AN: This is a really long note but its worth reading. I don't know what happened between the time Julia left Spike and Asteroid Blues. I don't know if the series covers it but if it does I've never seen it, so I decide to make it up, just un case it didn't. I know that the song I choose for this chapter may anger some of you but let me tell you why I choose it. I used the Female Version of Anyways by Dynamite Hack, the male version works but not as well. The song just screams Spike and Julia to me, especially the line: I wait for you, I always do, its dumb but I want to anyways. So here we are stuck in hell the same old game we know and well I don't mind, anyways. Since that line fits so well you maybe wondering why I choose the part that states : To numb to know that I'm happy, without you I'm better off anyways. Well it goes along with the story I am writing and Agent Orange's The Reluctant Jezebel (which if you haven't already read you should). The whole idea behind Julia's leaving was to make it so there a chance that maybe, just maybe she and Spike could be together. I think Spike might have realized this and been thankful for her to do it but at the same time just not understand. If you don't get my point of view, I don't blame you, most people don't. But if you do I highly suggest you download this song, female or male version. One last note I would like to give Agent Orange credit of this story, when I was rereading The Reluctant Jezebel and the idea came to me. I used a couple of her ideas so she deserves credit.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

ANYWAYS

Been sittin' here.

Had another beer.

I'm drunk but I want one anyways.

Too numb to know, that I'm happy,

Without you I'm better off anyways.

Spike stumbled from the graveyard to the nearest bar. He wanted to get drunk as possible. To be so drunk that he would forget everything. He wanted to die. He wanted to kill. He wanted to scream and cry. He wanted, worst of all, Julia. He saw her come, he knew what she was sent to do, then he saw her leave. He saw her make the hardest choice she would ever make. He saw her leave him, in attempt to save the both of them. He wished she would have carried out Vicious's orders. He would rather be dead than without her. When he first saw her, back to him running as far as she could get in the rain, he almost chased after her. He could have easily caught up with her. But he didn't move, he couldn't. His body, and mind, had gone completely numb. The rain soaked through his skin and into his bones but he didn't feel the least bit wet. He couldn't think, he couldn't not think. He had gone completely numb.

Spike didn't know what to do. At first he stood there, motionless. After about a half hour of staring in the direction she had ran, though he would never admit it to anyone, he cried. He had only cried twice before and he didn't know exactly what to do about it. He knew one thing though, nothing good could come of it. So that was when he decided the only solution would to be to get as drunk as hell. Then maybe after that he would find a dark hole to spend the night in.

The closest bar was a small, dark place that he had never been before. It was shabby, bottom of the bin type bar. The best place to drink until you pass out. Spike had stopped crying awhile ago but his eyes were still a bit puffy. He sat down in the only free barstool, in between an extremely fat guy with hundreds of tattoos and a small girl, drinking water, who looked completely out of place. He ordered a beer and sat, drowning in sorrow. He drank beer after beer and soon reached his goal, he was as drunk as hell. He was yelling and causing a scene. Screaming Julia's name and pounding on the bar. The bartender asked him politely to calm down but the only response he got was, "Give me another beer."

"Sir, I'm not so sure that's a good idea."

"Maybe I didn't make myself clear. Get me another beer NOW!" He shoved some cash into the bartenders hand. The bartender looked at him with pity as he refilled his mug. He brought Spike his beer and he downed it in about a second. Then he lay his head down on the bar, and once again, started to cry. Just barely, only a tear came out every few minutes, but it was still crying. He banged on the bar a bit then stopped moving completely. The girl next to him looked at him.

'Is he dead?' She placed her hand on top of the angry man's green afro. "Hey…"

The man jolted. "Julia?" He jumped up and practically yelled it. There was a glimmer of hope in his voice. The woman smiled at him sadly.

"No, I am sorry. My name is October. I just wanted to see if you were o.k." She was strangley pretty. She was probably about ten pounds over weight and her hair was just a little bit puffy. Her eyes were dark brown, almost black at a glance. She looked young, barely twenty-one, and she was dressed in a floral print 60's style dress. She was the description of weird. But despite the extra ten pounds, the slight poof, and the weird clothes, there was something beautiful about her. Maybe it was the way she looked at people, like she really really cared. Maybe it was the slight smile that always played on her lips. Maybe it was the fact her dark brown eyes with black streaks hinted at something more. Maybe it was that everything about her screamed I'm me and I love it and even if you hate it I still love you. Or maybe it was her boobs. None of that mattered though because Spike was so hammered and heart broken that he wouldn't notice. He studied her for a moment, trying to focus enough to see what she looked like. After realizing he was to drunk for her to look like anything more than a oil painting he banged his head back on the bar.

He only had his head up for a moment but it was long enough for October to notice that one of his eyes was slightly lighter than the other, and that, despite the fact that he was drunk and smelled of tobacco, he was fairly attractive. Not that it meant anything to her but she was a girl, contrary to popular belief. "Are…"

"On't alk u e." Spike groaned into his arms.

"Well if you actually are going to talk to me then maybe you should try talking to my face and not your arms. I understand you are upset but your arms are not going to do you a bit of good and I just may be able to." She said it in a stern yet caring voice that made Spike look up in confusion.

"For your information," he alleged, "I happen to like the company of my arms." He gave her a drunk, angry smirk. She didn't have the slightest clue what to think of it. He threw his head back on the table. She took a sip of her water and stared at him. She heard soft, muffled sobs, trying their best to stay concealed. She put her hand on his shoulder. "What," but before she could even finish he jumped up and started daggers at her.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Her hands felt like Julia's. Spike couldn't take seeing another woman. But this woman was determined to piss him off. She grabbed his arm so that he couldn't go back to laying on it. "DO.."

"Don't talk to me like that." She practically growled it. "I am worried about you and I do not want you to drown in your self pity."

Spike stood up. He wasn't sure what to think. He was almost honored but over all he was angry. "WHAT THE FUCK RIGHT DO YOU HAVE WORRING ABOUT ME? ITS NONE OF YOUR BUISNESS. MAYBE I WANT TO DROWN!" He stared down at her. She stood up and stared right back at him. She was about a foot shorter than him but still somewhat scary. The whole bar watched as the started at each other, they seemed to be telepathically communicating. Then Spike's eyes swelled up, he looked like he was going to cry. But he passed out instead. October, small as she was caught him and laid him on his side.

"Someone, get me a wet paper towel! The rest of you, mind your own business." Everyone went back to drinking and the bartender grabbed a wet cloth and handed it to October. She held him on his side with his head in her lap. She put the wet cloth on his forehead and kept an eye on his breathing while holding a thumb on his wrist, checking his pulse. She sat there, looking over him, until he awoke.

Julia and Spike's first kiss. Vicious and Spike fighting side by side. The day he first met Vicious. Hmmmmm, hmmmm, hm, hm. He could hear Julia humming. "Jules." He just barely breathed. Then he opened his eyes to she the strange girl holding him. He tried to sit up quickly but she held him down.

"No. You are to weak. You just threw up half of your body weight. You have been out for hours. I was really worried. Please do not yell, I just want to help you." Her voice and eyes had acquired a softness comparable to a feather pillow. Then Spike remembered what happened, and despite his strong will, tears started pouring out.

"It is ok." She whispered stroking his arm. "Marty," she called to the bartender, "get some water, a bagel, and a fruit cocktail for our fried her. He could use some food." She smiled sweetly down at Spike. He was quiet angry about how some strange chick had taken him under her wing but he was to weak to retaliate and her smile could touch even the coldest heart. He would like to turn her down but, as much as he didn't want to believe it, he could use any help he could get. He was surprised someone was bothering to be so friendly to him. They would have to know he was a killer, a syndicate member. This girl must have seen him on the news. He had even told her off a couple of times. But here she was, still, helping him, and she didn't even know his name. He remembered a moment during there "staring contest" at which a glimmer of pain shone in her eyes. He had a feeling she knew hardship. She had a tortured soul. She had seen Spike completely, for everything he was. She saw just what was going on in his brain. It scared him, but he needed a friend. One who had no idea who he was.

"Spike." He said with all the strength he could muster. Its hard to imagine Spike weak, being as he's seemingly invincible, but mental pain isn't as easy to ignore as physical, even though he was trying as hard as he could.

"I know you name is Spike… Thanks Marty… open wide" she spooned some fruit cocktail into him mouth. "You are dead. It was on the news. You were involved in some bad stuff. Guess you are better off dead." October smiled.

'Does she know of the pain she's causing me. Maybe she doesn't understand that I'm heartbroken. That with every bit of care she gives me my soul withers more.' Spike stared off into space, trying to ignore the caring girl.

"Whatcha' ya' thinkin' about?" She looked at him quizzically. She had a feeling that she was making him suffer, that he probably wasn't up for some little girl caring for him. But he needed help and she couldn't leave him. Why? She wasn't sure, but she knew there was a reason that she was there and he was there at the same moment. It wouldn't have happened that way if nothing was meant to happen.

He looked up at her. He thought about telling her what he was actually thinking but she was trying so hard to be a help, he didn't wasn't to hurt her to bad.

"I'm thinking that you are pissing me off a great deal. I just got out of a bad ordeal and I don't need a woman helping me." Whops, Freudian slip. He smiled. "I'm also thinking that I'm lucky to have some beautiful stranger care about me more than most of the people who know me." She blushed a little bit but she also felt really bad.

"Should I stop? Just leave you hear to rot?"

"…..No….I'm weak and…. well alone." He sighed a bit. He had a feeling he would regret saying that. She fed him until he said he could take no more. Then he fell asleep. At this point they had been sitting on the floor of the bar for about five hours. Everyone was whispering about them but they took no notice. She watched him sleeping. He was breathing rapidly

"…Vicious… Ju.. Julia!" He just barely breathed. He was having a nightmare. Julia and Vicious together. That's why she had run from him. To go back. October lightly shook him.

"Wake up Spike! I think you are having a nightmare…" After a couple of shakes he bolted up, eyes wide. After a minute or so his breathing slowed down.

"I think I'm feeling a bit better. I'm ok now, so I guess I'll get going."

"To where? It is about four a.m. and if I am correct you have nowhere to go." Spike sighed.

"I'll find somewhere."

"They will be looking for you."

They had a brief eye conversation then October spoke. "I live in a ship orbiting this planet. I don't have many friends and space is so beautiful so I took to living out there. I think you would be safe there for awhile." Spike looked skeptical. "I have a couple of spare bedrooms and plenty of food. I also have a little mini-gym." she added.

Spike stood up and gave her a cold look. She stood up, matching it. Then he stumbled a bit and gave her a quick o.k.

"Here let me give you a hand." She helped hold him steady, which was nearly impossible given the height difference, and helped him toward the door.

"Marty, I'm out."

"Kay, see ya October. Come around again soon." He stared at the odd couple as they staggered out the door.