress. Crap!
"I missed all of my classes!" I exclaimed loudly and made every girl in the dormitory shoot panicked glances in my direction. I speedily threw my covers off my legs and whirled my body around so that my bare feet touched the cold floor. I began to raise myself up from the side of the bed when exhaustion gripped my sides, forcefully pulling me back down onto the sheets. I huffed out of misery and let my head fall to the side. I could see Ginny breaking through the crowd of girls who were leaving the dormitory, fully dressed in their black robes for the day. It took a second before it hit me where they were all going. They were heading to their classes and I had to hurry too otherwise I would be late. I tried once again to sit up when I felt Ginny's thin arms push me back down.
We're not the same
"No, Hermione." She warned me as she released her hands from my shoulders and then turned on her toes to the windows. She pulled on the golden rope which closed the red curtains and arranged them on top of one another so that the sun had no chance of hitting me. Oh, Ginny. She would make a great mother someday. But, I was not her child and I had to go to class. I started to reach my toes onto the marble floor again. She whirled back around at hearing the head board creak.
"Hermione, no!" She boomed as I jumped and shot her a dark glare out of my tired eyes. I hated that she could guess my movements. She pointed to the bed with a hard finger and I unwantingly pulled myself back underneath the covers. I didnt enjoy being ordered around. She strided over to my side of the bed and gradually sat down, looking at where the covers shaped my body to make sure she wasn't sitting on me. Her face was a weird mix of light and hard at the same time.
Oh, we're not the same
"You aren't going anywhere today. You're not even moving from this bed." She told me, still keeping her mixed features in tact as she ordered me to stay put.
"What happened yesterday? Why don't I remember getting here?" I asked her, confused beyond belief. I didn't like not knowing things. Especially when I was a part of it.
"When you fell asleep on Ron in the Great Hall yesterday, you didn't wake back up. We assumed you were just really tired until Ron felt your forehead. You were burning up so bad he could feel the heat from inside his robes." Ginny's voice sounded worried, even after I had become conscious. She continued.
"Anyway, we got you to the Hospital Wing where Madame Pomfrey took your temperature and looked you over. I don't exactly remember what your temperature was, but I know it was high. Unfortunately, you have a form of the Muggle flu, so you just have to ride it out." She finished explaining. I nodded my head, but something still puzzled me.
"How did I get up here?" I asked again. Ginny beamed and moved an inch closer to me.
"Ron carried you. He carried you from the Great Hall to the Hospital Wing and then to the dormitory." She almost whispered, still smiling. Oh my gosh. He carried me? He literally picked up my sleeping body and lugged me up stairs and around parts of the school? I suddenly felt warmer, in the opposite way of having a fever. He really did care a lot about me. I felt myself begin to blush beneath my sickly cheeks. My emotions were unexpectedly running haywire.
Yeah, the friends who stuck together
"Hi, Ginny." I heard a low voice call as they entered the dormitory. Ginny didn't even need to turn her head to know who it was. Neither did I.
"Hi, Ron." She called back. She got on two feet as he reached the side of the bed, giving up her spot to let him sit next to me.
"I have to go, Hermione. I'm already late for Transfiguration, but I'll be back to check up on you later. Don't let her move, Ron." Ginny ordered him. I opened my mouth to say goodbye, but she was already completely out the door. Bag and books in all. Ron chuckled to himself at his sister and then turned his head back to look at me. He smiled.
"How are you feeling?" He softly asked, trying not to make my possible headache worse. I sighed and rubbed my hand harshly through my tangled hair.
"I'm okay." I uttered while fighting the urge to throw up. He reached out his arm and gently laid his palm on top of my forehead. Out of nowhere, my nausea was gone. All the way gone, like it had never been there in the first place. As soon as he placed his hand on my head, where his surprisingly soft skin touched mine, I felt better. It was really supple, almost like petals of a flower. He trailed his hand down the side of my cheek and held it there for a moment, caressing the skin with his thumb. He was making me fall asleep again. He was making me feel good again.
We wrote our names in blood
"You still feel warm." He told me as he lifted his palm from my cheek. I wish he would have kept it there longer. Holding the side of my face in his feather-like hand. I looked at him with glossy eyes.
"You don't have to worry, Ron. I'll be fine." I tried to reassure him.
"It doesn't matter. I still will anyway." He protested. I tried to grin, but my muscles wouldn't let me. At seeing my fatigued body tremble slightly, he stood up and leaned over me. Pushing down his palms on both sides of my pillow. He leaned down farther, towards my forehead and kissed it gently. His lips were just as smooth as his skin. I closed my eyes on instinct, trying to keep the jitters that were attacking my spine at bay. He was so good to me, it made me confused out of my mind. Like I wasn't meant to be happy, but he made me happy anyway. He straightened himself back up and put his hand between my limp, hot fingers.
But, I guess you can't accept that the change is good
"Are you comfortable? Do you want me to get you anything?" He asked. I pulled my torso up and shifted myself around on my flat pillow. I groaned, frustrated.
"Yeah, I'm good. It's just that this pillow is so worn out." I said as I let myself fall back onto it, giving up on the idea of trying to fluff it. He giggled and pulled my hand towards his stomach to lean me back up. He let go and walked around to the head board of the bed where my pillow sat behind me, pushing it out of the way. He sat down and kicked off his black leather shoes, then raised his legs on both sides of my hips. I whirled my head around to look at him.
"Lean back." He said as he motioned his arms toward himself. I nodded and scooted my butt closer to his legs. I let myself flimsily fall into him and he caught me around the stomach as my full weight pressed into him. I groaned as I could feel the exhaustion coming back, infiltrating my muscles and making them ache. I didn't mind being considered a know-it-all, but one thing I couldn't stand was being sick. Ron felt the tension my body was giving off and delicately reached into my hair, smoothing his fingertips through the strands. The sensation made me automatically relax.
It's good
"Fall asleep. I'll be right here when you wake up." He murmured to me quietly. I shouldn't feel this good. Lying wrapped cozily inside Ron's arms. I shouldn't feel like I was home, like this is where I felt I belonged. He was so warm, so caring that it made my heart palpitate and feel like it was its own separate entity. I could feel his breath running down my neck as I leaned my head against the hollow of his throat and it made me feel safe. Like no monster that broke through the glass window at any second would be able to hurt me because he would be there, protecting me. Maybe I should feel like this, he was one of my best friends after all. Why wouldn't I feel safe around one of my best friends? No. Something had changed again. Something about me.
It's good
Before I could even form another thought about it, my body obeyed Ron's orders and drifted back into another slumber. Confusion still running rampant through me.
Well, you treat me just like another stranger
I needed to think, that was for sure. I needed to clear my head and that's exactly what I planned to do the next day after Charms class had ended. Professor Flitwick had finished his lecture about advanced levitation spells just in time before the school bell chimed its usual high-pitched ring to release us. The class all erupted to their feet in unison, pushing out their squeaky chairs from under themselves and causing a clutter by the doorway. Many of the students ran out of the door in a sprint while Harry, Ron and I packed away our books and quills slowly. Ron and Harry were talking fixedly about something that happened in Potions yesterday that apparently was hilarious. Something about Seamus accidentally spilling his concoction all over the front of Snape's cloak. I wasn't listening. I was in an entirely different world. As they continued gabbing, we hoisted our heavy bags over the side of our shoulders and made our way out the door and down the hallway towards the Great Hall. It took them up until we entered the grand, wooden doors and reached the Gryffindor table to notice that I hadn't said a word to either of them since class had ended.
Well, it's nice to meet you sir
"Hermione, I know I ask this all the time, but are you okay?" Harry asked me as the three of us sat down in our usual spots, Harry by Ginny and Ron by me. I didn't smile right away like every other time he asked me that question. In fact, it took me a second to even realize that he was talking to me. I looked away quickly from the window when it hit me that he was, away from the flock of white birds I was watching descend over Hogwarts. I shook my head, trying to remember what he had said. He patiently stared, waiting for a response from me.
I guess I'll go
"Um, yeah. I'm okay." Ron put his hand on my shoulder and massaged it, trying to soothe my unsure voice. He knew I was stressed and he knew how to make it better. Again, I felt warm. My heart skipped at feeling his fingertips. Once Harry had nodded and switched his attention to Ginny, I switched mine behind me to Ron. I put my hand on top of my shoulder, on top of his. He curled his lips into a smile at feeling the contact.
I best be on my way out
"Ron, do you mind if I go off on my own for a little bit?" His expression didn't change, it just grew in understanding. He nodded and wrapped his fingers into mine.
You treat me just like another stranger
"Go." Was all he said. I smiled back at him, then cupped his hand and lifted it off my shoulder. I held it, then kissed him on the palm. Setting his hand onto his lap, I rose from my seat at the table. I began to put my right foot forward to start my stride to the exit, but something stopped me for a split second. It was Ron's eyes. He still had a gleam spread across his face, but his emerald green eyes looked troubled. Like he was trying to hide a pain that was rushing inside his stomach. I wanted to say something to him. A compassionate thing that would change the look in his eyes from worried to happy.
"I'll be right back, Ron." Reassurance was the only thing I could think of, but it worked. His green eyes morphed into the joyful brightness that I wanted to see. I loved seeing him happy.
Well, it's nice to meet you sir
I beamed back at him, then strolled back out of the Great Hall as smoothly as possible. Trying to avoid giving off the sense that I was in a hurry, even though I was. I was in a hurry to be alone. To let my thoughts break through the confines of my head and spill out in front of me so I could sort them all out. There were a lot of thoughts that needed to be dealt with. To much to go over with company around.
"My head is so messed up." I said to myself out loud as I passed a group of Ravenclaw second years while trying not to trip down the rigid hill on the side of the school. I'm sure they all thought I was crazy for talking to myself, but I'm sure if they knew why, they would understand. I could feel the hot noon sun scorching on my back as I neared the bottom of the hill, jumping on top of level ground. I continued to stride forward, still thinking.
I guess I'll go
How do I feel? Was one thought that really plagued me. Ron was so wonderful to me. Not just for a certain period of time, but all the time. He carried me up huge flights of stairs for crying out loud. And cuddled me while I was sick out of my mind. I could still feel his warmth on my skin, see the smile playing on his lips. I could feel it even when the sun disappeared from the sky as I entered a cold realm of the outside courtyard.
Suddenly, my thoughts froze. Only one stayed thawed. Where the heck am I? I was too busy thinking to pay attention to where I was walking. I gazed up and around myself at the dark trees and the breaks of light that came through them. Just then, I recognized the cold soil that was cooling my feet. I was in the Forbidden Forest. The dry twigs were still scattered unevenly on the ground. The decay of the woods still felt the same. Everything looked just the same as the last time I was here. Everything except one thing. Any animal could still stealthily lunge out of the shadows to kill me, I wouldn't be surprised. Nothing surprised me anymore. Nothing except a very familiar voice that sounded behind me as I began to turn to walk out of the forest.
It was the one thing that was missing.
I best be on my way out
"Hermione?" I finished turning around and hardened in place once I saw him. It was Draco. He was here, right in front of me. Alone. For the first time in two weeks, Pansy was unglued from his hip. His gray eyes were soft, distressed looking as I peered into them in astonishment. His platinum blonde hair had lost its sheen, even with the sun peering through the canopy of the forest on it. Even though it was mostly dark where we were standing, his skin didn't look as bright as it usually did. It had lost its vibrancy. Everything about him looked exhausted.
Ignorance is your new best friend
"Draco?" I nearly stuttered back, keeping my befuddled look intact. He took a step forward slowly, towards where I stood. Trying not to make any sudden movements, for fear that I'd run like a startled deer. He took in a deep breath from the bottom of his lungs.
"Hermione." He began, closing his eyes tightly. I was silent as he paused.
"I'm so sorry." He choked out, letting the breath go. I continued to stare at him, my brown eyes lightening as I did. My shocked features broke down altogether, allowing me to speak more than just his name.
"I'm sorry, too." I also confessed in a soft tone.
Ignorance is your new best friend
He smiled at me in surprise and then began again.
"I hated the whole thing that happened between us. Dating Pansy was real, but only for her. It was a split second decision to ask her out so I would make you jealous. I was just so angry that I didn't know what else to do. I'm sorry. I love you so much."
Tears began to brim my eyes as he professed this to me. This is what I was waiting for after all. For him to say that he truly loved me and then we'd kiss and he'd surround me lovingly inside his arms. I half expected myself to run into his chest, bawling my eyes out happily as he said it. Letting all my pent up emotion free as I kissed him back, as everything went back to the way it was. I was surprised at myself when I didn't. Maybe, I couldn't until I had fully apologized myself. I swallowed in a staggering breath.
Ignorance is your new best friend
"I'm sorry too, Draco. I know this whole argument was my fault. You calling me a mudblood had nothing to do with my parents, but my sick mind. I took it completely overboard. I don't hate you. I could never hate you. All I ever wanted to do was be with you. I'm really sorry. And Ron..." I felt warm again. Why do I feel warmth? As I said his name, the sensation of his heat came flooding back to me, prickling my skin. Filling butterflies into my stomach. Making me see his smiling, glorious face inside my mind. His soft, ginger hair in my fingertips as I caressed it. His bright emerald green eyes beaming. His soft touch. All of him. Oh my god. I knew then why I didn't run to Draco.
Ignorance is your new best friend
He stood motionless, staring at me as my expression morphed into realization. I couldn't catch my breath. My brain had stopped working. He waited for me to finish my sentence as I quickly regained my composure. Instead, I started a new one.
"I love you, Draco. I always will." I confessed some more, alighting some of his exhausted features.
"Before our fight, I couldn't imagine spending my life without you. I crumpled into a million pieces when I saw you with Pansy. When you were cruel. When you were ignoring me." I halted for a second, making him linger on the last sentence. He looked down at the dirt below his shoes. I stared at him as he huffed with regret, his pale locks shining in the hot sun as he cocked his head forward. I continued as he glanced back up.
"I'll admit, I kissed Ron to make you jealous. To make you feel like I felt when you were with Pansy. It was the biggest lie of my life. But then I got sick..." I trailed off again. Shivers ran down my back as I shook my head, chuckling softly below my breath as all the pieces finally came together. I spoke again.
"He took care of me. He stayed with me until I felt better. Like he's been doing all these years." I knew now why I felt this way. Every time I was around Ron, I felt happier. Bright and glowing. Almost invincible. I felt more comfortable with myself when we were together. I didn't think of Draco once when I was with him. That should have explained it all right there. I knew then what I wanted. Finally, the puzzle was complete.
And so was I.
Well, you treat me just like another stranger
"It wasn't your warmth that kept me safe all this time." I uttered, looking up at the blazing light that shone through the darkness. I gazed back down at Draco.
"It was Ron's."
Well, it's nice to meet you sir
"I have to go." I said beaming as Draco stared at me, befuddled as ever. With a glistening smile, I ran past him to make my way out of the Forbidden Forest. Hitting cool and hot patches as I weaved in between the trees where the sun torched and wavered. Breaking twigs in half as my feet smacked down on the ground, but this time, it wasn't out of anger. I didn't look back at Draco to see his reaction, which I'm sure was flabbergasted. I felt bad for leaving him in there for the second time, but my heart had taken back control from my head. Urging my legs to keep running as I hit the sun's full rays when I broke through the walls of the forest. Only thinking of where I wanted to end my stride.
I guess I'll go
I didn't stop to catch my breath, I just kept sprinting. Back up the steep, green hill on the side of Hogwarts and into the mahogany doors that led back inside the school. I continued to move my feet hurriedly down the long, marble hallway that led back to the Great Hall. Trying not to fall because of the speed I was carrying myself with. I never thought I could be that fast. I skidded to a halt as I reached the entrance and rolled my eyes every which way around the Gryffindor table to see if he was there. Harry was, cuddling Ginny around her waist as he chatted calmly with Fred. Ron wasn't though and that was enough initiative for me to keep going until I found him.
I best be on my way out
Where could he be if he wasn't in the Great Hall? He was never really without Harry unless he was sleeping. Maybe he was sleeping. I should go to the Gryffindor common room to check there. It wasn't until I looked around myself with dizziness and vertigo that I realized I was on the changing staircases. My feet were way ahead of my racing mind. Pushing me hopefully in the right direction.
I got off once the staircase I was on hit the balcony of the Gryffindor common room, making dust fly up as stone collided with more stone. I spit out the password as fast as my lips could allow as I arrived at the entryway and flew quickly through the painting of the fat lady, almost knocking myself over. I regained my posture and looked around hastily, my eager eyes stopping at the crimson couch. Ron was sitting on it silently, staring into the unlit fireplace. My feet were right.
You treat me just like another stranger
He gazed up at me, his vibrant green eyes dulled to a moss color. The pain that was spread over them was overwhelming. It made my body feel heavy.
"Did you come to say goodbye?" He asked, not moving an inch from the cushion. Ron's face was so tight. He looked like he had been waiting for a long time. Almost like he had been preparing himself for me to come up here and break his heart once I got back what I wanted. Which I would have, breaking myself apart a little too. But everything changed. My heart changed.
"No." His face glowed a little brighter as his gaze regained some of its emerald energy. But it still wasn't the same. He furrowed his red eyebrows, slightly bewildered at my answer.
"But, what about Draco?" He questioned. He knew about Draco? He knew he was going to be in the forest? I didn't even know. He must have seen him leave the Great Hall to follow me. That explains why he came up here without Harry. He needed to think about things. So did I.
Wait, if I needed to think and my mind was changed, was his mind changed too? I could feel the air draining from my lungs slowly as I contemplated this. If their was any hope, I needed to tell him the truth. The entire truth. I needed to spill out my soul to him and tell him everything I felt. To finally tell myself. Even if his mind had changed.
Well, it's nice to meet you sir
"I'm not with Draco anymore." I told him honestly, softly smiling as I did. He still looked unbelieving and that hurt a little. I wanted him to trust me so badly. I sighed sharply and walked to the front of the couch, pulling his soft hands into both of mine as I knelt down in front of his legs. For the first time, they were cold and that scared me somehow. Like the aura that made him himself was gone. I held on to them tightly as I spoke. He kept his gaze focused on mine.
"I don't love Draco anymore, Ron. I did, but the feeling's gone. I went out into the forest to think. To think about everything that was running through my mind. I came back to look for you because I need to tell you something. Something that took me until this afternoon to fully realize." His deep eyes opened a little bit wider and his straight jaw line became a little more relaxed. My body shuddered and I gasped in a large, harsh breath. Somehow, I was still able to keep my face pointed towards his as I rubbed my thumbs across his hands gently. My heart pulsing rapidly.
"I don't like you, Ron." I began, keeping our eyes entwined as he once again lost the rest of his beautiful color. Before he could rip his face forcibly away from mine, I let the rest of my words out.
"I love you." Ron's eyes widened and all of the forest green that was buried in them came growing back to the surface of his irises. He smiled so brightly and full of life that Mother Earth would be envious of him. His comforting warmth rushed back into his petal-like hands, making the blood rush into mine. I didn't realize until that moment how much my confession to him was true. I never even let it enter my mind before this, or even consider it a possibility. It was out of the question to me. But now, he was all I wanted. I wanted to tell Ron how much I loved him. A wide smile glowing on his face and his eyes gleaming, not Draco's. Because I did. I loved him so much. Now all that was missing was to hear him say that he loved me back. Suddenly, I felt my stomach churn into a knot and the good butterflies that had cascaded in scurried out. What if he didn't? That was still a possibility.
"Ron, how do you feel about me?" I shakily asked him as he still kept his luminous eyes on me. His soft, caring face turned abruptly serious, diluting his white grin. He slowly took his hands out of my closed ones and rested them carefully on top of the cushioned seat between his legs. My stomach turned harder as he leaned back onto the crimson couch. Was I about to get hurt again? I didnt think I could live through it this time. He sighed breathlessly as my back shook, trying to prepare myself for the blow to the chest.
I guess I'll go
"Well, when I first saw you, I knew I loved you." My heart jumped in bliss , but Ron leaned forward towards my face before I had anymore time to react. He raised up his right hand and smoothed his palm over the skin of my cheek. Making my eyelids fall closed as I felt the heat that I loved so much.
"But when you first said my name..." He breathed as I leaned closer instinctively to him, his hot breath flowing over my skin. I opened my eyes.
"...I knew I couldn't live without you." I gasped, trying to catch the breath I was holding in. He did love me. Loads of tears burst out from under my eyes joyfully. Making long, wet trails down my cheeks. I was utterly close to sobbing as he reached his hands underneath my arms and lifted me effortlessly into his lap. I pushed my forehead against his softly, smiling radiantly as the wetness on my skin stained his face. I let my eyes flutter closed once again as he smoothed his hand into the back of my hair, pulling me tenderly towards him. He gleamed back as I re-opened them, then pushed our lips lovingly together. Causing my heart to surge out of my chest in one quick movement. Melting itself into his chest as we pressed ourselves closer together. It was where it belonged after all. Where I would want it to stay, now that his heart had molded into mine. I grasped the back of his ginger hair as we deepened our kiss, thinking of only two things.
One, that at that moment, I knew I couldn't live without him either.
I best be on my way out
And two, I was wrong. It wasn't going to get worse from here.
It was only going to get better.
Parting Words
I fell in love with this song as soon as I heard it. I thought it was an awesome, powerful song that would make an interesting song fiction because it was easy to identify with. It took me about three months to write and I am very proud with the way it turned out. I hope you guys like it, too! Thank you to all of my readers, you mean a lot to me! Please read and review!
Kjminame