Living the X-Men Life 01
Oh Mon Dieu. Remy Lebeau smiled in the dark. He slowly removed himself from the woman he just banged into bed with. He admitted she was freak refreshing. Her legs wrapped around him, he grabbing her fleshy ass... Ah. The life he lived. But he had to go now...
The fire in her. The hot, pale body. The fight she put up...in bed. Something rang familiar about her.
Oh yes. No. Oh yeah. Rogue. Ah, he loved that one.
He slipped on his clothes in dead silence, the girl barely stirring in her exhaust. His boxers. His jeans. His belt. His shirt. His half-gloves. His socks. His shoes. Where's his phone? Ah, there on the table. He slotted the gadget in his butt pocket. And there was his trench coat on the couch...
"RA RA RA-AA-AA-AA! ROMA ROMA-MA-AA! GAGA OOH-LA-LA! WANT YOUR BAD ROMANCE!" screamed his phone at him.
BAISE SAINTE (HOLY FUCK)!!! Remy's mind screamed back at his phone.
He fumbled clumsily for his phone, jammed in his ass pocket. Not the smoothest move the great Thief was used to.
"Mmmph..." moaned the girl from the bed, her form shifting about. Her movement put his senses on high panic alert.
He mustered his coolness back. "Nothin' cheré. Just moi (my) phone. Sleep..." He shifted to her and ran a finger over her cheek, around her ear. That did the trick. The woman stirred no more.
He hammered the red hang-up key and sneaked out, gently closing the door behind him. He gave a proper glare at the stupid phone. Never. Use. Lady Gaga's. Song. As. Your. Ringtone. Ever. Again. He always knew he could count on jazz music. He put the phone on silent. He should have done that before sex.
He walked on the corridor out of the apartment building. As he moved, he looked over the Caller ID of the asshole who phoned him at that bloody moment. 'Unknown' it said. He scowled. A prank caller.
The phone's screen suddenly changed and the device vibrated between his fingers. The 'Unknown' ID surfaced. He was gonna give this bastard a piece of his mind.
"Listen, you f– "
"Remy...Remy LeBeau! Is...it... Brrr...you?"
Remy took a moment to register that deep, rumbling voice. So familiar. So...Russian? Russian. What Russian knows me? It hit him. "Colossus? That you, Piotr?"
"Gambit! Yes, yes, it is me! Please, do me a hand!"
Muscles sounded desperate. Remy never heard him ask for help before. This must be absolutely serious. "What's up, Muscles?"
"I am in Russia!" He knew that. "I am in deep trouble!" He didn't know that. "They are after me! I have no much time to tell, but you must come to Moscow at once! You shall find me in the old palace. Goodbye, my friend!"
"What –" Too late. Muscles hung up on him.
He was no hero, but he could brave a situation out in a blink. So he was on a plane, in the Economy seat en route to Moscow from New Orleans, wearing a pair of sunglasses to shield the world from his black-and-red eyes. He tried to occupy his mind with movies on the flight, but the urgency and distress in Colossus's voice drew his thoughts aside. Last he knew was Muscles had bolted to recover his family when Magneto got dissolved by Apocalypse. After that, Remy could not stand living with Pyro alone and left for home. Or what, was home. Without anything to do, no money to make, he decided to pay the Thieves a homecoming visit. Then he learned that his foster father was kidnapped by the Assassins. His sense of filial loyalty caused the many gears of his scheming mind to start in motion. He needed to get his father out, by all means necessary. He could easily manage on his own; kidnapping was a trick of the Thieves' trade that he learned, as well as other honourable skills like pick pocketing and murder. But information-tapping was not one of them.
He needed someone who can rip information like the back of his hand. Or her hand, as the notion suddenly hit him. Hence, he napped Rogue and brought her to Louisiana under the guise that he wanted to help her with her problems. The young woman had too many problems. At that moment, she was struggling with her mutation, mental space, betrayal, murdering her foster mother, facing the other X-men after betraying the world to Apocalypse...the list goes on. He picked up alot from spying – that is – watching over her. He did not mean to only make use of her. Or did he? He hoped to take her out of the X-men, for himself. He sort of fancied her. For her resistance, her bad attitude toward the world and most of all, for her mutation. The sexually frustrating combination of a goddess body and death-touch skin made her so tantalising, ravishing, it burned his very soul to look upon her.
So, er, what was this movie about?
The plane touched down in Moscow itself. He questioned the lady at the taxi counter where was the 'old palace'. She momentarily stared him down with a sparkle of lust, then snapped out of it, calling a cab to get him there. He took a map of Moscow with him at her elbow.
It was below liveable temperatures outside, forcing the swamp-boy to strangle himself in his coat on his way out of the airport. He could not figure why Colossus would be hiding in an 'old palace'. The taxi driver said something in Russian. Remy gave a reply in French. The driver fell silent. Good. Sunglasses-wearing Remy did not want any gossip. He stopped the cab half a mile from the palace itself.
He pulled his coat on as he stepped out of the cab, looking across the street for a seven-footer with metallic grey eyes. He walked in the direction of the palace, as pictured on the map. When he got there, he understood why it was the 'old palace'. The place was deserted, broken beyond repair – the exact symbol of the fall of the Tzars. No one would look for anyone here.
He came to the rusty old palace gates and there was no one here. Did Muscles say 'at' or 'in' the palace?
Must be 'In'.
He unsheathed his fighting staff. After an hour of roaming around the huge estate, he found a boarded up hole in the palace wall that evidently was broken into already. When he tapped the wooden plank, it dropped to the ground. Remy smiled. Colossus, you were never good at fixing the doors you break.
He crept in, replacing the wood then walked along the dusty walls, following a trail of footprints, seen by the patches of cleared dust. He was led straight into the main hall. Hovering over his head was an old chandelier. He wondered why no one had stolen the large diamonds that glittered on it yet.
Then he heard it: a shuffle behind him on the balcony. Before his potential enemy could move another inch, he had pulled out a card and charged it, ready to throw and blow the living daylights out of –
"Piotr! Damn you!" He uncharged his weapon and slipped it back in his card pack at the sight of a large man emerging from the shadows. "Alright, so what's the problem here?"
"руки вверх!" Soldiers appeared all over the place and before Remy could register his surroundings, they surrounded him.
"Okay, okay." He was ready to drop his rod and send charged cards flying in all directions when the balcony came crashing down with a thunderous boom. The chandelier was next, followed by a familiar, heavily Russian-accented voice yelling at him to take cover in English. That was easy in the cloud of dust erupted from the chaos.
His quick eyes darted around. Soldiers stumbling all around. He scattered a quarter deck all around, knocking out the jokers on his right. He heard heads colliding together as Colossus put those huge metal hands to use. He smashed several heads with his rod before the soldiers decided to use their guns. Not like the firing did anything to the two mutants who were used to it. More explosions and head knockings later, the dust settled to reveal a scene of dead unconscious or just dead Russion squad members surrounding a pair of mutants in fighting stance. One gleamed with a metallic body of a giant, the other lean with a long trench coat flapping like a heroic cape.
The two mutants relaxed their tensed bodies, turned to each other and Gambit flashed a triumphant grin. Colossus gave a rare, grateful smile. The two cordially shook hands.
"So, Muscles." Remy prompted his giant friend to talk. "Hungry?"
"Very much so. There is a good place I know."
After donning a large overcoat and a broad hat, Piotr led them out of the old palace and away into the winter night. Gambit shivered the whole way to the restaurant. Neither spoke a word.
After a good dinner of Russian delicacy, Piotr explained himself over coffee. Remy lit a cigarette, Piotr respectfully turning down the offer of a smoke.
"I had returned to my family after Magneto's supposed demise." he began. "I recovered my sister and I brought her home. I lived with them for the next few weeks until they came. The soldiers. I do not know from whence they had come or who they work for, but I believe the rumoured anti-mutant movement must be working again."
"Yeah. Tell me 'bout it. Who's the moron who released Trask."
"Is that why you wear sunglasses, even in the dark, my friend?"
"Yeah. But we were talkin' about your story?"
"A messenger, a friend of my family, came to our village to warn of their coming. That foreign soldiers had arrived with the intention to round up mutants who made trouble for their villages. I fled for my family's sake, but I can only hope that they are safe."
Remy swirled his coffee around before quietly sipping it, without glancing up. Oh man. I can tell you, they ain't much alive if the soldiers have their way.
"What do you propose, Remy?"
"It's either the fire or the frying pan."
"Do you suggest we return to...?"
"Better persecution than death, yeah?"
"Worse than death, if Trask has his way."
"Bayville it is. Besides, X-men life can't be that bad."
***
Touching down on American soil, the two refugees hijacked a car, ripped off the licence plate and drove to Bayville. They dumped the car in a ditch (Gambit exploded it after Colossus crushed it into a metal ball) outside Bayville town and walked into the city on foot to avoid the cops at night. They could do that.
In broad daylight they walked the streets, turning no heads in their direction under the long coats they wore. Remy had a cig between his lips. But apparently, not all mutants had the same idea to be unobvious.
His back leaned against the brick wall outside a restaurant, in jeans and V-necked orange shirt, toying with the flame of his lighter, was the madman both Colossus and Gambit remembered too well. The orange head cocked his head at the sight of his ex-teammates and grinned that insane grin.
He snapped his lighter shut and waved. The pair was compelled to approach him with caution. The madness in his wild eyes screamed "I wanna burn this town down, baby! And that includes YOU!!!"
"Hiya, mates! Watcha doin' around here?" Pyro laughed.
"We could ask you that as well." replied Colossus.
"I got a date with Wanda. How's that?" The mad gleam in his eye changed to an excited glitter.
Remy and Piotr exchanged glances. Yeah, Pyro was as obsessed with Wanda as Remy was with Rogue, but both men kept their desires to themselves when Magneto breathed down their necks. Now, out of his service, apparently Pyro had been faster at seizing the opportunity then Remy was.
"Congrats." Remy smiled.
Pyro suddenly had a hit on what they were up to. "You mates gonna audition for X-men or somethin', aren't ya?"
"Ye...ah." Audition? What the hell..?
"Ain't gonna be easy. They've been getting lotsa media attention. If humans see action, you'll see yourselves on Youtube in an hour. Ooh ooh!" Pyro suddenly jerked his head across the street and waved to a goth babe in the darkest outfit Remy had ever seen, and he had seen many. Even darker then Rogue's. Red tipped, short hair matched the red slashed top and black leather tights. Buckled stiletto-heeled boots up to her knees and Dracula fingernails, with matching Christ crosses on her ears and on a chain around her neck for a necklace, matched with a netted clutch. The make-up was Michael Jackson's Thriller inspired. But somehow, Wanda looked sexy, in a creepy, insane sort of style. Well, one can tell Pyro and Wanda were the perfect couple.
Her characteristic why-the-hell-is-the-world-so-damn-annoying face greeted the three men as she crossed the street. When she was close enough, she hissed at all of them. "I thought I was dating just one loony."
"Oui. Piotr and me are just leavin'." Remy made his tone suggestive to his companion that they better scram for their lives.
"You guys gonna join the X-Men or what?"
"So everyone knows, eh?" Remy frowned at how obvious Colossus and himself were making their intensions.
"Kinda obvious." Wanda pointed out. "You aren't up to joinin' the Brotherhood, so where else you gonna go?"
"I'm joining them!" Pyro cut in.
Remy and Colossus looked at him as if he had just set his own head on fire.
"Serious."
"Very, mate."
"Okay, back to you two." interrupted Wanda. "What makes you guys think you can get in? Especially you, Gambit."
"Why me?"
"Rogue told me about you kidnapping her that time. I think if you join, your first X-men duty is to be moving target practice for the kids training."
"Yeah, I suppose." So word got around already? Damn, moving to Bayville is gonna be harder than he thought.
"Well, just get your butts there and see what that Professor has got to say. He's kinda nicer than the rest. The Brotherhood house is always open." she offered.
Why was she being so nice?
"Yeah, I know there's a damn lot of trouble outside. Pyro's been tellin' me."
"Otherwise I'd be in Australia, mates." A sad expression passed over his usually grinning face for a split. Then he laughed it off.
"Thanks." replied Remy.
"Keep in touch!" called Pyro as he put his arm around Wanda's waist to lead her into the restaurant. He received a hard slap across his arm and a soft hiss. "I said, if you tried to hold me again..."
Pyro whined like an abused puppy and teasingly followed her obediently. Before he went through the door, he flashed a mad smile and a wink at his friends then dashed after Wanda.
Piotr shook his head and Remy shrugged his shoulders. What mutants do to pass the time...
***
They took Pyro's advice nonetheless and appeared on the X-Mansion grounds at graveyard hours. Gambit soared over their gates with confident ease. Colossus stared after him, morphed into his metal form, crunched the gates with his bare hands and pulled them from their hinges.
"Nice." Remy pulled the cig from his mouth and remarked. "First impression..." He gave two thumbs up.
Piotr rumbled something then pointed to his companion's smoke.
Remy threw it on the ground and stepped it out.
Then all around them, sensor-activated weaponry sprouted out the ground. Red dots of laser appeared on their bodies and the two mutants jumped for it.
Welcome to the X-Men.